While the Light Lasts, Page 2

  In spite of her laugh, she looked disturbed and almost frightened. She sat down by Maisie, and John heard the latter say in a low tone to her:

  ‘You shouldn’t do it. You really shouldn’t do it.’

  ‘What was the last thing?’ John asked eagerly.

  ‘Something of my own.’

  She spoke sharply and curtly. Wetterman changed the subject.

  That night John Segrave dreamt again of the House.

  III

  John was unhappy. His life was irksome to him as never before. Up to now he had accepted it patiently–a disagreeable necessity, but one which left his inner freedom essentially untouched. Now all that was changed. The outer world and the inner intermingled.

  He did not disguise to himself the reason for the change. He had fallen in love at first sight with Allegra Kerr. What was he going to do about it?

  He had been too bewildered that first night to make any plans. He had not even tried to see her again. A little later, when Maisie Wetterman asked him down to her father’s place in the country for a weekend, he went eagerly, but he was disappointed, for Allegra was not there.

  He mentioned her once, tentatively, to Maisie, and she told him that Allegra was up in Scotland paying a visit. He left it at that. He would have liked to go on talking about her, but the words seemed to stick in his throat.

  Maisie was puzzled by him that weekend. He didn’t appear to see–well, to see what was so plainly to be seen. She was a direct young woman in her methods, but directness was lost upon John. He thought her kind, but a little overpowering.

  Yet the Fates were stronger than Maisie. They willed that John should see Allegra again.

  They met in the park one Sunday afternoon. He had seen her from far off, and his heart thumped against the side of his ribs. Supposing she should have forgotten him–

  But she had not forgotten. She stopped and spoke. In a few minutes they were walking side by side, striking out across the grass. He was ridiculously happy.

  He said suddenly and unexpectedly:

  ‘Do you believe in dreams?’

  ‘I believe in nightmares.’

  The harshness of her voice startled him.

  ‘Nightmares,’ he said stupidly. ‘I didn’t mean nightmares.’

  Allegra looked at him.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘There have been no nightmares in your life. I can see that.’

  Her voice was gentle–different.

  He told her then of his dream of the white house, stammering a little. He had had it now six–no, seven times. Always the same. It was beautiful–so beautiful!

  He went on.

  ‘You see–it’s to do with you–in some way. I had it first the night before I met you.’

  ‘To do with me?’ She laughed–a short bitter laugh. ‘Oh, no, that’s impossible. The house was beautiful.’

  ‘So are you,’ said John Segrave.

  Allegra flushed a little with annoyance.

  ‘I’m sorry–I was stupid. I seemed to ask for a compliment, didn’t I? But I didn’t really mean that at all. The outside of me is all right, I know.’

  ‘I haven’t seen the inside of the house yet,’ said John Segrave. ‘When I do I know it will be quite as beautiful as the outside.’

  He spoke slowly and gravely, giving the words a meaning that she chose to ignore.

  ‘There is something more I want to tell you–if you will listen.’

  ‘I will listen,’ said Allegra.

  ‘I am chucking up this job of mine. I ought to have done it long ago–I see that now. I have been content to drift along knowing I was an utter failure, without caring much, just living from day to day. A man shouldn’t do that. It’s a man’s business to find something he can do and make a success of it. I’m chucking this, and taking on something else–quite a different sort of thing. It’s a kind of expedition in West Africa–I can’t tell you the details. They’re not supposed to be known; but if it comes off–well, I shall be a rich man.’

  ‘So you, too, count success in terms of money?’

  ‘Money,’ said John Segrave, ‘means just one thing to me–you! When I come back–’ he paused.

  She bent her head. Her face had grown very pale.

  ‘I won’t pretend to misunderstand. That’s why I must tell you now, once and for all: I shall never marry.’

  He stayed a little while considering, then he said very gently:

  ‘Can’t you tell me why?’

  ‘I could, but more than anything in the world I do not want to tell you.’

