I wish you were my sister.”
I say,
“I didn’t get along with my brother, either.
We always fought back home,
and my ma often scolded me.
But now, Dee Dee is my everything,
and I am his everything.”
We declare
we will go to Disneyland together
to see Snow White;
and we will see snow
and touch snow in the winter
together.
And I also find out that
Uncle’s mother is Chinese.
I feel even
closer to Dao
and her family.
65 | THE BAD NEWS AND GOOD NEWS
Like fire burning,
bad and sad news spreads fast
throughout the whole camp.
A baby dies.
I don’t know why.
One man donates a mat to wrap the body in
and helps bury it farther away from the campsite.
The mother can’t bring herself
to see her little baby
being put into the ground.
The happy times are
seeing the Red Cross workers come.
They distribute the food
and take the sick away
for treatment.
And everybody looks forward to
being sent to a regular camp
to be interviewed.
That day is
worth waiting for.
66 | UNCLE’S PLAN
I have lost track
of how many days we have been here.
Some say about two weeks.
Some say it seems longer.
It doesn’t matter
as long as we are with Uncle and Auntie.
One day, Uncle, a former high school math teacher,
says that he doesn’t know
how long it will be
before we can go to a regular camp.
He decides to teach Nam and Dao math
and English after breakfast
and postpones their chores
until the afternoon.
He asks Dee Dee and me
if we would like to join them.
He says his English is limited,
but he will teach us as much as he can.
I say okay.
Dee Dee is reluctant.
He wants to play with Nam.
But Nam has lessons, too.
Dee Dee says he will do
whatever Nam is going to do.
67 | THE ENGLISH LESSON
Auntie clears up the space
between her “house”
and our “house without walls”
for our classroom.
Uncle uses the sandy ground
as the blackboard
and a stick
as chalk.
We sit in a semicircle around him.
Very often,
we have to stand up to get a better look
at what he has written in the sand.
Nam and Dao’s English is the best.
They learned some
before they left Vietnam.
Dee Dee and I don’t have a clue,
but we repeat what Uncle says.
“Hello, my name is Lam Chan. I am Chinese,” I say.
“Hello, my name is Yan Chan. I am Chinese,” Dee Dee
says.
Dee Dee and I giggle.
It is the first time we hear our names
in English.
Uncle tells us to remember it.
But when the lesson is over,
I can’t remember
even a single word.
68 | TO UNCLE’S SURPRISE
To Uncle’s surprise,
on the second day after we start our lessons,
Ming and Jan and their brothers want to join.
They bring a piece of board with them
for the blackboard.
Uncle hangs the board on a palm tree next to us.
Auntie gives him the half-burned twigs
that have turned into charcoal from cooking
to use as chalk.
We don’t need to stand up to look
at what Uncle has written
as he guides Dao and me
in how to solve a word problem.
Uncle uses one of his shirts as an eraser.
It is very messy.
Charcoal often soils his hands all over.
But I have not heard him complain.
By word of mouth, by the fifth day,
there are a total of ten students.
This is very surprising to Uncle.
Some parents even buy chalk for him to use
while teaching.
Uncle is ecstatic
about having a board and chalk for teaching.
After that, he often forgets about the time
and just keeps talking.
Now he doesn’t have as much time to sip tea
with his friends as before
because he is busy preparing his lessons
on the board.
69 | THE FIREWOOD
The dry firewood
is getting harder and harder to find.
There are some male teens
who will get firewood for the elderly
or for the rich
in exchange for cooking utensils
or what they need.
That’s why
we have to chop the green twigs
and let them dry in the sun for days
before they can be burned.
That’s why
we often hear arguments
as someone accuses another of
stealing their firewood.
70 | UNCLE’S BREAK
After he teaches us for about one week,
Uncle’s friends convince him to take a break
and go fishing with them on a raft.
Auntie objects strongly.
Uncle is reluctant,
for he is the one who often chops firewood,
and he needs to prepare
for his English lesson
and make up math problems for
different levels.
