CHALINUS
What you wish, I only wish myself to be acquainted with it.
STALINO
Listen then; I’ll tell you. I’ve promised to give Casina as a wife to our bailiff.
CHALINUS
But your wife and your son have promised her to me.
STALINO
I know it; but whether now would you prefer yourself to be single and a free man, or, as a married man, to pass your lives, yourself and your children, in slavery? This choice is your own: whichever condition of these two you prefer, take it.
CHALINUS
If I am free, I live at my own cost; at present I live at yours. As to Casina, I’m resolved to give way to no born man.
STALINO
Go in-doors, and at once be quick and call my wife here, out of doors; and bring hither together with you an urn, with some water, and the lots.
CHALINUS
I’m quite agreable.
STALINO
I’ faith, in some way or other I’ll now ward off this weapon of yours; for if, as it is, I shall not be able to prevail by persuasion, at least I’ll try it by lot. There I shall take vengeance upon you and your abettors.
CHALINUS
Still, for all that the lot will fall to me ——
STALINO
Aye, faith, for you to go to perdition with direful torments.
CHALINUS
She shall marry me, contrive what you will, in any way you please.
STALINO
Won’t you away hence from my sight?
CHALINUS
Unwillingly you look upon me, still I shall live on. Goes into the house.
STALINO
to himself . Am I not a wretched man? Don’t all things go quite contrary with me? I’m now afraid that my wife will prevail upon Olympio not to marry Casina. If that’s done, why look, it’s all over with me in my old age! If she does not prevail, there is still some tiny hope in the lots. But if the lots fail me, I’ll make a pillow of a sword, and lay me down upon it. But see, most opportunely Olympio’s coming out of doors.
Enter OLYMPIO, from the house, speaking to CLEOSTRATA, within.
OLYMPIO
By my faith, all in an instant shut me up in a hot furnace, and parch me there for a hard-baked biscuit, good mistress, before you shall gain that point of me which you desire.
STALINO
apart . I’m all right. My hope’s realized, according as I hear his words.
OLYMPIO
at the door, to his MISTRESS, within . But why do you frighten me about liberty? Why, even though you should oppose it, and your son as well, against your wills and in spite of you both, for a single penny I can become free.
STALINO
stepping forward . What’s this? Who are you wrangling with, Olympio?
OLYMPIO
With the same person that you always are.
STALINO
What, with my wife?
OLYMPIO
What wife are you speaking of to me? Really you are a hunter, as it were: your nights and days you pass with a female cur.
STALINO
What does she say? What’s she talking to you about?
OLYMPIO
She’s begging and entreating of me that I won’t be taking Casina as my wife.
STALINO
What did you say after that?
OLYMPIO
Why, I declared that I wouldn’t give way to Jupiter himself, if he were to entreat me.
STALINO
May the Gods preserve you for me!
OLYMPIO
She’s now all in a ferment; she’s swelling so against me.
STALINO
By my troth, I could like her to burst in the middle.
OLYMPIO
I’ faith, I fancy she will, if indeed you manage cleverly. But your amorousness, i’ faith, is a cause of trouble to me; your wife is at enmity with me, your son at enmity, my fellow-servants at enmity.
STALINO
What matters that to you? So long as pointing to himself this Jupiter only is propitious to you, do you take care and esteem the lesser Gods at a straw’s value.
OLYMPIO
That’s great nonsense; as if you didn’t know how suddenly your human Jupiters take to dying. So after all, if you, my Jupiter, are dead and gone, when your realm devolves upon the lesser Gods, who shall then come to the rescue of my back, or head, or legs?
STALINO
Affairs will go with you better than you expect, if I obtain this — the enjoyment of my Casina.
OLYMPIO
I’ faith, I do not think it possibly can be; so earnestly is your wife striving that she shall not be given to me.
STALINO
But this way I’ll proceed: I’ll put the lots in an urn, and draw the lots for yourself and Chalinus. I find that the business has come to this pass; it’s necessary to fight with swords hand to hand.
OLYMPIO
What, if the lot should turn out different from what you wish?
STALINO
Speak with good omen. I rely upon the Gods; we’ll trust in the Gods.
OLYMPIO
That expression I wouldn’t purchase at a rotten thread, for all people are relying upon the Gods; but still I’ve frequently seen many of those deceived who relied upon the Gods.
STALINO
But hold your tongue a little while. Pointing.
What is it you mean?
STALINO
Why look; here’s Chalinus coming from the house, out here, with the urn and the lots. Now, with standards closing, we shall fight.
Enter CLEOSTRATA and CHALINUS, with the urn and lots.
CLEOSTRATA
Let me know, Chalinus, what my husband wants with me.
CHALINUS
By my troth, he wants to see you burning outside of the Metian gate.
CLEOSTRATA
I’ faith, I believe he does want that.
CHALINUS
But, by my troth, I don’t believe it, but I know it for certain.
STALINO
aside to OLYMPIO . I’ve got more men of business than I imagined: I’ve got this fellow, a Diviner, in my house. What, if we move our standards nearer, and go to meet them? Follow me. Goes up to CLEOSTRATA and CHALINUS. What are you about?
