Don’t you know that it’s rude
Did no one ever teach you right from wrong
Did no one ever show you
Did no one ever tell you
How to act your age and get along
Status update, mate…
Have you seen the state
Do you know what you get like with your friends
Do you know what you look like
Do you know what you sound like
Are you ever gonna buck these trends
Breaking news… Choose
To accept, not refuse
What I’m telling you right now, for your own health
What I’m showing you right now
What I’m teaching you right now
Just behave… Have a word with yourself
11. Smartarses
What if I know all there is to know?
I would always have something to say
Passing the benefits of my wisdom
On to those not in the know
Not their fault they don’t know nothing
But common knowledge is common sense
Still, there’s always someone taking chances
Someone who likes to take liberties
Someone looking to take advantage
Someone’s always trying to take the piss
Take for instance that tattooist
Working outside in the open air
Not exactly clean-room conditions
And he’s wearing no gloves like he doesn’t care
But I should think before revealing
My total lack of local background
Or demonstrating my ignorance
Of relevant cultural differences
I’m voicing my unresearched opinions
Perhaps there are things even I don’t know
Consider the rules and regulations
HSE, ISO, BS guidelines
Some seem to think they are carved in stone
But maybe they’re just part of a…
Political Agenda…? God forbid
We’re a democratic country after all…!
How would it be if the only reason
Some proposals are accepted as law
Had nothing to do with fail-safe features
Nothing to do with cast-iron guarantees
Serving as a security blanket
A safety net to offer peace of mind
For any guarantees implied
A disclaimer follows every clause
And any badges won for Time and Motion studies
Just for effect, to impress the customer
Those white-coated, work study stop-watch watchers
Are only concerned with the flow of a process
And traceability of a given product
In order to determine culpability
Meaning the blame for any infringement
Of the awarding body’s regulations
May be placed firmly, planted squarely
On the shoulders of the weakest link
Who usually just happens, should occasion arise
To be the lowliest employee
At the manufactory
In other words, it’s an insurance write-off
Making the bonus system a distraction
Along with the awarding of certification
From ISO, BS or HSE
Which only means that any future problems
Will be dealt with by the relevant authority
So, back to the wearing of rubber gloves
Receiving a local anaesthetic
Or checking yourself into Intensive Care
Just in order to become tattooed
Do I really need to listen to
Their scary, horror story tactics
Or is surgical rubber protection
The very least of my concerns
Associated with the risk of
Infection from his unprotected hands
Mustn’t forget the Tropical climate
Where snakes are a clear and present danger
Countless species choose this habitat
Many of them deadly poisonous
Many whose bites can be readily treated
Many whose bites cause excruciating death
Do more Thai people die from snakebites
Than die from infection from failure to wear gloves
Or any other surgical rubber products
Including condoms (so infections include AIDS)
I don’t know, but it’s worth remembering
These deaths aren’t always avoidable
Part of the reason could be people’s failure
To recognise the snake that has bitten them
Partly because, without their own transport
They can’t get to hospital quickly enough
Partly it’s availability of serum
Partly it’s the rarity of the snake
Another less common but equally lethal
Bite from snakes that cross their regional boundary
But it isn’t only snakes that bite
Of course we all know about mosquitos
And their tendency to spread Malaria
But are you aware of Dengue Fever?
Both of which surely account for more deaths
Than the failure to wear rubber gloves…?
Of course there’ll always be an England
Antiseptic, germ-free and sterilised
Where legend quickly transforms to fact
And the worst case scenario is always stressed
So our trust will be placed in the comfort
Derived from that feel-good safety net
That no-one disputes the existence of
But no-one tells us anything different
Probably because it’s easier that way
And if it makes everybody happy…
Besides, we should never underestimate
The sinister power of suggestion
That causes us to crave misinformation
Like a panting pack of Pavlov’s dogs
So what, if I don’t know all there is to know
So what, if I know nothing at all
12. Pros & Cons Of Witch Hunting
I wasn’t only joking
when I said it was getting
difficult to understand
(at least sometimes it can be)
some of the objections raised
by those who suggest their own
status as a human being
is not just a lifestyle choice
no, not just a passing phase
rather, the way they were born.
