cally demonstrated by giving the male child his first haircut at
1 1542-1620; foremost disciple of Rabbi Yitzchak Luria, the Arizal
2 1040-1105; leading biblical commentator
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that time, trimming the wild, animalistic self that was allowed to
grow, unfettered, during the first three years of his life.
Humans are likened to a tree of the field. The Torah’s com-
mand that we allow all fruit trees to grow freely and untouched
for their first three years demonstrates yet again that during the
first three years of a child’s life we are to withhold from harsh
discipline.
Gevurah continues into life and is crucial in the way we nur-
ture. In fact, it has been proven that a very strong indicator of
future success in life is the ability to self-regulate and practice
self-control. An individual’s success in her 30s in terms of health,
wealth, and more can be predicted by how well she can control
her impulses as early as age three, says a recent study published
in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.3
Salt on Top of Sugar
But salt, much like discipline, is a tricky thing. On its own, it
is very bitter and even destructive. Yet, when added to an exist-
ing framework in measured amounts, it draws out the inherent
sweetness that may otherwise have remained hidden. Used in
large quantities, when appropriate, salt even preserves, keeping
the framework intact.
The previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak
Schneerson, would tell a parable of one man who received exact-
ly the same treatment from two different people, yet responded
3 “A Gradient of Childhood Self-control Predicts Health, Wealth, and Public
Safety.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences 108.7 (2011):
2693-698. Web.
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : S A LT
completely differently to each one of them.
Scenario 1: Sam is walking down the street, minding his
own business, when, all of a sudden, Michael walks by
with a bundle of sticks and starts lashing him. Sam is en-
raged and, as a result, begins to attack Michael. Suffice it
to say, this story does not end well.
Scenario 2: Sam enters the bathhouse for his weekly
shvitz (sauna). He is brought into a warm, steamy room,
where he is relaxed and massaged for the better part of
an hour.
Following this pampering session, Sam enters the treat-
ment room, where Michael is waiting for him with a bun-
dle of sticks. Michael proceeds to lash Sam violently with
the sticks and Sam thanks him profusely for the wonder-
ful therapy.
Same lashing, completely different reaction. It’s the warmth
and sweetness that make all the difference.
When we need to impose discipline, boundaries, and gevurah
in life, we need to first be sure that we have laid the groundwork
of kindness, warmth, and acceptance. In this way, the gevurah
will not only be accepted, but welcomed and transformative.
In the nurturing of ourselves, as well, while we propel our-
selves forward always and do not allow ourselves complacency,
the momentum needs to come from a place of deep acceptance
and love.
The Strength in Salt
Salt is not only beneficial in the creation of a perfect challah
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R I S I N G
dough – it is quite necessary. Salt actually tightens and strength-
ens the gluten structure and prevents an over-rising. This con-
trol of the level of yeast activity allows the dough to rise slowly,
surely, and gradually, encouraging the full development of flavor.
Thus, the salt in our challah recipe is very similar to gevurah
in the structure of our lives and our nurturing. It is not only
beneficial, bringing out the inherent sweetness and flavors, it is
completely necessary. In fact, without the proper usage of salt,
or gevurah, we risk an over-rising, much like the inflammation
of ego as previously discussed.
We live our lives striving for the balance of chesed and gevu-
rah, sugar and salt.
the common fear of over-using salt and killing the yeast and thus
preventing a proper rising. I’m here to tell you that if you’ve cre-
ated a conducive environment for rising, a nice blend of warmth
and sweetness, you don’t have to fear the salt!
Go ahead and be liberal with it; your challah is protected and
will only be more delicious and successful for the addition of the
extra salt. And, rest assured, it will rise.
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : O I L & E G G S
Oil & Eggs
While challah can technically be made with nothing but flour and
water, the addition of yeast, sugar, and salt will assist greatly with
the rising process and add to the flavor profile.
The addition of the next two ingredients—oil and eggs—com-
plete the basic building blocks of almost every challah recipe
out there (except for, of course, vegan, fat-free, and gluten-free
[which I will cover most thoroughly in the RISING! cookbook—
something for everyone!]).
In all the ingredients that lead to the magical processes that
happen in our kitchens everyday, oil and eggs stand out as par-
ticularly significant.
