orgasm, 62, 66, 70, 71, 72, 101, 223, 234
faking of, 125–26
first, 129
in hookups, 106
Ortiz, Camila, 7–12, 15, 200
Out Online, 146
Paglia, Camille, 172, 177
pain, 70, 71, 72, 223
anal sex and, 70
Paper, 25, 41–42
Parenting Institute, 50
parents:
and talking about sex, 234–36
and teens’ assertion of independence, 221–22
Parsons, Rehtaeh, 181, 182
Pattinson, Robert, 64–65
Paul, Bryant, 35
Paul, Pamela, 37
People, 51, 170
photographs, 21
of assaults, 181–82
posing in, 18
revenge porn, 22
selfies, 20–21, 23, 25
sexting and, 21–23
plastic surgery, 21
labiaplasty, 69
Playboy, 41
Pollitt, Katha, 198–99, 201
Population Council, 207
Pornified (Paul), 37
pornography, 32–40, 46, 71, 90, 94, 145, 182, 232, 233
Reddit and, 146
Pott, Audrie, 181, 182
pregnancy, 53, 233
abstinence-only education and, 211
teen, 209, 219
virginity pledges and, 89
Princeton University, 13
Protestants, 88
pubic hair, 67–69
Pulp Fiction, 122
Purity Balls, 84–85, 86–87, 90–91, 93–95
Purity Myth, The (Valenti), 78, 101
queefing, 63–64
racism, 115, 116
rainbow parties, 51
rape, 167–204
acquaintance, 170
alcohol and, 171, 172–73, 177, 185–89, 192–93
Brown University list and, 170
civil court and, 178
on college campuses, 168, 170–73, 176–83, 185, 187–88, 192–95, 198, 199, 201
college campus party culture and, 129–34, 136, 185
consent and, see consent
convictions and punishments for, 182–83
date, 171, 172, 173
defining, 172, 176, 192–93, 233
Epifano and, 178
false charges of, 194
Glen Ridge case, 168, 169–70, 180, 182
as “hilarious,” 181–82
investigation of college cases of, 179–80
Louisville case, 181, 182, 183
marital, 172
Kennedy Smith case, 169, 170
photographs and videos of, 181–82
Pott and, 181, 182
recantations of, 194
Reed and, 167, 174–75, 183–85, 189–92, 204
refusal skills and, 196–99
reporting of, 133, 193, 194–95
Rolling Stone article on Uxniversity of Virginia case, 193–94
Steubenville, Ohio, 180–81, 182
Sulkowicz and, 179
sympathy for perpetrators of, 182–83
Tyson case, 169, 170
Rape Is Rape (Raphael), 194
Raphael, Jody, 194
Ravitch, Diane, 209
Reagan, Ronald, 210
Reddit, 146
Reed, Maddie, 167, 174–75, 183–85, 189–92, 204
Regnerus, Mark, 88
relationships, 107, 111, 120–21, 138, 140
abuse in, 111
defining, 139
friends with benefits, 105, 106, 138–39
hooking up and, 109–11
identity and, 107–8
learning from, 108–9
religion, 90
evangelical Christians, 88, 89–90
revenge porn, 22
Rogen, Seth, 36
Roiphe, Katie, 171–72, 177
Rolling Stone, 193–94
roofies, 188
Rouillard, André, 193
Ryan, Caitlin, 148, 157
Salon, 186
Samberg, Andy, 64
same-sex marriage, 36, 148
Sandler, Adam, 64
San Francisco State University, 148
Saturday Night Live (SNL), 173, 199
Scarleteen, 146
Schalet, Amy, 220–23, 235
Schumer, Amy, 25
scripts, 34–35, 43, 105, 160
Second Life, 39, 147
Segel, Jason, 64
self-esteem, 12–13
selfies, 20–21, 23
butt, 25
self-improvement, 17, 107
Selfish (Kardashian), 42
self-objectification, 2, 12–13, 39, 67
Selter, Jen, 25
sex:
definition of, 100, 104, 224
teen independence and, 221–22
Sex, Etc., 146
Sex and the City, 68
sex education, 52, 62, 205–36
ABCD model for raising sexually healthy children, 235
abstinence-only, 52, 75, 76–77, 89, 210–12, 221
Denison and, 205–7, 208, 213–19, 222, 223–33
Devine and, 234
in Holland, 219–23, 232, 235
marriage and, 209–10
parents and, 234–36
Sex in America, 49
Sex Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), 209
sexism, litmus test for, 12
Sex Lives of College Students, The, 125–26, 153
Sex Made Easy (Herbenick), 67
sexting, 21–23
sexual activity, overestimating, 105, 231
sexual assault, 58, 59, 131, 168
as “hilarious,” 181–82
investigation of college cases of, 179–80
photo/videos of, 181–82
refusal skills and, 196–99
reporting of, 133
among secondary students, 180
see also rape
sexual harassment, 8–11, 16, 132
peer-to-peer, law against, 199–200
sexual intercourse, 104, 209
first, 3, 77–78, 79–82, 86
in hookups, 105, 106
and number of partners, 98
sexualization, 94, 233
purity and, 94
sexuality and, 15
sexual learning, 93
sexually active, being, 73, 78
evangelicals and, 88
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), 53, 222
abstinence and, 85
HIV/AIDS, 52, 157, 210–11
HPV, 100
protection against, 88, 89, 211, 221
pubic hair and, 67
virginity pledges and, 89
sexual manipulation, 195–97, 223
sexual orientation and identity, 141–66
asexual, 142
bisexual, 152–53, 159, 162
cis-gender, 163
coming out and, 148, 156–57, 158
coming out videos, 155–56
femininity and, 162, 163, 165
