‘Phew,’ Gawber said. ‘Some plan.’
Angel finished the tea and put the cup back in the saucer.
Gawber said: ‘You didn’t tell me about the Walther, sir.’
He nodded. ‘My snout was right. Santana bought the gun – he said 10 November. More than a month ago. I think that he bought the gun for his own protection, probably put it in his desk or somewhere like that. Felicity found it, and when the time was right took it and gave it to Munro. After it had been used to murder Santana, Munro carefully wiped it clean of prints, but not down the tiny nooks and crannies, and dumped it in the gentlemen’s washroom to widen the range of suspects.’
‘Fantastic,’ Gawber said, his face glowing. ‘You’ve done it again.’
A knock at the door saved Angel’s blushes. ‘Come in.’
It was Scrivens. He was carrying a big plastic bag.
‘What is it, lad?’ Angel said, looking up.
Scrivens held open the bag. ‘It’s these tennis balls, sir. The ones we took from Laurence Smith’s hut. They’re still in my locker. I can’t move for them. I want to know what to do with them. And you said you’d tell me about the tennis ball scam.’
Angel smiled. ‘Very well. Listen up. In old property, such as the Victorian-built houses where Smith lives, the guttering and the pipes are a bit far seen into. If you’re handy with a set of ladders, you can climb up on to the roofs of these houses and drop a tennis ball down each of the fall pipes. Then after the next heavy downfall of rain, there will be a whole street full of people with flooding problems, needing their pipes attending to. At the critical moment, you can knock on their door in overalls and carrying a bag of tools and, at today’s prices, you can clean up about 300 quid a house. And you even get your ball back. Got it?’
Scrivens stood there, his eyes bright, his mouth slightly open. Eventually he said, ‘Yes, sir. Thank you. I never knew that.’
Angel said: ‘Right, lad. Now off you go.’
Scrivens stood his ground. ‘Yes, sir, but what shall I do with these balls?’
Angel looked back at Gawber and said, ‘The sergeant will tell you what to do with them, lad, won’t you, Ron?’
Gawber stared at him.
The phone rang.
‘Off you go. The pair of you. Sort him out, Ron, will you?’ he said.
The door closed.
Angel picked up the phone. It was DS Taylor.
‘Yes, Don?’
‘I’m at Munro’s house, sir. Thought you’d like to know that there are examples of female hair on the bedding that look very much like Felicity Santana’s. Same colour, same texture as the samples taken from the hairbrush in her caravan at the studio.’
The bees started buzzing round in Angel’s chest. ‘Great stuff, Don.’
‘There’s more, sir.’
Angel was so excited he wasn’t certain he could take any more. ‘Yes?’
‘Her fingerprints are all over the shower door and the taps.’
He replaced the phone.
He had a smile as big as the sun.
The BMW seemed to drive itself to Angel’s house and into his garage.
He locked the garage door and let himself in the back door.
Mary called out from somewhere in the sitting room. ‘Hello. Is that you, love?’
‘No,’ he called back, then assumed the gruff voice of a pantomime villain. ‘It’s that big, bad womanizer from Bromersley nick, and I’m coming to get you!’
She pretended to scream and spoke an octave higher. ‘Oh! No. No. I’m only thirteen.’
‘I’m not superstitious,’ he growled.
‘But my mother wouldn’t like it,’ she said.
‘Your mother’s not going to get it.’
‘I’ll tell the vicar.’
‘I am the vicar,’ he said and he arrived in the room with a beer he had taken from the fridge en route and looked round for her.
She was seated in the chair, reading a book.
‘You silly fool,’ she said with a big smile. ‘You’re in a good mood.’
He leaned over and gave her a big kiss on the lips.
‘You’ve solved the pig in the bed thing?’ she said.
He lifted up his head and said: ‘Yes.’
‘And you want to tell me about it.’
‘No,’ he lied. ‘Not if you don’t want to know about it.’
‘I do. I do. I want to know all about it,’ she lied. ‘But—’ She suddenly looked very sternly at him. ‘There is something very important that we have to deal with first.’
He frowned then sipped the beer. His mind raced round, trying to think what it was.
Her face was as straight as a Bible. ‘Look at you,’ she said. ‘You’ve forgotten already.’
He screwed up his eyes. ‘What?’ he said.
‘You’ve forgotten about little Timmy’s wedding present. The wedding’s next week. We’ve got to send them something … something really nice.’
It suddenly dawned on him what she was talking about. ‘Oh yes,’ he said. ‘Of course. All taken care of.’
She looked at him closely, her mouth dropping open.
‘I thought about a Swiss clock,’ he said.
Her face brightened. She smiled. ‘That sounds … nice, Michael. Expensive.’
‘A cuckoo clock.’
‘Unusual.’
‘Yes,’ Angel said. ‘As it happens I’ve bought one. It’s in the car. Already boxed up.’
Mary beamed at him.
He smiled back at her and emptied the glass of beer.
