a burden. You'll either be cast off or you'll learn to
walk an your own. Sink or swim." she said, her face
now turning cool. When she called for it, that iciness
seemed to emerge from within her, rise to the surface
of her face, penetrate her eyes, tighten her lips, and
make her look taller. More intimidating.
I glanced again at the other two Despite the brave fronts they were putting on. I sensed they were just as anxious about all this as I was. I noticed as well that the three young women behind Dr. Foreman had grown still again. had barely moved a muscle since she had looked at them. How could they be so
disciplined? They were three statues.
How much longer would we be kept here? I
wondered. It was dank and musty, the air so stale my
throat ached. Why did we have to begin in such a
place anyway? The stool was uncomfortable. The
lighting was dull. What was the point of having us sit
at old grade-school desks? I was still tired and achy
from my unpleasant trip. I couldn't wait to go to sleep
in a bed and I had to go to the bathroom. but I was
afraid to mention it yet. I didn't want to be the first
one.
"To be sure you are making the right amount of
effort at your schoolwork, you will be tested from
time to time on your academic subjects, and if you
don't pass, you will be given demerits," Dr. Foreman
explained.
"Demerits?" Teal said. smirking. "What does
that mean, we won't get our Girl Scout patches and
medals?'
"No, my dear," Dr. Foreman responded. "Nothing that important. You are all as of now under my merit system. Since you have all been brought here as a last resort because of your antisocial behavior, you will all be beginning with a minus ten and have to work your way back up to zero before you
can even hope to achieve rights and privileges." That did sound threatening.
"What rights and privileges?" I asked. "Well, for one thing, you will have to wear
what you're wearing until you achieve the points to
wear my school uniforms."
"What are we wearing? This is disgusting,"
Teal complained. "Not only are these... these rags
irritating my skin, they smell, and why do we have to
wear diapers. for Christ sakes? I want my clothes
back."
"Yes. I'm sorry about these transitional outfits.
They do have that unpleasant odor." Dr. Foreman
sounded sympathetic. She also made it sound as if
there were no other choice. I finally saw the three
rottweilers soften their lips into a smile,
"But why are we wearing diapers?" Robin
asked.
"Because, my dear, you are being reborn.
Unfortunately, none of you have shown enough maturity to be considered anything but infants, and until you do, that's how you will be treated." Dr. Foreman said firmly, losing the smile. Then she blossomed into another to add. "Believe me, my dear,
you'll be grateful you have them on."
The slight smiles on the three young women
behind her widened almost into laughter when she
said that.
"That's cold," Teal said. "And disgusting. I feel
like some old lady with bladder trouble. I want my
clothing back. They were expensive, especially the
designer jeans. You have no right to take them away
from me. Why can't we all have our clothes back?"
she whined, now sounding more like a spoiled child
than a defiant teenager.
"I've already given that answer. One thing you
will learn and learn very quickly here, Teal, is if I or
anyone else has to repeat something to you, it's
because you don't or won't listen, and that will result
in a demerit."
"I don't care about any demerits. I want my
clothing!" Teal shouted back. Her voice echoed off
the cement walls and then died as if her words were
smashed to bits, the letters splattered and then raining
dawn to the dank concrete floor.
Dr. Foreman took a step toward her. "Oh, but
you will care, my dear. That will be one of the
significant changes in you very soon." she said
slowly, her voice so full of chill. I imagined the words
turning to ice in the air between them. Even the cold
smile disappeared.
"I want to go home," Teal cried back at her.
"Do you? Unfortunately for you, for all of you,
no one wants you back. Teal. In fact. I'm the only one
who wants you."
"How long do I have to stay here, live on your
ranch, and milk cows or whatever?" Teal was
definitely someone who couldn't stand being bossed
around,
"That's entirely up to you." Dr. Foreman
replied. "Now then, there will be no more questions."
She turned to Robin and me. "No more questions from
any of you. You will all just listen and you will do
what you are told to do. Listen well, girls," she added,
her cold smile returning to those lips. "Be keen, girls,
be keen. Your comfort and happiness depend on it
like they never have before."
She stepped back, glanced at the young women
behind her, who looked excited about her firmness. I wouldn't admit it, of course, but they frightened me. I wondered if Robin's and Teal's hearts were pounding as hard as mine was now, despite the brave face
masks they wore.
