The thought of working with children in a few weeks brought a smile to my face. Their little hands and sweet faces were always excited over the simplest of things.
Stella: Tell him to fuck off!
Me: God, I hate this shit.
Could it get any worse? Then I remembered, I needed to go to our apartment and clear out my shit. Jack and I moved in together two years into our relationship. Neither of us wanted to live in the dorms.
He hated, and I guess pretended to respect, my no sex until marriage rule. Looking back, I think I just didn’t want him to be my first.
Stella: You’re a hot babe. You’ll find someone, and Jack will be the man you never remember. Maybe you’ll get lucky and find someone tonight.
Me: Yeah sure, Mr. Right is just going to come waltzing along and save me from the big bad wolf.
Stella: One can dream, babe! Maybe we’ll find us a set of brothers….
Me: You are so bad!
Stella: That’s why you love me. ??
I laughed. She’s right, that’s why I love her. She makes me laugh, and she’s always there for me. She’s more adventurous then I could ever be.
Sighing I sat heavily in the chair. The hotel room was clean, quiet and empty. I missed having someone holding me close as I slept. The warmth of Jacks body always kept the cold away.
How I wish that voice was wrong, but I was positive it was right. You are not going back, it screamed.
Like fucking hell, I was! I scream back.
Whatever Jack and I had was over, and it didn’t hurt, not even a little. These moments of sorrow were phantom memories. A comfortable routine that is set off course. Like a train that derailed.
Jack: Please, Mia.
Me: Fuck off, Jack!
Jack: It didn’t mean anything, babe.
Me: Stop. Fucking. Calling. Me.
Jack: I love you…
Me: I don’t love you, Jack, leave me alone, please!
Jack: Don’t do this.
Me: I will block you!
Me: At least you do not deny it.
Jack: Come on babe. You’re really going to throw away four years over one mistake?
Me: Those four years are like a smudge in my life. A little blurry and already forgotten.
Me: Just once? Your hand looked awfully comfortable climbing its way towards her snatch.
Jack: Mia, come on, let’s move past this.
Me: Already done that. Goodbye Jack.
After I sent the last message, I waited with suspended breath for him to try again and was blissfully relieved when my phone didn’t make a peep. Maybe he finally got it through his head. It was over the minute he touched her.
It was over long before that, the damn voice reminded me.
Oh, stuff a sock in it! I told it.
Standing, I slipped a few twenties into my back pocket with my driver’s license and room key. I wasn’t taking a purse tonight since I knew I was going to party hard. I deserved a good night of forgotten bullshit and alcohol-induced fun.
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