First published in Great Britain in 2016 by
Michael O’Mara Books Limited
9 Lion Yard
Tremadoc Road
London SW4 7NQ
Copyright © Michael O’Mara Books 2016
All rights reserved. You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 978-1-78243-617-1 in paperback print format
ISBN: 978-1-78243-618-8 in ebook format
Illustrations by Katie Abey
www.mombooks.com
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Thanks to Jo Wyton, Fiona Slater, Katie Abey, Anna Morrison and everyone at Michael O’Mara Books.
CONTENTS
MONDAY MARCH 27TH
TUESDAY MARCH 28TH
WEDNESDAY MARCH 29TH
THURSDAY MARCH 30TH
FRIDAY MARCH 31ST
SATURDAY APRIL 1ST
SUNDAY APRIL 2ND
MONDAY APRIL 3RD
TUESDAY APRIL 4TH
WEDNESDAY APRIL 5TH
THURSDAY APRIL 6TH
FRIDAY APRIL 7TH
SATURDAY APRIL 8TH
SUNDAY APRIL 9TH
MONDAY APRIL 10TH
TUESDAY APRIL 11TH
WEDNESDAY APRIL 12TH
THURSDAY APRIL 13TH
FRIDAY APRIL 14TH
SATURDAY APRIL 15TH
SUNDAY APRIL 16TH
MONDAY APRIL 17TH
TUESDAY APRIL 18TH
WEDNESDAY APRIL 19TH
THURSDAY APRIL 20TH
FRIDAY APRIL 21ST
SATURDAY APRIL 22ND
SUNDAY APRIL 23RD
MONDAY APRIL 24TH
TUESDAY APRIL 25TH
WEDNESDAY APRIL 26TH
THURSDAY APRIL 27TH
FRIDAY APRIL 28TH
SATURDAY APRIL 29TH
SUNDAY APRIL 30TH
MONDAY MAY 1ST
TUESDAY MAY 2ND
WEDNESDAY MAY 3RD
THURSDAY MAY 4TH
FRIDAY MAY 5TH
SATURDAY MAY 6TH
SUNDAY MAY 7TH
MONDAY MAY 8TH
TUESDAY MAY 9TH
WEDNESDAY MAY 10TH
THURSDAY MAY 11TH
FRIDAY MAY 12TH
SATURDAY MAY 13TH
SUNDAY MAY 14TH
MONDAY MAY 15TH
TUESDAY MAY 16TH
WEDNESDAY MAY 17TH
THURSDAY MAY 18TH
FRIDAY MAY 19TH
SATURDAY MAY 20TH
SUNDAY MAY 21ST
MONDAY MAY 22ND
TUESDAY MAY 23RD
WEDNESDAY MAY 24TH
THURSDAY MAY 25TH
FRIDAY MAY 26TH
SATURDAY MAY 27TH
SUNDAY MAY 28TH
MONDAY MAY 29TH
TUESDAY MAY 30TH
WEDNESDAY MAY 31ST
THURSDAY JUNE 1ST
FRIDAY JUNE 2ND
SATURDAY JUNE 3RD
SUNDAY JUNE 4TH
MONDAY JUNE 5TH
TUESDAY JUNE 6TH
WEDNESDAY JUNE 7TH
THURSDAY JUNE 8TH
FRIDAY JUNE 9TH
SATURDAY JUNE 10TH
SUNDAY JUNE 11TH
MONDAY JUNE 12TH
TUESDAY JUNE 13TH
WEDNESDAY JUNE 14TH
THURSDAY JUNE 15TH
FRIDAY JUNE 16TH
SATURDAY JUNE 17TH
SUNDAY JUNE 18TH
MONDAY JUNE 19TH
TUESDAY JUNE 20TH
WEDNESDAY JUNE 21ST
THURSDAY JUNE 22ND
FRIDAY JUNE 23RD
SATURDAY JUNE 24TH
FRIDAY JULY 21ST
MONDAY MARCH 27TH
HEY THERE WORLD! | THE DESTINY CHANNEL
Hey everyone! Destiny here! Welcome to my channel! I’m soooo excited to get started.
On this channel you’ll see a whole bunch of stuff. I’m gonna show you my life and my shopping trips, how I do my makeup, my hair – this style is called the surfer-girl braid, by the way. I’ll talk you through it in a minute …
But before that, there’s someone else who I’ve just got to introduce you to. This is Loki. Isn’t he the cutest? Say hi.
…
That was the start of my first ever vlog. Well, I say it was mine. I wrote the words, but I had to get a girl from school to perform them.
I tried recording a vlog of my own first. It wasn’t good. I wrote it down, practised it in front of the mirror, and recorded it. Then I played it back. Ooh dear. Something had gone wrong. The voice coming out from my speakers was a flat, bored drawl. I swear my voice doesn’t sound like that. My speakers were trolling me.
Also, I looked awful, like I’d just been woken up by a novelty ringtone at 4am. I decided I just wasn’t very photogenic. Or microphone-genic. Or anything-genic. The Olivia Channel was not going to happen.