They say they’re being ‘labelled’
by some words applied to them
words we can no longer use
Wasn’t even joking when
I said the only reason
that left-handers don’t object
to the ‘s’ word, ‘sinister’
is that no one else is bright
enough to know what it means.
If they did, another group
of protesters would emerge
and use it as an insult
till it disappeared from use
Another group of Anti
rights campaigners would emerge
I wasn’t ever joking
when I said my thoughts applied
equally to those who were
born into minority
conditions, situations
I’m not just talking about:
ethnically
religiously
sexually
philosophically
mentally
physically
emotionally
spiritually
psychologically
socially
politically
educationally
morally
affluently
or maturely
disadvantaged; I don’t think!
My neighbours call me ‘uncle’
&nb
sp; So I’m not ‘anti’ anything
or even anybody
whatever you may believe
But I WAS only joking
that time when I said to you
You’re nothing but a cliché
when it comes right down to it
And THAT’S all you object to
if you’re honest with yourself
Is ‘prejudice’ a fair word
a fair label to impose
Some people say what they mean
but only mean what they say
13. (((SFX)))
Mad dogs, mental barking sounds
But they ain’t nuthin’ but hounds
And those birds that trill so sweet
They go on twitter to tweet
Brown cows banter, on the sly
Because ‘moo’ means ‘pig’ in Thai
And ‘gnu’ well that one means ‘snake’
Hissed off with the noise they make
Slo-mo-stunt-show-stu-tter-by
Utter ‘nutter’ butterfly
Need some chicken noodle soup?
Drop that cock-a doodle doo-p
I just heard ‘Edin Dzeko’
No, it was tak-kae, ‘Gec-ko’
Takaten play cricket score
Leg-rub ‘chirrup’ all night bore
Two eyes in tropical >>f i i s h>0000
But a mouth that’s saying… nish
Isan village sound effects
Mammals, fishes, birds, insects
14. Non Existent
I’m not waiting any more
There’s nothing else to wait for
If it’s already happened
You can’t say fairer than that
And if it hasn’t happened
It’s not gonna happen now
Do I look like I’m waiting
For something or for someone?
I’m not waiting for the man
I’m not waiting for the sun
I’m not waiting for Godot
Any more than I’m stood here
Waiting till tomorrow comes
My waiting days are over
I’m not waiting anymore
It’s not that they’re not coming
I don’t have any more time
It’s gotta happen today
Or else it just won’t happen
I won’t live to see the day
I’ve waited long enough now
Nobody’s waiting for me
And that’s why I’m not waiting
I’m not anticipating
What I’ll never get to see
What will never be for me
15. Penultimate
The last thing I want to have
Is to only have one more thing
One last unfinished item of business
On my list of things to do
‘Unfinished mind your own business’
Is how I’d like it to be known
Cos you ain’t worthy and I ain’t willing
To let this cat out of the bag
I ain’t talking no ‘Bucket List’
Just tidying up my affairs
And knowing there’s just one thing left to do
Is the only notice I’ll need
See I ain’t done much in my life
But I ain’t done nothing at all
And with the ultimate penultimate
I’ll die with a smile on my face
The last thing I want to say
Is that I’d like it to be known
That knowing there’s just one thing left to do
I’ll die with a smile on my face
16. Thousands And Thousands
Back in the dark ages, in
another millennium
(Not a thousand years ago)
another generation
likely the last of its kind
all that was ever needed
to gain gainful employment
was writing paper, a pen
the ability to send
your application letter
to the right return address
proving you could read and write
follow simple instructions
and record your (intention).
In this age of the cv
brought about by advances
in the evolution of
microchip technology
this essential attachment
to all your jobsearch emails
is the equivalent of
an early Christmas present
for prospective employers.
Not to be opened until
or unless you get the job.
The thing with CV’s is it’s
all about presentation
and if it doesn’t look nice
it’s gonna end up on a
rejection pile, thousands deep
and you’ll only get the job
(in the modern call-centre
where you’re interviewed by rote)
if you’ve learnt the pre-set script.
