Why have you left your family?
Your fiancee? Your amusements?
Your labors? Why are you leading
this life? What is your goal? What
are your intentions?
VICTOR
I don ' t know, I don ' t know.
AuDIENCE MEMBER You're asking him too many at a
time.
GLAZIER
Why are you leading this life? No,
it's not that. First, what is this life
you 've been leading, for more
than two years? What -
AuDIENCE MEMBER That will do. Tchoutchi. (Motions
to him to move forward.
ELEUTHERIA
1 57
Tchoutchi moves forward. The
Audience member as well. They
stop in front of Victor) You heard
the question? What is this life
you're leading? (Pincer effects)
GlAZIER
Say something quick ! Anything at
all ! We 'll help you.
VICfOR
I ' m going to try.
GlAZIER
Bravo ! (To the Audience member
and Tchoutchi) Stand back! Give
him room to breathe. (The Audience member and Tchoutchi step
back)
VICfOR
It won 't be the truth.
GlAZIER
No importance whatsoever.
VICfOR
It'll be boring.
GlAZIER
Now that's far more serious.
VICfOR
You ' ll have only yourself to blame .
GlAZIER
Absolutely right. (A silence)
Watch out! He's going to take the
plunge .
VICfOR
When I was small -
AUDIENCE MEMBER For pity's sake , no blow-by-blow
accounts, our time is limited. Stick
to the issue .
GlAZIER
Victor cut offi Now I 've seen
everything!
VICfOR
You find the way I live sordid and
incomprehensible. It would be
natural for you to turn away from
it in disgust. But what do you do?
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SAMUEL BECKETI
You bear down on it, tirelessly.
You can no longer break away.
You go incessantly round and
round. Nothing discourages you.
And when night comes between
us, you think about me.
AuDIENCE MEMBER It's that you 've entered the public
domain.
VICTOR
I obsess you. Why? Sound your
depths. It's not I whose depths
should be sounded but your own.
GlAZIER
It's true that he doesn' t know how
to speak.
VICTOR
My family, my fiancee, my friends,
maybe it's normal, what is called
normal, for them to be sinking
their teeth into me. But you?
You're outsiders. I don' t know
you. What is it to you, how I live?
And you are not the first. For as
long as I 've been living in this way,
for two years, so you say, I 've been
a prey to strangers.
GlAZIER
People would like to understand.
You provoke them .
VICTOR
But why this sudden rage to
understand when it concerns a
life like mine? Every day, calm and
indifferent, you pass countless
mysteries right by. And in front of
me you stop, stricken, starving for
consciousness, with your low
ELEUTHERIA
1 59
curiosity, dead set on seeing
things in their true light. (A
silence) Begrudgers ! (A silence)
The saints, the madmen, the
martyresses, the death row inmates, that doesn 't trouble you,
it's within the order of things.
They are outsiders, you will never
be of their party, at least you hope
so. You are not begrudging of
them. You turn away from them.
You don 't want to think about it.
They fill you with horror and pity.
(A silence) Before the solution
that's not the one that is death
you are filled with horror and pity.
With easiness as well. You ' re mind
is set at rest. Not worth racking
your brains. It's no business of
yours. If from your misery they' re
a long way off, these folks, in
another misery perhaps, but one
not to be imagined, they have very
much paid the price . So nothing's
to be faulted. The books are
balanced.
GlAZIER
What a jaw!
VIcrOR
May I keep quiet now?
AUDIENCE MEMBER Keep quiet! Why, you still haven't
said anything useful. Get out a bit
from under these generalities, if
you please. We ' re preoccupied
with your case , not with that of
1 60
SAMUEL BECKElT
the human race .
VIcroR
But they are of a piece.
AUDIENCE MEMBER What? Twaddle ! And furthermore,
speak a little louder, we can ' t hear
you. (A silence) Hurry up !
GLAZIER
Give him time. It was the nightingale and not the lark.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Time ! Do you know what time it
is. (He takes out his watch) Eleven
o ' clock. (He puts back his watch)
And then some.
GLAZIER
You're six hours fast.
AuDIENCE MEMBER Cut out the monkey business. He
is being asked a clear and simple
question : what is this life you' re
leading? And he answers with this
hail of absurdities about our life,
yours and mine, and that of
asylum inmates. Let him answer
the question , otherwise I take
extreme measures.