  Again he was silent, then he looked up suddenly and a singularly attractive smile illumined his faun’s face.

  ‘I see,’ he said. ‘So you won’t let me come inside the House–not even to peep in for a second? The blinds are to stay down.’

  Allegra leaned forward and laid her hand on his.

  ‘I will tell you this much. You dream of your House. But I–don’t dream. My dreams are nightmares!’

  And on that she left him, abruptly, disconcertingly.

  That night, once more, he dreamed. Of late, he had realized that the House was most certainly tenanted. He had seen a hand draw aside the blinds, had caught glimpses of moving figures within.

  Tonight the House seemed fairer than it had ever done before. Its white walls shone in the sunlight. The peace and the beauty of it were complete.

  Then, suddenly, he became aware of a fuller ripple of the waves of joy. Someone was coming to the window. He knew it. A hand, the same hand that he had seen before, laid hold of the blind, drawing it back. In a minute he would see…

  He was awake–still quivering with the horror, the unutterable loathing of the Thing that had looked out at him from the window of the House.

  It was a Thing utterly and wholly horrible, a Thing so vile and loathsome that the mere remembrance of it made him feel sick. And he knew that the most unutterably and horribly vile thing about it was its presence in that House–the House of Beauty.

  For where that Thing abode was horror–horror that rose up and slew the peace and the serenity which were the birthright of the House. The beauty, the wonderful immortal beauty of the House was destroyed for ever, for within its holy consecrated walls there dwelt the Shadow of an Unclean Thing!

  If ever again he should dream of the House, Segrave knew he would awake at once with a start of terror, lest from its white beauty that Thing might suddenly look out at him.

  The following evening, when he left the office, he went straight to the Wettermans’ house. He must see Allegra Kerr. Maisie would tell him where she was to be found.

  He never noticed the eager light that flashed into Maisie’s eyes as he was shown in, and she jumped up to greet him. He stammered out his request at once, with her hand still in his.

  ‘Miss Kerr. I met her yesterday, but I don’t know where she’s staying.’

  He did not feel Maisie’s hand grow limp in his as she withdrew it. The sudden coldness of her voice told him nothing.

  ‘Allegra is here–staying with us. But I’m afraid you can’t see her.’

  ‘But–’

  ‘You see, her mother died this morning. We’ve just had the news.’

  ‘Oh!’ He was taken aback.

  ‘It is all very sad,’ said Maisie. She hesitated just a minute, then went on. ‘You see, she died in–well, practically an asylum. There’s insanity in the family. The grandfather shot himself, and one of Allegra’s aunts is a hopeless imbecile, and another drowned herself.’

  John Segrave made an inarticulate sound.

  ‘I thought I ought to tell you,’ said Maisie virtuously. ‘We’re such friends, aren’t we? And of course Allegra is very attractive. Lots of people have asked her to marry them, but naturally she won’t marry at all–she couldn’t, could she?’

  ‘She’s all right,’ said Segrave. ‘There’s nothing wrong with her.’

  His voice sounded hoarse and unnatural in his own ears.

  ‘One never knows, h
er mother was quite all right when she was young. And she wasn’t just–peculiar, you know. She was quite raving mad. It’s a dreadful thing–insanity.’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘it’s a most awful Thing.’

  He knew now what it was that had looked at him from the window of the House.

  Maisie was still talking on. He interrupted her brusquely.

  ‘I really came to say goodbye–and to thank you for all your kindness.’

  ‘You’re not–going away?’

  There was alarm in her voice.

  He smiled sideways at her–a crooked smile, pathetic and attractive.

  ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘To Africa.’

  ‘Africa!’

  Maisie echoed the word blankly. Before she could pull herself together he had shaken her by the hand and gone. She was left standing there, her hands clenched by her sides, an angry spot of colour in each cheek.

  Below, on the doorstep, John Segrave came face to face with Allegra coming in from the street. She was in black, her face white and lifeless. She took one glance at him then drew him into a small morning room.

