other books by r.h. Sin
Whiskey Words & a Shovel I
Whiskey Words & a Shovel II
Whiskey Words & a Shovel III
Rest in the Mourning
dedication.
to the wounded
from the wounded
intro.
i took my expectations
and buried them all
at the bottom of the sea
because i alone
was never brave enough
to dive that deep
i took my pain
the anguish
and turned it into power
i found more of myself
in the loneliest of hours
i used my tears to create rivers
for my boat
on disappointment and betrayal
i float
i float
i took your absence
as a sign to move on
now the melody has changed
and i sing a new song
my heart, broken blue
my mind split in two
and yet i gained peace
at the loss of you
i took the heartache
and learned a lesson
i began after we ended
you leaving was my blessing
a love worth keeping.
i wish
i wish
for love like this
a love like summer
being kissed by the sun
a love like winter
hugged and covered with snow
a love like the night
being lit by the moon’s glow
i pray
i pray
that this never fades away
many claims of being in love
but none of them ever stay
i hope
i hope
i rely on our love
i rely on your heart
i wish, i hope
i pray we never part
devil, defeated.
i believe that the devil
takes a bow
when we lose
delighted by our mistakes
and the bad things that we choose
delighted by our pain
the devil does rejoice
defeated by our demons
the serpents who steal
our voice
but deep within the darkness
there’s a light that we find
a strength, a power
something to free our mind
something to free our soul
we go to war to fight for peace
bruised and battered
and yet we find a way
to bring the devil to his knees
3:29:50 p.m.
what is it that you love about him
is it the way he lets you down
incapable of lifting you up
is it the way your heart breaks
when he says something
that shatters your self-esteem
is it the fact he never shows up
when you need him
tell me again
what is there to love
about a man who doesn’t love you
from pain, came this.
my horror story began with you
and ended with your departure
the confusion and the pain of it all
turned me into an author
a poet for the poets
a voice for the voiceless
i speak for the weak
i rally for the strong
at 7:22 p.m., to my love.
will you miss me when i’m gone
what will the room sound like
without my voice
what will the room smell like
without my scent
my random sayings
my cough
my laughter
me yelling when angry
when sad
my smile
will you miss it
my lips, my tongue
the kissing
when i vanish into air
will you care
will you grieve
will you stay here
in this home
or will my absence
make you leave
all i ask is that you remember
and that you never forget about me
November ’13.
lonely like the winter
i searched for warmth
and found nothing but cold air
with nothing but pain living there
seeds that grow.
the suffering will make you strong
the pain will help you grow
you haunt the devil.
transforming heartache into lessons
refusing to remain down
when falling
not afraid to stare
your abusers in the eyes
the devil fears women like you
soft light.
your softness
is your gift
your sensitivity
is beautiful
most of who you are
will go unappreciated
by men
who don’t deserve you
anima I.
loving yourself
will save your soul
anima II.
you will find your soul mate
when you fall for yourself first
life jacket.
you can’t save the person
who refuses to appreciate
or acknowledge your effort
this is what i had to learn
this is what i’ve come to accept
a terrible terror of love I.
it’s scary
how you can do
so much for someone
and yet they’d rather focus
on what you don’t do
the false remains.
i edit the memories of you
pretending you thought more of me
than what you actually did
i’m much happier
lying to myself
about us
mobile distractions.
should’ve held my hand more
instead of your phone
a restless nightmare.
my mental walls are crashing down on me
wide awake in this nightmarish thought
please save me from my own mind
everything 7:22.
she is both complex
and easy to love
mating souls 7:22.
give me eternal promises
an infinite love
and i’ll give you mine
whatever helps.
you have been strong for so long
cry if you need to
scream if it helps
much more.
you are tougher than your demons
you are greater than the pain
both ways.
take a lover
who will choose you
like you choose them
begin again, again.
you’re cold
but you’ll love again
when sn
ow melts
the flowers grow again
learned lessons.
gather the sorrow
and let it teach you
collect the heartache
and heal
different :22.
i fell in love with your strange
my heart fell for your crazy
in your lips.