But I still wanted to make a vlog. I’ve always loved writing and creating things and, to be honest, I had discovered that top vloggers get loads of money from advertising. And I’d just found out there was an end-of-term school trip to New York I couldn’t afford.
All I had to do was draw in a massive fanbase with my winning personality, let them be bombarded with ads and grab my share of the profits.
Except my little test drive proved that my personality was more whining than winning and the only fanbase I was ever going to get was one that stopped my electric fan from falling over.
But then I thought of a clever way round it. I’d write the vlog, and get someone else to perform it. There’s a girl at my new school called Emma, who did a dodgy advert for some sort of disgusting health milkshake. I don’t think it ever came out in this country but she’s always showing it on her phone.
In the ad, you see her smiling and swinging her hair next to a group of giggly girls, having an amazing time while slurping neon-coloured shakes. In fact they had to spit it into buckets between takes so they didn’t end up spewing on to each other’s shiny hair.
I talked her into doing my vlog by explaining it would be great exposure for her acting career. If she could play the role of deliriously happy girl with gross health drink, then friendly, chatty vlogger would be no problem. She agreed, but only after I promised to add £10 per video to the ‘great exposure’ she’d be getting.
Fine. If I had to invest what was left of my savings to make the vlog work, that’s what I’d do. As soon as I got a fanbase, I’d double, triple, quadruple, whatever-the-next-word-is everything I put in.
Emma came round and recorded it this evening and it worked really well. She’s really cliquey if you try and talk to her in school when she’s with her gang The Swans (stupid name, I know), but she was great when we recorded. She came across like the ideal big sister you wish you had instead of your actual sister who keeps taking all your stuff without asking.
She even managed to improvise when my cat Loki jumped on to her lap and sniffed my keyboard. Loki’s a pretty good actor too, come to think of it. He pretends he loves me five minutes before every mealtime.
I’m so excited about this vlog. I can concentrate on coming up with scripts, knowing that Emma will deliver them brilliantly. With my words and her acting, Destiny will become the perfect vlogger. Roll on the fandom and the profits.
TUESDAY MARCH 28TH
9AM
Right, I’ve uploaded the video. Just waiting for the view count to rise. I need it to take off fast because I’ve not got much of my savings left, and I don’t want to use them all on Emma’s fees.
6PM
Still waiting.
I know I need to be patient. Nothing goes viral right away. Even Sneezing Panda took a couple of months to catch on, and that’s the greatest thing in the history of entertainment.
7PM
The vlog has only had 14 views so far, and I think most of them were me. And there’s only been one comment:
$$$ BARGAINS $$$
Genuine designer sunglasses. 90% off. Last day of clearance. Click now! Fast shipping.
Hmm. Not a great start. Unless someone likes the vlog so much they really want to share sunglasses deals.
Come on, viewers, this is quality stuff. Why aren’t you watching it?
8PM
21 views now, and a new comment:
Crafter101
OMG great video! Check out my channel Crafter101.
I got really excited when I read the bit about them liking the video, but I clicked through to Crafter101’s profile and saw they’d posted the same comment on a million billion other videos. They wouldn’t have enough time to watch all the stuff they claim to like and run their own gaming channel. More spam, then. But it’s okay. I’m sure the real fans will find me soon.
I think I’ll take a leaf out of Crafter101’s book and post links to my video on other vlogs. Unlike them, I’ll actually watch the videos and make genuine comments before including a sneaky link to my own channel.
9PM
My view count is now up to 33. I’ve had 8 likes and 3 new comments:
Dan_the_legend
POST THIS TO TEN OTHER VIDEOS NOW OR YOU WILL DIE 2NIGHT
Aaron_is_awesome
I AM A SINGER / SONGWRITER CHECK OUT MY CHANNEL I WILL PROVE TO U I AM WORTH IT
Evil Liam 13
Well that’s three minutes of my life I won’t get back. You suck.
Is it tragic that I’m quite pleased I’ve been trolled rather than spammed again?
Yes. Yes it is.
10PM
I was just one designer handbag post away from giving up, but a few minutes ago, this came through:
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
Love it! Please make more vids. <3 <3 <3 Destiny.
This was an actual, for-real, positive comment. They weren’t trying to sell me sunglasses, they weren’t asking me to subscribe to their channel and they weren’t even claiming to be a long-lost relative who needed my bank details. They were a genuine fan. RESULT.
WEDNESDAY MARCH 29TH
Over 90 views now. And even more real comments:
xxFashionGirlxx
OMG more please!
destinyisperfect
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo perfect.
Jaydenisonfire
Where can I buy that top?
Evil Liam 13
There’s a guy on my street who has Google. I’ll ask him.
DatFreakyGrrl
This video was inspirational, thank you SO MUCH for being there.
Planet Kate
Proud of Destiny.
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
Grammar Leopard
*you’re*
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
Get a life
Chloe C
Room tour next pls
Crazy Kaitlin 2001
Yessss.
Destiny is getting a fandom! This is going to work!
