On Boxing Day I stooged around the compound at Kingfisher Park, recuperating and just soaking up the delights of the local bird population. That night I joined Andrew and Carol and a local ranger in a spotlighting expedition following up a report of a Greater Glider, a rare mammal this far north. We didn’t find the glider but we did flush what turned out to be a Masked Owl from the side of the road. I’d looked for this bird the length and breadth of the country, from the very first night of the year, and here it was unexpectedly on one of the last nights.
The next day I did the dude thing and headed out to the Great Barrier Reef. While the tourists all hit the shallows on Michelmas Cay I spent my time on land marvelling at the cacophony and chaos of the seabird colony. No new bird for the year but plenty to enjoy amongst the screaming terns and noddies. The second half of the boat trip was to an outer reef. I had come out to this reef ten years earlier and was simply blown away by the profusion of colourful life amongst the coral. It was still an incredible experience but there had been coral bleaching as a result of the abnormally high temperatures of the ocean (global warming, anyone?), so the snorkelling was a little disappointing.
All good things must pass and if I was to be in Melbourne to start my new non-twitching related job (although in the new series, imaginatively titled Comedy Inc, I do manage to slip in my first ever birdwatching sketch involving two bird nerds appearing on the Jerry Springer show), I had to head off. So with something approaching grief I reluctantly left Kingfisher Park and began the long drive home. Two days later I arrived in Brisbane. Collecting Andrew Stafford we headed out to Sherwood Park for one last try for those Little Bitterns. I’d looked for these bastards there before. I’d looked for them in Victoria, New South Wales and Western Australia, and had dipped every single bloody time. As soon as we left the carpark we were greeted by a couple of Bush-hens who put on quite a raucous display, giving much better views than I’d had at Julatten. A good sign, perhaps?
You couldn’t find a less amenable place than Sherwood for a reclusive species like Little Bittern. The ornamental ponds didn’t have a huge amount of suitable habitat, just some rank vegetation fringing the islands in the centre. All around was the noise and hustle of humans in leisure mode: people walking dogs, kids playing rugby, a local whose unfenced property lay adjacent to the park starting up his mower and cutting his grass. Incredibly, amidst all this hubbub, a male Little Bittern stood resolutely still, waiting to snatch an unsuspecting water creature as it swam by. Incredibly, after 364 days of birding and 702 prior species, seeing this at number 703 still delivered an enormous adrenaline rush.
Little Bittern was to be my last bird of the Big Twitch. The next day, New Year’s Eve, I dropped in on Paul Wallbridge and he calculated that the only possible bird left for me was Streaked Shearwater, which can sometimes be seen from the land, particularly near river mouths. So my last birding moments were spent surrounded by tourists perched above Point Danger on the Queensland–New South Wales border, gazing desperately out to sea through my telescope. No joy.
I made my way down to Byron Bay in New South Wales to watch the year slip away. Jezz and Karen had hired a holiday house there so it was good to spend New Year’s Eve with people I care about. And I was relieved that, although I almost cost them their jobs, they welcomed me with open arms, a smile, and a cold beer. We hit the town and I realised with a sinking heart that I was to spend another New Year’s Eve in the presence of hippies. Actually, that’s a bit unfair as most of the genuine hippies had gone bush. The teeming throng of people milling around us included not just the hippies whose combi vans had broken down, but also masses of drunks, Hare Krishnas, holidaymakers, gangs of teenage boys hoping for a bit of action and a similar number of teenage girls chugging down enough alcoholic soft drinks to ensure at least a few of the boys might succeed in their aim. The countdown clock ticked through to midnight and as the fireworks exploded, people erupted in a frenzy of cheering and drunken pashing.
The Big Twitch was over. I was back in the real world. Looking around this world that I had turned my back on for a year, seeing the manic desperation of those around me to have a good time no matter what, suddenly my quest didn’t seem so absurd. In fact it seemed to make more sense than any of the human behaviour I saw around me.
