Wisdom Publications — a special thank you to all the members of the Wisdom team for their wholehearted commitment to this book — especially Lydia Anderson, who worked so hard to promote Wisdom’s impressive catalogue of offerings. I’m also grateful to Phil Pascuzzo for his exquisite cover designs for all of my books and to freelance editor Barry Boyce, who so beautifully polished the first edition of the book when the manuscript was in its final stages.
All my Dharma teachers — from those I’ve met in person to those I’ve studied under through their books. Thank you for the gift of the Buddha’s teaching.
Recommended Reading
Aitken, Robert. The Dragon Who Never Sleeps
Aitken, Robert. The Mind of Clover
Batchelor, Martine. The Spirit of the Buddha
Batchelor, Stephen. Buddhism Without Beliefs
Beck, Charlotte Joko. Everyday Zen
Boorstein, Sylvia. Happiness Is an Inside Job
Boorstein, Sylvia. It’s Easier Than You Think
Brach, Tara. Radical Acceptance
Buddhadasa, Bhikkhu. Heartwood of the Bodhi Tree
Chah, Ajahn. Food for the Heart
Chah, Ajahn. A Still Forest Pool
Chödrön, Pema. Start Where You Are
Chödrön, Pema. The Wisdom of No Escape
Dalai Lama, H. H. Beyond Religion
Goldstein, Joseph. Insight Meditation
Goldstein, Joseph, and Jack Kornfield. Seeking the Heart of Wisdom
Gunaratana, Bhante Henepola. Mindfulness in Plain English
Hanson, Rick. Buddha’s Brain
Hart, William. The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation as Taught by S. N. Goenka
Hass, Robert, editor. The Essential Haiku: Versions of Basho, Buson, and Issa
Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Wherever You Go, There You Are
Katie, Byron. Loving What Is
Khema, Ayya. Being Nobody, Going Nowhere
Khema, Ayya. When the Iron Eagle Flies
Macy, Joanna. World as Lover, World as Self
Miller, Karen Maezen. Hand Wash Cold
Mitchell, Stephen, editor. The Enlightened Heart
Nhat Hanh, Thich. The Miracle of Mindfulness
Nhat Hanh, Thich. Present Moment Wonderful Moment
Nhat Hanh, Thich. The Sun My Heart
Olendzki, Andrew. Unlimiting Mind
Olendzki, Andrew. Untangling Self
Rahula, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught
Richmond, Lewis. Healing Lazarus
Rumi, Maulana. The Essential Rumi. Translated by Coleman Barks with John Moyle
Ryokan. Dewdrops on a Lotus Leaf. Translated by John Stevens
Salzberg, Sharon. Lovingkindness
Seung, Sahn. Dropping Ashes on the Buddha
Sumedho, Ajahn. The Mind and the Way
Suzuki, Shunryu. Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
Yamada, Koun. The Gateless Gate
Index
A
abusive speech, 164–65
accepting things as they are, 26, 87–89, 93–95
activities with others, 84, 192, 198. See also friends
advice, unsolicited, 82
Aitken, Robert, 50, 147, 149, 153–54
The Dragon Who Never Sleeps, 153
The Gateless Barrier, 149
aloneness, 174, 176, 191–92
alone and cut off, 168–70
spreads, 171
See also loneliness; solitude; suffering: present in lives of all beings
“Am I sure?” practice, 151–52, 189, 193
anatta, 29, 40. See also no-fixed-self
anger, 58–59, 73, 75, 88, 103, 115, 117, 133, 138, 150, 164, 192. See also resentment
anicca. See impermanence
appreciating that one had enjoyed activities for years, 192, 194
attachment, 101, 151
aversion, 100, 103–6, 186, 188, 190. See also “Want/Don’t-Want Mind”
awakening, 28
of Buddha, 34
See also liberation
B
“Beautiful Boy” (song), 144
begging bowl, 182
beginner’s mind, 148