I’m so excited it’s ridiculous. I might as well admit it here in my top-secret diary that I haven’t made many friends at my new school yet. Or any friends.
It’s only been a few weeks, and I know it takes time, but everyone is so stuck in their little groups it’s impossible to talk to anyone. It’s another reason I decided to actually start a vlog.
I had plenty of friends at my old school – Jess, Sam, Han, Steph when she wasn’t being weird. And I still message them. But I feel like I’m fading away now. It takes them longer and longer to reply to my messages every time. Soon they’ll be ignoring me altogether.
I thought I’d find a gang like that at my new school, but it hasn’t happened yet.
Oh well. I don’t care. I’m getting a fandom now. My tactic of posting links on other vlogs must be working. Next, I’ll try messaging online stars like Vesper Vlogs on Twitter and see if they’ll retweet me. I’ll probably end up getting blocked, but it’s worth a shot.
In the meantime I need to keep the fans happy, so I’d better do a room tour video next. I’ll have to get some new stuff, and also tidy my room tomorrow because the only person who’d want to tour it at the moment would be a pest controller.
Here’s how Destiny’s room tour should go:
Hi guys, Destiny here, welcome to my room. This is my desk and laptop, where I edit all my videos. This is my dressing table, where I keep all my beauty essentials in immaculate order using home-made desk tidies. This is my bed, where I flop down after a hard day of vlogging and read your amazing comments. This is my bedside table, where I keep my emergency lip balm …
And here’s how an actual tour of my room would go:
Hi guys, Olivia here, welcome to my room. Here’s a pile of dirty laundry on the floor, and next to it here’s a pile of clothes I’ve already worn, but that aren’t quite dirty enough for washing just yet. This is the notebook Dad stole from his office and if we lift it up we can see an empty chocolate wrapper and a bag of Cheetos that went out of date in February …
I think I’d better go for the first option. Which means the fans have managed to make me do something that Mum and Dad never could – actually clean my room.
THURSDAY MARCH 30TH
That was exhausting. It took me all morning to tidy my room, and Dad got really suspicious. He thought I was trying to guilt-trip him into letting me go to New York and he explained over and over again about how we couldn’t afford it and no matter how good I was it wouldn’t change things.
I didn’t want to say I was doing it for a vlog, because then I’d have to explain what a vlog was. He isn’t great with technology, which is the understatement of the century. Here’s an example. When I was a kid he bought a new monitor for his computer. Before throwing the old one away, he brought it to my room and asked if I’d wipe the files from it so no one could hack into his emails. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him it didn’t just work like that.
I pretended Emma was coming round to rehearse a play and Mum and Dad seemed pleased. Mum’s in a theatre group and she’s always wanted me to take an interest, while Dad was just happy I was making new friends.
I wish I were. Emma is only coming round because I’m paying her. She won’t even look at me in school, especially when she’s with the other Swans.
But things will change if I can go on the trip. I’ll get to join the after-school club, which will teach us about the real New York in case we’ve only ever seen it being protected by superheroes. I can make some proper friends, go on holiday with them at the end of term, and have someone other than Loki and my idiot brother to hang out with this summer.
FRIDAY MARCH 31ST
I woke up to a nice surprise this morning. Vesper Vlogs actually gave me a retweet. That was nice of her, or whoever writes her Twitter.
The new room tour video already has 300 views, 60 likes and plenty of non-spammy comments. Thank you Vesper!
Alyssa S
First
xxFashionGirlxx
I have EXACTLY THE SAME CURTAINS OMG Destiny we are so alike.
Madison Wowowowow
Thumbs up this comment to reveal your secret crush.
DatFreakyGrrl
Destiny > Everyone. FACT
Chloe C
Spring fashion haul video next pls
destinyisperfect
That would be sooooooooooooooooooooo perfect.
D
atFreakyGrrl
Yes. That.
Jaydenisonfire
At last we have a video where ALL the comments are respectful and polite.
Evil Liam 13
Your mother is respectful and polite.
I’m so excited, I love it that fans are suggesting new videos. I just wish they wouldn’t suggest such expensive ones. If I went on a spring shopping haul it would wipe out the rest of my savings. Hmm.
7PM
I’ve got it. I’ll blow my savings on new clothes tomorrow, but I’ll keep the receipts and take them back the day after. The fans get the video they want, and I get my precious savings back. Boom.
SATURDAY APRIL 1ST
SPRING HAUL | THE DESTINY CHANNEL
Hey guys, welcome to my spring haul. Sorry, I went a bit crazy out there today because … well, of course I did. The first thing I bought was this thin jumper, which I’m absolutely loving right now. It’s so hard for me to find tops that look right on my shoulders ’cos they’re sooo freakishly wide.
[It wasn’t the first thing I bought. It was the fourth thing, after a Mars, some Doritos and a can of Fanta. I’d spent all morning leafing through fashion magazines and needed to get my strength up before putting my new style expertise into practice.]
Let me just hold that up for you … Check it out! A row of sequins around the collar. That’s so Destiny, right?