was overjoyed because it would be just like
having his marching band once more. And the
cat was overjoyed for the king.
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110
The Cat and the King
After tea, they all paired
up to play giant dominoes.
They played three rounds and
each time the children won.
They jumped up
and down gleefully.
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111
The king cheered, “Huzzah!” and
the cat and Mrs Cromwell clapped.
Mr Cromwell tried very, very,
very hard not to start humpfing.
He loved playing games but he very
much liked to win.
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The Cat and the King
So he was very excited when the king
declared that they would play a ball game next,
even though it wasn’t one he’d ever played
before.
The game had the fancy name of “Bilboquet”
(which the king pronounced as “Bilb-okay”.)
It was a catching game, involving a
cup with a ball attached to it by
a piece of string.
Everyone was allowed a bit of a practice.
Then the contest was on to see who could
catch the ball in the cup the most times in
a row. The king went first.
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113
He was a lot more used to the game
than the rest of them, of course,
and caught the ball twelve
times in a row.
Cressida managed three
times, Christopher managed
five,
Mrs Cromwell
managed six
and the cat managed none
(he was good at lots of things,
but not Bilboquet.)
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Then it was Mr Cromwell’s go. He pulled
himself up straight, stood with his feet planted
firmly on the ground and took a few deep
breaths. Then he began.
He got past three catches;
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115
he got past
five catches;
he got past six
and he got past twelve.
Mr Cromwell was
a natural!
When the ball finally missed the cup he had
managed a grand total of one-hundred-and-forty-
six non-stop catches.
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Everyone clapped and cheered, and cheered
and clapped. The king congratulated Mr
Cromwell warmly and awarded him a gold
medal for Outstanding Sporting Achievement.
Mr Cromwell beamed with pride. He decided
it wasn’t so bad having a king live next door
after all.
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117
The king felt it was time to make a speech.
He was just about to begin when something
went . . .
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Chapter 11
On top of the garden shed crouched a dragon.
It was bright red and the size of a small car.
It stared menacingly at them with narrowed
fluorescent-green eyes, and blew two puffs of
nasty-smelling smoke from its nostrils.
“Cor!” squeaked Christopher. “That’s an
AMAZING cake!”
But it wasn’t a cake . . . it really was a real
dragon.
The king started shaking all over and the cat’s
fur stood right up on end. It was the very same
dragon that had caused the Unfortunate Incident
at the beginning of the story.
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Let me tell you a little more about this particular
dragon. It was the fire-breathing kind, obviously.
In order to keep the flames in its tummy from
going out, it never drank water and avoided nearly
all liquids except for:
cooking oil,
white spirit,
petrol
and the occasional
bottle of nail polish.
It was very greedy but, thankfully, it wasn’t
wild about eating humans or cats, because they
didn’t taste smoky enough.
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What it really liked were foods such as:
smoked ham,
smoked cheese,
smoked fish
and smoky-bacon-
flavoured crisps,
all of which, it has to be said, can be rather
delicious. If only there had been something
smoky-tasting that day at the castle, the
Unfortunate Incident would never have
happened.
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The Cat and the King
Right now, the dragon was in the mood
for a snack, but it couldn’t see anything
good to eat. (There was a little bit of
cake left, but the dragon didn’t
have a sweet tooth.)
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The Cat and the King
When the dragon was hungry it became
tetchy, and a tetchy dragon is not ideal, because
things tend to get burnt down. It gave another
deafening roar,
and a huge flame shot out of its mouth,
which sent everyone scurrying
back to the house.
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They stared, horrified, as the dragon slid
off the shed roof and began to lumber towards
them. It twisted its head from side to side as
it went, kicking dominoes out of its path and
blowtorching the odd shrub to a
blackened crisp with a burst of
its fiery breath.
If someone didn’t act fast,
there was going to be another
Unfortunate Incident! But the
poor king was too upset even
to speak, as was the cat (had it
been the speaking kind.)
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126
Mr and Mrs Cromwell decided to take
charge. They looked around for ammunition and
saw that there were four unopened king-size
bottles of cola standing next to the fridge. Mrs
Cromwell grabbed a bottle, shook it for all she
was worth, and tossed it to Mr Cromwell.
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He loosened the cap
with a hiss and hurled the
bottle into the back garden.
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It hit the ground just in front of the dragon
and a king-size quantity of super-fizzy cola
exploded every which way, soaking the
startled animal from snout to tail.