with one kiss
you make the madness
of the world
disappear
removing you.
screaming fuck you
the moon is full
as i empty myself of you
retrieve self.
sometimes i wish i could get back
all of myself that i wasted on you
internal blaze.
the memory of you
burns like a flame
in my skull
love :22.
but when you touch me
i remember how it feels
to feel okay
the lonely ones.
you’re trying to be everything
to someone who doesn’t care
for you
more lessons.
having my heart broken
helped me understand the true weight
of holding on to the wrong person
the terror.
you’re terrified of feeling complete
you have a fear of becoming whole
and so you’ve accepted
being broken
we, like flowers.
too soon
the flowers dry up
then die without warning
the depth.
there is so much more to you
than your reflection in the mirror
you are too deep for the understanding
of shallow souls
1:25.
you are forgiven
but there is no longer
a space provided here
for you
mid-December lesson.
not everyone you love
deserves your patience
not everyone you love
deserves your fight
not everyone you love
deserves your heart
not everyone you love
understands that love
late December love.
we’re conditioned to love
what we know
and if all we know
is pain
this is what we tend
to choose
before ’13.
i couldn’t stay
my heart was too heavy
for your hands
my mind was too complex
for you to comprehend
and my soul was never yours
to keep
early mourning.
in mourning
i found truth
in mourning
i found clarity
in mourning
i found peace
because i understand.
there’s a black hole
where your heart used to be
and i won’t judge you for that
less.
i give minimal attention
to those who do nothing
but tear me down emotionally
until i eventually
give them nothing at all
among the living.
i went on living
even when i felt like
i couldn’t anymore
even when i felt like
i didn’t want to
ongoing.
your love is infinite
find someone who understands this
the after.
in order to heal properly
you must walk away
from what broke you
a grave love.
for so long
i was dating death
falling deep into a grave
that looked like love
tender beginnings.
who were you
when you first fell in love
a tender, timid heart
a soul in search of longing
vulnerable and beautiful
unprepared for heartache
the first one we love
is often the one
to teach us about pain
Monday after 6.
awkwardness and tension
short questions met with short answers
communicating without communication
or comprehension
no understanding
we are no longer
who we were before
neither friend nor foe
nothing, no one
just two strangers
who used to know
one another
a love i hate.
a flame made weak by lies
a love that fell flat after betrayal
a heart, broken down
by the very person who promised
to protect it
you were never my forever
you were only my end
Raymond’s literary grave.
you were never as good
as you pretended to be
something short of what i am
and so you’re jealous of me
growing green with envy
your soul is undone
you’ve had many losses in your life
you may count this as one
blitz.
with love comes several failures
many attempts met unsuccessfully
no start.
and so we search for endless love
in places where it’ll never begin
battle tested.
a woman is a warrior
with infinite strength
twenty 2.
you began to talk like me
your facial expressions like my own
this is when i knew you were mine
the sorrow.
there’s nothing more confusing
and painful to a woman
than being told that she’s amazing
by a man who treats her like
she’s not good enough to commit to
and the saddest part of it all
is that this woman
will fight to prove her value
to the one man
who doesn’t even deserve her
the fight.
the fight to prove yourself
to someone who doesn’t deserve you
is a losing battle
what is there to achieve
when the one you want
has nothing to give you in return
where is the benefit
in going to war for someone
who’d rather fight against you
instead of beside you
the questions I.
here you are, alone
taken but alone
in a relationship
that feels like a big
question mark
constantly wondering
and wandering off
into a thick silence
struggling to find the words
at odds with your own heart
what should feel good
has become painful to bear
you wear sadness well
but i can tell that you’re tired
you’re fed up, you want out
the wrong mate I.
being with the wrong person
is a time suck
loving someone
who refuses to love you
drains the heart
the soul becomes weary
the longer you stay
the opportunity to find
your soul mate
becomes greatly reduced
the wrong mate II.
real love arrives
when the heart
no longer clings
to the wrong love
real love can only be found
when the heart
no longer searches
for it in the wrong places
the problem.
there’s the problem
you say you want love
but you’ve settled for someone
who treats you like
they hate you