“So, your license is worth more than being with someone?”
“Blaze, license or not I was just saying. This is many levels of inappropriate. I let you in because, well look at you. I thought you may need help. But I think you need to leave now. And I don’t want you to find another doctor but this can’t happen again. You’re my patient and I’m your doctor. That’s it.”
Suddenly a male voice boomed from upstairs.
Dr. Smyrl and Blaze locked eyes.
“I thought you’d be right back,” the voice said now standing behind them in the doorway.
“Jesus buddy, are you okay?” He asked Blaze.
“Who the hell is this?” Blaze asked.
“Blaze, it’s none of your business. You need to leave now. I’m asking you nicely.”
“I thought this was a patient of yours?”
Dr. Smyrl got up and moved toward her boyfriend, Adam. “He is a patient. He had a few questions but he’s leaving now.”
“So, this is why we can’t be together?”
“Be together? What the hell is he talking about?” Adam asked.
She put a hand on his chest. “Honey, I’ll explain later. Blaze, please don’t make me call the police.”
“Call the cops?” Blaze repeated now walking towards them both.
Dr. Smyrl stepped behind Adam.
“You heard her, kid. Show’s over.”
Blaze smiled at Adam then he winked. “Lucky man.”
He slowly walked to the door then stopped and took one last look back at Dr. Smyrl and her boyfriend. Blaze raised his hand and made a finger gun. He pointed it at Adam and pretended to shoot him. Then he smiled, turned to leave and slammed the door behind him.
Chapter 23
Dr. Smyrl anxiously waited for the phone to pick up. She, like most doctors, respected the privilege she swore to protect with her clients. But this was something more – this was dangerous. Blaze was dangerous.
“Hello,” Steph said, fatigue in her voice. “I’m sorry to bother you so late.”
“Dr. Smyrl?”
“Yes. Have you seen Blaze this
afternoon?”
“No. He hasn’t been home yet – why?
You’re scaring me.”
Dr. Smyrl could hear the strain in her voice
now.
“He just left my house.” “Your house?”
“He’d been in a fight at the high school.
He said some boys jumped him. His face is beat
up pretty badly.”
Steph cried softly. “I don’t know what to
do anymore. Should I keep him home from
school?”
“He was pretty emotional. I told you
before and I’ll say it again now – I’m really
worried about him.”
Steph said nothing.
“There’s one other thing.” She paused
before continuing. “He also asked me about
being with him.”
“Excuse me? Being with him? What do
you mean?”
“Yes. He wanted to find another doctor
and for us to you know…”
“Why would he have said something like
that?”
“I don’t know, but he really scared me
tonight.”
“I’m sorry. I will talk to him tonight. That
just doesn’t make any sense. I’ll call him now.” “Honestly, I don’t know if I should see
him anymore. But he needs help.”
“So, you’re quitting on him?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I
will recommend someone that I trust but-” “But you’re still quitting on him?” “He came to my house, he yelled at me
and threatened my boyfriend.”
“What? He threatened your boyfriend?
What are you talking about?”
“After Blaze rang the doorbell, I looked at
my door camera to see who it was. It’s late and I
was in bed. I told my boyfriend, Adam that it
would only take a minute. Blaze and I talked for
downstairs to check on me. Blaze immediately
got angry and began raising his voice. As he left,
he held up his hand like a gun and aimed it at
Adam.”
Steph dropped her cell phone and cried
hard into her hands.
“Hello?” Dr. Smyrl said. “Are you still
there?”
Finally, Steph picked the phone back up. “I know this is a lot to handle. No parent
wants to hear these kinds of things said about
their child. I am completely sympathetic towards
that but-”
“But I need to face the music?”
Dr. Smyrl sighed. “I’m afraid so. Blaze is
dealing with some very deep emotional scars.
And now with all of the bullying at school…” “What do you think I should do?” “You need to access his phone and
computer. Dig into his social media accounts.
And…”
“And what?”
“The guns. You need to take control of
them. Are they in a safe now?”
“Well no. That was something he and my
husband did together. Honestly, I don’t even
know how many he has or what kind of guns. Or
what my ex may have taken.”
Dr. Smyrl wanted to scold her but she
knew that wouldn’t help. She said nothing. “I know what you’re thinking – that I’m a
horrible mom.”
“No, I’m not thinking that at all. But I do
think that you need to secure them now.” “It’s not going to be that easy. Like I said, I
don’t even know what he has. He could give me
two and say that was all. You really think he’d
hurt someone?”
“Hurt people hurt people. It’s old and
tired but it’s true.”
Steph said nothing.
“Listen, it’s late. I’ll call you tomorrow
with a recommendation on a new doctor. Good
luck with your talk tonight.”
Steph stared down at the phone. She was
numb.