CHALINUS
All the things are here which you ordered; your wife, the lots, the urn, and myself.
STALINO
By yourself only, there is more here than I want.
CHALINUS
I’ faith, so it seems to you indeed. I’m a stinger to you now; I’m pricking that dear little heart of yours; even now it’s palpitating from alarm.
STALINO
Whip-knave ——
CLEOSTRATA
Hold your tongue, Chalinus,
OLYMPIO
Do make that fellow be quiet.
CHALINUS
No, that fellow rather pointing to OLYMPIO , who has learned to misbehave.
STALINO
to CHALINUS . Set the urn down here. CHALINUS puts it down. Give me the lots: lend your attention now. But I did think, my wife, that I could have prevailed upon you thus far, for Casina to be given me as my wife, and even now I think so.
OLE.
She, given to you?
STALINO
Why yes, to me —— dear me, I didn’t mean to say that. While I meant for myself, I said him; aside why really, while I’m wanting her for myself, I’ve already, i’ faith, been chattering at random.
CLEOSTRATA
overhearing him . Upon my word, you really have; and you are still doing so.
STALINO
For him — no, no; for myself, i’ faith. Plague take it, at last, with great difficulty, I’ve got into the right road!
CLEOSTRATA
Very often, i’ faith, you are making your mistakes.
STALINO
Such is the case when you desire anything very much. But each of us, both he
pointing to OLYMPIO and I, apply to you for our rights ——
CLEOSTRATA
How’s that?
STALINO
Why, I’ll tell you, my sweet. As to this Casina, you must make a present of her to this bailiff of ours.
CLEOSTRATA
But, i’ faith, I neither do make it, nor do I in tend it.
STALINO
In that case, then, I’ll divide the lots between them.
CLEOSTRATA
Who forbids you?
STALINO
I judge with reason that that is the best and fairest way. In fine, if that happens which we desire, we shall be glad; but if otherwise, we’ll bear it with equanimity. Giving a lot to OLYMPIO. Take, this lot — take it; see what’s written on it.
OLYMPIO
looking at it . Number one. CHA. It isn’t fair, be cause that fellow has got one before me.
STALINO
giving one to CHALINUS .Take this, will you.
CHALINUS
taking it . Give it me. Stop though; one thing has just now come into my mind. To CLEOSTRATA. Do you see that there’s no other lot in there by chance at the bottom of the water.
STALINO
Whip-rascal! do you take me to be your own self? To CLEOSTRATA. There is none; only set your feelings at rest.
OLYMPIO
to CHALINUS . May it prove lucky and fortunate to me, a great mischance to you!
CHALINUS
I’ faith, it will certainly fall to you, I fancy; I know your pious ways. But stop a bit; is that lot of yours of poplar or of fir?
OLYMPIO
Why do you trouble yourself about that?
CHALINUS
Why, because I’m afraid that it may float on the surface of the water. They go up to the urn.
STALINO
Capital! — take care! Now then, both of you, throw your lots in here. Pointing to the urn. Look now, wife, all’s fair. They throw them in.
OLYMPIO
Don’t you trust your wife.
STALINO
Be of good courage.
OLYMPIO
Upon my faith, I do believe that she’ll lay a spell upon the lots this very day, if she touches them.
STALINO
Hold your tongue.
OLYMPIO
I’ll hold my tongue. I pray the Gods ——
CHALINUS
Aye,that this day you may have to endure the chain and the bilboes.
OLYMPIO
That the lot may fall to me.
CHALINUS
Aye, faith, that you may hang up by the feet.
OLYMPIO
Aye, that you may blow your eyes out of your head through your nose.
CHALINUS
to STALINO . What are you afraid of? It must be ready by this —— Turning to OLYMPIO. A halter for you, I mean.
OLYMPIO
to CHALINUS . You’re undone!
STALINO
Give attention, both of you.
OLYMPIO
I’ll be mum.
STALINO
Now you, Cleostrata, that you may not say that anything has been done cheatingly by me in this matter, or suspect it, I give you leave, do you yourself draw the lots.
OLYMPIO
to STALINO . You are ruining me.
CHALINUS
He’s gaining an advantage rather.
CLEOSTRATA
to STALINO . You do what’s fair.
CHALINUS
to OLYMPIO . I pray the Gods that your lot say run away out of the urn.
OLYMPIO
Say you so? Because you are a runaway yourself, do you wish all to follow your example? I wish, indeed, that that lot of yours, as they say that of the descendants of Hercules once did, may melt away while the lots are drawing.
CHALINUS
And you, that you may melt away yourself, and just now be made hot with twigs.
STALINO
Attend, will you, to the business in hand, Olympio!
OLYMPIO
Yes, if this thrice-dotted fellow ‘ll let me.
STALINO
May this prove lucky and fortunate to me.
OLYMPIO
Yes indeed; to me as well.
CHALINUS
Not so.
OLYMPIO
By my troth, yes, I say.
CHALINUS
By my troth, yes, for myself, I say.
STALINO
to OLYMPIO .He’ll be the winner; you’ll live in wretchedness. Do you give him a punch in the face this instant! Well, what are you about?