EPILOGUE 13
December, 2004, St Kilda, Victoria:
still no girlfriends
There are a million ways to occupy your time on this planet. They’re all pretty much absurd if you analyse them too closely. I chose twitching, one of the more outwardly absurd of them all I suppose but really no more ridiculous than anything else, yet that year of absurdity has had a profound effect on my life since.
Not that being the new Australian birdwatching record holder means terribly much to anyone outside the twitching scene. The opportunity to bring up that fact doesn’t pop up in general conversation too often. It took me twelve months of hard slog, almost a hundred and fifty thousand kilometres of travel: eighty thousand by road, sixty thousand by air and two thousand by boat. It cost around forty thousand dollars not including the price of the four wheel drive, video and other equipment, all for seven hundred and three species and a swag of amazing memories. But do you think the woman in the check-out queue cares? You think the guy next to me at the footy gives a toss? And what about the girl with the Rainbow Pitta eyes sitting opposite me at the restaurant table? Does she think, having heard my tale, that I am too much of a weird-arse freak to bother dating a second time?
Not that I can’t see how blowing my inheritance to spend a year birdwatching wouldn’t come across as a little bit weird. But I know if I had never gone through with it I would not be sitting at this restaurant. The real legacy of the Big Twitch is that for the first time in my life I feel totally comfortable in my own skin. Not because I spent a year birdwatching but because I was able to achieve something I always wanted to do and that has left me deeply satisfied. In the past I doubt I would have been able to ask this woman out for fear of rejection, whereas now I realise that even if the date goes horribly wrong it ultimately doesn’t matter because I know I can be by myself, can rely on myself. If I am thrown out of the pack I know I can not only survive, but thrive.
I am happy within myself which is after all, only what my parents ever wanted for me. I reckon they would have thought I was a bloody idiot if I’d told them about my plans but having used their legacy to achieve my goal has somehow lessened the grief I felt at losing them. Before that year I was still raw about their deaths, after it I felt at peace. Sure, it might have been a pretty stupid goal but it was my goal. It was what I really wanted and was able to pound down the demons of self-doubt and loneliness to get out there and actually do it…
This all fell into place for me a few months after I had finished the Big Twitch. I was at a movie premiere. Being a hack comedy writer I hadn’t been invited on my own merits but was there as somebody’s handbag. It was quite a big occasion, several international names were in attendance along with Melbourne’s best and brightest. At one stage I accidentally got caught on the red carpet behind Heath Ledger.
Some screaming fans had yelled for me to turn around so I could sign their autograph books. When I faced the crowd, two fourteen-year-old girls stop screaming and look me up and down disdainfully.
‘Who’s that?’ sniffed one.
‘Don’t worry, he’s nobody,’ the other snorted derisively.
It was at that moment that I realised I couldn’t disagree with them more whole heartedly. I was who I wanted to be.
My name is Sean and I’m a twitcher. And I don’t care who knows it.
Well, that’s not quite true. The Big Twitch has made me realise how comfortable I am in my own company but that doesn’t mean I want to embrace being alone. I look up at those amazing blue eyes, awaiting a response to my tale. I hold no expectations that she will think my twitching habit is cool but I am desperately hoping that she won’t think I am a total freak. She pauses, looks
down at the menu and says, ‘I suppose we should order before the kitchen closes. They do a great calamari salad here.’
Damn, I thought I was doing so well.
Still, at least she hasn’t called a cab just yet.