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere (Khema), 72
beliefs. See thoughts and beliefs
Berry, Wendell, 23
blaming oneself for one’s illness, 63, 188–89
Boorstein, Sylvia, 63, 64, 102–4
Happiness Is an Inside Job, 102–3
brahma viharas. See sublime states
breast cancer, xx, 26, 66–68, 82, 91, 110, 132, 182
breathing practices, 67, 108, 110, 128–29. See also tonglen
broken-glass practice, 36–38, 191
Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama), 4, 29, 37, 79, 148–49, 153, 185, 193, 197
awakening, 34
break from Hinduism, 40
on community, 167
on dukkha, 24–25, 27, 120 (see also Four Noble Truths)
on impermanence, 29, 37
list from the first noble truth, 23–26, 66, 182, 183
on suffering, 23–28, 49, 100, 181–82
on thoughts and the mind, 67, 117, 159
on three marks of experience, 29, 40
tonglen and, 107
on wise speech, 83, 159–61, 163–65
See also Eightfold Path; Four Noble Truths
Buddha/buddha, 72
nature of, 148–49
putting head in lap of, 181
Buddhadasa Bhikkhu, 99–100
burnout, caregiver, 197–98
C
Cage, Nicolas, 32
cancer, 14, 26, 67, 68, 83. See also breast cancer
caregiver inaction, scheduling time for, 145
caregivers, 53, 83, 171
burnout, 197–98
chatting, 163–64
isolation experienced by, 171
patient endurance, 72–73
suggestions for treatments, 83
what (not) to do, 144–46
Cash, Rosanne, 182–83
Chah, Ajahn, 79
Food for the Heart, 36
letting-go practice, 90–92, 186, 190, 192, 197
on middle ground, 138
on not standing up in line of fire, 81, 189–90
A Still Forest Pool, 81, 90, 138
See also broken-glass practice
chatting, 163–64
Chödrön, Pema, 108
chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), 17. See also ME/CFS
chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), 17, 18
nature of, 17–20
terminology and alternate terms for, 17–20
See also ME/CFS
Chuang Tzu, 25–26
clinging, 101, 103, 114
Collins, Steven, 42
communicating with care, 159–65, 193. See also wise speech
community, 167
online/cyber, 173–75
compassion
conditioning the mind to respond with, 62, 63
contrasted with kindness/metta, 55
Dalai Lama on, 78
definition and nature of, 61
and happiness, 78
moving mind toward, 192
“slogans” for practicing the path of, 108
as sublime state, 50 (see also sublime states)
and taking the initiative to connect with others, 69–72
translations of the term, xix–xx
See also self-compassion; suffering: opening heart to; tonglen; specific topics
compassion phrases spoken to oneself. See self-compassion phrases
Connected Discourses of the Buddha, 182
cures, suggestions for, 83
“cut off the mind road” (Zen Buddhism), 70, 148
cyber relationships, 173–75
D
Dalai Lama, Fourteenth (Tenzin Gyatso), 78, 181
Descartes, René, 43
desire, 27, 68, 90–91, 100–104, 176–77
unquenchable thirst, 27
&nb
sp; See also “Want/Don’t-Want Mind”
Dhammapada, 114
Diamond Sutra, The, 36
Diamond That Cuts through Illusion, The (Nhat Hanh), 62, 69
“difficult persons,” 58
disappointment of failed treatments, coping with, 196
discursive thinking
example of, 127
taking a break from, 126–28, 187, 188, 191, 194, 195, 197
dismissive treatment from medical professionals, handling, 189–91
Dive from Clausen’s Pier, The (Packer), 177
divisive speech, 164–65
doctors, 84–87
dismissive treatment from, 189–91
insensitive and hurtful comments, 82
Dogen, Eihei, 30, 32, 36, 195
Eihei Koroku, 30
“doing nothing” practice, 137, 187. See also wise inaction
