other books by r.h. Sin
Whiskey Words & a Shovel I
Whiskey Words & a Shovel II
Whiskey Words & a Shovel III
Rest in the Mourning
A Beautiful Composition of Broken
dedicated to the fighters
the survivors
PAIN | CHAOS
wanting you
was never enough
to make you
deserve me
we reach for hands
unworthy of holding ours
i apologized
when you destroyed me
i held on
when i should’ve let go
you’re fighting for him
and he’s fighting you
that’s not love
i know you’re hurting
but don’t let him break you
powerful women are tired of trying
for lovers who never try for them
she wore her scars
without hiding
she wore her pain
so well
as children
we’re told to wait
for someone special
but no one ever teaches us
what special is
i blame your mother
for not building
your self-esteem
and encouraging you
to be a queen
i blame your father
for not loving you enough
to keep you from
searching for a love
in men who couldn’t
love you
she spent most nights
surviving you
most nights
he’s undeserving
of any space
in your mind
a man who hides you
is a coward
it happens
it’s true
they always leave you
for the person
they told you
not to worry about
while you lie there hurting
wide awake
he’s asleep
on the piles of lies
he’s made
dying for a love
that never mattered
sadness fills me
like a mind
flooded with pain
love can perish
i feel us dying
my mind
finds time
to waste
on you
the most dangerous anger
is the one that lingers
in silence
it sits
it stays
it lives
in solitude
it wants to be alone
it dwells within me
i made it easy for you
to complicate my life
i have bruises
no one can see
i am hurting
but i’ll just smile
a man who apologizes
for things he’ll never stop doing
doesn’t love you
he doesn’t deserve you
her angel eyes
saw the good
in many devils
she accepted a love
that never matched
her own
silence is a language
that does not need words
this isn’t what i wanted
i thought i needed you
until i realized
the hardest part is forgiving people
who were never truly sorry
who were you before the aches
of a broken heart
who were you
before the world decided
to tear you apart
who were you
before your first love
turned hopeful to despair
who were you
before the disappointment
back when you used to care
who were you
within your innocence
before they robbed you
of your smile
who are you in this moment
you haven’t been yourself
for a while
who were you, who are you
the questions for the soul
who were you, who are you
what makes you feel whole
we were sold dreams
that would later become nightmares
you made me cold
then complained
about the chill
there is pain
a deep pain
in the idea
of good people
wasting the best parts
of themselves
on people
who are never
good to them
bounded by blood
ruined by hatred
sometimes family
feels like the enemy
sometimes family
starts the war
perhaps we laugh
to mask the cries
screaming in silence
we’ve gotten better
at pretending to be happy
alone in love
we love alone
you’re not in love
you’re in pain
and there’s nothing
romantic or loving
about that
aren’t you tired
of needing things
from those who are incapable
of providing the things you need
they love you
until they leave you
then miss you
when you’ve moved on
her father never warned her
about the wolves that love to feast
on an aching heart
and so she found herself falling
for beasts who never loved her
so many evenings
alone and lost
afraid of the loneliness
struggling to survive
they force you to shut down
then judge you for not opening up
they only miss you
when you stop missing them
they only want you
when you’re wanting
someone better
she’s confused by his confusion
his love feels like hate
and she’s too tired to sleep
but she’s too strong
to let go
and so she holds on to him
because she doesn’t want
to be alone
but she’s the loneliest
whenever she’s beside him
and i hope that one day
or a night like this
that she’ll realize that she
deserves more than he can provide
her father was the first man
to half love her
her father was the first man
to let her down
her father taught her
to love men
who would always
make her feel
as if she wasn’t good enough
her father’s version of love
was the love she accepted
love her correctly
i’m lost
and i just want
to meet myself again
the abandonment is abuse
you can’t keep loving people
who choose to hurt you
we’re afraid of monsters
but we are the monsters
and in theory
we’re all running
from ourselves