Official Big Twitch List
1 Sooty Owl, Tyto tenebricosa, Jan 1, Gembrook, VIC
2 Laughing Kookaburra, Dacelo novaeguinaeae, Jan 1, Gembrook, VIC
3 Common Blackbird, Turdus merula, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
4 Common Starling, Sturnus vulgaris, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
5 Spotted Turtle-dove, Streptopelia chinensis, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
6 Little Raven, Corvus mellori, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
7 Magpie-lark, Grallina cyanoleuca, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
8 Common Myna, Acridotheres tristis, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
9 House Sparrow, Passer domesticus, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
10 White-plumed Honeyeater, Lichenostomus penicillatus, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
11 Rainbow Lorikeet, Trichoglossus haematodus, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
12 Tree Sparrow, Passer montanus, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
13 Feral Pigeon (Rock Dove), Colombia livia, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
15 Red Wattlebird, Anthochaera carunculata, Jan 1, Melb.Cemetery, VIC
16 Silvereye, Zosterops lateralis, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
17 Superb Fairy-wren, Malurus cyaneus, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
18 Australian Magpie, Gymnorhina tibicen, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
19 Red-rumped Parrot, Psephotus haematonotus, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
20 European Greenfinch, Carduelis chloris, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
21 Yellow-rumped Thornbill, Acanthiza chrysorrhoa, Jan 1, Melbourne Cemetery, VIC
22 Silver Gull, Larus novaehollandiae, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
23 Welcome Swallow, Hirundo neoxena, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
24 Willie Wagtail, Rhipidura leucophrys, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
25 Musk Lorikeet, Glossopsitta concinna, Jan 1, Carlton, VIC
26 Song Thrush, Turdus philomelos, Jan 2, Northcote, VIC
27 Little Wattlebird, Anthochaera chrysoptera, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
28 Dusky Moorhen, Gallinula tenebrosa, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
29 Pacific Black Duck, Anas surperciliosa, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
30 Black Swan, Cygnus atratus, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
31 Eurasian Coot, Fulicia atra, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
32 Hardhead, Aythya australis, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
33 Galah, Cacatua roseicapilla, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
34 Bell Miner, Manorina melanophrys, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
35 White-browed Scrubwren, Sericornis frontalis, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
36 Australian Wood Duck, Chenonetta jubata, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
37 Nankeen Night Heron, Nycticorax caledonicus, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
38 Great Cormorant, Phalacrocorax carbo, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
39 Little Black Cormorant, Phalacrocorax sulcirostris, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
40 Chestnut Teal, Anas castanea, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
41 Clamorous Reed-Warbler, Acrocephalus stentoreus, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
42 Little Pied Cormorant, Phalacrocorax melanoleucos, Jan 2, Royal Botanic Gardens Melbourne, VIC
43 Australian White Ibis, Threskiornis molucca, Jan 3, Laverton, VIC
44 Masked Lapwing, Vanellus miles, Jan 3, Werribee, VIC
45 White-necked Heron, Ardea pacifica, Jan 3, Geelong, VIC
46 White-faced Heron, Ardea novaehollandiae, Jan 3, Geelong, VIC
47 Sulphur-crested Cockatoo, Cacatua galerita, Jan 3, Geelong, VIC
48 Black-shouldered Kite, Elanus axillaris, Jan 3, Geelong, VIC
49 Great Egret, Ardea alba, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
50 Straw-necked Ibis, Threskiornis spinicollis, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
51 Swamp Harrier, Circus approximans, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
52 Yellow-billed Spoonbill, Platalea flavipes, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
53 Royal Spoonbill, Platalea regia, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
54 Purple Swamphen, Porphyrio porphryio, Jan 3, Winchelsea, VIC
55 Wedge-tailed Eagle, Aquila audax, Jan 3, Stoneyford, VIC
56 Grey Butcherbird, Cracticus torquatis, Jan 3, Cobden, VIC
57 Yellow-faced Honeyeater, Lichenostomus frenatus, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
58 Grey Fantail, Rhipidura fuliginosa, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
59 Eastern Yellow Robin, Eopsaltria australis, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
60 Crimson Rosella, Platycercus elegans, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
61 White-eared Honeyeater, Lichenostomus leucotis, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
