Feeling just a little bit foolish, Evyn followed her inside. “Sorry
to drop by like this.”
“That’s okay. I was just about to open a bottle of wine. Are you
hungry?”
“No, I don’t want to put you out—”
“Don’t be silly. It’s no bother.” Louise walked through the
apartment to the kitchen, and Evyn followed, wondering why she had
come and realizing what she was about to say was completely unlike
her. Louise looked great in dance leggings and a tank top. She was
barefoot, and her hair was loose. She was everything Evyn liked in a
woman—smart, accomplished, great sense of humor, super body, and
generous in bed. To make it even better, she was undemanding and
independent.
So what was she doing here?
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“Listen, before you pour that wine, I should probably tell you I
stopped by to break our date.”
Louise turned, the wine bottle in one hand and a corkscrew in the
other. She leaned back against the counter and gave Evyn an appraising
look. “Okay. Usually people just call.”
“And I guess the excuse that I was just in the neighborhood really
doesn’t fly,” Evyn said ruefully. She rested her shoulder on the doorjamb
and ran a hand through her hair. “So, I’m feeling a little dumb here. You
want me to go?”
Louise laughed. “No. I want you to stay and have a glass of wine
and something to eat. How does stir-fry sound?”
Evyn’s stomach rumbled and she blushed. “Well, it sounds great,
but—”
“Evyn,” Louise said, crossing the small space between them and
kissing her on the cheek. “I think you’re great. We have a wonderful
time together. But we never promised anything, and I don’t have any
expectations.”
“It’s just that—” Evyn was more confused now than she had been
a few minutes before. Louise must be even more bewildered. Time to
stop dancing around the issue. “I’m thinking we might not be intimate
again.”
“Ah.” Louise studied her. “It’s not something I said or did, is it?”
“No, you’re great,” Evyn said quickly. “I’m being a total ass,
aren’t I? I’m not explaining anything really very well. I’m not even
sure why I’m here.”
“Don’t apologize.” Louise smiled a little sadly. “That you would
come here to tell me this, face-to-face, is one of the reasons I’m sorry
we have to stop at friendship.”
“Ah hell—”
“But there’s no law against two people who like each other being
friends, is there?” Louise brushed her fingers over Evyn’s shoulder. “I
like you, aside from the great sex.”
Evyn blushed. “It’s official. I am an ass.”
“Quite possibly.” Louise laughed and poured a glass of red wine.
“Have some of this while I cook and tell me what’s going on.”
Evyn sipped wine and started to relax. “I don’t know what’s
going on. Nothing, really. That’s what makes this whole thing sort of
ridiculous.”
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“Uh-huh,” Louise said, taking food from the refrigerator and pans
from underneath the sleek counter. “But you’re here, so why don’t you
start with what got you here.”
“I just got back from a detail. It was a little crazy. One of my team
members got into trouble.” Just saying that much made her faintly sick.
The recurring image of Wes sinking deeper into the water came back
sharp and clear. Adrenaline surged through her blood and a coppery
taste filled her mouth.
Louise glanced over her shoulder and paused in her food prep.
“You sound like it was really bad. I’m sorry.”
Evyn sucked in a breath. “She’s fine now. It was just tense there
for a couple of minutes. That sort of thing happens. It’s part of the
job.”“I guess it probably is. I got the sense you never really wanted to
talk about it, so I never pressed. If you want to tell me more—”
“Sorry. I guess I’ve never really shared much of anything.”
“And I never asked you to. So we’re okay on that score. Go
“And there’s this woman…”
Louise smiled. “Isn’t there always? Sometimes they really turn
your head around, don’t they?”
Evyn laughed. “You’d think I was new at this.”
Louise regarded her thoughtfully. “Maybe you are?”
“I think you might be right.” Where Wes was concerned, she sure
felt like a first-timer. All hormones and insanity and hungry for more of
everything. She’d kept praying Wes would lean back into the cab and
kiss her good night. Yeah, right. Nuts. “Anyhow, that’s kind of what
this is about. This woman I’m not really involved with—not that way,
I mean.”
“I think I almost understand. You need to think about some
things.”
“Yeah—I’m sorry.”
“I know. Me too—but it’s okay. Really.” Louise pointed a wooden
spatula at the vegetables piled on the cutting board. “So—will you
stay?”“Yeah. I’m starved. And thanks.”
Louise put the utensils down, motioned Evyn closer, and kissed
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Evyn’s cheek. “You’re welcome. I like friends with benefits, but friends
without benefits is okay too.”
“That’s good to know. Thanks.” Evyn wasn’t sure what she’d just
done or why, but it felt right. It felt almost as good as the night she’d
spent with Wes, which felt more than right. And she had no idea what
to do about that.