GLAZIER
(To the Audience member) In a
little while I ' m going to bash your
face in.
VIcroR
The life I'm leading? It's the one
lived by he who wants no part of
yours, oh I don 't speak of yours
personally, nobody would want
any part of that, but of the life
that is yours in the sense that
between you and what they call
the ones truly alive there is but a
ELEUTHERIA
1 6 1
difference of degree. But whether
it's this superior way of life , or
yours, or the others, I want no
part of it, for I've taken it into my
head that it's always a question of
the same drudgery, at every rung
of the ladder.
AUDIENCE MEMBER But you do live . You can ' t deny it.
Where lies the difference between
your life and ours? There is a
difference apparently. But deep
down?
VICTOR
You really find that I live? You
stoop to compare yourselves to
me? With the worst beggar you
may feel a kinship, but not with
me. Would you be dead set on
understanding me, on vindicating
me, on getting me integrated, if
you felt m
e deep down to be one
of your own kind? No, for in that
case there wouldn ' t be anything to
understand. A pitying glance in
passing, one of disgust, even of
anger, and th e matter would be
settled, you would be thinking no
more about it. But you feel there
is something different, that my life
is essentially other than yours, that
between you and me there is a
gap as there is a gap between you
and the insane, only not the same
gap. The plight of the insane, that
1 62
SAMUEL BECKETI
you accept. Mine, no. Why? Unless I am insane as well. But you
don 't dare to hope so.
GLAZIER
Nothing bores like boredom.
AUDIENCE MEMBER You're being asked what this life is
you' re leading. You 've been
instructing us as to everything it is
not, sorry, I haven ' t annoyed you,
I hope, as to a small part of what it
is not. That's what's known as
negative anthropology. You inform us on the same occasion of
our feelings regarding you. We
are better acquainted with them
than you. If you are truly incapable of answering the question ,
say s o , I ' ll see that you're given a
hand.
VICTOR
It's a life -
AuDIENCE MEMBER Sorry. One moment. You ' re speaking now of your very own life? Not of ours nor that of the bees?
VICTOR
Of mine.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Capital.
VICTOR
It's a life eaten up by its freedom .
GLAZIER
What if we killed him? How would
that do for curtains?
AUDIENCE MEMBER Let's be patient a little longer. (To
Victor) Go on .
VICTOR
It won 't take a minute. I 've always
wanted to be free. I don 't know
why. Nor do I know what it means,
ELEUTHERIA
1 63
to be free. You could tear out all
my fingernails and I still couldn 't
tell you. But far away from words I
know what it is. I 've always desired
it. I still desire it. I desire only
that. First I was the prisoner of
others. So I left them. Then I was
the prisoner of self. That was
worse . So I left myself. (Wanders)
(A silence)
AuDIENCE MEMBER But this is enthralling. How does
one leave oneself?
VIcroR
What?
AUDIENCE MEMBER I ' m saying this is enthralling. Go
on. Only tell us how one manages
how to leave oneself.
VIcrOR
(Incoherently) You accept one 's
getting beyond life or its getting
beyond you, one's becoming
irreducible to it, on condition that
the price is paid, that one's liberty
is laid down . He abdicated, he
died, he's mad, he has faith, a
sarcoma, nothing to fault. But to
be among you no longer through
sheer plod of being free, now
that's a disgrace and a scandal. So
it's the old maid raging against
the whore. This freedom of yours
is so miserable ! So scanty! So
worn-out! So ugly! So false ! And
you set such store by it! It's all you
talk about! Ah envious ones,
1 64
SA.1UEL BECKETT
envious ones! (Takes his head in
his hands)
GLAZIER
Well what do you know, we've
been set straight.
AuDIENCE MEMBER Straight? About what? About us?
(To Victor) Pull yourself together.
VIcroR
(Lifting his head) I have nothing
more to tell you.
AuDIENCE MEMBER But you do ! you do! You have to
tell us how you go about leaving
yourself. This is of the most particular interest to my friends.
VIcrOR
To hell with your friends.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Tchoutchi. (Tchoutchi comes
forward)
VIcroR
You can really put stock in what I
say under duress? You ' re that hard
up?
AuDIENCE MEMBER We 've already settled that question . In your absence . Besides, you have only to view the result. What
you've said hangs together. It's a
bit coarse-grained, a bit naive, but
it does hang together. We ask no
more. Our requirements are
modest, contrary to what you
seem to assume. (To the Glazier)
Isn 't that so?
