I’ve ever known
You trust me
with the things
you don’t trust yourself with
You treat me
better than
you treat yourself
You love me
in all the ways
you can’t love yourself
Maybe someday
we can see ourselves
the way we see each other
She
makes forever more than a word
makes tomorrow something to
look forward to
makes meaning from nothing
makes the moon magic
makes everything the way it should be
the way it was always meant to be
She is darkness
and light
and everything in between
He
knows just what to say to make me okay
knows how to hold me tight
and tell me everything will be alright
knows how to show me he loves me
in all the little ways
I never knew mattered
knows the color I like my coffee
knows how I like to be wrapped up
like a blanket burrito
He is everything
I never knew that I needed
and I can never ever
do without
I want to do more
than make it from day to day
than close my eyes and steel myself
than shut out the voices saying
“you aren’t good enough”
I want to do more
than this
I want to cross oceans
dance among the stars
and have dinner by candlelight
on mountaintops
I want it all
and I’m so sick of anything less
I don’t dance much,
but with you
I have just enough courage
in the kitchen,
when the right song comes on,
and nobody else is around
I don’t cook much,
but with you
I’ll peel every potato,
shred every block of cheese,
and wash every dish
when we’re through
I don’t sleep much,
but I think I could
fall asleep next to you,
into deep dreams
where I can be again
with you
I don’t need much
but I really need you
There will be those hard days and nights
we spend apart
when the only part of us together
is our heart
I will still be there when you wake
I will still leave you notes in secret places
I will still love you from afar
It is a comfort
that when we are missing each other
even miles apart
we both look to the skies at night
and see the same stars
I find you in the songs
I find you in the trees and all the little leaves
I find you in the words of everything I write
I find you in the beads about my wrist
I find you in the sweet smells of flowers
I find you in the tender glow of the moon
And I find you in my loneliness
where only your kind words and
splendid memories
keep me going on to brave the
emptiness –
the time we are apart
Your clothes are bigger than me
but they fit just right
your pillow smells a little like you
but a little’s not quite enough
your laugh makes me smile
but I need your lips right now
your arms hold me up like the world
but without you here, I’m crumbling
come back to me
when you can
because this life is just too hard
without you
How many nights will we stay up all night
lying in bed
talking to each other
about anything and everything?
until sleep takes us in
and we fade to dreams
with our hands blindly clasped
tight together?
How many nights will we spend
in these four walls
before we take ourselves somewhere better
where we know we belong?
How many nights will we share together?
I hope there are too many to ever know
their number.
Laughter wore us down
our mouths grew sore
and our eyes impatiently tired
but every ache is lovely
and I’m not ready to fall asleep
weary but not yet ready –
to let you go from my eyes
Night Beasts
Our clothes hung from lamps
and backs of desk chairs
turned away from us
Our drinks at the edges of the nightstands
absent from our hungry eyes
feasting on each other
spent
but still –
wanting nothing more
than more
of each other
You sleep
so beautifully
nestled in clouds
fingers curled up
mouth softly smiling
to wondrous dreams
There are billions of stars
with dozens of planets
and handfuls of moons surrounding them
There are a trillion comets
There are supernova explosions
and new planets being formed
Maybe there are countless peoples out there
or maybe we’re alone,
I don’t know
But I know one thing for sure:
There is nothing
in the universe
like you
It’s nights like these
twinkling twilight up above
our tangled forms
pointing out the constellations
and making our own
talking in dreams
and letting ourselves wonder
What we will be
when we crumble
into stardust
and hoping
that we’ll still be
together
Your fingertips
traced along my scars
in search of the pain
which lies just beneath the surface
ready to tear through the skin
And maybe
you knew then
you were the only thing
keeping my broken life stitched together
I want to nestle
into the nook of your armpit
and breathe in the scent of your chest
I want to see the world with you
from our window
I want to watch the sun fall from the sky,
the twinkling twilight light
up the night
I want to trace the snowflakes
that gather on our windowsill
and draw you near when the cold
creeps through
I want to see the tree leaves turn
from green to brown to bare
and back into bloom again
I want to see the rays of light
tracing our plants along the walls
in shadow
I want to wrap our bodies up close
in soft blankets and warm skin
I want to let our minds wander together
telling stories
recalling memories
painting dreams
and our lips drawing together
I want to stay here forever
I grow weary of the days we spend apart
the cold in my heart from each goodbye
the silence that fills your laughless air
the tapping of moth wings against
the windows in all the empty rooms
the sleep that fills the time between
each of our meetings
One Hundred Days & One Night
I waited one hundred days
for one night
to spend eternity with you
And in that one night
everything changed between us
everything became more
everything became better
than it ever could’ve been before
And now, I can never go back
to the life I used to live
because the rest of the world
is nothing like the taste
the touch
the smell
of the moon
We begin and end
only ever at night
in the darkness
in the twilight hour
When the rest of the world sleeps
we lie awake
between the sheets
and beneath the stars
Your lips spoke my name
and I came into being
in a way
I had never been before
It feels so good
to be here with you
It feels good
to be me
It feels like I belong here
where I should have
always been
Tempers flare
Anger bubbles up from my
stomach to my mouth –
the searing words burn my tongue
waiting to spew out on you
a moment of silent frustration
sits thick in the air
your scowl softens
the words on my tongue
fall back and become a ball in my throat
together, we manage
“I’m sorry.”