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The dragon gasped, only to end up with a
great big mouthful of bubbles as a second bottle
crash-landed at its feet. Two more bottles flew
through the air, spewing sugary drink and
drenching the bewildered beast with froth.
It spluttered helplessly as cola trickled out
of its nose and dripped from its scales. The
question was: had it swallowed enough to put
out the flames in its stomach?
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They watched tensely through the window
as the soggy creature recovered itself, reared up,
spread its claws and thumped the ground with
its heavy tail. It glared at them with a look of
evil triumph and stretched its mighty jaws wide
apart.
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131
They braced themselves for a scorching blast
of fire. But all that came out was an extremely
loud
Deeply embarrassed, the
dragon unfurled its sticky wings
and hurriedly flew away, hoping it
might find another dragon somewhere
with a box of matches.
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The Cat and the King
Chapter 12
An enormous cheer burst from the kitchen.
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133
Back into the garden ran the king, the cat and
the Cromwells.
The king immediately awarded Mr and
Mrs Cromwell medals for Bravery and
Resourcefulness in a Time of Crisis, and
Cressida and Christopher gazed with wonder
and pride at their heroic parents.
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The king made his speech. He thanked
his guests for coming and for being the most
splendid neighbours.
He and the cat would be forever grateful to
Mr and Mrs Cromwell for preventing a disaster
with their quick-thinking actions.
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135
He looked forward greatly
to gifted Cressida’s recorder
recitals.
He considered Christopher’s
picture a masterpiece, and
promised it would hang in
pride of place at Number 37.
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The Cat and the King
Then he turned to the cat.
“And what would have become of me, my
dear friend, if it weren’t for you?” he asked. “You
are the best companion this king could ask for,
and I would be well and truly lost without you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
The king’s speech made the cat far happier
than any medal could have done. (He wouldn’t
have wanted one pinned to his fur in any case.)
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138
Everyone agreed it had been a truly wonderful
garden party, which even an unwelcome visit
from a dragon hadn’t been able to spoil.
After they’d waved the Cromwells off home,
the king and the cat cleared
the table and carried the
furniture back inside.
They toured the garden to make sure there
weren’t any still-smouldering shrubs anywhere.
Then, exhausted, they went indoors. The
afternoon had been such a success, they were
both eager to plan lots more royal activities, and
the cat popped up to his bedroom to fetch his
laptop.
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139
But by the time he returned, the king had
drifted off to sleep in his throne. So the cat
settled down on his beanbag as quietly as he
could. He curled himself up into a comfy ball
and purred
and purred
and purred.
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A Recipe for Royal Shortbread
Always ask an adult to help you
when you’re cooking.
Ingredients:
175g butter at room temperature
90g caster sugar
210g plain flour
50g cornflour or semolina
150g chocolate (plain,
milk or white)
Here’s what you do:
Pre-heat the oven to 170˚C/325˚F/Gas 3
In a big bowl, beat the
butter with a wooden
spoon or electric mixer
until it’s pale and creamy.
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Add the sugar, a bit at
a time, and beat till
it’s fluffy and light
in colour.
Sieve the flour and
cornflour (or semolina)
into the butter mixture.
Stir lightly, then use your
hands (make sure they’re nice
and clean!) to bring the mixture
gently together into a soft
dough. Try not to handle it too
much, or your shortbread will
be a bit tough.
With a rolling pin, roll the
dough out on to a clean, flat
surface, until it’s about 1cm
thick. Then cut it into fingers
(you should get about 12.)
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Line a baking sheet with baking
parchment, and carefully
space the shortbread
fingers out on it.
Bake in the oven for about
20 minutes, until the biscuits
are cooked but still pale.
Let them cool on the tray
till they firm
up a bit,
then transfer them to
a wire rack to get
completely cold.
To make your shortbread
Royal, dip one end in chocolate:
You’ll need a sheet of baking
parchment, big enough to lay
all of the biscuits on, with a
bit of space between them.
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Put a couple of centimetres of water
in a small saucepan.
Break the chocolate into
small pieces and put them in a
heat-proof bowl. Sit the bowl in
the saucepan. The bowl mustn’t
touch the water, or the
chocolate will burn.
Heat the water and let it
simmer gently, till the
chocolate has melted.
Dip one end of the biscuits in
the chocolate, then lay them
on the baking parchment to dry.
Fit for a king (or queen or prince or princess!)
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