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R I S I N G
“YOU PREPARE A TABLE BEFORE ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES;
YOU ANOINT MY HEAD WITH OIL; MY CUP OVERFLOWS.”
—TEHILLIM 23:5
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : O I L
Oil
The Jewish tradition is rich with references to oil, particularly the
wondrous olive oil, or EVOO as foodies have taken to calling it
these days.
Every day it seems there are new scientific revelations regard-
ing the benefits of olives and olive oil for health and wellbeing.
Heart health, skin benefits, immunity-boosting powers, and an-
ti-aging support are some of the most studied and widely cited
applications of the fruit of the olive tree.
The olive fruit is unique in that each fruit is borne of two flow-
ers. This seems to allude to the two life forces that enliven each
of us –both the spiritual and the physical – which we must each
possess for life to occur.
Oil itself is a unique substance. It spreads itself and moist-
ens all it comes in contact with, imbuing all it touches with its
richness, yet it always remains separate, distinct, retaining its
unique characteristics.
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R I S I N G
There is a strong desire within us for sameness, to identify
ourselves with our surroundings by recognizing the things we
have in common. This is a very human characteristic, and a par-
ticularly feminine trait, as well.
Often referred to as the herd mentality, it seems we have a
strong need to follow the direction of others, both male and fe-
male, of the human race. Professor Kraus
e, with PhD student
John Dyer, conducted a series of experiments1 in which groups of
people were asked to walk randomly around a large hall. Only a
select few within the group received detailed information about
where they were going. All those in the experiment were not al-
lowed to communicate with each other and had to stay within
arm’s length of another person. The published findings showed
that “In all cases, the informed individuals were followed by oth-
ers in the crowd, forming a self-organizing, snake-like structure .
. . . In large crowds of 200 or more, five percent of the group was
enough to influence the direction in which it traveled.”
In other words, we are often only following a select few and
undervaluing our own perceptions, qualities, and capabilities,
thinking that “other people” know better. In a world where “di-
versity” is the catchall phrase, we often, surprisingly, forget to
honor our very own distinctiveness.
In nurturing others, and ourselves, we are charged with an
awesome responsibility to acknowledge uniqueness as worthy
of celebration.
The oil reminds us that by retaining our distinct characteris-
tics, we have great potential to enrich our surroundings, bring-
ing life and light to the world around us.
1 University of Leeds. “Sheep In Human Clothing: Scientists Reveal Our Flock
Mentality.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 16 February 2008.
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : O I L
Somehow, the opinions of friends, parents, school principals,
well-meaning grandmothers in the grocery store, and the ran-
dom guy at the checkout counter seem to crowd out our inher-
ent knowledge of our uniqueness and that of the ones we love
and nurture. When we find ourselves agreeing with their assess-
ments, we need to take a step backwards and inwards and re-
discover that which we already know about the ones we love—
including ourselves. Namely, the things that make us individual
and special are the very things that make us different from the
people around us.
Love is a Mirror
The way we perceive our loved ones is the way they will see
themselves.
We all have an innate desire, and incredible ability, to nurture
others in a way that breathes life into them. The first messages
we impart to those we mother are the ones that stick and follow
them around as their inner voice for the rest of their lives. These
messages are constantly “breathing” into their daily existence,
adding positive energy and impetus if they were imparted posi-
tively and, unfortunately, potentially doing great harm if impart-
ed negatively.
This process begins at birth.
Miri, a sweet new mom in my community, called me
in tears only four weeks after the birth of her first child.
“Rebbetzin, what do I do? My baby screams all day! He’s
only happy when being held close and rocked. When
he’s hungry, he shrieks like the world is coming to an
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R I S I N G
end. When his diaper needs changing, you can think he’s
being tortured. I’m starting to think of him as difficult,
moody, and unhappy. What do I do?”
I replied, “This is what you do: You take those words
out of your vocabulary and out of your brain. When he
screams like the world is coming to an end, you say to
yourself and to your child, ‘What a determined person
this little boy is! He will not stand for mistreatment. He
will make sure he gets what he needs in life. How lucky
I am that I have a child who is so capable of expressing
his needs and does not allow the world to overlook him.
Look how he loves to be held; he is a loving, warm, and
social person. He knows how to receive love and to ac-
cept the love I have to give him. How lucky I am to have
such a loving person to nurture.’”
