GOWER The king, my lord, and Henry Prince of Wales
Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.
Gives a paper
FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Nay, you said so before.
FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.
HOSTESS QUICKLY By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be
fain to pawn both my plate and the tapestry of my dining
chambers.
FALSTAFF Glasses, glasses is the only drinking. And for thy
walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal, or
the German hunting in water-work is worth a thousand of
these bed-hangings and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be
ten pound, if thou canst. Come, if it were not for thy
humours, there is not a better wench in England. Go, wash
thy face, and draw thy action. Come, thou must not be in this
humour with me. Come, I know thou wast set on to this.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Prithee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I
loath to pawn my plate, in good earnest, la.
FALSTAFF Let it alone. I’ll make other shift. You’ll be a fool still.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, although I pawn my
gown. I hope you’ll come to supper. You’ll pay me all
together?
FALSTAFF Will I live?— Go, with her, with her—
To Bardolph
hook on, hook on.
HOSTESS QUICKLY Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at
supper?
FALSTAFF No more words. Let’s have her.
[Exeunt Quickly, Bardolph, Fang and others]
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I have heard bitter news.
FALSTAFF What’s the news, my good lord?
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Where lay the king last night?
GOWER At Basingstoke, my lord.
FALSTAFF I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Come all his forces back?
GOWER No. Fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster,
Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.
FALSTAFF Comes the king back from Wales, my noble lord?
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You shall have letters of me presently. Come,
go along with me, good Master Gower.
FALSTAFF My lord!
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What’s the matter?
FALSTAFF Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?
GOWER I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you,
good Sir John.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you
are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.
FALSTAFF Will you sup with me, Master Gower?
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What foolish master taught you these
manners, Sir John?
FALSTAFF Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
that taught them me. This is the right fencing grace, my lord:
tap for tap, and so part fair.
LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Now the lord lighten thee! Thou art a great
fool.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 2
running scene 5
Location: in London but unspecified—either the prince’s apartments or the same street location as the previous scene
Enter Prince Henry and Poins
PRINCE HENRY Trust me, I am exceeding weary.
POINS Is it come to that? I had thought weariness durst not
have attached one of so high blood.
PRINCE HENRY It doth me, though it discolours the complexion of
my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in
me to desire small beer?
POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to
remember so weak a composition.
PRINCE HENRY Belike then my appetite was not princely got, for,
in troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer.
But indeed these humble considerations make me out of love
with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember
thy name? Or to know thy face tomorrow? Or to take note
how many pair of silk stockings thou hast—videlicet these—
and those that were thy peach-coloured ones—or to bear the
inventory of thy shirts, as one for superfluity, and one other
for use? But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better than
I, for it is a low ebb of linen with thee when thou kept’st not
racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because
the rest of thy Low Countries have made a shift to eat up thy
Holland.
POINS How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard,
you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young
princes would do so, their fathers lying so sick as yours is?
PRINCE HENRY Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?
POINS Yes, and let it be an excellent good thing.
PRINCE HENRY It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding
than thine.
POINS Go to. I stand the push of your one thing that you’ll
tell.
PRINCE HENRY Why, I tell thee it is not meet that I should be sad
now my father is sick—albeit I could tell to thee, as to one it
pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be
sad, and sad indeed too.
POINS Very hardly upon such a subject.
PRINCE HENRY Thou think’st me as far in the devil’s book as thou
and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency. Let the end try the
man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father
is so sick: and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in
reason taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.
POINS The reason?
PRINCE HENRY What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?
POINS I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.
PRINCE HENRY It would be every man’s thought, and thou art a
blessed fellow to think as every man thinks: never a man’s
thought in the world keeps the roadway better than thine:
every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what
accites your most worshipful thought to think so?
POINS Why, because you have been so lewd and so much
engraffed to Falstaff.
PRINCE HENRY And to thee.
POINS Nay, I am well spoken of. I can hear it with mine
own ears: the worst that they can say of me is that I am a
second brother and that I am a proper fellow of my hands.
And those two things, I confess, I cannot help. Look, look,
here comes Bardolph.
PRINCE HENRY And the boy that I gave Falstaff. He had him from
me Christian, and see if the fat villain have not transformed
him ape.
Enter Bardolph [and Falstaff’s Page]
BARDOLPH Save your grace.
PRINCE HENRY And yours, most noble Bardolph.
POINS Come, you pernicious ass, you bashful
To Bardolph
fool, must you be blushing? Wherefore blush you now? What
a maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is it such a matter
to get a pottle-pot’s maidenhead?
PAGE He called me even now, my lord, through a red
lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the
window. At last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made
two holes in the ale-wife’s new petticoat and peeped
through.
PRINCE HENRY Hath not the boy profited?
To Poins
&nb
sp; BARDOLPH Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!
PAGE Away, you rascally Althaea’s dream, away!
PRINCE HENRY Instruct us, boy. What dream, boy?
PAGE Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered
of a fire-brand, and therefore I call him her dream.
PRINCE HENRY A crown’s worth of good interpretation.— There
it is, boy.
Gives Page money
POINS O, that this good blossom could be kept
from cankers!— Well, there is sixpence to preserve
thee.
Gives Page money
BARDOLPH If you do not make him be hanged among you, the
gallows shall be wronged.
PRINCE HENRY And how doth thy master, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH Well, my good lord. He heard of your grace’s
coming to town. There’s a letter for you.
Gives a letter
POINS Delivered with good respect. And how doth the
martlemas, your master?
BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.
POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but
that moves not him: though that be sick, it dies not.
