I BELIVED
i went to you
crying for support
desperate for a kind word
you pushed me away
your words
slapping my face
my pain
my betrayal
what made me think
you were different
you said
you loved me
would never hurt me
you would always be here
i bared my soul to you
you led me to believe
believe i could be loved
believe i was worth loving
i wanted it to be true
now i know it was all a big joke
yet i am a bigger joke
because i . . .
i believed
INVISABLE TO SIGHTLESS EYES
no gaze penetrates
my darkness
the clouds that
mask this life
living in a shadow
light never shines
upon my upturned face
inside my eternal night
my isolation is complete
walls i erected
prison of my making
life i am not living
fears keeping me inside
will this mask that protect me
or only hold me back
pain i cannot escape
of my own making
LOST
Night blankets thought
time shadows pain
wandering
lost
tears fall
unnoticed
unheeded
alone
LOST II
Social chameleon
More masks then friends
Etched into the soul
Splinters of self
Rewritten meanings
Echoes of truth
Lost
SILENCE
noise
invading me
burning
bloody words
of
pain and hate
voices
scarring me
death the only silence
SOLITARY ROSE
a thorns blood
biting deep
a lovers tears
blinding eyes
this blades kiss
alone with you
TEARS
my eyes
are open
windows
past my defenses
come
can you see me?
drowning
in tears
i fear to shed
TO LOOK INSIDE
A lonely place
Nothing
No one
Emptiness
Mirrors my soul
Isolated thoughts
black of night
no light to guide
falling into
my pit of despair
BREAKING
weary souls
trapped inside
bodies
saddled
with broken
thoughts
and
emotions
which tire the soul
to the point
of breaking
PAIN
drenched in pain
fear and sweat
searching for a mask
to finally hide
the emptiness locked inside
sleep eludes
grasping at straws
shattering in my hands
like glass
PAIN II
swirling voices
unyielding visions
mind numbing pain
crippling
bending my brain
while
twisting my thoughts
leaving nothing
but
pain
RIVERS
this so sweet
bathed in crimsons glow
blades bite deep
words or actions
which i must show
from these
my mind floats
DREAMS
a smoke screen
only more
lies
told to myself
hiding this truth…
i’m empty
inside
FEAR
penetrating my skin
flowing to my core
darkness
grows inside me
FORGIVEN
edgeless razors
cutting deep
carving
who i am
from
what i’ve done
mist
behind eyes
that have forgotten
how to cry
my song
lost inside
and i
i refuse to die
I
words
among emptiness
pain and tears
watching
waiting
pulling me down
will the “I”
i know
love and treasure
survive?
Trembling
i climb
ever upward
sliding back
into the dark
VELVET
this loving burn
of razors kiss
my blood
it pours
through open finger tip
my soul
empties
drop by velvet drop
into the black
this endless bliss
QUICKSAND
walking alone
climbing
ever onward
must not stop
must not falter
handholds
coming away
leaving me
to be
swallowed
by this quicksand
of lies
VOICES
floating
in the darkness
watching
from deep within
trapped
hostage
to the madmen
inside
BEHIND MY OWN EYES
lost in thought
away from myself
where am i?
deep inside
bound and gagged
under lock and key
behind my own eyes
helpless
and alone
EMPTY PEN
words flow
thoughts race
no one understands
what I feel
beneath this empty face
this fantasy
my existence
time bleeds
endless echoes
no sound
only
screaming
pen on paper...
leaving nothing
LITTLE DEATH
sleep
i welcome you
my little death
velvet robes
enshroud you
hold me
forever
never
let me wake
gently
smother my pain
IRONIC
the words needed
to save me
just as surely
trap me
do i go
and free my soul?
or stay
to fight and
free my mind
peace or pain
that
is my only
question
I LISTEN
truth betrays me
lies cloak my pain
voices laugh
scream
and belittle
i hear them
with covered ears
from ins
ide
they come
i give in…
i listen
FEAR OF BETTER
pressured
to be
“better”
pressured
from without
pressured
from within
fear
of failure
of success
of myself
fear i will never be
better
SLEEP
everything
is gray
it saps every
ounce
of strength
out of my body
every
ounce
of joy
from my life
so much so
that
merely lifting my
lids
is a battle
will i every
truly
win this war?
TIME
the river flows past my meager home
and my insignificant life
it was hear before i came
and will be hear after i'm gone
it is the river of time
it flows in and out of reality
EDGE OF A RAZOR BLADE
Words drip from my fingers
Hot and sticky
Smeared with blood
Each heartbeat a lifetime
As it slowes quivering
Dying alone