‘OK, OK, Sixsmith,’ she said, waving her cheroot impatiently. ‘I don’t want details. I just want to know why you imagine I can help you?’
‘I need a lawyer,’ he said. ‘And you’re my lawyer.’
‘Now that’s where you’re making your mistake,’ she said. ‘Way back, when Robco Engineering made you redundant and tried to stiff you for your severance money, then I was your lawyer. And OK, from time to time, as your persistence in maintaining this pretence that you’re a PI has dropped you in the mire, I’ve given a helping hand. But that was out of, God help me, mere charity and pity for a dumb creature. Now, all those folk out there who have come to me with serious life-threatening problems which I should be dealing with this very moment, I am their lawyer. But I am not your lawyer, Sixsmith. And even if I was, I don’t do motor insurance!’
She thrust the letter back at him. He took it and let his eyes drift up to a poster on the wall behind her. It read:
SHAKESPEARE SAID
Kill All The Lawyers!
Except, of course, us.
We’re here for your protection, not our profit.
IF YOU KNOW YOU’RE RIGHT,
WE KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!
Pointing, he said, ‘I don’t see where it says, excepting Joe Sixsmith.’
‘OK, OK,’ said Butcher. ‘Don’t go weepie on me. Look, I’m really no good for you, what you need is a specialist. There’s this guy I know … he owes me a sort of favour …’
She smiled rather grimly. Joe guessed that in lawyer-speak, a sort of favour meant you knew something to put the black on a guy.
‘You mind stepping outside a moment, Joe. I don’t like witnesses to extortion.’
He went out. Expectant eyes focused on him. He smiled guiltily. The door opened and he slipped back in.
‘Heard of Poll-Pott?’ she said.
‘Butcher, I’m not going to Cambodia.’
‘Ho ho. Pollinger, Potter, Naysmith, Montaigne and Iles,’ she said.
‘That Poll-Pott,’ he said. ‘With those posh offices in Oldmaid Row?’
‘That’s them, except when they charge like they do, they don’t have offices, they have chambers.’
‘Sort of chamber poll-pot,’ said Joe, who was often stimulated to wit by Butcher’s presence.
‘Je-sus. Anyway, Peter Potter and I used to be sort of buddies way back, before he became too rich to afford me. He specializes in insurance cases.’
‘And he’ll look into mine?’
‘Not so much look into as glance at. He’ll give you five minutes to tell your tale of woe then he’ll spare five seconds to tell you whether you’ve got a hope in hell. You want more, you’ll have to make an appointment and start paying by the parsec for his professional services. Sorry, that’s the best I can do, and even that has cost me dear.’
‘It’s great,’ Joe assured her. ‘When do I see him?’
‘In the next half hour. After that, don’t bother.’
‘What’s he doing?’ said Joe, looking at his watch which said quarter past five. ‘Jetting off to Bermuda for his hols?’
‘Don’t kick a gift horse in the teeth, Sixsmith. Pete Potter may be self-seeking, hedonistic, and fascist, but he makes the big insurance companies reach for their bulletproof vests. You can be round there in five minutes if you step smartly.’
‘No, I can’t,’ said Joe. ‘The policy’s back in my flat.’
‘Oh God. Why do I bother? And why are you still cluttering up my workspace? Don’t step smartly, run like hell!’
Joe ran like hell.
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About Reginald Hill
Reginald Hill, who died in 2012, was a native of Cumbria and former resident of Yorkshire, the setting for his novels featuring detectives Andy Dalziel and Peter Pascoe. Their appearances won him numerous awards including a CWA Gold Dagger, the Diamond Dagger for Lifetime Achievement and the Theakstons Old Peculier Outstanding Contribution to Crime Fiction Award. The Dalziel and Pascoe novels have also been adapted into a hugely popular BBC TV series.
By Reginald Hill
Dalziel and Pascoe novels
A CLUBBABLE WOMAN
AN ADVANCEMENT OF LEARNING
RULING PASSION
AN APRIL SHROUD
A PINCH OF SNUFF
A KILLING KINDNESS
DEADHEADS
EXIT LINES
CHILD’S PLAY
UNDER WORLD
BONES AND SILENCE
RECALLED TO LIFE
PICTURES OF PERFECTION
THE WOOD BEYOND
ASKING FOR THE MOON: A DALZIEL AND PASCOE COLLECTION
ON BEULAH HEIGHT
ARMS AND THE WOMEN
DEATH’S JEST-BOOK
GOOD MORNING, MIDNIGHT
THE DEATH OF DALZIEL
A CURE FOR ALL DISEASES
MIDNIGHT FUGUE
Joe Sixsmith novels
BLOOD SYMPATHY
BORN GUILTY
KILLING THE LAWYERS
SINGING THE SADNESS
THE ROAR OF THE BUTTERFLIES
Other
FELL OF DARK
THE LONG KILL
THE COLLABORATORS
THERE ARE NO GHOSTS IN THE SOVIET UNION
DEATH OF A DORMOUSE
DREAM OF DARKNESS
THE ONLY GAME
THE STRANGER HOUSE
THE WOODCUTTER
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