62 New Holland Honeyeater, Phylidonryis novaehollandiae, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
63 Grey Shrike-thrush, Colluricincla harmonica, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
64 White-naped Honeyeater, Melithreptus lunatus, Jan 3, Ralph Illidge Res, VIC
65 Brown Falcon, Falco berigora, Jan 3, Port Fairy, VIC
66 Whiskered Tern, Chlidonias hybrida, Jan 3, Port Fairy, VIC
67 Golden-headed Cisticola, Cisticola exilis, Jan 3, Port Fairy, VIC
68 Skylark, Alauda arvensis, Jan 3, Port Fairy, VIC
69 White-fronted Chat, Epthianura albifrons, Jan 3, Port Fairy, VIC
70 Long-billed Corella, Cacatua tenuirostris, Jan 3, Camperdown, VIC
71 Hoary-headed Grebe, Poliocephalus poliocephalus, Jan 3, Stoneyford, VIC
72 Whistling Kite, Milvus sphenurus, Jan 3, Stoneyford, VIC
73 Australian Shelduck, Tadorna tadornoides, Jan 3, Colac, VIC
74 Dusky Woodswallow, Artamus cyanopterus, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
75 Brown Thornbill, Acanthiza pusilla, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
76 Australian Pelican, Pelacanus conspicillatus, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
77 Latham’s Snipe, Gallinago hardwickii, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
78 Little Grassbird, Megalurus timoriensis, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
79 Black-winged Stilt, Himantopus himantopus, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
80 Sharp-tailed Sandpiper, Calidris acuminata, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
81 Greenshank, Tringa nebularia, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
82 Grey Teal, Anas gibberifrons, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
83 Curlew Sandpiper, Calidris ferruginea, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
84 Red-necked Stint, Calidris ruficollis, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
85 Caspian Tern, Sterna caspia, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
86 Red-capped Plover, Charadrius ruficapliius, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
87 Red-necked Avocet, Recurvirostra novaehollandiae, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
88 Australian Hobby, Falco longipennis, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
90 Eastern Rosella, Platycercus eximmius, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
91 Noisy Miner, Manorina melanocephala, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
92 Black-fronted Dotterel, Elseyornis melanops, Jan 4, Seaford Swamp, VIC
93 Black Kite, Milvus migrans, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
94 Fairy Martin, Hirundo ariel, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
95 Pied Oystercatcher, Haematopus longirostris, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
96 Black-tailed Native-hen, Gallinula ventralis, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
97 Musk Duck, Biziura lobata, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
98 Nankeen Kestrel, Falco cenchroides, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
99 Banded Stilt, Cladorhynchus leucocephalus, Jan 5,
Werribee, VIC
100 Pink-eared Duck, Malocorhynchus membranaceus, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
101 Australasian Shoveler, Anas rhynchotis, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
102 Singing Bushlark, Miafra javanica, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
103 Pied Cormorant, Phalacrocorax varius, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
104 Horsefield’s Bronze-Cuckoo, Chrysococcyx basalis, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
105 Blue-billed Duck, Oxyura australis, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
106 Freckled Duck, Stictonetta naevosa, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
107 Great Crested Grebe, Podiceps cristatus, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
108 Marsh Sandpiper, Tringa stagnatilis, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
109 Red-kneed Dotterel, Erythrogonys cinctus, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
110 Wood Sandpiper, Tringa glareola, Jan 5, Werribee, VIC
111 Darter, Anhinga melanogaster, Jan 6, Kew, VIC
112 Magpie Goose, Anseranas semipalmata, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
113 Buff-banded Rail, Gallirallus philipensis, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
114 Intermediate Egret, Ardea intermedia, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
115 Crested Pigeon, Ocyphaps lophotes, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
116 Spotless Crake, Porzana tabuensis, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
117 Australian Spotted Crake, Porzana fluminea, Jan 6, Edithvale Swamp, VIC
118 Spotted Pardalote, Pardalotus punctatus, Jan 9, Banyule Flats, VIC
119 Little Lorikeet, Glossopsitta pusilla, Jan 9, Banyule Flats, VIC
120 Australasian Grebe, Tachybaptus novaehollandiae, Jan 9, Banyule Flats, VIC
121 Mistletoebird, Dicaeum hirundinaceum, Jan 9, Banyule Flats, VIC
122 Red-browed Finch, Neochmia temporalis, Jan 9, Banyule Flats, VIC
123 Pied Currawong, Strepera graculina, Jan 10, Kew, VIC