Obscurities
Nahid Husain
Austin Macauley Publishers
Obscurities
About the Author
Dedication
Copyright Information
Acknowledgments
PoetryMatters of the Heart
The Search
Sometimes
Heights of Euphoria
The Corner at Guadalupe Street
I Dare
Only Once
Statues
Colors
Ideals
Kill
Fire
Secrets
Those Little Things in Life
Rahul and AnyaFor AJ. T
Meeting Him
Best Friends
Target
Say Goodbye
Australia
Two Months Later
I Love You
Body and Blood
-30-
Vignettes - 1SoulmatesFor AJ. T.
Perspectives
A Day Off
Dreams
Vignettes - 2Being 29
Images
ObscuritiesDedicated to AJ. T, J.M B, S.M.A.K
One Cup of CoffeeFor Naani, For Coffee and Cake
About the Author
Nahid Husain lives and works in Sharjah, UAE. When relatively relaxed, she spends her time in high-stress situations, like the waterparks in UAE (try the Jebel Drop at Yas). This is her first book.
Dedication
For Allah
Sanuk-re-o-ka WalaTansa
(We shall make thee read so thou shalt not forget)
Aur jisko sajda kiya
Usne jhukna hi mita diya
For my parents
For Dr. Zulekha Daud
‘Naani’
“For making me believe”
Copyright Information
Copyright © Nahid Husain (2018)
The right of Nahid Husain to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781788787475 (Paperback)
ISBN 9781788787772 (Kindle)
ISBN 9781528975384 (ePub)
www.austinmacauley.com
First Published (2018)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LQ
Acknowledgments
A big thank you to Murtuz for having confidence in my publishing this book.
Thank you Mom and Lubaina for saying that my stories were good.
Thank you Seher, Hermana Menor, for reading all my stories and reviewing them.
Thank you Rin for all the Papparotis.
Thank you Alina for the first Mochaccino.
Thank you to the entire team of Coffee and Cake for all the Mochaccinos and Java Chip Frappuccinos that I woke up to. I owe you more than this ‘thank you’.
Thank you Nisar, Glogene, Angelica, Tina, Ronald, Haider, Kusum, Reymund – if I’ve missed anybody, sorry.
Thank you to all my English teachers from Ibn Seena English High School. Without you, I would never have been here.
And thank you to all my English professors at UT – Austin for making me learn how to write.
Poetry
Matters of the Heart
“Nahid,” he said one morning
"Why will you not let me in?
I have been knocking since ever so long
But you keep shutting me out from within."
“I have to be very careful,” I said
“There is a defect in this place.”
"For who comes in once cannot go again
To the end he has to remain."
“So what is the matter?” he asked in surprise
“Is there not room enough?”
"Oh, room there is, but there are many
Who just might break it up?"
"But I have ventured other ways to enter
Everything I have tried."
"Ah! But I have built so many barriers
That no one can come inside."
"I can wait till the barriers break down
Or till you trust me enough not to break."
"That will never happen, sire
So please continue in your wake."
Many years later when he returned
I invited him in but he said
"Thank you, but I’m sorry I cannot stay
For I am engaged somewhere else."
And in spite of all the care I had taken
Everything broke, went astray
“Come in, come in,” I wanted to say
But just watched him walk away.
The Search
I’m looking for something beyond
I don’t know what it is
But its loss is making me confused and puzzled
I don’t know what it is that I miss.
Perhaps it is something inside myself
The side which wants to be expressed
To let loose all the emotions and feelings
That the years have suppressed.
Perhaps it is something in my life
That which I expected but never got
Maybe something which I can acquire
But for which I never fought.
Perhaps it is change that I want
A break from the daily routine
The desire to be able to do something different
To emerge from the stereotyped sheen.
But what I do know is that
My discontent will forever persist
The day I will find what I want
I will be lost in another mist.
Sometimes
Sometimes I’d look up at the moon
In the velvet, star-studded sky
Did it ever feel lonely up there by itself
So gracefully floating by?
‘Sometimes moon,’ I wanted to say
’Come down, we’ll have a cup of tea
Oh, and I also know what you can wear
Come in your cloudy negligee!?’
Sometimes I’d look so deep into his eyes
That I’d lose myself in the sea
And the better I tried to combat the waves
The further down they would pull me.
‘Sometimes eyes,’ I wanted to say
’Why don’t you speak out loud?
I’d willingly drown if I were sure
Why don’t you lift the cloud?’
Sometimes I’d look at the plain white sheet
And wonder why it was so difficult to express
And sometimes the plain white sheet would express
The emptiness that years had suppressed.
Heights of Euphoria
Heights of euphoria
Depths of depression
That is where I live
Sometimes I yearn now
For a spot in-between
But I’m glad my life had none to give.
