"Same for me," I said.
"Me. too." Robin chimed.
"Dr. Foreman is a behavioral modification
scientist. They believe they can change the way
people act and think by using certain techniques like
carrot and stick, positive and negative reinforcers. Do
this and there's a reward, do that and there's a
punishment. If it's repeated and repeated, it gets so
carved into you, you behave accordingly."
"But why did you call us all Skinner pigeons?"
I asked.
"This scientist. Skinner, is famous for getting
people to believe in these things. He did it with
pigeons in a box. If they pressed a lever, they got fed.
They soon understood that if they did this, they were
rewarded. If they didn't, they weren't. That's what Dr. Foreman means by her stupid reality
checks. We get rewarded for doing what she wants us
to do, and when we do something she doesn't... we
suffer. That's reality. That's the way it is out there,"
Gia said, waving toward the door.
"Dr. Foreman," she concluded, "believes those
theories apply to everything. She can change anyone.
We're not here just to be goad little girls. Just like she
said the first day, we're here to be changed,
completely and utterly remade."
"Posy had to be very frustrating for her." Robin
said. 'Here she was a so-called expert on all this and
her own daughter was a problem,-
"Exactly." Gia said. "She has success with
strangers, like our buddies and like us. Her methods
do work most of the time.
You're not going to get into any fights so
quickly now, are you. Robin? You don't want to go
back to the Ice Room."
Robin looked at me and then looked down. "And you, Teal. You going to run away again?"
Gia taunted.
"Maybe."
"You won't. Anyway, the difference with Posy
was no matter what they did to her, what negative
reinforcement they applied, she smiled at them. And
then she would oo and make up a story about it like
she had to clean the pigpen all by herself because we
were too busy or she was good at it. They would just
act angrier and angrier at her. She never let them
make her face reality. You know she never had a
mattress, pillow, and blanket the whole time she was
here."
"How could she stand that so long?" Teal
asked.
Gia shrugged. I began to wonder if she didn't
admire Posy as much as she pitied her.
"She told me she was used to sleeping on hard
surfaces. She liked to go camping, and mattresses and
sheets and pillows made her itch and sneeze. I
actually believed her for a while. She was really good
at it, at telling tales. I can just imagine the stories she
had people believing. It must have driven our Dr.
Foreman bonkers.
"But... Natani liked her," Gia said wistfully. He
favored her, talked to her all the time, taught her stuff,
like how to meditate and step out of pain. That's the
way she put it. I know the good doctor wasn't happy
about that and eventually told him to stay away from
her."
"Why does he obey her, work for her?" Teal
asked.
"His granddaughter was a drug addict. She
managed to get her on the straight and narrow. At
least, that's what I think," Gia said.
"It's true. He told me something similar." I said.
"just not in as much detail."
"Whatever. He must owe her big time to put up
with all this," Robin said.
"He doesn't see it that way," I told her. "Then he really is a crazy Indian." Teal
quipped.
"Well, how did Posy end up? I mean, why don't
you know what happened to her?" I asked Gia, "No one would talk about her I quickly saw it
was forbidden to mention her name. One morning she
was just gone, and when she didn't return for days. I
knew she was gone for good. At first I assumed she
"So, then that's what happened." I said.
shrugging. "What's the big mystery?" From the way
Mindy and Gia glanced at each other. I saw they had
other ideas. "What?"'
"I'm sure I saw her from time to time, but only
at night," Gia said.
"And then you stopped seeing her altogether.
right. Gia?" Mindy said.
"You never saw her at night or otherwise?"
Robin asked Mindy.
"Never."
"So, then she is gone," I concluded. They didn't
look convinced. "Is there something else?"
"The one thing I think Posy needed more than
anything was company, friends. She tried so hard to
get us to be her friends. I could tell she was making up
story after story about all the best friends she had. She
often contradicted herself or forgot a name or a story."
Gia explained.
"So?"
"So Gia thinks Dr. Foreman decided her best
way to change her was to isolate her from people. She
hated being alone most of all," Mindy said.
"So much so that she invented people to talk to,
just like a little girl or little boy might."
"I often heard her talking to someone, and then
if I asked her who she was talking to, she would say
no one, but she would smile at the air as if someone
invisible to me was standing there. It was weird, eerie.
Sometimes, I got so I thought I saw someone standing
there myself," Gia explained.
"Maybe you're just as crazy as she is." Robin
told her. Gia shrugged. "Maybe I am.'
"So if Dr. Foreman wanted to keep her away
from people, what did she do?" I asked.
