Lady Macbeth
I don’t understand?! You PROMISED me! I know what it’s like to & a , and I would literally murder my own if I PROMISED to.
Macbeth
Umm…okayyy.
Lady Macbeth
NBD I’m just trying 2 get my point across.
Macbeth
What if it doesn’t work?
Lady Macbeth
LMAO! Just screw up ur courage & it will work. We’ll frame his servants : give them drugs and alcohol , wait for them to pass out , and cover them in Duncan’s blood. Piece of !
Macbeth
Will ppl believe it?
Lady Macbeth
ROTFLMAO! Of course! What else would ppl think? We’ll b crying hysterically the whole !
Macbeth
Fine. I’ll do it. Now go pretend to b a good hostess while I figure out how 2 avoid getting caught. Ttyl.
Lady Macbeth
Kk, might wanna start by deleting these txts.…
Macbeth Reminders
2 items
Edit
Don’t have kids w/ Lady Macbeth
Delete incriminating texts
[Scene 1]
Macbeth
Hey, Banquo! What’s going on?
Banquo
Oh, hey! I thought you’d be by now. The king is passed out. Congrats on throwing the of the year. Duncan was making it ! #SWAG
Macbeth
Anything good?
Banquo
Lolz ur got an ENORMOUS .
Macbeth
Dammit. Never gonna hear the end of that.
Banquo
Heh.
Um, I had a dream last nite about those 3 witches . Weird the Cawdor thing came true…
Macbeth
I COMPLETELY 4got about that. We can talk it over when we have more .
Banquo
What? U forgot they said u’d become Thane of Cawdor like a half hour b4 u became Thane of Cawdor?
Macbeth
Heh, yeah. Welp, 4 . Catch up later?
Banquo
K.
Lady Macbeth
Bling! Bling! Bling! #GirlsBestFriend
Duncan and 10 others like this.
REPLY
I’m losing my . Tonight in the hallway I saw a floating in front of my . I reached out 2 grab it, but it wasn’t there IRL. WTF?! And now I have to finish the deed b4 my wife kills me instead!
Macbeth is listening to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”
[Scene 2]
Man this is rly good ! I feel unstoppable! Hope everything is going according 2 plan. I laid the out for Macbeth & everything. The are hammered & out cold , but we should hurry JIC.
I’d murder Duncan myself if he didn’t so much like my father when I saw him earlier. #DaddyIssues
Lady Macbeth
Where r u?
Macbeth
Done…did u n-e-thing?!
Lady Macbeth
A lot of weird things, actually.
Macbeth
whos in the nxt bedrom?
Lady Macbeth
Donalbain. Duncan’s son. The younger one.
Macbeth
omg i cn’t stop shaking
Lady Macbeth
CTFO
Macbeth
1 of the was sleeptalking & calld out MURDER thn they both woke . i stayed and but they said &fell back . TOTALY freakd out now.
Lady Macbeth
Pull urself 2gether. I can barely understand u!!
Macbeth
the cried out “God bless us!” & *Amen.” but I couldn’t say Amen the words got stck in my throat!!! Y DID THT HAPPEN?!
Lady Macbeth
U can’t worry about that right now. You’ll go crazy.
An then some1 yelled . Macbeth has . Macbeth will no more!
Lady Macbeth
What? Wait, that pic u just sent. Was that the murder weapon? Why do u still have those?! Go your .& put those bloody back on the !!! We have 2 stick 2 the plan!
Macbeth
i can’t go bck there! I can brely type! Autocorrect has forsaken me. Just like Heaven!
Lady Macbeth
Srsly, u r acting like a ! Bring them 2 me & I’ll do it myself. FML.
Macbeth
All the in the could not wash this blood off my . I knocking on the . some1 is comin to get me!
Lady Macbeth
I put the on the . My r bloody 2 but you don’t c me . I’m off 2 . Put on your pjs in case some1 u.
Macbeth
that knockin is loud enough to wake up Duncan!
Macbeth is listening to Justin Bieber’s “Bad Day”
[Scene 3]
Macduff and Lennox have checked into Inverness Castle.
