So you should stop reading. I'm waiting... Fine. But I warned you. You can't say I didn't. The preceding stories aren't based on anyone- and anyone who thinks parts of it might be is vain. And I would quote the song lyrics to that song about how vain you are, but while you can quote poetry copiously, you actually have to pay to quote even a single line of song lyrics, and those people don't mess around. Crazy, right? But you learn something new every day.