"It's just a guess. We have no real proof of
anything and we would never say it loud enough for
anyone to hear it," Gia offered.
No one spoke for fear she would stop. "That door I told you about? The one going
down to the basement?"
"Yes?" I said.
"It has a lock on it now."
"Maybe she just didn't want you sneaking down
there anymore," I said quickly.
1 thought that was it. too." Gia eyed Mindy.
"Especially after she seemed to know I had been
there."
"I never said anything!" Mindy. exclaimed, Gia
shot her a skeptical look. "I didn't. I swear!" "Well, what changed your mind?" Teal asked
her. ignoring Mindy.
"Occasionally, I've heard crying, coming from
the basement." Gia said. "Mindy thinks she has as
well. right. Mindy?"
"Well, I wasn't exactly sure about that." Mindy
said cautiously.
"What are you saying?" Robin asked, looking
like her heart had stopped. "Dr. Foreman is keeping
her daughter in the basement, like a prisoner in
solitary confinement?"
"Maybe," Gia said.
"To this day?" I asked.
"What are we if not prisoners? But don't ever
say it or suggest it in front of one of the buddies.
Actually, never mention this again ever."
"How
long has it been since you stopped seeing
her, even at night?" I questioned.
"About a week or so before Mindy arrived,"
Gia said. "That's about four months. right?" Mindy nodded.
I turned to Robin. "Locked in a basement to be
kept away from people for more than four months?
That would be worse than the Ice Room, wouldn't it?" "No." Robin said.
"Why not?"
She stared at me.
"Because you're not put into the Ice Room,"
Gia answered for her, "The Ice Room is put into you." "Put into you?" I looked at Robin. She was
nodding. "I don't understand."
"Leave it that way. Phoebe. Sometimes, it's
good here to not understand. You're better off." Robin
said.
But I was a moth drawn to fire. I couldn't stop
thinking about it.
Like same fatalist who knew she was headed
for disaster no matter what road she took. I had no
doubt in my mind that I would understand what they
meant someday.
"Since Natani favored her, maybe he knows
something. Have you ever asked him?" I inquired. Gia raised her eyebrows, "Have you ever asked
Natani a question about anything yet?"
"Yes."
"So you know how he answers. He doesn't give
straight answers. Instead, he tells you some Indian
folk tale about animals and you're supposed to get the
point,"
"Maybe that's his way to avoid reality," Mindy
suggested.
"Or maybe it's his way not to," I said. No one spoke again for a long moment. "Let's do our homework. At least it's something
to do and it keeps her from blaming us for something
else." Gia said in a tired voice.
Everyone returned to the books and we were
soon working together, each of us every once in a
while pausing to think about that locked basement
door. I know that's what was on their minds. It was on
mine and I could see the fear, like some sheet of thin
ice sliding over their eyes.
Of all the things they told us about Posy, the
story about her inventing friends and speaking to
invisible people lingered in my mind more than
anything else for some reason. In the working silence,
our subdued voices, the turning of pages. I could
imagine a sweet, petite girl like Posy sitting beside us,
cheering us up with her unyielding smile, her vision
of everything through rose-colored glasses, and her
stories, her fantasies. Who cared if they were true or
not? They gave us all hope and made us feel better
about ourselves.
Then she was plucked from our midst, stolen
away because she helped us resist. Even though we had never met her, hearing about her like this put her into all our minds. I could sense it, and despite Gia's and Mindy's attempts to forget her, she was still here with them as well. In the end, healing about her, listening to Gia's obvious affection for her and fear about what might have happened or be happening to her, appeared to mend the rift among us. Just a little while ago, we were at each other's throat in that room with Dr. Foreman, Now we sensed that we really didn't have anyone else but each other. Posy, even without Robin. Teal, and me ever having met her, gave us that. I thought. It was truly as if an invisible
person stood with us, comforted us.
After we completed our work, we were
permitted some free time before dinner. M'Lady Two
took our homework and test papers and in a
threatening tone told us she was taking it all to Dr.
Foreman, who would grade everything herself.
Failure, we were to remember, meant demerits. No
one said anything, but I could hear the same thoughts
in a chorus. Piling threat after threat on us, waving
fingers and sentencing us repeatedly to hard labor, lost
its impact when it was done so often and so much.
What's new? I thought, and so did the others. M'Lady
Two must have remembered herself at our stage. I could see it in the disappointment she expressed in her smirk when we didn't look like we were shaking in
our shoes.
"Don't go anywhere you're not supposed to go,"
she warned, and left.