CLEOSTRATA
to OLYMPIO . Don’t you raise your hand.
OLYMPIO
to STALINO . With clenched or open hand am I to strike him?
STALINO
Do just as you please.
OLYMPIO
striking CHALINUS . There’s for you, take that!
CLEOSTRATA
to OLYMPIO . What business have you to touch him?
OLYMPIO
Because my Jupiter pointing to STALINO commanded me.
CLEOSTRATA
to CHALINUS . Do you slap him in the face in return. CHALINUS strikes OLYMPIO in the face.
OLYMPIO
calling out to STALINO . I’m being murdered, I’m being punched with his fists, Jupiter!
STALINO
to CHALINUS . What business had you to touch him?
CHALINUS
Because this Juno of mine pointing to CLEOSTRATA ordered me.
STALINO
I must put up with it, since, as long as I live, my wife will have the mastery.
CLEOSTRATA
to STALINO . He pointing to CHALINUS ought to be allowed to speak as much as that fellow.
OLYMPIO
Why by his talk does he occasion me an unlucky omens
STALINO
I think, Chalinus, you should be on your guard against a mishap.
CHALINUS
Full time, after my face has been battered!
STALINO
Come, wife, now then draw the lots. To the SERVANTS. Do you give your attention. To CLEOSTRATA. And give it, you, as well.
OLYMPIO
Where I am I know not. I’m undone, I’ve got my heart full of maggots, I think; it’s jumping about already; with its throbbing it beats against my breast.
CLEOSTRATA
putting her hand into the urn . I’ve got hold of a lot.
STALINO
Draw it out, then.
CHALINUS
to OLYMPIO . Are you not dead now?
OLYMPIO
Show it. She shows it. It’s mine.
CHALINUS
Really this is an unlucky mishap.
CLEOSTRATA
You are beaten, Chalinus.
STALINO
Then I’m glad that we are to survive after all, Olympio.
OLYMPIO
Through my own piety and that of my forefathers has it happened.
STALINO
Wife, go in-doors and make ready for the wedding.
CLEOSTRATA
I’ll do as you bid me.
STALINO
Do you know that it’s to a distance in the country, at the farm-house,that he is to take her?
CLEOSTRATA
I know.
STALINO
Go in-doors,and although this is disagreable to you, still take care and attend to it.
CLEOSTRATA
Very well. Goes into the house.
STALINO
to OLYMPIO . Let us, as well, go in-doors; let’s entreat them to make all haste.
OLYMPIO
Am I delaying at all? For in his presence pointing to CHALINUS I don’t want there to be any further conversation. They go into the house.
CHALINUS, alone.
CHALINUS
to himself. If now I were to hang myself, I should be losing my pains, and besides my pains, putting myself to the expense of purchasing a rope, and doing a pleasure to my evil-wishers.
What need is there for me, who, indeed, am dead even as it is? At the lots I’m beaten; Casina’s to be married to the bailiff. And this now is not so much to be regretted, that the bailiff has got the better, as the fact that the old man so vehemently desired that she shouldn’t be given me, and should marry him. How frightened he was, how in his misery he did bustle about, how he did caper about after the bailiff had won. By-the-bye, I’ll step aside here; I hear the door opening. Sees STALINO and OLYMPIO, coming out. My well-wishers and friendsare coming out. Here in ambush I’ll lay in wait against them. Goes on one side.
Enter STALINO and OLYMPIO, from the house.
OLYMPIO
Only let him come into the country; I’ll send the fellow back into the city to you with his porter’s knot, as black as a collier.
STALINO
So it ought to be.
OLYMPIO
I’ll have that done and well taken care of.
STALINO
I intended, if he had been at home, to send Chalinus to cater with you; that, even in his sadness, I might, in addition,inflict this misfortune upon our foe.
CHALINUS
apart, retreating to the wall of the house . I’ll betake me back again to the wall; I’ll imitate the crab. Their conversation must be secretly picked up by me; for the one of them is tormenting me, the other wasting me with anguish. Why, this whip-rascal is marching along in his white garb, a very receptacle for stripes. My own death I defer; I’m determined to send this fellow to Acheron before me.
OLYMPIO
How obsequious have I been found to you! A thing that you especially desired, that same have I put in your power; this day the object that you love shall be with you, unknown to your wife.
STALINO
Hush! So may the Deities kindly bless me, I can hardly withhold my lips from kissing you on account of this, my own delight!
CHALINUS
apart . What? Kiss him? What’s the meaning of this? What’s this delight of yours?
OLYMPIO
Do you love me at all now?
STALINO
Aye, by my faith, myself even less than you. May I embrace you?
OLYMPIO
You may. STALINO embraces him.
STALINO
How, when I touch you, I do seem to myself to be tasting honey!
CHALINUS
apart . I really do think he intends to choke the bailiff.
OLYMPIO
pushing STALINO away . Away with you, you lover; get off, with your too close acquaintanceship!
CHALINUS
apart . I’ faith, I think that this very day they’ll be making terms. Surely,this old fellow is an universal admirer. This is the reason, this is it why he made him his bailiff; some time ago, too, when I came in his way, he wanted to make me his chamberlain upon the like terms.