THE END
OTHER BOOKS BY ROGER SILVERWOOD
YORKSHIRE MURDER MYSTERIES
Book 1: THE MISSING NURSE
Book 2: THE MISSING WIFE
Book 3: THE MAN IN THE PINK SUIT
Book 4: THE MORALS OF A MURDERER
Book 5: THE AUCTION MURDERS
Book 6: THE MISSING KILLER
Book 7: THE UMBRELLA MURDERS
Book 8: THE MISSING MILLIONAIRE
Book 9: THE MISSING THIEF
Book 10: FIND THE LADY
Book 11: THE MISSING MODEL
Book 12: MURDER IN BARE FEET
Book 13: THE MISSING HUSBAND
Book 14: THE CUCKOO CLUB MURDERS
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GLOSSARY OF ENGLISH SLANG FOR US READERS
A & E: Accident and emergency department in a hospital
Aggro: Violent behaviour, aggression
Air raid: an attack in which bombs are dropped from aircraft on ground targets
Allotment: a plot of land rented by an individual for growing fruit, vegetable or flowers
Anorak: nerd (it also means a waterproof jacket)
Artex: textured plaster finish for walls and ceilings
A Level: exams taken between 16 and 18
Auld Reekie: Edinburgh
Au pair: live-in childcare helper. Often a young woman.
Barm: bread roll
Barney: argument
Beaker: glass or cup for holding liquids
Beemer: BMW car or motorcycle
Benefits: social security
Bent: corrupt
Bin: wastebasket (noun), or throw in rubbish (verb)
Biscuit: cookie
Blackpool Lights: gaudy illuminations in seaside town
Bloke: guy
Blow: cocaine
Blower: telephone
Blues and twos: emergency vehicles
Bob: money
Bobby: policeman
Broadsheet: quality newspaper (New York Times would be a US example)
Brown bread: rhyming slang for dead
Bun: small cake
Bunk: do a bunk means escape
Burger bar: hamburger fast-food restaurant
Buy-to-let: Buying a house/apartment to rent it out for profit
Charity Shop: thrift store
Carrier bag: plastic bag from supermarket
Care Home: an institution where old people are cared for
Car park: parking lot
CBeebies: kids’ TV
Chat-up: flirt, trying to pick up someone with witty banter or compliments
Chemist: pharmacy
Chinwag: conversation
Chippie: fast-food place selling chips and other fried food
Chips: French fries but thicker
CID: Criminal Investigation Department
Civvy Street: civilian life (as opposed to army)
Clock: punch
Cock-up: mess up, make a mistake
Cockney: a native of East London
Common: an area of park land/ or lower class
Comprehensive School (Comp.): High school
Cop hold of: grab
Copper: police officer
Coverall: coveralls, or boiler suit
CPS: Crown Prosecution Service, decide whether police cases go forward
Childminder: someone who looks after children for money
Council: local government
Dan Dare: hero from Eagle comic
DC: detective constable
Deck: one of the landings on a floor of a tower block
Deck: hit (verb)
Desperate Dan: very strong comic book character
DI: detective inspector
Digestive biscuit: plain cookie
Digs: student lodgings
Do a runner: disappear
Do one: go away
Doc Martens: Heavy boots with an air-cushioned sole
Donkey’s years: long time
Drum: house
DS: detective sergeant
ED: accident and emergency department of hospital
Eagle: boys’ comic
Early dart: to leave work early
Eggy soldiers: strips of toast with a boiled egg
Enforcer: police battering ram
Estate: public/social housing estate (similar to housing projects)
Estate agent: realtor (US)
Falklands War: war between Britain and Argentina in 1982
Fag: cigarette
Father Christmas: Santa Claus
Filth: police (insulting)
Forces: army, navy, and air force
FMO: force medical officer
Fried slice: fried bread
Fuzz: police
Gendarmerie: French national police force
Geordie: from Newcastle
Garden Centre: a business where plants and gardening equipment are sold
Gob: mouth/ can also mean phlegm or spit
GP: general practitioner, a doctor based in the community
Graft: hard work
Gran: grandmother
Hancock: Tony Hancock, English comedian popular in 1950s
Hard nut: tough person
HGV: heavy goods vehicle, truck
HOLMES: UK police computer system used during investigation of major incidents
Home: care home for elderly or sick people
Hoover: vacuum cleaner
I’ll be blowed: expression of surprise
Inne: isn’t he
Interpol: international police organisation
Into care: a child taken away from their family by the social services
Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, applied to any strong woman
ITU: intensive therapy unit in hosp
ital
Jane Doe: a person whose identity is unknown/anonymous
JCB: a mechanical excavator
Jerry-built: badly made
Jungle: nickname given to migrant camp near Calais
Lad: young man
Lass: young woman
Lift: elevator
Lord Lucan: famous aristocrat who allegedly killed his children’s nanny and disappeared in 1974. Has never been found.
Lorry: a truck
Lovely jubbly: said when someone is pleased
Luftwaffe: German air force
M&S: Marks and Spencer, a food and clothes shop
Miss Marple: detective in a series of books by Agatha Christie
MOD: ministry of defence
Mobile phone: cell phone
MP: Member of Parliament, politician representing an area
MRSA: A strain of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.
Myra Hindley: famous British serial killer
Naff: lame, not good
Naff all: none
National Service: compulsory UK military service, ended in 60s
Net curtains: a type of semi-transparent curtain
NHS: National Health Service, public health service of UK
Nick: police station (as verb: to arrest)
Nowt: nothing
Nutter: insane person
Nursery: a place which grows plants, shrubs and trees for sale (often wholesale)
Old bag: old woman (insulting)
Old Bill: police
OTT: over the top
Owt: anything
Pants: noun: underwear adjective: bad/rubbish/terrible
Para: paratrooper
Pay-as-you-go: a cell phone you pay for calls in advance
PC: police constable
Pear-shaped: go wrong
Petrol: gasoline
Pictures: movie
Pillbox: a concrete building, partly underground, used as an outpost defence
Pillock: fool
Pips: police insignia indicating rank
Piss off: as exclamation, go away (rude). Also can mean annoy.