My eyes burned from the salty tears that kept welling up and spilling over. Trying to pretend not to hurt was the hardest thing I’ve had to endure this entire time, because I hurt, a lot, with pain coming from different sources.
I don’t think Chris followed me, because if he did, I might have heard heavy footsteps echoing behind me. What I did hear was the throwing of very heavy items downstairs, and more screaming. I just wish he’d tell me the entire story without taking breaks or getting angry.
A part of me feels bad because all he wants is for someone to love him and stay with him and I’m trying to run away. But he’s running me away; I can’t EVER forget what he put me through. I could never love him, he’s a monster, but I could pretend.
The only thing that was on the fifth floor were walls, and more walls. It smelled like mildew, and staleness. I wiped my face with my shirt and kept walking. Though, the dust up here would cause me to go teary-eyed all over again. Given how dirty it was up here, I wouldn’t dream of lying on the floor, even on my worst days, but I did. I found a corner, squeezed in it, drawing my knees to myself and putting my head into them.
I must’ve been up here for a few hours, because sure enough, Chris came searching. “Katarina,” He shouted. I didn’t answer him because soon after he called my name, he found me. “I’m stepping out,” He says, and then goes right back down the stairs, as if nothing ever happened. He acted like he never kissed me, like he never started shouting, and punching the walls.
As soon as I heard the big metal door downstairs shut, I ran downstairs to see what all the previous noise was about. I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was taken a little aback by what I saw. The couch was tipped over, completely upside down. My pictures were askew, and the side table was missing a leg, making it lean on the tossed couch for support.
I could care less about the mess he’s made, as my attention lingers over to the door. I wonder if he’d locked it. Yes, I needed the full story, but some fresh air would be nice.
I ran hastily over to the door and pulled, and twisted at the knob, but it didn’t budge. Figured, but it was worth a try.
………………………………………………………………………………
I waited a while for Chris to come back, hoping he’d bring me some food. He didn’t come back, and though I can’t see outside, It felt late. I felt myself grow tired, and there is a difference between tonight, and last night . . .it is that I get to go to sleep willingly. I flip the couch back up right, and lay down, enjoying the quiet time without Chris. Though, it wasn’t completely silent because my stomach rang throughout the room. Sleep came slow, but altogether.
“Kate!” I hear Chelsea call. I jump up from the couch and look over at the door. She was rushing through with David, Clef and some other guys who stormed upstairs, and through the halls armed.
“Chelsea?” I ask in disbelief. We meet each other in the best hug I’ve had in a long time. I held her for longer than the average three-second hug. I never wanted to let go, but eventually we were looking at each other face to face, as I noticed she was crying.
“Hey, you okay?” She nods, and we hug again. It would have been nice if my mom were here, or even my dad. I know that I didn’t tell them what was happening to me, but the police had to tell them that I was missing, I’m sure they’d want to be involved in finding me.
“Chris did all of this,” I cry to David. He approached me.
“You sure? He checked out.” He questioned.
“I’ve been with his sadistic face for the past few days, I think I’m sure, David.” I spit. He starts to write stuff down.
“I know you’ve been through enough, but we’re going to have to question you first thing tomorrow morning. It would be by someone you’re more familiar with like me, or Clef, if that would make things easier for you. Oh, and someone’s here to see you.” David points at the door. I hadn’t even noticed someone had been lurking in the shadows outside of the door. I knew my parents would have come. They had to. But who I saw weren’t my parents, but they were family.
“Marie?” I quiver. A figure shaped like my dead kid sister stepped from out of the dark, and into a place lit by candles and flashlights. In the dim light, I saw milky-brown skin and medium-length hair that rested well below her shoulders. She was slim, and seemed to have sharper facial features, but was my sister. I don’t walk towards her immediately, but when I do, it was at a slow, gradual pace.
“Kate,” Finally, she talked to me. She sounded just like Marie, and looked like Marie, but could not be Marie. She came closer to me, with her arms outreached. I jerk back. When I look around, my eyes land on Chelsea. She was just staring at us . . . as if this were normal.
I was on the verge of tears, but I was afraid I was all out. My eyes just burned, so did everything in my body. She wrapped me in a hug, and slowly my arms curled around her.
“I’ve missed you so much, we thought you were dead.” She spoke again. My brows furrowed, I pull back, and look her in the eyes. Suddenly, acid was trying to make its way out of me. I covered my mouth, searching for somewhere to vomit, but there was nowhere. I end up puking in the corner, and nothing came up but water because that’s all I’ve been fed. But it tasted spicy and unbearable.
When I look up, Chris was behind Marie with a mask on. “Marie, look out!” I shout, finally acknowledging that her name was Marie. She turns around, and Chris had the gun to her head, again.
“I didn’t want to do this, she did.” Chris spoke, and he pulled the trigger. With the sound of the shot, combined with the sounds of my screams, woke me up from the worst nightmare that I’ve ever had.
Chapter 24
I wake up to darkness, my body feverishly sweating. Now, I don’t have a window to look out of when I have these types of nightmares. So, I lie there, staring up at nothingness, waiting for the time that the door would open and let in light.
