‘Absolutely,’ I said. ‘Ceaseless vigilance, eh, Jeeves?’
‘Precisely, sir.’
‘But meanwhile, Jeeves,’ said Bingo in a low, earnest voice, ‘you will be devoting your best thought to the matter, won’t you?’
‘Most certainly, sir.’
‘Thank you, Jeeves.’
‘Not at all, sir.’
Also available in Arrow
Very Good, Jeeves
P.G. Wodehouse
A Jeeves and Wooster collection
An outstanding collection of Jeeves stories, every one a winner, in which Jeeves endeavours to give satisfaction:
By saving a grumpy cabinet minister from being marooned and attacked by a swan – in the process saving Bertie from his impending doom . . .
By rescuing Bingo Little and Tuppy Glossop from the soup (twice each) . . .
By arranging rather too many performances of the song ‘Sonny Boy’ to a not very appreciative audience . . .
And by a variety of other sparkling stratagems that should reduce you to helpless laughter.
Also available in Arrow
Something Fresh
P.G. Wodehouse
A Blandings novel
This is the first Blandings novel, in which P.G. Wodehouse introduces us to the delightfully dotty Lord Emsworth, his bone-headed younger son, the Hon. Freddie Threepwood, his long-suffering secretary, the Efficient Baxter, and Beach the Blandings butler.
As Wodehouse wrote, ‘without at least one impostor on the premises, Blandings Castle is never itself’. In Something Fresh there are two, each with an eye on a valuable scarab which Lord Emsworth has acquired without quite realizing how it came into his pocket. But of course things get a lot more complicated than this . . .
Also available in Arrow
The Code of the Woosters
P.G. Wodehouse
A Jeeves and Wooster novel
When Bertie Wooster goes to Totleigh Towers to pour oil on he troubled waters of a lovers’ breach between Madeline Bassett and Gussie Fink-Nottle, he isn’t expecting to see Aunt Dahlia there – nor to be instructed by her to steal some silver. But purloining the antique cow creamer from under the baleful nose of Sir Watkyn Bassett is the least of Bertie’s tasks. He has to restore true love to both Madeline and Gussie and to the Revd Stinker Pinker and Stiffy Byng – and confound the insane ambitions of would-be Dictator Roderick Spode and his Black Shorts. It’s a situation that only Jeeves can unravel . . .
Also available in Arrow
Blandings Castle
P.G. Wodehouse
A Blandings collection
The ivied walls of Blandings Castle have seldom glowed as sunnily as in these wonderful stories – but there are snakes in the rolling parkland ready to nip Clarence, the absent-minded Ninth Earl of Emsworth, when he least expects it.
For a start the Empress of Blandings, in the running for her first prize in the Fat Pigs Class at the Shropshire Agricultural Show, is off her food – and can only be coaxed back to the trough by a call in her own language. Then there is the feud with Head Gardener McAllister, aided by Clarence’s sister, the terrifying Lady Constance, and the horrible prospect of the summer fête – twin problems solved by the arrival of a delightfully rebellious little girl from London. But first of all there is the vexed matter of the custody of the pumpkin.
Skipping an ocean and a continent, Wodehouse also treats us to some unputdownable stories of excess from the monstrous Golden Age of Hollywood.
Also available in Arrow
Ukridge
P.G. Wodehouse
Money makes the world go round for Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge – and when there isn’t enough of it, the world just has to spin a bit faster.
Ever on the lookout for a quick buck, a solid gold fortune, or at least a plausible little scrounge, the irrepressible Ukridge gives con men a bad name. Looking like an animated blob of mustard in his bright yellow raincoat, he invests time, passion and energy (but seldom actual cash) in a series of increasingly bizarre money-making schemes. Finance for a dog college? It’s yours. Shares in an accident syndicate? Easily arranged. Promoting a kind-hearted heavyweight boxer? A snip.
Poor Corky Corcoran, Ukridge’s old school chum and confidant, trails through these pages in the ebullient wake of Wodehouse’s most disreputable but endearing hero and hopes to escape with his shirt at least.
Also available in Arrow
The Inimitable Jeeves
P.G. Wodehouse
A Jeeves and Wooster collection
A classic collection of stories featuring some of the funniest episodes in the life of Bertie Wooster, gentleman, and Jeeves, his gentleman’s gentleman – in which Bertie’s terrifying Aunt Agatha stalks the pages, seeking whom she may devour, while Bertie’s friend Bingo Little falls in love with seven different girls in succession (he marries the last, the bestselling romantic novelist Rosie M. Banks). And Bertie, with Jeeves’s help, just evades the clutches of the terrifying Honoria Glossop . . . At its heart is one of Wodehouse’s most delicious stories, ‘The Great Sermon Handicap’.
