As I round the first turn, for an instant I can swear I catch sight of my family in the stands. I know they’re all there: Aunt Jackie, Grandma, Tyler, Dad. Everyone but Uncle Steve.
Uncle Steve still doesn’t talk to Dad. There are probably a lot of people who’d do the same—a lot of people who would say that my grandmother’s Peace after she found out my mom had died was just plain old shock—and that the healing that took place in our lives isn’t healing at all—it’s just denial.
People have a right to say that, I guess.
And I have a right not to listen.
The final turn. I get to thinking about this thing I saw the other night on 60 Minutes. Same story as ours—the dad goes nuts and kills the mom. The woman’s parents get custody of the kids, and then what do they do? The grandparents teach the kids to hate the father for what he did.
Then the father gets out of prison. He fights to get the kids back again, and when he does, he teaches them to hate the grandparents. Then the grandparents sue to get the kids back a second time. In the end, everybody hates everybody, the whole family’s all screwed up in the head and miserable, and only their lawyers, who are getting richer than Midas, seem happy about the whole thing.
Personally I think our way is a whole lot better.
I’m in the stretch, and I’m so far in the lead, I can’t see any of the other runners. I blast across the finish line, and for the first time, I know for a fact that I am fast enough!
The crowd cheers, and Grandpa, who is still my private coach, hurries up to me with the news, but he doesn’t have to tell me—I know: it’s a new school record.
“Yes!” I throw back my head in triumph. Up above, the clouds hang in perfect balance between the earth and the sky. I think of Mom and wonder whether or not she’s cheering for me. It’s been almost five years now. It took me quite a while to realize that even if Mom did roll over in her grave, like the district attorney said, it certainly didn’t stop her from loving me or Tyler, or Grandma or Grandpa.
Actually, she’s probably at peace with this whole business now, because from where she sits in heaven, the troubles we go through down here probably don’t seem all that important.
• • •
When the meet is over, the good feeling doesn’t just slip away like it used to—it lingers in the air, and while everyone else is clearing the stands and jamming the parking lot, my family comes down as they always do. Grandma gives me her big kiss and tells me how proud she is of me, and Dad and Tyler both give me hugs.
“You’ll probably break my records someday,” I tell Tyler.
“You really think so?” he asks with his trademark smile—wider now that all of his teeth are in.
Smile or not, though, I do worry about Tyler. In lots of ways, he still doesn’t quite get it. He’ll seem fine, and then out of nowhere he’ll come home with a picture he drew in school of Dad shooting Mom. And below it, a caption: “Bad, Bad, Dad.” Someday, when he’s old enough, Tyler will have to have it out with Dad like I did, and Dad will have to explain to him about what he did to Mom. I don’t think it’s something Dad can hide from, and I don’t think he should try. It may be his last responsibility to our mother.
I hand Tyler the record-breaking medal to hold, and he examines it, probably wondering why it doesn’t look any different from the other ones.
Yes, Tyler will be okay. I have to believe that. Just like I have to believe that Mom is watching, cheering me on—and that a day will come when I will finally see her, and she’ll hold me with such a powerful embrace, it will make up for all the embraces we’ve missed over the years. But that’s a long way off. For now, I have enough love around me to last a lifetime.
Jason hangs in the background like he always does during the family emotional stuff. Finally he comes up to me and pats me on the back. “Congratulations,” he says. “Today the pizza’s my treat.” Which is easy for him to say; he works at the pizza place, so he gets it for free.
“I’ll meet you there,” I tell him. Grandma and Grandpa have headed to their car with Tyler, but Dad is still here. He stands alone, looking down the track, thinking. I know he was a track star when he was in high school, but I don’t know what his best events were. There are just so many things you never get to know about your parents.
“Ah, you’re not so fast,” says Dad with a smirk on his face.
I play along with him. “No, I’m not. Actually, I’m pretty slow, compared to a Porsche. And a Porsche doesn’t even break a sweat.”