It could just be because this place has no heat whatsoever, but I found myself shivering, which was weird because I’m sweating like crazy. Despite the moisture my body was giving off, I curled up in a ball, as if I was trying to protect myself from the cold.
It seemed like I waited hours, and I did. When Chris came back, I look over at the door, and shielded my face from the blinding sunshine he had let in. My body pined after the sunshine when the door shut, and I was enclosed in darkness once again.
“I brought more candles, and another lighter from my apartment. I hope you don’t mind, I stayed there last night.” I didn’t reply to him. I just watched him as he went over to a desk and laid the bags down.
“No food?” I croak. He shook his head.
“I keep forgetting that you need to eat,” He shrugged. Now, I didn’t feel like a prisoner, but more like a pet. A pet whose owner forgets to go down to their cage to refill their food and water. He goes over and gets a bottle of water and tosses it to me.
“I think I’ve had enough of your water,” I try. My voice was cracking, my brain was still sore from the dream I had hours prior.
He lit the new candles, allowing dim light to quickly fill that half of the room. When I go to stand, blue and red swirls make its way into my vision I gave it a minute, and then pursue the candles. I got close to one; I wanted to feel the heat on my face.
I looked over at him out of the side of my eye. He had a sly grin on his face, I think he felt accomplished. He’s trying to groom me to become dependent on him for food, warmth, water, and light. I wanted to slap that smile off his face, which reminded me that it was story ti
me.
I took a candle with me and sat it between me and Chris on the couch, lighting both of our faces up pretty good. “Story,” I hint. He knew I wanted the story, but he took his time beginning. He looked around all corners of the room. Checked his imaginary watch, tried to fix the end table, and had a coughing fit. When he cleared his throat, he started.
“I went to online school,” He started. I had to stop him; we were getting nowhere.
“I want to hear more about what happened with Marie, and my mom.” I tried my best to remain as polite as I could, but he was truly testing me.
“I was getting there. But I’ll skip the minor details if that’s what you want.” He took a breath and began again. “Not saying I was in love with you when I first saw you, but I was enchanted by you. You were so blithe, a free spirit. You seemed happy but brooding at the same time and I admired that. I wanted that. So, I started to draw young Katarina. No one could tell it was you, because I wasn’t very good at drawing.” He went over to the desk he had sat the candles on and grabbed a folder that I somehow looked over. He took out the pictures that he drew of me when I was eleven. Keeping in mind he’d only seen me once, until years later, so there aren’t any older pictures of me.
“When you moved out I was twenty-three, me and my cousin had gotten a two bedroom apartment together. We were inseparable. She’s been helping me with . . . your situation. We did everything together. But on days she would work, I would go over to your mother’s house, and we would chat. I never seen Marie; I didn’t even know you had a little sister until much later.
“I knew who your family was, but your family didn’t know me. Your mother didn’t recognize me as my aunt’s kid; after all I was older, but instead she took me in as a friend in my own form. Everything remained fine if she didn’t know that I was related to Linda. I used to walk through your living room and stare at your picture, just one picture. Your graduation picture, oh, I loved that picture. Your long glossy hair, and dimples as deep as the sea. You were and still are sheer perfection.”
He stops to stare at my features in the dim light. He must be thinking of Marie because I’m not the perfect one in the family. But of course, he wasn’t thinking of Marie, because Marie didn’t even get to graduate thanks to him. I bite my lip, so hard that I was afraid that I would re-pierce it.
“Don’t blush,” He smiled.
“Trust me, I’m not.” I say, sarcastically. I was probably turning pale red because I was about to explode with anger.
“Anyways,” He continued. “She caught me staring at your pictures. I would space out sometimes, admiring you, but I had to stop. I didn’t want her to think I was weird and kick me out. Khalia and I became close friends, she trusted me. At first, that’s what I wanted but then it became less about getting closer to you and your roots, and more of a routine. Morning coffee, I’d talk about work, which I didn’t do, and she’d tell me the progress your father was making in his recovery journey. It was a good thing, until she had to go and ruin it.” He clutched his jaw again.
I moved closer to him, hoping that knowing I was listening would calm him down and stop him from going on another rampage. I almost knock over the candle, but Chris stops it with quick reflexes, and so did I. I hurry and move my hand from the situation it had gotten itself into.
“That’s all for tonight,” He says. I throw my hands up in exclamation like a kid wanting their parents to read their bedtime story again, but denied.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Well, if you’re leaving me here, at least go and get me food.” I admit. I was starving, and I don’t think he knew the depth of my hunger. “Look, feel,” I told him, grabbing his hand and placing it on my lower stomach. It roared, growled, and rumbling, giving off a vibration I wanted him to feel. If he cared about me like he said, why try and starve me to death.
He flinched and withdrew his hand from my stomach, got up and went down the same hall I retreated to yesterday. “Chris,” I call after him, but he didn’t return. The front door is the other way! I blow my hair out of my face in exhaustion. I was so hungry that it hurt.