Also available in Arrow
Uncle Fred in the Springtime
P.G. Wodehouse
A Blandings novel
Uncle Fred is one of the hottest earls that ever donned a coronet. Or as he crisply said, ‘There are no limits, literally none, to what I can achieve in the springtime.’
Even so, his gifts are stretched to the limit when he is urged by Lord Emsworth to save his prize pig, the Empress of Blandings, from the enforced slimming cure of the haughty Duke of Dunstable. Pongo Twistleton knows his debonair but wild uncle shouldn’t really be allowed at large – especially when disguised as a brain surgeon. He fears the worst. And his fears are amply justified.
Also available in Arrow
Full Moon
P.G. Wodehouse
A Blandings novel
When the moon is full at Blandings, strange things happen: among them the painting of a portrait of The Empress, twice in succession winner in the Fat Pigs Class at the Shropshire Agricultural Show. What better choice of artist, in Lord Emsworth’s opinion, than Landseer. The renowned painter of The Stag at Bay may have been dead for decades, but that doesn’t prevent Galahad Threepwood from introducing him to the castle – or rather introducing Bill Lister, Gally’s godson, so desperately in love with Prudence that he’s determined to enter Blandings in yet another imposture. Add a gaggle of fearsome aunts, uncles and millionaires, mix in Freddie Threepwood, Beach the Butler and the gardener McAllister, and the moon is full indeed.
Also available in Arrow
The Mating Season
P.G. Wodehouse
A Jeeves and Wooster novel
At Deverill Hall, an idyllic Tudor manor in the picture-perfect village of King’s Deverill, impostors are in the air. The prime example is man-about-town Bertie Wooster, doing a good turn to Gussie Fink-Nottle by impersonating him while he enjoys fourteen days away from society after being caught taking an unscheduled dip in the fountains of Trafalgar Square. Bertie is of course one of nature’s gentlemen, but the stakes are high: if all is revealed, there’s a danger that Gussie’s simpering fiancée Madeline may turn her wide eyes on Bertie instead.
It’s a brilliant plan – until Gussie himself turns up, imitating Bertram Wooster. After that, only the massive brain of Jeeves (himself in disguise) can set things right.
Also available in Arrow
The Heart of a Goof
P.G. Wodehouse
A Golf collection
From his favourite chair on the terrace above the ninth hole, The Oldest Member tells a series of hilarious golfing stories. From Evangeline, Bradbury Fisher’s fifth wife and a notorious ‘golfing giggler’, to poor Rollo Podmarsh whose game was so unquestionably inept that ‘he began to lose his appetite and would moan feebly at the sight of a poached egg’, the game of golf, its players and their friends and enemies are here shown in all their comic glory.
Also available in Arrow
Piccadilly Jim
P.G. Wodehouse
It takes a lot of effort for Jimmy Crocker to become Piccadilly Jim – nights on the town roistering, headlines in the gossip columns, a string of broken hearts and breaches of promise. Eventually he becomes rather good at it and manages to go to pieces with his eyes open.
But no sooner has Jimmy cut a wild swathe through fashionable London than his terrifying Aunt Nesta decides he must mend his ways. He then falls in love with the girl he has hurt most of all, and after that things get complicated.
In a dizzying plot, impersonations pile on impersonations so that (for reasons that will become clear, we promise) Jimmy ends up having to pretend he’s himself. Does he deserve a happy ending? Read and find out.
The P G Wodehouse Society (UK)
The P G Wodehouse Society (UK) was formed in 1997 to promote the enjoyment of the writings of the twentieth century’s greatest humorist. The Society publishes a quarterly magazine, Wooster Sauce, which includes articles, features, reviews, and current Society news. Occasional special papers are also published. Society events include regular meetings in central London, cricket matches and a formal biennial dinner, along with other activities. The Society actively supports the preservation of the Berkshire pig, a rare breed, in honour of the incomparable Empress of Blandings.
MEMBERSHIP ENQUIRIES
Membership of the Society is open to applicants from all parts of the world. The cost of a year’s membership in 2008 is £15. Enquiries and requests for membership forms should be made to the Membership Secretary, The P G Wodehouse Society (UK), 26 Radcliffe Rd, Croydon, Surrey, CRO 5QE, or alternatively from info@pgwodehousesociety.org.uk
The Society’s website can be viewed at www.pgwodehousesociety.org.uk
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Table of Contents
About the Author
By the Same Author
Title Page
Copyright Page
Title
Preface
Blandings Castle Chapter 1 THE CUSTODY OF THE PUMPKIN
Chapter 2 LORD EMSWORTH ACTS FOR THE BEST
Chapter 3 PIG-HOO-O-O-O-EY!