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RADCLY fFE
chapter twenty-five
You need plants,” Doris Masters said, standing with her hands
on her hips in the center of the small galley kitchen, surveying
the adjacent living area. She pointed to the bay windows overlooking
Nineteenth Street. “That window seat gets enough sunlight. A planter
or two right there—”
“Mom,” Wes said, “I kill plants.” Behind her, Denny snickered
and mumbled something about understatement.
Giving the impersonal apartment a 360-degree glance, Doris said,
“A cat would be good.”
“You have to feed cats,” Wes said.
Her mother pointed a finger at her. “That’s why your plants die.”
“Better plants than a cat,” Wes muttered. Her mother smiled, but
Wes could tell by the glint in her ocean-green eyes she wasn’t finished.
Looking a decade younger than her age, with the same green eyes and
brown hair shot through with burnished gold, she could have been
Wes’s older sister—and was sometimes mistaken for one of the sibs
when they were all out together. Wes hadn’t known Denny and her
mother were coming, but when they had shown up a few minutes after
the delivery truck brought her belongings from Maryland, she’d been
glad for more than the help. Their bright, sure love helped chase away
the shadows that plagued her. She’d slept poorly s
ince the night she’d
spent with Evyn. The hotel bed was big and empty and cold, and every
morning she awoke lonely. She went through the days, splitting her
time between exercises with PPD and clinic duties, with an empty ache
inside. Evyn was friendly but reserved, and Wes didn’t think it was an
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accident they hadn’t been alone together since their return from Kitty
Hawk. Evyn was avoiding her.
“Wesley,” her mother said, “this isn’t a temporary billet. You’re
going to live here for the next few years, and it shouldn’t look like a
hotel room.”
Denny finally cut in and saved her. “Mama, give her a break. She
didn’t invite us down here to help, after all, and—”
“Mother’s prerogative.” Doris perched on the wooden arm of the
tan canvas sofa. “We’ll miss you at Christmas.”
Wes sat next to her mother and took her hand. “I know, I’m sorry.
I’d be there if I could.”
“We’ll miss you,” her mother repeated, “and we’re so very proud
of you. Your other sisters wanted to be sure you knew that.”
“I know. I love you. All of you.”
Denny flopped down beside her and bumped her knee against
Wes’s. “So—on the personal front—”
Wes groaned. “Come on, Denny. Don’t start.”
Doris stroked the back of Wes’s head and feathered the locks along
the back of her neck, as if she were still ten. “There’s more to life than
work, Wesley.”
“And there’s lots of life ahead, Mom. I’m fine. Just really busy
right now.”
“Yeah,” Denny said softly, “but are you happy?”
Wes hadn’t expected the question and hesitated before she
answered. Getting the third degree from her family about her personal
life wasn’t unusual, but after she shrugged off their good-natured
queries with some standard answer, the conversation usually moved on.
This time, the questions felt different, or maybe she was the one who
was different. She didn’t have a pat response, and the old explanations
rang false, even to her. “I don’t know. I’ve never given it much thought.
My work makes me happy—”
“Satisfaction isn’t happiness,” Doris said.
“No, maybe not,” Wes said, “but it’s always been enough.”
“Things change, you know,” Denny said. “Don’t miss the chance
for more than satisfaction if it comes along.”
“Okay, enough. Message received.” Wes squeezed Denny’s hand,
kissed her mother’s cheek, and stood. “You’ve got a two-hour drive and
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RADCLY fFE
I’ve got a ton of things to do.” At her mother’s frown she added quickly,
“And I promised Emory I’d go out with her and Dana tonight. So I do
have a social life, you know.”
“Are you taking a date?” Denny asked, an eager glint in her eyes.
Wes instantly thought of Evyn. Like every time she thought of
her, the memory of Evyn pressed close in the night flooded through her.
Pleasure warred with pain, and she schooled her face to remain neutral.
“No.”“Huh. What aren’t you telling us?” Denny narrowed her eyes.
“Nothing. I’m just getting together with some friends.”
“Let her be, Denny,” Doris said.
Her mother studied Wes with that laser-beam look that made Wes
think her mother could see inside her head. Considering all she could
see was Evyn naked—moving under her, rising above her, crying out as
she came—she slammed the mental door as quickly as she could. Some
things her mother definitely did not need to know.
“She’ll tell us when she’s ready.” Doris rose and gathered her
things. “She always does.” She kissed Wes on the cheek. “You’ve
always done more than you were asked, and you’ve always been asked
a great deal. They couldn’t have chosen anyone better. We love you.”
