not to blurt out, “Aw, come on, guys.
You didn’t think I was really serious,
did you?”
REUNION
Grace gives Rachel and me each
a pair of outrageously glam sunglasses that
she decorated for us with tiny seashells.
Rachel gives each of us
a bottle of Sky Blue Pink nail polish
and matching Sky Blue Pink lip gloss.
And I give each of them
a pair of sperm panties,
which they absolutely flip out over.
But all of that takes half a minute.
Then they start grilling me
about Robin.
It’s funny how you can tell the truth
without actually telling the truth
just by leaving out one little detail.
I tell them
all about how we met
in the museum that day,
and about how
he turned out to be
my masked man.
I even reveal
that he goes
to our school.
I tell them everything.
Except who the heck it is
that I’m really talking about.
But no matter how hard I try,
I just can’t keep
my New Year’s resolution.
WHEN THEY FINALLY LEAVE
I walk
to the basement door,
a storm raging
in my chest.
I reach for the knob,
yank it open,
and gaze down the stairs
through the blur of hot tears,
listening to the silence of the musty dark,
picturing myself
sprawled on the old mattress,
stuffing Hershey’s Kisses into my mouth—
Then I shiver,
slam the door shut,
and bolt out of the house.
ON VALADON POND
Skating alone,
round and around,
my thoughts tie themselves
into knots in my head.
What should I do?
Round and around.
How can I tell them?
What will they say?
Memories swirl,
round and around,
of how it felt
when his hand held mine
and we skated alone,
round and around,
on Valadon Pond
together.
SUDDENLY I SEE ROBIN
He’s skating towards me
from the edge of the pond,
and when he sees that I’m crying
he just wraps me in his arms
without saying a word.
I feel so totally in love.
And so totally miserable.
When I finally stop crying, he says,
“You haven’t told them it’s me yet,
have you?”
A quiver runs through me.
How did he know?!
“I’m sorry, Robin,” I whisper.
“It’s okay, Sophie,” he says.
“I’ll understand if it has to end.”
His words bring
a fresh burst of tears.
“Aw, come on,” he says,
with a sad, sweet smile.
“Don’t be such a Murphy.”
And then
he kisses me.
For the last time?
ANOTHER BUSINESS TRIP
My father smiles and says goodbye
to my mother and me.
But he doesn’t kiss us.
Big surprise.
I watch my mother’s face
And I suddenly find myself
hugging her.
With all my might.
THE CARS PASSING BY
Why do the shadows
of their headlights,
gliding slowly across my bedroom wall,
make me feel so hollow inside?
Why do the oceany whispers
of their wheels on the road,
drifting near then fading away,
make my chest ache like this?
Why can’t I be
in one of those cars
with Robin right now,
zooming away—
far, far away—
from here,
from school,
from tomorrow?
I HEAR FOOTSTEPS
And then there’s a soft knock
on my bedroom door.
Mom slips in and sits on the edge of my bed.
“It’s eleven p.m.,” she says.
“I tapped. You didn’t tap back.
Is something the matter?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Everything.”
“I know how you feel,” she says.
And she looks at me with such sad eyes
that I suddenly find myself
telling her the whole story.
She doesn’t really say much,
but it helps to know
she’s listening.
And when I get to the part
about Robin being much more than a friend,
she doesn’t even get mad.
She just smiles and says, “I can see why.”
TOMORROW IS HERE
I’ve been hanging in the girls’ bathroom,
hiding out between every class,
waiting for the halls to empty.
But now it’s lunchtime.
I can’t avoid him
forever.
I feel so scared.
and of what I’ll say when I see him.
And of how he’ll act
and of what he’ll say
when he sees me.
And of how Rachel and Grace
and everyone else will act
and of what they’ll all say,
to my face and behind my back,
if they see Robin and me,
Murphy and me,
together.
I SLINK INTO THE CAFETERIA
And scan the multitudes.
It only takes me a second to find Robin,
sitting alone at a table by the window.
He doesn’t see me.
But Rachel and Grace do.
They wave me over.
I force a smile and wave back.
But I stay where I am.
Rachel calls out my name.
Robin looks up and sees me.
He smiles.
But only with his eyes.
Is everyone
in the entire cafeteria
looking at me?
Or is it just my imagination?
I try to lift my feet
but they feel like they’ve been
nailed down to the linoleum.
My body’s getting ready to fly apart.
I want to scream.
I want to run away.
I want to—
No! I don’t.
I race over to Robin,
sit down across from him
and take hold of his hands.
Robin’s smiling with more than his eyes now.
He’s smiling through and through.
And I am, too.
Because everything’s going to be all right.
Sometimes I just know things.
/center>