I look around the desk he got my self-portraits from. I went through the drawers and through the bag the candles came from, and nothing. No key for me to use on this door. I start to look around for a hair pin, or something I could lodge into the locks and pry open the door with, but there was nothing. There was no phone, no flares, no gum, nothing. Maybe I could chew the gum, and lodge it in the lock when he left. Maybe I could stick a small book in the door . . . something. He had nothing. My pictures would crumble under pressure if I stick them in the door. I need the rest of the story. I tried convincing myself to calm down and stop trying to get out. You need to stay Katarina.
“Where would I even go? There’s no way out!” I scream to myself, hoping Chris didn’t hear me. I was going crazy; this couldn’t possibly be happening. Maybe getting outside would be as simple as asking him to go outside. I’ve exhausted all my options, but the simplest one.
I go searching through the halls, looking and calling for Chris. I go up the stairs and make a pit stop on every floor until I stop on the last floor. Chris had been curled up where I had been, on the fifth floor, with the dust. I don’t speak at first; I just stare at him, vulnerable and curled up, just as I had been.
“You okay?” I ask, not sure if I genuinely cared or not. He looked up at me, and when I look in his eyes, I saw pure torture. Did I do that to him? Of course, I did. Or was it scars from his mother he still hasn’t healed from? With Chris, it was a guessing game.
“You look like you need some fresh air, can we go outside? Together?” I asked, dropping my not too subtle hints. He thought about my offer for a while, and then nodded, leading me back downstairs. He grabs a necklace around his neck which held the key to the top lock. He unlocked all the rest of them and then opened the door. I flinch at how bright it was outside, but once I adjusted, I walked into the open air like I’d never been outside before. I breathed in the oxygen that everyone took for granted. I never noticed how fresh and cool the air was as I breathed it in.
I held my arms out in embrace to the sky. I looked back at Chris and wondered why he wasn’t as happy as I was, and then I remembered, he’s been leaving every day.
“I have something for you,” He said, walking over to his van. I look around, thinking about running, but my feet were glued to the hot ground beneath me.
“I hope it’s a change of clothes,” I say sarcastically. He nodded from the van.
He emerged with a protein bar in his hand. “I actually have . . . this,” He extended it to me. “But I do have a T-shirt; give me a second to get it out the back.” He pulls out a flannel shirt; it seemed it was a large, so it would be extremely long on my slim figure. I don’t take the shirt from him, but instead I tear open the wrapper, and bite into the protein bar. I chew hastily, the sound of my chewing ringing in my ears.
I attempt to stare up at the sun to show some appreciation, but it hurt too much. Instead, I sit on the ground. I didn’t mind the warmth since it was freezing cold in there. Chris stared down at me, but I didn’t return his stare. I didn’t want to. Without me having to, he sits beside me.
I finished the bar, and licked my fingers hungrily, hoping for another. I grab the shirt from his lap, and hold it up to the sun, I didn’t like it, but it’d be nice to get out of the clothes I was in.
“Wouldn’t I be a bit cold in this?” I asked, balling it up and stuffing it in between my legs.
He shrugged. “We’ll be here for just a few more days. I can’t wait for you to meet my cousin, formally,” He said, looking from me and into the sky. I nodded, though I really didn’t want to meet her. Sure, let’s meet the person who helped you ruin my life. Can’t wait.
Chapter 25
It’s been three days since the day Chris let me outside—again, I’m reminding myself of a pet. I didn’t do anything, but Chris won’t let me outside with him anymore. I also haven’t eaten since
that day.
Chris has been in and out lately, more distance since then too. I only see him in the afternoons now; I know that because he was nice enough to get me a watch. Though, it’s too small and can cut my circulation, I keep it around anyways.
I had an idea, yesterday. It wasn’t to escape, but a way to let a warm breeze in here, and maybe some sunlight. I went up to the third floor and started to tear the boards on the windows down. Today, I try and finish the job. The only problem is that there isn’t a hammer or anything tool like around here, so I had to try my best to kick the boards down.
The boards are nailed into the walls, so I’ve been thrusting and kicking. My calves hurt and the souls of my feet throb even with the shoes. I pant in between kicks, and then restart the process.
I cracked one open and kicked the middle board off the window. I jump up and down in anticipation, peering out at the morning sky.
All this work for one window. I thought in between one of my panting sessions. Soon, all the boards were down, and I finished with two sprinters lodged into my nails. I stuck my head out of the window, noticing how it wasn’t as bright as it was a few days ago. Today, the sun tried to hide from me, and the clouds were dark gray as if there would be a thunderstorm later. Half the sky was blue and radiant, and the other half was grim. The sky kind of reminded me of somebody all too familiar.
But I enjoyed the thick humid air anyways, staying put. I saw streaks of light fill the sky, lighting up small pieces of the room. Chris probably won’t come back tonight. After all this work, combined with no eating, I felt drained. Now that the adrenaline is over, I’m starting to feel the drag of not eating.
My eyes feel heavy and my vision blurred, but I stood in the window anyways, because I was desperate for air just as much as I was for food. A protein bar every three days will keep me alive, but not functioning.