“Mom, what’s wrong?” Kevin said
creeping down the staircase.
She shook her head. “Nothing for you to
be concerned with. You should go back to bed.” Slowly he turned around. He knew
something was wrong. It probably had
something to do with his brother Blaze. He
wanted to ask again but also didn’t want to push
it.
“Kevin, do you know how many guns
Blaze has?”
He froze. “No clue mom. I’m not really
into shooting and stuff so no, I really don’t know.
Why?”
“I just know that he likes to shoot but I
really have no idea about any of them. That’s all.” That was a very random question Kevin
thought.
“Goodnight, mom.”
“Goodnight.”
Steph crept up the stairs and opened the
door to Blaze’s room.
She walked over to his bed and bent down
There were three or four gun cases that she
could see. She reached under and dragged one
out.
Gently she popped the clips on the case
and opened it. She had no idea what kind of gun
she was looking at. It looked like a scary one like
she’d seen on television.
A tear rolled down one cheek. She reached
up and wiped it away.
Then she reached into the case and took
the gun out to hold it. It was a lot heavier than
she’d imagined it would be. There was a scope on
top. She held the gun up like she was shooting it
and looked through it.
Suddenly she heard the front door open
and close.
“Shit. Shit. Shit,” she said scrambling now
to put the gun back into its case.
It had fallen closed and one of the locks
had clipped back into place.
“Damnit.”
She fumbled with the case and then the
door sprang open.
Steph looked up and locked eyes with
Blaze. For a second neither of them moved. She’d never seen so much anger in his
eyes.
“Mom, what the f-,” he paused and took a
deep breathe. “What the hell are you doing in
here? And what are you doing with my gun?” She looked down at the weapon, but she
said nothing.
“It doesn’t matter. Just put it down and get
the hell out. Now!” He yelled pointing out into
the hallway.
She had some nerve coming into his room
and going through his things.
Steph closed her eyes and then popped
them open. “No. No, Blaze I’m not leaving. And
I’m taking these when I do leave,” she said
shaking the gun back forth.
Blaze walked over and yanked the AR-15
from her hands. She tried to resist but it was no
use.
“Mom, get the hell out! And never come
into my room again. Don’t you know what
privacy means?”
“This is my house, Blaze. I will go into any
room I please anytime I please.”
She tried to sound tough, stern, and
parental. But Blaze just smiled and then laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding me? I’ve been
taking care of myself for as long as I can
remember. I wash my own clothes, pay for
almost all of my own things. Name one motherly
thing you actually do for me?”
“Blaze, I do a lot for you!”
“Okay, name something. Anything.” “I’m not going to play this game with you.
I want all of the guns, Blaze.” She walked over to his computer. “Turn it on and unlock it.” He smirked. “Yeah right. I bought that too. Every piece of it.”
“Now, Blaze.”
“I’ll make you a deal Stephanie. When I die, I’ll leave you the password. Then you can look at whatever you want.”
“I’m not leaving until you turn it on and unlock it, Blaze.”
He pointed to the bed. “Well you can camp out here with me. You don’t get to suddenly decide one day that now you’re going to be a parent.”
She walked over to him and got right into his face. “You listen to me.”
Blaze took a step back. “You know speaking of parents, when had you planned on telling me about Richard?”
She felt a lump raise in her throat. How long had he known? How the hell had he found out?
She stared down at the floor.
“Nothing to say now huh, Stephanie? Like I said, get the hell out of my room.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Stephanie? Isn’t that your name?”
“My name is ‘mom’ to you. Just like it’s always been. I understand that you’re angry and you have every right to be. Hell, I’m angry at myself. But Blaze I’d plan-”
“Just stop. You planned on telling me when? When I turned fifty? Random boy at a party, huh? Makes sense why you hadn’t told me.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“It was exactly like that. Did you know him before the party? No. You met him that night, screwed his brains out and ended up pregnant. That’s pretty random. Geesh. I’ve never even been that stupid, Stephanie.”
This sure as hell wasn’t the way she’d played this conversation out in her mind.
Blaze snapped the locks open on his AR-15 case and sat the gun inside. Then he pushed the case and the others back under the bed.
“I’m tired,” he said pointing to his face. “And as you can see, I’ve had a rough day. So, when you get finished standing there trying to figure out how we got here, close the door behind yourself.”
He’d made his point, but she was finished listening to him pretend to be holier than thou.
“Blaze you’re not perfect you know. I’m doing the best I can. I’ve always done the best I could.”
“Doing the best you can? And sure, turn it around on me. It’s always my fault, right? I guess you banging a stranger was my fault too – right?”
She pointed to his face. “Who did this to you?”
“Doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. And what will be done is done too.”
“Dr. Smyrl called.”