Chapter 4 COMPANY FOR GERTRUDE
Chapter 5 THE GO-GETTER
Chapter 6 LORD EMSWORTH AND THE GIRLFRIEND
Elsewhere – Chapter 1. A Bobbie Wickham Story 7 MR POTTER TAKES A REST CURE
Elsewhere – Chapter 2. The Mulliners of Hollywood 8 MONKEY BUSINESS
9 THE NODDER
10 THE JUICE OF AN ORANGE
11 THE RISE OF MINNA NORDSTROM
12 THE CASTAWAYS
Extract: The Code of the Woosters
Also available in Arrow The Code of the Woosters
The Heart of a Goof
Full Moon
The P G Wodehouse Society (UK)
www.wodehouse.co.uk
The author of almost a hundred books and the creator of Jeeves, Blandings Castle, Psmith, Ukridge, Uncle Fred and Mr Mulliner, P.G. Wodehouse was born in 1881 and educated at Dulwich College. After two years with the Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank he became a full-time writer, contributing to a variety of periodicals including Punch and the Globe. He married in 1914. As well as his novels and short stories, he wrote lyrics for musical comedies with Guy Bolton and Jerome Kern, and at one time had five musicals running simultaneously on Broadway. His time in Hollywood also provided much source material for fiction.
At the age of 93, in the New Year's Honours List of 1975,
he received a long-overdue knighthood, only to die
on St Valentine's Day some 45 days later.
Some of the P. G. Wodehouse titles to be published
by Arrow in 2008
JEEVES
The Inimitable Jeeves
Carry On, Jeeves
Very Good, Jeeves
Thank You, Jeeves
Right Ho, Jeeves
The Code of the Woosters
Joy in the Morning
The Mating Season
Ring for Jeeves
Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit
Jeeves in the Offing
Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves
Much Obliged, Jeeves
Aunts Aren't Gentlemen
UNCLE FRED
Cocktail Time
Uncle Dynamite
BLANDINGS
Something Fresh
Leave it to Psmith
Summer Lightning
Blandings Castle
Uncle Fred in the Springtime
Full Moon
Pigs Have Wings
Service with a Smile
A Pelican at Blandings
MULLINER
Meet Mr Mulliner
Mulliner Nights
Mr Mulliner Speaking
GOLF
The Clicking of Cuthbert
The Heart of a Goof
Piccadilly Jim
Ukridge
The Luck of the Bodkins
Laughing Gas
A Damsel in Distress
The Small Bachelor
Hot Water
Summer Moonshine
The Adventures of Sally
Money for Nothing
The Girl in Blue
Big Money
P.G.WODEHOUSE
Blandings Castle
... AND ELSEWHERE
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ISBN 9781409063568
Version 1.0
www.randomhouse.co.uk
Published by Arrow Books 2008
1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2
Copyright by The Trustees of the Wodehouse Estate
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First published in the United Kingdom in 1935 by Herbert Jenkins Ltd
Arrow Books
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www.wodehouse.co.uk
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The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009
A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library
ISBN: 9781409063568
Version 1.0
Blandings Castle
...AND ELSEWHERE
PREFACE
EXCEPT for the tendency to write articles about the Modern Girl and allow his side-whiskers to grow, there is nothing an author to-day has to guard himself against more carefully than the Saga habit. The least slackening of vigilance and the thing has gripped him. He writes a story. Another story dealing with the same characters occurs to him, and he writes that. He feels that just one more won't hurt him, and he writes a third. And before he knows where he is, he is down with a Saga, and no cure in sight.
This is
what happened to me with Bertie Wooster and Jeeves, and it has happened again with Lord Emsworth, his son Frederick, his butler Beach, his pig the Empress and the other residents of Blandings Castle. Beginning with SOMETHING FRESH, I went on to LEAVE IT TO PSMITH, then to SUMMER LIGHTNING, after that to HEAVY WEATHER, and now to the volume which you have just borrowed. And, to show the habit-forming nature of the drug, while it was eight years after SOMETHING FRESH before the urge for LEAVE IT TO PSMITH gripped me, only eighteen months elapsed between SUMMER LIGHTNING and HEAVY WEATHER. In a word, once a man who could take it or leave it alone, I had become an addict.
The stories in the first part of this book represent what I may term the short snorts in between the solid orgies. From time to time I would feel the Blandings Castle craving creeping over me, but I had the manhood to content myself with a small dose.
In point of time, these stories come after LEAVE IT TO PSMITH and before SUMMER LIGHTNING. PIG-HOO-O-O-O-EY, for example, shows Empress of Blandings winning her first silver medal in the Fat Pigs class at the Shropshire Agricultural Show. In SUMMER LIGHTNING and HEAVY WEATHER she is seen struggling to repeat in the following year.
THE CUSTODY OF THE PUMPKIN shows Lord Emsworth passing through the brief pumpkin phase which preceded the more lasting pig seizure.
And so on.
Bobbie Wickham, of MR POTTER TAKES A REST CURE, appeared in three of the stories in a book called MR MULLINER SPEAKING.