Say it out loud. Say it to anyone who will listen. You will be-
lieve it and they will believe it, and it will be the truth.
Every personality trait is positive if directed toward positivity,
if viewed in the light of love and acceptance. When we view our
screaming, seemingly unhappy baby as a person with great de-
termination and stamina, not willing to take abuse, we empower
her to be that person. And she will be that person and the world
will see her as that person – a person to be admired and loved
for those very qualities.
Not everyone is blessed to have had positive messages about
their unique qualities breathed into them from the start. Most
often, people spend their lives struggling against the negative
messages about their very selves that they must overcome. But,
we can all access these positive, life-affirming messages at any
time in our lives simply by recognizing the purity and perfection
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : O I L
of our inner core. We remember that at our essence we are a
piece of the Divine and that that essence is a gift that is uniquely,
incredibly, our own.
Immediately upon awakening, we greet the day with Modeh
Ani, a short prayer that gives thanks to our Creator for the gift of
a new day. We end with the words, “raba emunatechah/ great is
Your faith in us.” The message is that if we are alive and on this
earth today, it is because we have been entrusted with tremen-
dous gifts to impart to this world and there is a deep faith from
the One who gives life that we will indeed do so today.
We continue with the prayer, “Elokai, neshamah shenatata bee,
tehorah hee. Atah veratah, atah yetzartah, atah nefachtah bee/
My G-d, the soul that You have given me is pure and perfect. You
created it, You formed it, and You breathed it into me.”
Go forward into the day, and into the world, armed with the
knowledge of your inherent perfection. If you deny it, you deny
the very gifts you were given.
When we are sure of our own deep perfection, we will instinc-
tively pass on this knowledge to all those we nurture. For if we
are perfect as we are, so are they.
When you add the oil to your challah dough, watch how dif-
ficult it is to blend it into the mix. See how stubbornly it insists
on remaining separate and distinct, and see how, when blended
into your dough, the entirety of the dough becomes smoother,
richer, and more beautiful.
Oil was used in ancient Judaic tradition to anoint the “chosen
ones,” kings and priests and prophets. Today we recognize that
each one of us can be “chosen.” We anoint our loved ones and
ourselves, rising with this knowledge of our uniqueness.
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R I S I N G
“Probably one of the most
is an egg, until it is broken.”
private things in the world
—MFK Fisher
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T H E I N G R E D I E N T S : E G G S
Eggs
—MFK Fisher
Now that we have spent all this time exto
lling the virtues of di-
versity and distinctiveness and what keeps each of us unique and
separate, I want to digress and talk about the other side of the
coin, or the egg as it were.
While oil stands apart, rises above, and retains its original
characteristics throughout, eggs seem to do the exact opposite.
Eggs are binding—the glue that holds our dough together. The
eggs spread throughout the dough, taking the separated oil and
water and creating an emulsion, bringing the dough together as
a cohesive whole. While oil on its own will not mix with anything
and will only disperse throughout the other liquids, when eggs
are added, this changes.
As women, we are uniquely gifted with the ability to draw peo-
ple together into family, community, and village. Deborah Tan-
nen writes in her bestselling You Just Don’t Understand: Women
and Men in Conversation that women tend to see the world as a
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R I S I N G
“network of connections,” and that their communications and
interpretations of others’ communications seek to “preserve in-
timacy and avoid isolation.”
With the recognition of our shared humanity and the innate
ability to observe the similitude in all of creation, women be-
come the glue that holds the world together.
Do you know what happens when eggs are heated? The egg
proteins uncurl and bump into other proteins that have also
uncurled and new chemical bonds form. However, rather than
binding the protein to itself, these bonds connect one protein
to another.
Eggs as an ingredient are interesting in that they are an em-
bryonic form of life. It is the unique ability to form life, from
its very embryonic stage, that defines the nurturing capability
of the woman. In Kabbalistic terms, the male energy is that of
chochmah, the initial spark of life that is placed into the vessel
of binah, which contains the capacity to actualize that spark and
nurture it into being. The child of this union is daat, a knowledge
that is an intimate blend of the two, an actualization of both en-
ergies.
In the process of forming life, both on a biological level and
on an emotional level, the woman is both the “blender” and the
“egg itself.” She takes all the random bits of information and in-
spiration, makes the connections, and creates something that is
alive.