“Exactly,” he says, and his smirk widens. “You’ve never beaten me in a race, you know.”
“Last time I raced you, I was eleven years old!”
“So?”
It’s a challenge, and the two of us get down in starting position, at the finish line, facing the wrong way on the track.
“Okay,” says my dad, “on your mark . . .” And then he takes off. I knew he’d take off before he said “go”—but I wasn’t expecting him to start running before he said “get set.” I stumble but get right back to my feet, laughing. At twenty yards, I catch up with him and slow down, letting him stay neck and neck with me. We never did say where the finish line was going to be, so we both just keep running.
Now, as the ash pounds beneath our feet, it suddenly doesn’t seem to matter whether forgiving my father is right or wrong.
Because now I’m running with my dad, instead of away from him, and that’s the way I like it.
AFTERWORD
In his senior year of high school, Preston Scott was offered scholarships in football and track from numerous universities.
Some time after the incident with Sarah, Danny Scott fell in love with a woman who knew his background but loved him in spite of it. After a long engagement, they were married.
Preston was Danny’s best man.
NEAL SHUSTERMAN is the New York Times bestselling author of more than thirty award-winning books for children, teens, and adults, including the Unwind Dystology, the Skinjacker trilogy, Downsiders, and The Schwa Was Here, which won the Boston Globe–Horn Book Award for fiction. He also writes screenplays for motion pictures and television shows. The father of four children, Neal lives in California. Visit him at storyman.com and Facebook.com/NealShusterman.
Simon & Schuster • New York
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Also by Neal Shusterman
NOVELS
Bruiser
Challenger Deep
Chasing Forgiveness
The Dark Side of Nowhere
Dissidents
Downsiders
The Eyes of Kid Midas
Full Tilt
The Shadow Club
The Shadow Club Rising
Speeding Bullet
THE ACCELERATI SERIES
(with Eric Elfman)
Tesla’s Attic
Edison’s Alley
THE ANTSY BONANO SERIES
The Schwa Was Here
Antsy Does Time
Ship Out of Luck
Unwind
UnWholly
UnSouled
UnDivided
UnStrung (an e-book original)
THE SKINJACKER TRILOGY
Everlost
Everwild
Everfound
THE STAR SHARDS CHRONICLES
Scorpion Shards
Thief of Souls
Shattered Sky
THE DARK FUSION SERIES
Dreadlocks
Red Rider’s Hood
Duckling Ugly
STORY COLLECTIONS
Darkness Creeping
Kid Heroes
MindQuakes
MindStorms
MindTwisters
MindBenders
MindBenders
Visit the author at storyman.com and facebook.com/nealshusterman
This book is a work of ficti
on. It is inspired by real-life experiences that have been fictionalized for the purposes of this novel. Names and identifying details are also fictional.
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
www.SimonandSchuster.com
Text copyright © 1991 by Neal Shusterman
Originally published in 1991 as What Daddy Did by Little, Brown and Company.
This edition 2015
Jacket photograph of sky copyright © 2015 by Thinkstock/iStock; photograph of chain-link fence copyright © 2015 by Getty Images/Jasper White
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.
is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
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Jacket design by Krista Vossen
Interior design by Hilary Zarycky
The text for this book is set in New Caledonia.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Shusterman, Neal.
Chasing Forgiveness / Neal Shusterman.
pages cm
Originally published as What Daddy Did: Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1991.
Summary: A fourteen-year-old living with his grandparents learns his father is to be released from prison after killing his mother and feels apprehensive about renewing the relationship. Inspired by real events.
ISBN 978-1-4814-2992-4 (hardcover; alk. paper)
ISBN 978-1-4814-2993-1 (eBook)
[1. Fathers and sons—Fiction. 2. Death—Fiction. 3. Forgiveness—Fiction. 4. Grandparents—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.S55987Wh 2015
[Fic]—dc23
2014016228