There are some days I sound like a jerk
or you say something that makes me
feel stupid
but when we stop and slow down
and remember to lay down our knives
and put down our defenses
we talk through it all and always seem
to make it work
I would take every day with you
even the ones when we fight
over days spent feeling numb and empty
because often when we fight, it’s because
we care so much
and sometimes we can’t find
the right words
There will still be those days
the voice in the back of your head
makes you feel small
and takes you over
Those days
you want to run away
to push me away
to cry those tears
and strike yourself
We will work through these days
together
I will be with you
to make sure my voice
is louder than the lies
you may tell yourself
lies like “you’re not good enough”
because you are
and you’ll always be
Find me
in that dark place
you’re spiraling toward
I’m a dim light
a faint glimmer
a starlight
but I’m down here with you
Find me
and come back to yourself
I’m here with you
When you’re cold
I’ll wrap my arms around you
When you fall down
I’ll help you back up again
When your heart is broken
I’ll show you how to put it back together
When you feel alone
I’ll watch the sun come up beside you
When your eyes are filled with tears
I’ll kiss them away
When it feels like everyone has left you
I’ll be here
Walking with you
into the darkness
You Are More
You are more
than the word beautiful –
which was made to describe someone
far simpler than you
You are more
than this world
has to offer
You are more
than I could ever deserve
to be with
You do not think you are enough
but you are wrong –
you are more than you know
and more than enough
A life without the moon
is a life without light
in darkness
It is unbearable
and frightening
and filled with terror
But a life with the moon
is a life filled
with beauty
and wonder
and love
There will be better days than these, my love
When we will stay in late
and cuddle up close for hours on end
maybe we will go for a long drive
through the mountains and the woodlands
to pebbled shores
where I can teach you to skip stones again
and we’ll trace each other’s palms
as we sing songs or read books
on the drive home
but we’ll go home together
and put on a movie
so we can pause it every couple minutes
to talk about ourselves
and each other
maybe we’ll grow anxious
and want to stretch our legs
and so we’ll stroll the streets by sunset
arm in arm together
as the cold night nears
and we’ll point out the houses
we want to live in
There will be better days, my love
she’s that little ray of sunshine
she’s that spring in my step
she’s that glass of wine
at the end of a long day
she’s that gas pedal to the floor
she’s that beginning to a new day
she’s that song you can’t help
but sing along to
she’s that bed of warm clean sheets
she’s that summer when school gets out
she’s that smile you just can’t hide
I can’t see too far ahead
I don’t know if someday
I’ll have a great big house with many rooms
or just a little house
a little bigger than a room
I don’t know if I’ll want
one kid or two – or maybe none at all
I don’t know if I’ll work this job forever
or if my fondness for it will wither away
I don’t know if here is where
I want to grow old
or if my restless bones
will seek somewhere new
I don’t know if all my words
will take me anywhere
or if you’ll be the only one
who reads them
I don’t know a lot of things
but there is one thing I know for certain:
through all these times
and all these choices –
some are mine, some made for me –
I know that I want you with me
Soft and warm
tingles rippling down my spine
sudden and unexpected
but soothing
Kisses like raindrops
Bare and vulnerable
beneath the moonlight
Fingers trembling
heartbeat racing
and lips quivering
you took my hand
in yours
you whispered
something sweet
and I took you
Like a television left on
far too long
with the picture burned in,
I can still taste your lips
on mine
You make it so hard
to do anything
at all
but think
thoughts of you
Running my fingers
through your hair
reading the pages to you
while you drift off into dreams
I hope you’re exploring new lands
running barefoot over beaches
“Goodnight”
you say to me
as you close your eyes
“I will see you soon.”
And it’s true
as soon as I close my eyes
there you are
in my dreams.