He shrugged. “I don’t care.”
“She told me that you went to see her.” “I did. And?”
“And well, what happened?”
“I don’t doubt that she told you exactly what happened.”
“She wants to recommend a new doctor. She said you scared her Blaze.”
“I’m not getting a new doctor because I don’t need a doctor. I don’t need help. I don’t need to lay on someone’s couch and tell them how I feel. Not her – not anyone.”
Steph crashed down to her knees in front of him. “Blaze you need help. You need to talk to someone. We need to figure this thing out.”
His eyes widened. “No. No. Do you know what I need? Do you?” He yelled.
“What Blaze? What do you need?”
“I needed a mother, I needed to know my real dad was out there, I needed a girlfriend that was loyal to me, and I needed the kids kicking my ass every day to stop. Are you going to leave?” He stood up. “If you aren’t leaving then I am.” He walked over and picked up his car keys.
She stood and put her hand on his chest. “No. I’ll go. I don’t want you to leave again. Get some rest and we’ll talk again in the morning. Okay?”
Blaze tossed his keys back onto the table. “Whatever.”
His cell phone buzzed. It was a text from Mark asking him to call.
Blaze managed a small smile. Out of everything that was wrong, Mark and his friendship had always been right.
Steph moved to the doorway. “I love you Blaze. From the first time I held you in my arms until right now. I may not have always made the right moves, but I have always loved you. We can fix this. If you’re still breathing, you can fix anything. Good night.”
She stood there a second waiting for a response. But he just laid there. Finally, she walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind her.
Then she slid down onto the floor outside his room and cried herself to sleep.
Friday, Aug 30th
Chapter 24
Blaze It wasn’t even five a.m. and I was already wide awake. Every inch of my face hurt. I looked at it in the mirror and frowned. Damn. I’d really taken a beating. In a few hours it wouldn’t matter.
Originally, I’d planned on ending everything next week. But I can’t take another week. Another week of lies, another week of rejection. Another week of being kicked around. Another week of arguing with Stephanie.
My eyes watered and I wiped them. No time for that now.
I walked over to the window and peeked out – it was still pitch-black outside.
Why did people leave behind notes to their loved ones? I’d never thought about it before. But everyone needed to know why I did this. There would still be questions and at least this would answer a few.
I took out a pen and note pad, uncertain on where to even start. How much should I say and how much should I let remain a mystery?
Twenty minutes later I finished. I read it over twice then laid it neatly on my made bed.
Bo
th of my 9mm handguns were on my dresser. I picked each of them up and stuffed them into my ammo bag. My hands were sweaty, I wiped them on my pants.
Next, I got down onto my knees and reached under my bed to get my two AR-15 cases. I opened one of the cases and broke the weapon down stuffing it carefully into my bag. Then I did the same with the second.
There’d been no metal detectorsat the gate the week before. And I’d seen others with backpacks being allowed into the game.
I slid the empty cases back under the bed and walked towards my door. I stopped when I reached it and turned to take one last look back. Even though I’d decided this was it, there was nothing easy about what I was going to do. It was final. There was no second chance, no coming back from this.
I took a deep breath.
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Mark asking why I didn’t call. He’d sent it at midnight.
I smiled but then frowned. Mark wasn’t going to take this well. I hated doing this to him. But no matter how hard he tries he can’t keep me from hurting. No one can help take the pain away.
Mark would be one of the few that I missed. He understood me better than anyone. And he cared to listen when I wanted to talk. Maybe I should have told him more? Maybe I should have told him what I’d planned on doing? He would have done everything in his power to keep me from doing this. Deep down, that was exactly why I hadn’t told him.
I closed the door to my room. After the argument last night Stephanie probably wouldn’t go back in until after it was done. I didn’t need to worry about her finding my letter too soon.
There’d be no school for me today. They wouldn’t get another chance to make fun of me. To mock me. To tell me how stupid I am. No. Today was my day.
I quietly disabled the alarm and snuck out of the house. The street was still. It was early so everyone was still probably fast asleep.
The high school was only seven minutes from my house. I could get there in plenty of time to hide my bag in the storage area under the bleachers.
I climbed into my car and thought about what I should do. If they tried to check my bag going into the stadium I’d be screwed. But taking the bag now was also a risk.
What if someone was already at the school and somehow saw me? Which was the lesser risk?
I decided I’d wear my backpack right through the front gate. If they attempted to check my bag I’d just turn and leave. I’d act like I’d left something in my car. They couldn’t stop me from leaving.
I thought twice about Stephanie possibly going into my room and finding my letter before it was time. She was usually up by six thirty and to my room by six forty-five. If I didn’t respond she’d have to open my door. I typed up a text to send her, letting her know that I was already gone.