Where could we go? I thought. There were
some shady places, and the breeze this late afternoon
didn't feel as if it had been born in a furnace. Mindy,
Gia, and Teal sat on what little grass there was under
a tree. Robin and I went to look at the horses. We
were told that it wouldn't be long before we would be
brushing them down, cleaning their stalls, and feeding
them. too. One of them. which Rabin identified as a
dark brown stallion, looked like he was dreaming of
jumping the corral and galloping off toward those
mountains in the distance.
"We had two horses on my grandfather's farm,"
Robin said. "He called them Buck and Babe. They
weren't really riding horses, but when I was little, he
would put me on either one and, holding the reins,
lead me about. It was practically the only fun I had on
that farm and one of the few times he acted like a real
grandfather instead of a soldier in the army of God or
something. I remember that sometimes I would catch
him looking at me as if he expected to see Satan's face emerging out of mine. He expected me to do bad things. After all. I was mother darling's daughter. I guess he's happy now that he was right. It probably has made him even more of a fanatic. I pity my
grandmother."
"What would happen if we got on the backs of
some horses and rode out of here? You think we could
ride to somewhere
"Horses aren't camels." Robin said. "They need
water, too, and we wouldn't know which way to go." "We're so damn trapped." I muttered. "Maybe
no better off than Posy if she is in that basement." I
glanced at the hacienda. The very thought of being a
prisoner in the darkness below for so long put a chill
through me, even in this heat.
Natani emerged from the barn, saw us, but kept
walking toward a water trough. Using a hose, he filled
it. I glanced at Robin and then approached him. "Hello, Natani," I said, He nodded. "I bet you
have seen many girls like us come and go."
He nodded again, turned off the water, and
began to wrap the hose neatly around its holder. "Are there any other girls here now?" I asked.
eyeing Robin, "Besides the five of us, I mean?" He didn't answer. He tightened the faucet, then stood and looked out at the horses, who had lifted
their heads and started toward the water trough. "I see only what I see. You must see only what
you see, too," he finally replied, and went back into
the barn.
"What's that mean? I see only what I see?"
Robin asked.
"I think he's afraid to say anything," I said.
nodding. I looked back at the house. "I don't know
about you, but I'd like to find out if she's locked up
down there."
"What for?" Rabin folded her arms under her
breasts. "What could we do about it anyway? We can't
do anything for ourselves, much less for someone
else. Forget about it. That's what he meant when he
said see only what you see. Don't go looking for
things you can't se
e. He didn't live as long as he's
lived poking his nose into someone else's business."
She started away to join the other girls.
I watched the horses drinking a moment, then
followed Robin. Gia looked up when I sat. I could see
Robin had told her I had spoken to Natani.
"You're not playing with fire," Gia said.
"You're playing with TNT and I'm telling you now,
we're not going to get blown up with you."
"Oh, let's stop talking about her. Let's just
relax," Teal said.
It was difficult to let ourselves relax. I could see
everyone had nerves as taut as tight guitar strings. The
breeze, playing through us, sounded the same highpitched note. Gia lay with her eyes closed. Teal stared
at the horizon, dreaming of floating out there, I'm
sure. Robin had her head down, and Mindy played
with blades of grass like a little girl, forming shapes.
No one spoke. A door slammed and we all looked
toward the house. The three buddies laughed at
something, then got into the van and started away. "Where are they going?" I asked.
"Wherever it is." Teal said with some
excitement seeping into her voice. "it's close enough
for them to get there and back quickly enough. I knew
there was someplace. I knew I wasn't imagining those
lights."
"Forget it." Gia said.
"Why?" Teal asked.
"It's nothing. It's an Indian trading post off the
reservation. They can get magazines, candy,
cigarettes, but not much else. There's nothing to do
there and it's miles and miles this side of nowhere.
This is the Mojave Desert,"
"They have more than cigarettes," Mindy said,
her lips misting.
"How do you know?" I asked.
She didn't reply.
"Gia?"
"We know. We heard them talking about it." I stared at her and she looked away, "How did
you hear them talking about it. Gia? Was that
something you heard when you were in the
basement?"
"No."
"Then how?"
"We just heard."
Mindy laughed and Gia threw her an angry
look. She smiled and shook her head.
"What else haven't you told us?" Robin asked. "Nothing."
"Oh, tell them," Mindy said.
"So now you want me to talk, is that it, Mindy?
You're no longer worried about being betrayed?" "It doesn't matter anymore. Gia. What else can
they do to us that they haven't already done?" "They'll think of something." After a moment
Gia turned back to me. "One night, we went spying on