PRINCE HENRY I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my
dog, and he holds his place, for look you he writes.
POINS
(Letter) Reads
‘John Falstaff, knight.’—Every man must know that, as oft
as he hath occasion to name himself, even like those that are
kin to the king, for they never prick their finger but they say,
‘There is some of the king’s blood spilt.’ ‘How comes that?’
says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as
ready as a borrower’s cap, ‘I am the king’s poor cousin, sir.’
PRINCE HENRY Nay, they will be kin to us, but they will fetch it
from Japhet. But to the letter: ‘Sir John Falstaff,
Reads
knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father, Harry
Prince of Wales, greeting.’
POINS Why, this is a certificate.
PRINCE HENRY Peace! ‘I will imitate the honourable
Reads
Romans in brevity.’
POINS Sure he means brevity in breath,
Takes the letter and reads
short-winded. ‘I commend me to thee, I commend
thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he
misuses thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to
marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayst, and
so farewell. Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say,
as thou usest him, Jack Falstaff with my familiars, John with
my brothers and sister, and Sir John with all Europe.’ My
lord, I will steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.
PRINCE HENRY That’s to make him eat twenty of his words. But
do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?
POINS May the wench have no worse fortune! But I never
said so.
PRINCE HENRY Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the
spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us.—
To Bardolph
Is your master here in London?
BARDOLPH Yes, my lord.
PRINCE HENRY Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old
frank?
BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY What company?
PAGE Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.
PRINCE HENRY Sup any women with him?
PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress
Doll Tearsheet.
PRINCE HENRY What pagan may that be?
PAGE A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my
master’s.
PRINCE HENRY Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town
bull.— Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?
To Poins
POINS I am your shadow, my lord: I’ll follow you.
PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your
master that I am yet in town. There’s for your
Gives money
silence.
BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.
PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.
PRINCE HENRY Fare ye well. Go.
[Exeunt Bardolph and Page]
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
POINS I warrant you, as common as the way between St
Albans and London.
PRINCE HENRY How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight
in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?
POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait
upon him at his table like drawers.
PRINCE HENRY From a God to a bull? A heavy declension! It
was Jove’s case. From a prince to a prentice, a low
transformation: that shall be mine, for in everything the
purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 3
running scene 6
Location: Warkworth Castle, Northumberland
Enter Northumberland and his Lady, and Harry Percy’s Lady
NORTHUMBERLAND I prithee, loving wife and gentle daughter,
Give an even way unto my rough affairs.
Put not you on the visage of the times
And be like them to Percy troublesome.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND I have given over, I will speak no more.
Do what you will: your wisdom be your guide.
NORTHUMBERLAND Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn,
And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.
LADY PERCY O, yet, for heaven’s sake, go not to these wars!
The time was, father, when you broke your word,
When you were more endeared to it than now,
Threw many a northward look to see his father
Bring up his powers. But he did long in vain.
Who then persuaded you to stay at home?
There were two honours lost, yours and your son’s.
For yours, may heavenly glory brighten it.
For his, it stuck upon him as the sun
In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light
Did all the chivalry of England move
To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass
Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:
He had no legs that practised not his gait:
And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,
Became the accents of the valiant,
For those that could speak low and tardily
Would turn their own perfection to abuse,
To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,
In diet, in affections of delight,
In military rules, humours of blood,
He was the mark and glass, copy and book,
That fashioned others. And him—O, wondrous him!
O, miracle of men!—him did you leave,
Second to none, unseconded by you,
To look upon the hideous god of war
In disadvantage, to abide a field
Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur’s name
Did seem defensible. So you left him.
Never, O, never, do his ghost the wrong
To hold your honour more precise and nice
With others than with him. Let them alone.
The marshal and the archbishop are strong.
Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,
Today might I, hanging on Hotspur’s neck,
Have talked of Monmouth’s grave.
NORTHUMBERLAND Beshrew your heart,
Fa
ir daughter, you do draw my spirits from me
With new lamenting ancient oversights.
But I must go and meet with danger there,
Or it will seek me in another place
And find me worse provided.
LADY NORTHUMBERLAND O, fly to Scotland,
Till that the nobles and the armèd commons
Have of their puissance made a little taste.
LADY PERCY If they get ground and vantage of the king,
Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,
To make strength stronger. But, for all our loves,
First let them try themselves. So did your son.
He was so suffered; so came I a widow,
And never shall have length of life enough
To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,
That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,
For recordation to my noble husband.
NORTHUMBERLAND Come, come, go in with me. ’Tis with my mind
As with the tide swelled up unto his height,
That makes a still-stand, running neither way.
Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,
But many thousand reasons hold me back.
I will resolve for Scotland: there am I,
Till time and vantage crave my company.
Exeunt
Act 2 Scene 4
running scene 7
Location: Quickly’s tavern in Eastcheap, London
Enter two Drawers
FIRST DRAWER What hast thou brought there? Apple-johns?
Thou know’st Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.
SECOND DRAWER Thou say’st true. The prince once set a dish of
apple-johns before him, and told him there were five more Sir
Johns, and, putting off his hat, said ‘I will now take my leave
of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.’ It angered
him to the heart, but he hath forgot that.
FIRST DRAWER Why then, cover and set them down, and see if
thou canst find out Sneak’s noise; Mistress Tearsheet would
fain have some music.
SECOND DRAWER Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins
anon, and they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons,
and Sir John must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought
word.
FIRST DRAWER Then here will be old Utis: it will be an excellent
stratagem.
SECOND DRAWER I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.