“Don’t-Know Mind” practice, 150–52, 155, 187, 189, 195, 197–98
Dragon Who Never Sleeps, The (Aitken), 153
drop-it practice, 130–34, 187, 188, 190–91, 194–96
dukkha, 101, 136
Buddha on, 24–25, 27, 120 (see also Four Noble Truths)
causes/sources of, 25, 27, 68, 120, 176–77
end of, 27–28
translations and meanings of the term, 24–25, 176–77
See also suffering
Dzogchen, 44
E
ease of well-being, 56
Eightfold Path, 27–28, 49, 135
“email friendships,” 174–75
emotions
labeling, 76
See also moods
empathetic joy, 50, 103, 111, 191
cultivating, 50–53, 61–62, 104–5, 186
moving mind to, 186, 192
See also sublime states
endurance. See patient endurance
enlightenment. See awakening
envy, 50–53, 61–62, 103, 163, 164, 191
equanimity, 36, 50, 105
facing the ups and downs of chronic illness with, 79–87
See also sublime states
equanimity practices, 87
accepting loss, 93–95
giving in instead of giving up, 92–93, 192, 194, 197, 198
Whatever happens, it’s okay, 87–90
See also letting-go practice
Eternal Now, The (Tillich), 175
Everyday Zen (Joko Beck), 26
F
Facebook, 174, 183
family, 145
feeling ignored by, 193–95
staying close to, 172–73
family gatherings, inability to participate in, 191–92
Fiddler on the Roof (musical), 52–53
50 percent rule, trying the, 143
Food for the Heart (Chah), 36
forgiveness, 95, 185
forgiveness practices, 69
Four Noble Truths, 23, 26, 49, 56, 101
first noble truth, 23–26, 66, 68, 120, 161, 178
second noble truth, 27, 31, 68, 100, 120
third noble truth, 27
fourth noble truth, 27–28
friends, 115–17, 145, 168–71
feeling ignored by, 193–95
inability to visit, 191–92
friendships
email, 174–75
in-person, 171–72
future, fear of, 76, 131, 187, 196
G
Gateless Barrier, The (Aitken), 149
Gateless Gate, The (Yamada), 150
gathas, 152–54
generosity practices, 69–70
giving in instead of giving up, 92–93, 186, 190, 192, 194, 197, 198
Goenka, S. N., 100–103
Goldstein, Joseph, 11–12, 29, 41, 42
Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, 41
gratitude for the past, 192, 194
Gross, Terry, 182–83
H
haiku, 152, 154–55
Hakuin, 181
“half-smile” practice, 126
happiness
compassion and, 78
Dalai Lama on, 78
See also empathetic joy
Happiness Is an Inside Job (Boorstein), 102–3
Harrison, George, 40, 42
Hart, William, 100
health advice, unsolicited, 82
health-care system, navigating the, 73–75
heart. See compassion; suffering: opening heart to
Hinduism, Buddha’s break from, 40
humor. See laughter
I
“I Me Mine” (song), 40, 42
“I think, therefore I am” (Descartes), 43
idle chatter, 163–64
illness
benefits of being sick, 119
inquiry regarding hating to be sick, 118–19
suffering and, 24
“There is sickness here, but I am not sick,” 40, 187, 189
See also specific topics
impermanence, 29–38
and experiencing the no-self, 42 (see also no-fixed-self)
overview and nature of, 29, 30
indifference vs. equanimity, 92. See also equanimity
inner critic, 65, 67, 92
disidentifying from your, 65–66, 188, 196, 198
inquiry practice (Byron Katie), 178, 187, 189, 191, 193, 195–96
and coping with loss, 170
overview, 114–20
steps in questioning the validity of stressful thoughts, 115–16
insensitive and hurtful comments, 80–83
Insight Meditation Society (IMS), 12
insomnia. See sleeplessness
Institute of Medicine (IOM), 19–20
Internet, 168, 172–73, 192, 194, 198. See also cyber relationships
invisible illness, 80–81, 169
Issa, Kobayashi, 136, 154–55
