(February 28)
After the abandonment of the Norway foundation Dom J. may be likely to try a hermitage for several – or a group of hermits in other words – in Edelin’s Valley. In so far as this would imply a community, organization etc., I would be against it. Better individual hermits depending directly on the main community.
March 1
Why not do real theological work in the afternoons, especially this Lent, now that there is less pressure to finally finish off the things I had unwisely promised to write? Real work of theological reflection and construction?
Once again – there is no question that all my conflicts and problems can be traced in the end to lack of faith. That is also to say that they are all intended as means of purifying my faith by driving me to it as to the last and unique resort. Solitude makes this particularly clear. I must live in and by THE Truth, not merely by this or that truth, this or that “explanation,” this or that ideal, or system. Hence importance of the Bible and the Eucharist above all!
March 2
At least a flash of sanity: the momentary realization that there is no need to come to certain conclusions about persons, events, conflicts, trends, even trends toward evil and disaster, as if from day to day and even from moment to moment I had to know and declare (at least to myself): This is so and so, this is good, this is bad; we are heading for a “new era” or we are heading for destruction. What do such judgments mean? Little or nothing. Things are as they are, in an immense whole of which I am a part, and which I cannot pretend to grasp. To say I grasp it is immediately to put myself in a false position, as if I were “outside” it. Whereas to be in it is to seek truth in my own life and action, by moving where movement is possible and keeping still when movement is unnecessary, realizing that things will continue to define themselves and that the judgments and mercies of God will clarify themselves – and will be more clear to me if I am silent and attentive, obedient to. His will, rather than constantly formulating statements in this age which is smothered in language, in meaningless and inconclusive debate, and in which, in the last analysis, nobody listens to anything except what agrees with his own prejudices.
End of February – Marie Tadié started acting up again. Even though it has been arranged that she deal directly with publishers or w[ith] abbot, she is still trying to get through to me and bombard me with her interminable complaints and accusations. The best solution is to take her as a further reason for cutting down on publication – at least of books etc, that require to be translated in Europe. Rather – continue writing in freedom and peace, without a view to immediate publication
– discreet dissemination of work
– publication in magazines and out of the way places, perhaps limited editions
– an infrequent full-length book for Doubleday. One in five years would be plenty!!
[ – to have disgrace in the heart.
Remember that you must meet God …
and what do I want with humankind?]
Not popular, but exactly right for me!
Fear of man and fear of God cannot coexist in one heart!
“The wise follow the path of non-assertion and teach without words.”
Lao Tzu.
March 6
Beauty and necessity (for me) of solitary life – apparent in the sparks of truth, small, recurring flashes of a reality that is beyond doubt, momentarily appearing, leading me further on my way. Things that need no explanation and perhaps have none, but which say: “Here! This way!” And with final authority!
It is for them that I will be held responsible. Nothing but immense gratitude! They cancel out all my mistakes, weaknesses, evasions, falsifications.
They lead further and further in that direction that has been shown me, and to which I am called.
APPENDIX C
A Postscript
April 1966
The work of writing can be for me, or very close to, the simple job of being: by creative reflection and awareness to help life itself live in me, to give its esse an existant, or to find place, rather, in esse by action, intelligence and love. For to write is love: it is to inquire and to praise, or to confess, or to appeal. This testimony of love remains necessary. Not to reassure myself that I am (“I write therefore I am”), but simply to pay my debt to life, to the world, to other men. To speak out with an open heart and say what seems to me to have meaning. The bad writing I have done has all been authoritarian, the declaration of musts, and the announcement of punishments. Bad because it implies a lack of love, good insofar as there may yet have been some love in it. The best stuff has been more straight confession and witness.
April 14, 19661
This note appears in Notebook CI, 1966 March-April-May-June-July (The George Arena Research Library, Syracuse University Syracuse, New York).
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Agenda
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Arab refugees
Artaud, Antonin
Ascension Day (1967)
Ash Wednesday (1966)
As I Lay Dying (Faulkner)
Athanasius of Alexandria
Athonite Hesychasm
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“Aubade on a Cloudy Morning” (Merton)
Auden, W. H.
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Auschwitz
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Birthday (Merton’s)
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Bubonic Plague
“Buddhism and the Modern World” (Merton)
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Bursitis, (Merton)
Burton [Stone], Naomi
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Cables to the Ace (Merton). See “Edifying Cables.”
Callistus, Fr.
Camara, Archbishop Helder
Campbell, Will
Camus, Albert: anti-eschatology of, commitment of, L’État de siège of, on ethic of quantity, L’Homme révolté, of, Renegade of, on revolt and resistance, study of, The Myth of Sisyphus by
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Castle (Kafka)
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Civil Rights bill (1964)
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Clergy retreat
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Commonweal
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Dante
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Derby Day (1967)
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Dreams
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Du Bay, William
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Dupont, E. I.
Dylan, Bob
“Eastbournc” poem (Montale)
Easter Sunday (1966)
Ecumenical movement
“Edifying Cables” (Merton)
Egyptian monasticism
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Elegies
Eliot, T.S.
“Emergent Plan” (Chakravarty)
English Philosophy Since 1900 (Warnock)
Epstein, Brian
Erotic love
Esctasies
Eshleman, Clayton
ESP
Essays, Speeches and Public Letters (Faulkner)
Essays (Williams)
L’État de siège (Camus)
Eudes, [Bamberger] Fr.
Evans, Illtud
Evolution and Hope (Benzon)
Fadiman, Clifton
Faith
Faith and Violence (Merton)
Fall (Camus)
Fasting
Faulkner, William
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Feuillets d’Hypnos (Char)
Finbar, Bro.
“Fire and the Hearth, The” (Faulkner)
Firmament of Time, The
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Flavian’s hermitage
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Foi et Violence
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Francis, St.
Frederic, Dom
Freedgood, Anne
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Freedom project (1964)
Frost, Robert
Futility
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Gardiner, Margaret
Garfunkel, Barry
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General Chapter
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“Highway 61” (Dylan)
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Holy Week (1967)
“Homage to Mistress Bradstreet” (Berryman)
Homo Militans (Meerloo)
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Hopelessness
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Hymn for Vigils
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Journal of My Escape from the Nazis
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Lee, Laurie
Lent (1966)
Letters from Mississippi (ed. by Martinez)
Letters to a Young Poet (Rilke)
“Letter to a Wound” (Auden)
Levi, Peter
Lévi-Strauss, Claude
Life article
Light in August (Faulkner)
Liscano, Juan
Literature
Little Brothers of Jesus
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Loftus, Fr. John
London Observer, The
London Times
Loneliness
“Long Call Is Made Out of Wheels, A” (Merton)