If you’re not a team player…
in other (plain English) words
you’re able to demonstrate
a shred of initiative…
Well then, ‘unfortunately…’
and I’m sure you know the rest.
A thousand job apps later
A Situation Vacant…
matching the blank expression
on the face that launched, at least
in a thousand soup kitchens
qualifications gained from
a school no-one else admits
to ever having gone to
(and that includes the teachers)…
A Curriculum Vitae
written by the very hands
that made (it seems) a thousand
withdrawals from the food bank
where they patronise you
gladly with their very own
special brand of ‘Charity’
before permitting you to
walk the four miles, or so
(we don’t all have a motor)
though it’s pissing down with rain
carrying two plastic bags
full of tins of ‘essential’
‘everyday’ own label beans…
And when I say ‘home’ I mean
that room in the house you share
with five other heat-seeking
job seeking (Not unemployed)
…perhaps unemployable
JSA Benefits ‘Cheats’
who, like you, have to accept
no central heating, no bed,
a ‘kitchen’ with no cooker,
a ‘bathroom with no shower
(just how many partitions
Can you build in just one room?)
Cold, damp, smelly, mouldy, stained
infested with the wildlife
of thousands of its filthy
former tenants, occupants.
This luxury apartment
the maximum possible
weekly rent is awarded
(and the landlord owns the street)
…hardly surprising, is it?…
And all because I’m… jobless,
in receipt of Benefits
the minimum weekly rate
deemed adequate to survive
Making my fat-cat landlord
fatter, exponentially.
While his destitute tenants
live on handed-in handouts…
Would the real ‘parasite’
‘scrounging cheat’ stand up now, please
and leave me to continue
with my life of poverty
And would you politicians
Listen for just one moment?
Why isn’t all the money
Spent by you condescending
So-called welfare officials
Used instead for in
vestment
In jobs for the unemployed?
Surely it would be cheaper…
Too much like multi-tasking?
to policy makers who
can only concentrate on
one fucked-up scheme at a time
and make me apply for jobs
thousands (and thousands) of times
17. กินข้าวหรือยัง…/Did You Eat Yet?
สวัสดีครับ
สบายดีบ่
เจ้าสิไปไส
ข่อยมักเจ้าหลายๆ
กินข้าวหรือยัง
สบายดีค่ะ
สุขสันต์สนุก
สบายสบาย
หยังกินขอบใจ
กินกับอะไร
สงกรานต์มาแล้ว
อารมณ์ดีหลาย
ดีใจสุขสันต์
ที่วันปีใหม่
กินข้าวหรือยัง
รินเหมือนจะตก
มีความสุขแล้ว
รินเหมือนจะตก
ใจเย็นรอข้าว
กินกับอะไร
ถึงยามเกี่ยวข้าว
ถึงยามเกี่ยวข้าว
ไปนาเกี่ยวข้าว
กลับบ้านไปนอน
กินข้าวหรือยัง
อยากกินอะไร
อยากกินอะไร
ข้าวเหนียวข้าวจาว
อาหารอีสาน
กินกับอะไร
Sawasdee khrap
Sabai dee bor?
Jao si pai sai?
Koi mak jao lai
Kin Khao Reu Yang?
Sabai dee ka
Suksan sanuk
Sabai sabai
Yang kin kob jai
Kin kab arai?
Songkhran ma leaw
Arom dee lai
Hua jai suksan
Tee wan pi mai
Kin Khao Reu Yang?
Rin meun ja tok
Mi khwarm suk leaw
Rin meun ja tok
jai yen ro khao
Kin kab arai?
Teung yam khiew khao
Teung yam khiew khao
Bai nar khiew khao
Klab ban bai norn
Kin Khao Reu Yang?
Yark kin arai?
Yark kin arai?
Khao nieow khao jao
Aharn Isan
Kin kab arai?
Hello hello
And how are you?
You going where?
I luv you loads
Did you eat yet?
I’m OK hanks
Happy enjoy
I’m feeling good
Not eaten thanks
You eating what?
Thai New Year soon
My mood is good
Good heart Happy
New Year to you
Did you eat yet?
Rain gonna fall
Make me feel good
Rain gonna fall