Porter
I may as well be the keeper to w/ all this knockin. If I wuz the ’s keeper, i’d hafta use my to the all day longgg.…
REPLY
Macduff: Must have been a good . This place of .
Porter: Heh, u know wut happens wen u drink?
Macduff: What’s that?
Porter: 1) it makes ur red, 2) makes u & 3) hafta .
Macduff: The more you know …
Porter: that’s not all! it makes u wanna but instead u end up limp .
Macduff: Lol, you speak from experience?
Community Manager: THIS POST HAS BEEN FLAGGED FOR OBSCENE CONTENT.
Group text: Macbeth, Macduff, Lennox
Macbeth
Good morning, my fellow noblemen!
Macduff
Hey there! It’s early for texting. Is the awake yet?
Macbeth
Nope. We had quite the last night.
Macduff
I’ll go wake Duncan.
Lennox
I heard there was some crazy goin on. Ppl said they heard screaming. Like the was trembling.
Macbeth
Weird. Guess I musta slept through it.
Macduff
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Macbeth
What? Macduff, what is it?????
Lennox
Did something happen to the ?
Macduff
Meet me up here and for yourself!!!
Macduff
Ring the alarm ! The has been murdered! Treason! Ring the !!!!!
REPLY
Lady Macbeth: In our ???
Banquo: Who cares where it happened?
Macbeth: If I died an hour ago, I would have had the perfect life. But now, everything will be terrible 4ever. The meaning of life has been poured out like a .
Donalbain: What’s up?
Macbeth: ICYMI the of ur blood has stopped.
Macduff: Your father was . OMG I can’t believe it.
Malcolm: Oh. Who do u think did it?
Lennox: . The servants and their are covered in blood. It’s a blood .
Macbeth
Macbeth has added “Vigilante Justice” to his list of interests.
Lady Macbeth likes this.
REPLY
Banquo: WHAT DID YOU DO?
Macbeth: FYI I just killed the . That ?
Macduff: *facepalm* Why would you do that, Macbeth?! Now we’ll never know what happened!
Macbeth: Who can be all at once?? Duncan was MURDERED. Who wouldn’t avenge his death on social media?!
Lady Macbeth
OMG OMG OMG I’m going to pass outttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttjbjkbjkb
REPLY
Malcolm
D, why aren’t we saying anything when we’re the king’s sons?
Donalbain
We have to be careful, bro. The killer might come 4 us next. There are in their s. And next in line = motive. Let’s GTFO of here. There will b plenty of 2 .
Malcolm
Banquo
Everyone, get dressed. We’ll regroup in a few to see if we can figure out what happened.
REPL
Y
Macduff:
Macbeth: Meet stairs in 10.
Malcolm and Donalbain have checked out of Inverness Castle. #OffTheGrid
Macbeth likes this.
[Scene 4]
Macduff
makes Duncan’s sons guilty. And w/out around, who’s planning the burial??
REPLY
Macbeth: Not it.
Lady Macbeth: Not it.
Banquo: Not it.
Ross: Not it.
Macduff: Sigh…
Lady Macbeth has invited you to
Hubby’s Coronation @ Scone .
Date and Time: Today at noon
Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, and Ross are going.
Macduff is not going.
Macduff has invited you to
King Duncan’s Burial .
Date and Time: Today at noon
No one has yet responded.
[Scene 1]
Malcolm has checked into England.
Donalbain has checked into Ireland.
Duncan is . I still can’t believe it. Today Macbeth was named the new , just as the predicted. Something’s .
Macbeth
Banquo! We could have used you @ my ing today.
Banquo
Ah, sorry. I was out riding.
Macbeth
Np. But don’t miss dinner tonight!
Banquo
I’ll b there.
Macbeth
BTW, r u taking your son riding with u?
Banquo
Yep, why?
Macbeth
JW. Have a good . I’ll ttyl.