We were all brought here more or less against
our will. Dr. Foreman was probably not wrong about
that. We had no one out there to help us, no one to
call, no one to come for us. I couldn't help feelingthat I was dangling in space, holding on to a thin piece
of spidery web that this strange woman, sometimes
sounding nice, sometimes sounding scary, held at the
other end. If she decided to let go, I. as well as Robin
and Teal, would fall into some darker place. What else
could we do but listen?
"Now, so there are no misunderstandings and
no whining like we're hearing." Dr. Foreman said,
glaring at Teal again. "let me be clear about what you
should expect after you leave here. At my home you
will find there are no radios, no magazines, no CDs,
and especially no television for anyone until she has
earned the right to leisure time. The only books
permitted are the books related to your subjects, not
that any of you look like you read very much." she
added with a tightening at the right corner of her
mouth.
"No one will have any phone privileges until
she earns twenty merit plus points. That means no one
can call you as well-- not, from what I know of each
of your histories, that anyone would want to call you." "We really are like prisoners." Teal
complained, and quickly looked down,
"Since that wasn't put in the form of a question,
I will let it pass without penalizing you another
demerit. If you are like prisoners, as you say, it's
because you have imprisoned yourselves. You have
put bars on your own windows and built the walls
between yourselves and the rest of humanity. I am
your best hope to remove those bars, to crumble those
walls. Right now, y
ou see me only as a disciplinarian,
but in time, very soon, you will learn to appreciate
what I have to offer you,
"It's a lot like Annie Sullivan and Helen
Keller." she said, looking off. She smiled at some
image of herself. and even that smile was disturbing
enough to make my stomach feel as if I had just drunk
a gallon of sour milk. "For in truth, you all can't really
speak, can't really hear, can't really see. You're locked
up inside your own troubled bodies. and I will free
you. Yes, I will."
There was a long silence. My throat was dry. My stomach continued to churn and I felt the growing pressure of having to go to the bathroom. I trembled, but I had to ask. I raised my hand, hoping she would
permit it.
"I said no questions," she declared. "But..." She raised her head and the very air seemed to
freeze around us. If I uttered another sound, lightning
might sizzle my brain. I thought. I bit down on my
lower lip. She smiled again.
"I don't want to leave you thinking that all that
awaits you is hard work, rules, and restrictions. We
will have wonderful sessions together, my group
therapy, during which time you will all have this, this
terribly dark curtain of pain and anger lifted from your
eyes. Believe me, girls, that will happen and you will
be grateful. I've seen it so many times before on the
faces of my girls. My girls," she repeated, her eves
glossing over as if she could see them all parading
before her, hugging her like high school graduates at
their diploma ceremony.
She was quiet again. We could hear a drip, drip,
drip of something in the plumbing above and behind
us. Her eyes slowly brightened, the gloss changing to
a thin layer of ice. She stared at us so long. I felt
uncomfortable and saw both Teal and Robin
squirming a bit on their stools as well.
"Part of your work and your life at my school
will be your confronting your own fears. One of the
best ways to do that is to be out in nature. Nature has
a way of tearing away all the conflicting, confusing
things that have distorted our vision of ourselves. In
nature you can make no rationalizations, no excuses,
fall upon your knees and beg for mercy. You either
become strong or perish. Everything out there teaches
us that lesson and it's a wonderful lesson, one that we
tend to forget in the world we call civilized. We'll
help you regain that wisdom.
Or, I should say, nature will."
Nature? I thought. What was she talking about,
camping trips? Sleeping in a tent? Maybe Teal wasn't
so off. Maybe this was like the Girl Scouts.
"Now then," Dr. Foreman said, pulling herself
up and stepping back. "Unfortunately. I must
conclude our little talk with a severe warning. Any
signs of insubordination, even nasty looks and
evidence of an attitude, will result in demerits.
Profanity will be punished severely. If any of you get
two demerits in one day, or fall two paints or more
below the minus ten I have generously given you, or
finally do something so terrible that it is off the charts, she will be sent to our Ice Room to chill out, as you
kids like to say these days."
Ice Room? What was that?
She looked around the cement room, once again
as if she could hear my thoughts, "This place is a firstclass hotel room compared to our Ice Room." She
didn't make it sound like a threat either, but it clearly
put the shivers into Teal and Robin as quickly as it did
in me. Not describing it any further left it to each of
our imaginations, and I was sure we each came up
with our worst fears.
"And now, my dears," she said again, sounding
as if we were all at a grand tea party, "it's time for you
to be introduced to your buddies. They are three of my
graduates. three of whom I am very, very proud. They
have earned the right to assist me."