genderqueer, 162, 165
homosexual, see homosexuality
Internet and, 142, 144, 145–48, 149
lesbian, see lesbians
LGBTQ, 17, 146, 156–57, 166
rejection and, 157
and tensions between butch women and transmen, 164–65
transgender, 161–65
sexual partners, number of, 98, 105, 126–27
sexual revolution, 104, 208, 209, 220
sexual satisfaction, 69–72
in hookups, 106–7, 126
orgasm, see orgasm
shame, walk of, 132
shaming, 3, 29, 86, 114, 124
shaving:
of legs and armpits, 67, 69
of pubic hair, 67
Silver Ring Thing, 85
Simmons, Rachel, 20
Simpson Rowe, Lorelei, 195–97, 198
Sims, Th
e, 147
Slate DoubleX, 185–86
sleepovers, 222, 235
“slut,” 3, 9, 14, 54, 81, 98, 124–25, 223, 230
Slutwalks, 16
Smith, William Kennedy, 169, 170
Snapchat, 22
social media, 17–21
Facebook, 18, 19, 20
Instagram, 9–10, 18, 19, 20, 25, 32, 41, 66, 135, 181
Reddit, 146
selfies on, 20–21, 23
Tumblr, 153–54
Twitter, 10, 200
YouTube, see YouTube
Sociological Images, 42
Sommers, Christina Hoff, 172–73, 177, 194
sororities, 113–16, 133
Southern Baptist Convention, 85
South Park, 64
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, 24, 26
Starr, Martin, 64
STDs, see sexually transmitted diseases
Stenzel, Pam, 75–77, 86, 89, 100
Steubenville, Ohio, 180–81, 182
Student Success Act, 211–12
suicide, 85–86, 157, 181
Sulkowicz, Emma, 179
Supreme Court, 148, 170, 208
S.W.A.T. (Sisters Walking Accountable Together), 86, 87
Talk, 50–51
“talking,” use of term, 47
Teaching Sex (Moran), 209
television, 38, 39, 105, 148, 153, 164
texting:
after hookups, 136, 137
sexting, 21–23
That’s My Boy, 64
Thicke, Robin, 28
Thought Catalog, 64
Tinder, 105
Tiny Furniture, 40
Title IX, 170, 177–78
Tolman, Deborah, 12, 23–24, 70
Trainor, Meghan, 24
transgender, 161–65
Transparent, 164
“True Love Waits” movement, 85
Tumblr, 153–54
twerking, 28, 29
Twilight, 144
Twitter, 10, 200
Tyson, Mike, 169, 170
UNAIDS, 207
UNESCO, 207
United Nations General Assembly, 207
universities, see colleges and universities
University of Michigan, 104
University of Virginia, 179
Rolling Stone article on rape at, 193–94
vaginas:
attitudes about, 63–66
queefing and, 63–64
Valenti, Jessica, 78, 101
Vanderbilt University, 193
Vanity Fair, 14, 42
Vernacchio, Al, 207, 208
video chatting, 22–23
video games, 39
virginity, 73, 75–101, 229–30
average age of loss of, 3, 77, 88
evangelicals and, 88
as gift, 82, 83, 92
hymen and, 78
loss of, 3, 77–78, 79–82, 86, 98, 101, 120
oral sex and, 89, 98, 100
pledges of, 86, 88–90, 92, 211
purity advocates and, 75–77, 78
Purity Balls and, 84–85, 86–87, 90–91, 93–95
reinstatement of, 78
as rite of passage, 78, 83
as stigma, 82–83, 92
symbolic value of, 78
ways young people relate to, 82–83
Virginity Lost (Carpenter), 82–83
vocabulary of relationships and sexual intimacy, 46–47
Vogue, 42
Vox, 199
vulvas, 67
labiaplasty and, 69
shaving, 67
waxing, 67–69
Wade, Lisa, 117, 138
walk of shame, 132
Washington Post, 48, 170, 188, 201
waxing, 67–69
weight, 114
Welfare Reform Act, 210
West, North, 42
When Sex Goes to School (Luker), 208
Who Stole Feminism (Sommers), 172–73
Wilson, Randy, 84–85, 89
Winfrey, Oprah, 51
World Health Organization, 207
xoJane, 90
Yale University, 115
“yes means yes” law, 199, 201
Yoffe, Emily, 185–86, 195
Young, Cathy, 194
YouTube, 161, 181
coming out videos on, 155–56
About the Author
PEGGY ORENSTEIN is the New York Times bestselling author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, Waiting for Daisy, Flux, and Schoolgirls. A contributing writer for the New York Times Magazine, she has been published in USA Today, Parenting, Salon, the New Yorker, and other publications, and has contributed commentary to NPR’s All Things Considered. She lives in Northern California with her husband and daughter.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Also by Peggy Orenstein
Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture
Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman’s Quest to Become a Mother
Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World
Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem, and the Confidence Gap
Credits
Cover design by Helen Yentus
Copyright
The names and identifying characteristics of certain individuals have been changed to protect their privacy.
GIRLS & SEX. Copyright © 2016 by Peggy Orenstein. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
ISBN: 978-0-06-220972-6
EPub Edition March 2016 ISBN 9780062209733
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