shouting toward the moon
but my voice was overshadowed
by the night sky
you cannot find love
in the arms of someone
who acts as if they hate you
we fell like rain
then drowned
like the ocean
you’re an addict
and i was just
another drug to you
a father’s rejection
damages the soul
of young girls
all the way into the pits
of adulthood
he destroyed her wings
then punished her
for not knowing how to fly
i ache
from the weight
of all the sadness
in my heart
all the clouds in me
are raining
the wind whispered her name
the sky turned gray in her absence
the rain began to fall
as if to symbolize some type of sadness
it could be day
and yet she felt like the night
collapsing into herself
until she felt nothing
numb to the pain
that once slept in her soul
i think maybe she’s hurting
or possibly learning
to forgive herself
because in the rebuilding
of the heart
it must first be broken
in order to discover peace
you must first suffer ill emotions
you almost fully forfeit
your right to be happy
once you’ve chosen to love
someone who chooses to hurt you
how far is happiness
i’ve been walking for so long
on this journey for so long
my heart is blistered
bruised the color blue
cracks from piecing myself
back together
thought i’d be hurt forever
after loving you
you never lived up
to the promises you made
painting a false representation
of who you truly were
and where love should feel like art
this love was purely a tragedy
PLEASURE | PEACE
unpacked and unfolded
lying on my bed like fresh linen
warm like fabric from the dryer
i’d be a liar if i said
this wasn’t what i wanted
with my hands on your skin
desperately wanting you
sometimes
you’re better off alone
there is peace
in being away
from it all
she could be chaos
she could be peace
all depending
on how you treat her
alone with you
lost in the silence
of our peace
found by your lips
in the dark
i long to love you
like a memory
worth remembering
i hope you find someone
who helps you unpack your heart
with clean hands
i don’t mind fucking one person
for the rest of my life
i don’t mind having just you
in a world filled with bodies
aching to be touched
i can love one person
without wanting anyone else
this is my power
and this is my gift
i almost gave you
the parts of me
you never deserved
and we are proof
that it is never too late
to walk away
from the one
who isn’t the one
you will miss the way i missed you
and i will be fine
i leave holes
in those i leave behind
an emptiness they can’t fill
because i am irreplaceable
she fit perfectly into my daydreams
broken and imperfect
full of flaws and bruises
left by a love that wasn’t love
and lies that were thought to be truth
she was the only star worth searching for
in a moonlit sky and she was everything
i could have hoped for
she was everything i needed
and i was ready to do whatever i could
to prove to her that i deserved
the love that she’d wasted on others
if she chooses you
like no one else matters
hold on to her
and never let her go
you are the tomorrow
that i can’t wait to get to
could we dance to the silence
could we move to the tunes
that live only in our heads
take her to cabins
let her toes touch
the earth
watch her arms
grasp the trees
and fall in love
with her love for nature
standing against floor to ceiling windows
body draped in darkness
set aglow by the moon
she fit perfectly with the skyline
she fit perfectly in the city
she grew toward the sky
the sun kept calling her name
i hope you get lost
and find yourself again
girls like you
deserve a love
that always
feels like summer
she found heaven
in a bookstore
she got lost
in the pages
oversized sweaters
and large coffee mugs
the leaves are falling
in love with her
the light lives with you
you bring the light
wherever you go
to the girls
with wild hearts
may your souls
remain free
drown them with your tears
sink them to the bottom
then walk away from that river
of despair
the girl with the broken soul
became the woman
with the strongest heart
you’ll be missed
you’ll be the one thing
they’ll never forget
and their biggest regret
will be losing you
be wild
be loyal
be loyal
be wild
you are the most interesting thing
occurring here on earth
don’t let them make you feel
as if you are ordinary
you are not
our hearts were just waiting
to collide
and i just wanted
to crash into you
seclusion can be heaven
alone is peaceful
so many souls are undeserving