The girls beamed with joy at her compliments
and gazed at her adoringly. I didn't know why vet, but
it made my nerve endings sizzle to see the way they
all looked up to her. I had the feeling she could ask
one or all of them to open their wrists, and they would
instantly obey.
As Dr. Foreman continued, she looked at them
with a mother's pride. "I call them your buddies
because they are here to give you the benefit of their experience. They will be in charge of your daily life, your daily development, and since they have experienced my school firsthand, they have real insight into what goes on in a new girl's mind. Depend
on them, listen to them, and most of all, obey them." She turned back to us. "Even though they are
your buddies, you are to treat them as respectfully and
obediently as you would me. In order to establish that,
and to help you understand how far they have grown
and what they have become now, you are to address
them only as inMlady for that is truly who they are.
ladies."
Teal couldn't help a guffaw, her laughter
spurting out of her lips like something she was unable
to keep from coming up. It was like a small explosion. "If you don't tighten your lips this instant." Dr.
Foreman snarled at her. "you'll be starting at a minus
fifteen with the Ice Room as your initiation to my
school."
Teal's smile evaporated.
After a long silence. Dr. Foreman stepped to the
side and introduced M'Lady One, who was the young
woman who had escorted me off the plane. She
stepped forward and waited, still at attention. M'Lady
Two, who stepped up beside her, was a far more attractive woman with light brown hair, a perfect nose, and a far more feminine mouth. She wasn't as tall, perhaps only five feet five, but because of her firm military posture, she didn't look much shorter. She had a nice figure, well proportioned, that couldn't
be disguised even in the blah uniform.
M'Lady Three was the stoutest and shortest. I
thought she was barely five feet tall. She had
shoulders like a football player and hard, sharply cut
facial features. Her dark eyes were too far apart and
her short, dull brown hair was trimmed farther back
on her forehead than that of the other two. When she
opened her mouth, I saw she had crooked teeth,
especially on the bottom.
"A new student does nothing without
permission until she is told she may do so," M'Lady
One recited.
M'Lady Two continued. "That means even
going to the bathroom. A new student does not speak
unless given permission to do so."
M'Lady Three picked up immediately when
M'Lady Two stopped. She had the deepest, coarsest
voice. "A new student learns that in the real world
nothing comes to you because it's supposed to come
to you. You earn everything: you are entitled to nothing. This is reality. Therefore, we will have reality checks periodically to determine whether or
not you have earned what you want, what you have." This means everything," they all recited. They
spoke like some c
horus that had performed these
speeches many, many times, all speaking without
much emotion, except for the underlying and
continuous threat.
"A new student knows that complaints earn
demerits. Cheating, laziness, slacking off, any of that
earns demerits." M'Lady Two said.
"And demerits put you in the Ice Room," they
all chorused.
"Thank you. Mladies," Dr. Foreman said. They
looked at her as if they were desperate for approval,
then they stepped back.
I raised my hand and she looked at me so long.
I thought she was going to simply ignore it. Finally,
she asked me what I wanted.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I said. The three buddies smiled simultaneously as if
they were of one face.
"After all this, that is what you ask? Have you
heard nothing?" But I need to go," I cried, now
unashamed to admit it.
"Your needs are no longer what is of primary
importance. We are now going to think first of the
group's needs."
"But..."
"You're here because you are selfish, and that
will be the first demon we will destroy. I promise you
that." Dr. Foreman said. "Now then. I have one more
request of you all that you must fulfill before we can
go any further."
She turned to the buddies and each stepped
forward. M'Lady One coming to me. Mlady Two
going to Robin. and M'Lady Three to Teal. They
handed each of us a small composition notebook and a
pen.
"What is this?" Teal muttered, "Homework,
already?"
"That's a demerit." Dr. Foreman said, pointing
at her with a long, thin finger. "You didn't have
permission to speak. One more and you're in the Ice
Room."
Teal looked away. I could see, however, that
she was fighting back tears, tears of rage and fear. "Now then." Dr. Foreman said. "as a second
part of your orientation. I want each of you to write
her story. Tell me everything you can about yourself, what you remember as a child, where you lived, the friends you had or thought you had, the teachers you remember. I am very interested in how you see yourself, what you expect you will eventually do with your life. I want the notebooks filled with details, exact details of every thing you remember as important to you. I am particularly interested in your fears. so I want you to give lots of thought to that. All of us, including me, have something we fear. It's natural or, perhaps, it's something we have inherited or developed because of who we are, where we have lived, whom we have known. Don't dare leave that