He finally agrees to go
out of curiosity.
He convinces Auntie that
they won’t be unlucky.
So he instructs us
to just collect the dry wood
without the ax
and reminds us
to stay in a group
and beware of snakes.
71 | DAO’S SECRET
We four—myself, Dao, Dee Dee, and Nam—
go out to the woods.
Without Uncle around,
Dee Dee and Nam are like two wild monkeys.
They run in the woods with their other friends.
They play tag, chasing and laughing
all the way.
In the woods,
Dao looks into the distance and says,
“Oh, the twins are there ahead of us.”
I say, “I am glad. I like more people
in the woods.”
She whispers, eyeing them, “Who is cuter?
Twin Number One or Twin Number Two?”
I am shocked.
I have never thought about them.
I have never talked with them
because
they are boys.
“I like Twin Number One more,” says Dao.
“I like the tiny mole on his right cheek.”
I am even more shocked.
How could she observe them so
carefully?
Her eyes are following the twins
as she is saying, like in a dream,
“I hope I can see him
in America.
But . . .
this is a secret.
I have told only you.”
And I promise her
that I will never tell
anyone.
I am very fortunate that
Dao has shared her secret with me.
Only me.
72 | A SUDDEN STRIKE
The twins disappear into the dense woods.
Dao is still dreaming,
still searching
for her secret crush
until she lets out a sharp cry
in front of a thick bush.
“What happened?” I ask, suddenly alert.
“Something has bitten me!
A snake . . .
Help me!”
“Where?”
“My right foot!” She hops on her left foot
while she lifts the other foot up from the ground.
I am in a panic, but I try to see her wound
and yell at the same time,
“Help! Dao got bit by a snake! Help!”
The kids rush toward us.
The twins run toward us.
“What kind of snake?” they ask.
“I don’t know. It was brown.
It retreated back into the bushes.”
“It may have been a cobra,”
Twin Number One says as he takes off his shirt.
“Where did it bite you?”
“On my right ankle.”
I shiver and order the kids,
Nam is trembling.
He can’t say a word.
Dee Dee reminds me,
“The doctor and Uncle have gone fishing.”
“Go get a soldier!” Twin Number One commands,
ready to tie a tourniquet above Dao’s ankle
with his shirt,
while Twin Number Two drops on his knees
to find the puncture wound.
“We don’t know how to say it,” Dee Dee says.
“Use your hands!” Twin Number One orders.
Dee Dee and Nam run off to inform the soldiers,
while Dao cries,
“It burns. It feels like my foot is on fire!”
She doesn’t let them touch her foot,
which appears
black
and blue
and purple
and swells to almost twice its normal size.
“I have to suck the poison out,” Twin Number Two yells
as he grabs her foot.
Dao struggles and cries, “No, no.”
She kicks.
Twin Number One can’t tie on the tourniquet, either.
“You will die if you don’t let them!” I cry.
We use force.
I hold on to her.
One twin holds her foot.
The other twin finally ties the tourniquet
above her ankle.
Dao struggles.
Dao kicks as the twin tries to suck the poison out.
She cries, “Someone is stabbing my chest
with a knife. . . .”
She is about to escape my grip.
I have a hard time holding her.
She is gasping for air.
“I . . . I can’t breathe. . . .
A rock is on . . . my chest. . . .”
I think
I hear Dao’s heartbeats,
like they are pounding
out of her chest.
“Let me carry her back, quick!” Twin Number One suggests.
“I am afraid the poison will get to her heart!”
Twin Number Two and I manage to put Dao
on his back.
Twin Number One begins to run.
We run next to them
and help Dao stay on his back.
But Dao slumps to one side
and is about to fall.
She has passed out.
73 | DAO
Many people from the campsite
run toward us.
A soldier is ahead of them.
He stops Twin Number One and helps Dao down.
Dao is motionless.
He checks on her and opens her eyelids.