“Thanks,” Wes said, her throat tight as she hugged her mother and
sister good-bye. “I love you all too. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
She had a couple of hours before she was due to meet Emory and
Dana at the Black Fox. She would have canceled, but she knew Emory
would hound her for her reasons. And what could she say? She was
beat after a lousy night’s sleep when she couldn’t stop thinking about
a woman who disordered her orderly world—a woman she’d be much
better off not thinking about at all? No. She’d go out with her best
friend and her lover and do her damnedest to put her night with Evyn
in the past.
She headed to the House. Work might not be everything, but it was
everything she’d always had. Work had always defined her—her goals,
her sense of self, her pleasure, and often her pain. There was comfort in
the familiar, and as her family drove out of the city and the loneliness
seeped back and lay heavy in her throat, she needed a little comfort.
v
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The door opened behind Evyn and she didn’t bother to turn around,
saying to Gary, “You’re early.”
“For what?” Wes said.
Evyn jerked and twisted in her seat. She hadn’t expected to see
her—they didn’t have anything scheduled. Just the night before, she’d
submitted her report to Tom. The long and short of her assessment was
that Wes was not just qualified, she was an excellent choice to head the
WHMU from an operational standpoint. She worked well with a team,
didn’t buck the chain of command, and knew when to take charge when
medical issues demanded. She didn’t have an excuse to spend extra
time with Wes any longer. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Wes, in dark trousers and a pale blue shirt open at the throat, stood
just inside the door, looking better than Evyn remembered, and she’d
been remembering a lot. The instant her eyes had opened that morning,
like most every morning, she’d thought of Wes. Wondered what Wes’s
day would be like, if she’d moved yet—if she needed help. If she’d
call. And in her next breath, she’d remembered how she’d lain in the
dark torturing herself—rekindling the fire Wes’s hands had ignited in
her belly, savoring the slow buildup while replaying the sound of Wes’s
murmurs in her ear, her low moans, the quick gasp as she orgasmed.
She’d fallen asleep on the crest of her own orgasm with the memory
of Wes’s mouth moving over her skin, so knowing and so sure. She’d
awakened ready for another and would have indulged again if her cell
phone hadn’t vibrated with a message from base advising her she was
needed to fill in because POTUS had decided to go OTR. At the sight
of Wes, the low-level arousal that she had lived with all day, every day,
leaped to life. She worked on sounding casual. “Did you get moved?”
“Just this morning.” Wes headed for the coffeepot, poured a cup,
and gestured with it toward Evyn. “Refill?”
“I’m good.”
Wes put the pot back and gathered herself. She hadn’t expected
to see Evyn, and the surge of pleasure at fin
ding her there took her by
surprise. “I thought you were off today.”
Evyn shook her head with a wry grin. “POTUS decided to go
Christmas shopping.”
Wes rested against the counter and sipped her coffee.
“Something tells me that isn’t your most favorite thing.”
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RADCLY fFE
“Unscheduled trips are about our least favorite. No advance
planning, lots of civilians, way too much exposure.” Evyn laughed.
“We like things to be orderly, controlled, planned out.”
“Sounds a lot like my life,” Wes said.
“Well, you know what happens when all that goes out the window,”
Evyn said softly.
Wes set her coffee aside. Evyn’s eyes were so dark, so deep, Wes
couldn’t look away. The pull on her body to move closer, to touch, was
nearly irresistible, and she gripped the counter to keep herself in place.
“Dangerous.”
“And scary.”
Wes had been scared plenty in her life—scared of what would
happen to her family when her father died, scared of what would happen
if she didn’t get a scholarship, scared of who might pay if she failed to
do her job in the classroom or the field. She’d countered that fear by
working harder and longer until she was absolutely certain the outcome
was in her control. She didn’t leave room for failure. “Sometimes being
scared forces us to be stronger—better.”
“Oh, no question. Nothing like a challenge to make us dig deep,
find out what we’ve really got.”
“And who we really are?” Until recently, Wes had known who she
was and what she wanted. Now she wasn’t so sure.
“That too, sometimes.”
“This is crazy, you know that, right?” Wes murmured.
“Maybe. Probably. I told Tom you were right for the job and field
ready.”
“Did you.” Wes slid her hands into her pockets, crossed her
anklesEvyn swallowed. “Mmm. Last night.”
“So I guess I’m not a squid anymore.”
“Nope.” Evyn laughed.
“No more sims?”
“’Fraid not.”
Wes smiled. “I’m not.”
“No—I imagine you’ll be glad to be done with our daily dates.”
“You too, I imagine.”
“Not so much,” Evyn murmured.
Wes knew exactly what she should do to extinguish the possibilities
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that seemed to be growing without any intention on her part. She knew