  ‘Maisie told you,’ she said. ‘You know?’

  He nodded.

  ‘But what does it matter? You’re all right. It–it leaves some people out.’

  She looked at him sombrely, mournfully.

  ‘You are all right,’ he repeated.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she almost whispered it. ‘I don’t know. I told you–about my dreams. And when I play–when I’m at the piano–those others come and take hold of my hands.’

  He was staring at her–paralysed. For one instant, as she spoke, something looked out from her eyes. It was gone in a flash–but he knew it. It was the Thing that had looked out from the House.

  She caught his momentary recoil.

  ‘You see,’ she whispered. ‘You see–but I wish Maisie hadn’t told you. It takes everything from you.’

  ‘Everything?’

  ‘Yes. There won’t even be the dreams left. For now–you’ll never dare to dream of the House again.’

  IV

  The West African sun poured down, and the heat was intense.

  John Segrave continued to moan.

  ‘I can’t find it. I can’t find it.’

  The little English doctor with the red head and the tremendous jaw, scowled down upon his patient in that bullying manner which he had made his own.

  ‘He’s always saying that. What does he mean?’

  ‘He speaks, I think, of a house, monsieur.’ The soft-voiced Sister of Charity from the Roman Catholic Mission spoke with her gentle detachment, as she too looked down on the stricken man.

  ‘A house, eh? Well, he’s got to get it out of his head, or we shan’t pull him through. It’s on his mind. Segrave! Segrave!’

  The wandering attention was fixed. The eyes rested with recognition on the doctor’s face.

  ‘Look here, you’re going to pull through. I’m going to pull you through. But you’ve got to stop worrying about this house. It can’t run away, you know. So don’t bother about looking for it now.’

  ‘All right.’ He seemed obedient. ‘I suppose it can’t very well run away if it’s never been there at all.’

  ‘Of course not!’ The doctor laughed his cheery laugh. ‘Now you’ll be all right in no time.’ And with a boisterous bluntness of manner he took his departure.

  Segrave lay thinking. The fever had abated for the moment, and he could think clearly and lucidly. He must find that House.

  For ten years he had dreaded finding it–the thought that he might come upon it unawares had been his greatest terror. And then, he remembered, when his fears were quite lulled to rest, one day it had found him. He recalled clearly his first haunting terror, and then his sudden, his exquisite, relief. For, after all, the House was empty!

  Quite empty and exquisitely peaceful. It was as he remembered it ten years before. He had not forgotten. There was a huge black furniture van moving slowly away from the House. The last tenant, of course, moving out with his goods. He went up to the men in charge of the van and spoke to them. There was something rather sinister about that van, it was so very black. The horses were black, too, with freely flowing manes and tails, and the men all wore black clothes and gloves. It all reminded him of something else, something that he couldn’t remember.

  Yes, he had been quite right. The last tenant was moving out, as his lease was up. The House was to stand empty for the present, until the owner came back from abroad.

  And waking, he had been full of the peaceful beauty of the empty House.

  A month after that, he had received a letter from Maisie (she wrote to him perseveringly, once a month). In it she told him that Allegra Kerr had died in the same home as her mother, and wasn’t it dreadfully sad? Though of course a merciful release.

  It had really been very odd indeed. Coming after his dream like that. He didn’t quite understand it all. But it was odd.

  And the worst of it was that he’d never been able to find the House since. Somehow, he’d forgotten the way.

  The fever began to take hold of him once more. He tossed restlessly. Of course, he’d forgotten, the House was on high ground! He must climb to get there. But it was hot work climbing cliffs–dreadfully hot. Up, up, up–oh! he had slipped! He must start again from the bottom. Up, up, up–days passed, weeks–he wasn’t sure that years didn’t go by! And he was still climbing.

  Once he heard the doctor’s voice. But he couldn’t stop climbing to listen. Besides the doctor would tell him to leave off looking for the House. He thought it was an ordinary house. He didn’t know.