He says something.
We don’t understand
until he shakes his head without saying
a word.
I have no fear of the gun
he carries on his shoulder.
“Dao, Dao!”
Auntie holds on to Dao,
crying and saying,
“You will be okay.
Your cha will be here;
the doctor will be here;
you will be okay. . . .”
Dao doesn’t respond.
She is dead.
Auntie is wailing.
Nam and Dee Dee are crying.
Other people shake their heads
as the twins walk away,
heads down.
I stand away from the crowd
without tears.
I can’t believe that
Dao is gone.
It can’t be real.
She just told me her secret
a short while ago.
I don’t move until
the soldier
carries Dao back to the camp.
I support Auntie
and follow them.
74 | I AM MAD AT MYSELF
Uncle is full of regret and feels guilty
for going fishing.
He believes that if he had been near,
Dao’s life could have been saved.
Auntie blames him
for their daughter’s death.
She sits next to Dao’s body,
next to their “house,”
wailing and calling Dao’s name.
It makes many other people shed tears.
I am afraid to look at Dao.
I am mad at myself.
She helped me get rid of the leeches,
but I couldn’t help her get rid of the poison.
I am also mad at Dao.
If she had let the twins
suck the poison out
instead of struggling,
she might not be gone.
I am mad at everybody!
That day
Mrs. Chan sends food to us.
I thank her.
But no one eats.
No one feels hungry,
not even Dee Dee.
75 | NOTHING COMES OUT
The next day
there are no lessons.
The doctor delivers a few boards
that he has collected from his friends.
Our captain,
whose head wound has healed,
comes with two sailors.
They make a simple coffin with the boards
for Dao.
Auntie won’t let go of Dao’s body
as Uncle,
whose face is streaked with tears,
tries to place Dao into the coffin.
Auntie wishes she was with her daughter.
Uncle pleads with her.
He promises Auntie that
after they have settled down,
they will return to transfer Dao’s body
to where they are.
Still,
Auntie refuses to watch Dao being buried.
Mrs. Chan stays behind with her.
The soldier who carried Dao before
helps Uncle find a place for her
on a small hill nearby.
Not many people come:
only the doctor,
the twins,
the captain,
and a few others.
I can’t watch Dao being buried.
I still can’t believe that
Dao is gone.
We planned to see each other
again in America.
We planned to see Snow White
and feel the snow
together.
After the burial,
I do not leave right away.
I want to tell Dao
many,
man
y things,
but
nothing comes out.
76 | THE GRIEF
Auntie sleeps all day inside the mat house.
Uncle smokes quietly next to it.
It is the first time I have seen him smoke.
Nam doesn’t want to play and
stays with his ma.
Dee Dee and I take up the household chores:
boiling the water
for coffee and tea,
cooking,
and washing.
If Dao could be alive again,
I wouldn’t mind doing all the chores
day after day.
But Uncle tells me
after we burn all our firewood,
we will just eat the food
right from the cans.
He doesn’t want us going into the woods
again.
Auntie has not had a bite of food
since Dao died.
Nam and Uncle eat just a little.
I don’t have any appetite
as I notice the extra chopsticks and bowl
for Dao.
77 | THREE GROUPS
A couple days after Dao’s passing,
a translator reads off the names
of people in our boat.
They divide us into three groups.
The doctor, the old couple whose niece died,
Dee Dee, and I are in the first group.
The Chan family and Ming and Jan
are in the second group.
Uncle and his family
and all the Vietnamese and single males
are in the third group.
The translator doesn’t give us any details.
People are murmuring among themselves, smiling.
They assume that all three groups will be sent
to different refugee camps.
They are content,
for they are finally going to the regular camps:
to get to interview,
to get on the waiting list,
to get to the new land.
The old lady in black kneels down and gives thanks.
She declares with joy,
“How lucky we are!
We have stayed in this camp
for less than a month,
and now we are going to a regular camp!”
More old ladies give thanks,