It’s awesome 2 be ! But I wish I didn’t have to worry so much about my “situation.” Can’t get a read on Banquo. Argh. I mean Banquo should be THANKING me for speeding the along. His s couldn’t be w/o me! If only there was a way to change fate so it would be my s instead of his…. !
KINGSLIST
Wanted: 2–3 Able-Bodied Men (Inverness)
• Do you want to make more ?
• Is your life ?
• Want to get back at those who have wronged you?
• Okay with morally ambiguous objectives?
• Know how to wield a ?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, stop by the castle today!
REPLY
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers.
Posted by Macbeth
[Scene 2]
Grr. Wish I could switch places w/ Duncan. I’m too pretty to go to hell! #DoNotWant
Lady Macbeth
Macbeth, where have u been? R u still obsessing about the murder? What’s done is done. Let it go! It’s .
Macbeth
How can I eat when Banquo and Fleance are still alive?!
Lady Macbeth
IDK. But we’ll all die eventually!
Macbeth
Just brace urself. It’s gonna b a bumpy ride.
Lady Macbeth
What’s THAT supposed 2 mean?
Macbeth
I could tell you…but then I’d have to kill you.
Lady Macbeth
Lol, OK. I’ll wait and .
[Scene 3]
Group text: The Three Murderers
Murderer #3
You the other guys from the Kingslist ad?
Murderer #1
Who the gave u our #s?
Murderer #3
Macbeth, obvi. He gave me all the details.
Murderer #2
*shrug* He must b legit if he the murder plans.
Murderer #1
Fine. It’s . Hide and for Banquo and Fleance.
Murderer #3
Do you hear that?
Murderer #2
I see a !!
Murderer #3
That’s him alrite.
Murderer #1
NOW!
Banquo
RUN FOR IT SON!!!!!! Save yourself!!!!
Murderer #3
WHO PUT OUT THE ?!
Murderer #1
I thought that was the plan!
Murderer #2
Banquo’s ! Did someone kill the kid?
Murderer #1
I thought u had him!!??
Murderer #3
OMG the kid got away!
Murderer #2
1 outta 2 ain’t bad?
Murderer #1
We gotta find Macbeth. He’s not gonna be .
[Scene 4]
Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Ross, and Lennox have checked into “Macbeth’s First Annual Kingsgiving!”
Macbeth
Hello, royal subjects! Find your seats so we can get started. Our table is so long we set up a chat room to talk. #FirstWorldProblems
REPLY
Lady Macbeth: Don’t forget to use #Kingsgiving
Murderer #1
Hey, boss, I need 2 talk 2 u asap.
Macbeth
I’m about 2 start dinner! #Kingsgiving
Murderer #1
I know. I’m watching u from outside.
Macbeth
You’re here?!
Murderer #1
Macbeth
THERE’S BLOOD ON UR FACE!!!
Murderer #1
Yeah, BANQUO’S BLOOD. Remember?
Macbeth
So it’s done?
Murderer #1
Macbeth
Now just tell me you killed Fleance , and I will be the in all the .
Murderer #1
Macbeth
SMH. Well, that’s TERRIBLE news. But at least Banquo is . I can deal with Fleance l8r.
Lady Macbeth
Get in here ASAP. We’re all sitting around the table waiting 4 you.
Macbeth
Kk one sec, babe. Dealing with something over here.
#Kingsgiving Chat Room
Macbeth: It looks like everyone has checked in except for Banquo. Hopefully he’s just late, and not in any kind of ! Did anyone save me a seat? #Kingsgiving
Lennox: Of course! Right at the head of the table. #Kingsgiving
Banquo’s ghost has checked into “Macbeth’s First Annual #Kingsgiving!”
BANQUO’S GHOST: YEAH, MACBETH. I GOT YOUR SEAT RIGHT HERE. #KINGSGIVING
Macbeth: Holy ! Who’s messing with me?! #Kingsgiving
Lennox: Huh? WTF. #Kingsgiving
Ross: What’s going on? #Kingsgiving
Macbeth: You can’t say I did it. Leave me alone!!! #Kingsgiving
Lennox: Did what? Ruin a perfectly good ? Lolz #Kingsgiving