  He remembered suddenly that he must be calm, very calm. You couldn’t find the House unless you were very calm. It was no use looking for the House in a hurry, or being excited.

  If he could only keep calm! But it was so hot! Hot? It was cold–yes, cold. These weren’t cliffs, they were icebergs–jagged cold, icebergs.

  He was so tired. He wouldn’t go on looking–it was no good. Ah! here was a lane–that was better than icebergs, anyway. How pleasant and shady it was in the cool, green lane. And those trees–they were splendid! They were rather like–what? He couldn’t remember, but it didn’t matter.

  Ah! here were flowers. All golden and blue! How lovely it all was–and how strangely familiar. Of course, he had been here before. There, through the trees, was the gleam of the House, standing on the high ground. How beautiful it was. The green lane and the trees and the flowers were as nothing to the paramount, the all-satisfying, beauty of the House.

  He hastened his steps. To think that he had never yet been inside! How unbelievably stupid of him–when he had the key in his pocket all the time!

  And of course the beauty of the exterior was as nothing to the beauty that lay within–especially now that the owner had come back from abroad. He mounted the steps to the great door.

  Cruel strong hands were dragging him back! They fought him, dragging him to and fro, backwards and forwards.

  The doctor was shaking him, roaring in his ear. ‘Hold on, man, you can. Don’t let go. Don’t let go.’ His eyes were alight with the fierceness of one who sees an enemy. Segrave wondered who the Enemy was. The black-robed nun was praying. That, too, was strange.

  And all he wanted was to be left alone. To go back to the House. For every minute the House was growing fainter.

  That, of course, was because the doctor was so strong. He wasn’t strong enough to fight the doctor. If he only could.

  But stop! There was another way–the way dreams went in the moment of waking. No strength could stop them–they just flitted past. The doctor’s hands wouldn’t be able to hold him if he slipped–just slipped!

  Yes, that was the way! The white walls were visible once more, the doctor’s voice was fainter, his hands were barely felt. He knew now how dreams laugh when they give you the slip!

  He was at the door of the House. The exquisite stillness was unbroken. He put the key in the lock a
nd turned it.

  Just a moment he waited, to realize to the full the perfect, the ineffable, the all-satisfying completeness of joy.

  Then–he passed over the Threshold.

  Afterword

  ‘The House of Dreams’ was first published in the Sovereign Magazine in January 1926. The story is a revised version of ‘The House of Beauty’, which Christie wrote some time before the First World War and identified in her autobiography as being ‘the first thing I ever wrote that showed any sign of promise’. Whereas the original story was obscure and excessively morbid in tone, ‘The House of Dreams’ comes close to the threatening ghost stories of the Edwardian age, and especially those of E. F. Benson. It is a great deal clearer and less introspective than the original which Christie heavily revised for publication: to develop the characters of the two women she toned down the otherworldliness of Allegra and built up Maisie’s rôle. A similar theme is explored in ‘The Call of Wings’, another early story, collected in The Hound of Death (1933).

  In 1938, Christie reflected on ‘The House of Beauty’, recalling that, while she had found ‘the imagining of it pleasant and the writing of it down extremely tedious’, the seed had been sown–‘The pastime grew on me. When I had a blank day–nothing much to do–I would think out a story. They always had sad endings and sometimes very lofty moral sentiments.’ An important spur in these early years was a neighbour on Dartmoor, Eden Phillpotts, a celebrated novelist and a close friend of the family, who advised Christie–Agatha Miller as she was then–on her stories and recommended writers whose style and vocabulary were to provide added inspiration. In later years, when her own fame had long since eclipsed his, Christie described how Phillpotts had provided the tact and sympathy so necessary to sustain the confidence of a young writer–‘I marvel at the understanding with which he doled out only encouragement and refrained from criticism.’ On Phillpotts’ death in 1960, she wrote, ‘For his kindness to me as a young girl just beginning to write, I can never be sufficiently grateful.’