GLAZIER
Leave me the hell alone.
AUDIENCE MEMBER You left yourself. There we have
the ultimate find among all your
installments. How did you go
ELEUTHERIA
1 65
about it?
VICTOR
By being, as little as possible. By
not moving an inch, by not thinking, by not dreaming, by not
speaking, by not listening, by not
perceiving, by not knowing, by not
wanting, by not being able, and so
on and so forth . I believed that
was where my prisons lay.
GLAZIER
I believe I am going to throw up.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Ah, SO you believed. And you
managed, not to move an inch,
not to make a peep, and so on?
You must nevertheless have had a
bite from time to time, I assume,
during those two heroic years. It
must sometimes have been difficult to keep on being pure of all
ideation . And in your sleep you
did come forth, like an owl at
nightfall. To say nothing of the
visits inflicted upon you and
you' re having had every now and
then to acquaint yourself with the
matter, in spite of yourself.
VICTOR
Patience is needed.
- er - a little less captive?
VICTOR
I believe that it's the right track.
AUDIENCE MEMBER And death plain and simple, that
1 66
SAMUEL BECKETI
doesn 't speak to you in any way?
VICfOR
If I was dead I wouldn 't know I
was dead. That's the only thing
I 've got against death . I want to
squeeze pleasure out of my death .
That's where freedom lies: seeing
oneself dead.
(A silence. The Glazier turns aside
and hiccoughs into his handkerchief)
GlAZIER
(Wiping his mouth ) I consider
this discussion to be closed. The
essential has been said.
AUDIENCE MEMBER I am of your opinion . Everybody
now has his little footing. To push
things along any further would be
to go back into the fog.
VIcrOR
You know that what I told you isn ' t
the truth.
AuDIENCE MEMBER The truth ! (To the Glazier) Did
you hear him? He's in a class by
himself! (To Victor) We know,
Mons
ieur, we know, don ' t get all
worked up about it. For the truth
we apply elsewhere, everybody has
his dealer. No, don 't distress
yourself on that score. Besides,
you don ' t know what it is that's
the truth . Nor do we. You perhaps
spoke it without knowing it. And
without our knowing it.
VIcroR
I told you a story so you would
ELEUTHERIA
1 67
leave me alone.
AUDIENCE MEMBER If you like, if you like. Perhaps less
than you think. Stories, well
there 's no getting them told with
impunity. In any event, you ' re not
being asked for more . It wasn ' t
bad a t all, your story, a bit long, a
bit boring, a bit silly, but not bad,
not bad at all, even pretty-sounding in spots, on condition that
one isn 't too particular, something
we never are. I congratulate you, I
thank you and I excuse MYSELF.
VICTOR
I have something to add.
GLAZIER
He's insane. Give them a finger
and they take an arm .
AUDIENCE MEMBER No, no, don 't add anything,
you' re going to botch everything,
believe me.
VICTOR
One word.
AUDIENCE MEMBER (Magnanimously) All right then ,
one word if you absolutely insist,
but no more.
VICTOR
I ' m letting go.
(A silence)
AUDIENCE MEMBER You are letting go?
GLAZIER
Don 't do that, don 't say that! Just
when everything is settled.
VICTOR
I ' m giving up on being free . One
can ' t be free. I was mistaken . I
can ' t lead this life any more . I
understood that last night, in
1 68
SAMUEL BECKETI
seeing my father. One cannot see
oneself dead. It's theatrics. I no -
AUDIENCE MEMBER Wait, wait, let me stop and think!
(He reflects) This changes everything. (To the Glazier) What do
you say to that?
GlAZIER
I say shit to that. (Pause) And shit
agam.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Mter all, why not? It's perhaps
better this way. (To Victor) And
what do you intend to do in that
case? What is there left for you to
do?
VICTOR
I don 't know.
GlAZIER
( Moaning) It's starting all over
a gam .
AUDIENCE MEMBER You can no longer stay like this?
VICTOR
No, I no longer can .
AUDIENCE MEMBER It's overtaxing you?
VICTOR
Yes.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Well then, be logical . It's either
life, with all that it entails of - of
subjection, or - the great leavetaking, the real one, to use an
image you hold dear. No?
VICTOR
I don 't know.
AUDIENCE MEMBER Well, for crying OUt loud !