“It’s okay if...” practice, 89–90
J
Joko Beck, Charlotte, 178, 182, 185, 193, 195, 197
Everyday Zen, 26
joy in the joy of others. See empathetic joy
judge, inner. See inner critic
Jumnian, Ajahn, 87–91, 192, 197
K
karuna. See compassion; sublime states
Katie, Byron, 114, 124–25, 170, 175–78, 187–89, 191, 193–97
on arguing with the way things are, 11
turnaround, 115–20
See also inquiry practice
khanti, 72. See also patient endurance
Khema, Ayya, 72, 100, 102, 113, 114, 127–28
Being Nobody, Going Nowhere, 72
kindness, 50, 55–59, 105, 164, 186, 188, 193. See also metta; sublime states
Ko Bong, 95, 144
koans, 43, 148–51
Kornfield, Jack, 11–12, 41, 64, 88
Seeking the Heart of Wisdom, 41
L
laughter, xxiv, 148, 149, 153, 187
Lennon, John, 144
letting-go practice, 90–92, 186, 190, 192, 197
Levine, Stephen, 61
liberation
moments of, 134
See also awakening
life is always all right, 26, 182, 185, 193, 195, 197
loneliness, 174–78, 192, 194–95. See also aloneness
loss, accepting, 93–95
loving-kindness. See kindness
M
Macy, Joanna, 39, 43–44, 111
Masters, Kamala, 12, 39–40, 57
ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/ chronic fatigue syndrome), 17–20, 73, 168, 173, 175, 201
meditation, 121–23
metta
defined, 50, 55
moving mind to, 104
nature of, 55
See also kindness; sublime states
metta phrases, 55–57, 186, 188, 190, 193, 196
metta practice, 55, 57, 104
mind
Buddha on, 67, 117, 159
end of suffering in the, 57
flexibility of, 67
shocking the, 148–50
as sixth sense, 100
See also thoughts and beliefs
mindfulness, 70–71, 76, 127, 133–34, 139, 153
cultivating, 70
moments of, 134
of the present moment (practices), 124–26, 130–34
use of the term, 123
mindfulness exercises, 126
mindfulness meditation, 121–23
Miracle of Mindfulness, The (Nhat Hanh), 126
moods, compared with wind, 32–33
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus, 55
mudita. See empathetic joy; sublime states
multitasking vs. one thing at a time, 139–41
Mumon (Wumen), 148
Munindra-ji, Anagarika Shri, 39–40, 187, 189
Munson, Peggy, 169–70
music, half-smile while listening to, 126
myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME), 17–18. See also ME/CFS
N
Nakagawa, Soen, 148
National Academy of Medicine. See Institute of Medicine
Neem Karoli Baba, 43, 50
Nhat Hanh, Thich, 62, 126, 132, 151–52
on compassion, 62, 69, 186
The Diamond That Cuts through Illusion, 62, 69
on gathas, 152–53
on impermanence, 30
mindfulness exercises, 126
on mindfulness of present moment, 121, 126, 130, 132
The Miracle of Mindfulness, 126
Old Path White Clouds, 30
Present Moment, Wonderful Moment, 152–53
See also “Am I sure?” practice
no-fixed-self, 29, 40–44
essence of, 81
no-self, 40
experiencing, 42–44
See also no-fixed-self
O
Old Path White Clouds (Nhat Hanh), 30
one thing at a time (vs. multitasking), 139–41
Only Dance There Is, The (Ram Dass), 43
Orr, Mary Grace, 62–64, 188, 196, 198
orthostatic intolerance, 18–19
P
pacing, 142, 144, 187, 198
defined, 142
suggestions for succeeding with, 142–44
Packer, Ann, 177
pain, physical, xvi, 33–34, 62, 89–91
Buddha and, 181–82
See also specific topics
past
gratitude for the, 192, 194
regrets about the, 131, 187
patience, 72, 75. See also patient endurance
patient advocate, caregivers in role of, 73
patient endurance, 164–65, 186, 190, 196, 198
cultivating, 72–75
perfections, ten, 72
pleasant vs. unpleasant sensations, 26–27, 31, 100–102, 134