Never do I want to live in the middle
And belong to neither this place nor that
I prefer the depths for the rest of my life than
To giving them up for stable flat.
For maxima and minima
&nb
sp; Are two aspects
Of graph of the very same life
It is these variations that
Distinguish the graph
From the rest of the other
Straight lines.
The Corner at Guadalupe Street
The first time I was out on Dobie Deck
Looking out on Guadalupe Street
An icy wind whipped my face
A tear rolled down my cheek.
Far, far away from home I was
On this cold, gray street
Cold, gray buildings and cold people
The whole world looked cold and bleak.
The second time I was out on Dobie Deck
I noticed Sound Exchange’s neon signs
I noticed colorful newspaper booths
I noticed the vibrant red and green traffic light.
I noticed the silver stars above
How many cars were midnight blue
How many sable green
I noticed the white line in the middle of the road
I noticed how many people wore blue jeans.
The third time I was out on Dobie Deck
Laughter reached my ears
The sound of people talking below
Made me forget my tears.
I heard a car honking at another
I heard the leaves rustling in the breeze
I heard the silence of the beautiful night
The cars zooming along at top speed.
The fifth time I was out on Dobie Deck
I waved to a person below
I responded when two of my friends passing by
I laughed at them running across the road
I laughed at a car making an illegal turn
I laughed at two cars in the middle of the road
Drivers merrily chatting without qualms.*
The last time I was out on Dobie Deck
A playful wind tingled my cheek
I closed my eyes and in my head
I replayed the Guadalupe scene.
I counted off the stores one by one
The newspaper booths, there were eight
The traffic light changed every 45 seconds
That’s how long people had to wait.
I turned away from that Dobie Deck
A tear rolled own my cheek
Again the world seemed cold and gray
Again everything looked bleak.
I Dare
I dare to dream of you sometimes
It’s been many years
There are unsaid words
Stolen looks
Only imagined touches
Faded dreams, far, far away
In the depths of memory.
Memories
Of school girls in uniform
Of boys and basketball
Of secret whispers
Of broken hearts.
My heart too has been broken
Several times
Yet I dare to dream of you
Sometimes.
Only Once
He walks into my memory, slowly and yet again
Oh, I wish I had never met you
I can still visualize
The splash of the water in the swimming pool
The beautiful moon
The moonlight glinting on the surface of the pool.
The glint of the laser on your face in laser tag
Your concentrated expression while driving
Your eyes, your innocent eyes
The profile of your face that I never felt.
And I feel pain. Not because the magic is over
And both of us crashed into reality
Because I did not dare and yet chastise myself
For making myself impure, even if only in imagination
I thought I had attained total control
But the strength of my passion overwhelmed even me.
I succumbed
It was only once
But it might as well have been ten times
Because you will haunt me
Me and my perfectionism
Forever.
Statues
Long, long time
The heart turns to stone
The laugh lines, smiles and exuberance
Disappear into a perfect mold of the face.
Eyes, they have lost their innocence
They don’t look hurt anymore
There is no pain
Only acceptance
Only strength
Only isolation
Only awareness
Only yourself in them.
The heart is stone
But cracked, thousands and thousands of times
Can’t be the buffer
Can’t be the mentor
Can’t be the inspiration
Now it has to be protected.
Barriers and barriers you build
Till your face turns into a mold and no one can look inside you through your eyes.
What is sorrow?
I do not know
I have become a statue
And I like it is this way.
Colors
The cerulean of my cotton tee
The emerald of the grass
The lilac gold of the wispy sun
On the rocky gray path to class.
The brilliant red of a Coca Cola can
The yellow and green Crayola box
The black-and-white, gray CCI4 molecule
The honeyed Venice at sunset shot.
The flashing silver of my rouge key-chained keys
From beneath a pastel post-it note
The milky-lime fluorescence of stellar constellations
In the darkness blended with my coat.
The turquoise satin of ruffled water
Changing shades with glints of clear diamond light
The chocolate eyes of my baby pink teddy bear
Multi-colored hues of pure delight.
Let unsaid words remain unsaid
Let thoughts be pure and true
Let spirit be free and boundless and eternal
Let love ring with passion all the way through.
Let songs be as those that throb with emotion
Let eyes learn to speak and smile
Let friendship be selfless and so everlasting
That it outlives not only spirit but time.
Let joy be untainted as the rouge at dawn
Let sorrow quietly flood through your whole
Let God be your mentor and your counselor
Let prayer lift up your soul.
Let hearts be as open as the doors to heaven
Let life all ill – will shed
Let magic sunsets turn into starry nights
Let unsaid words remain unsaid.
Kill
How shall I say
How much the heart aches?
Need cannot be overpowered
It returns, fresh with new pain
How shall I express
How much I need?
People don’t need other people
Each one of us is a passing phase
For we are immersed in another world
Which we create, instead of depend
Causes, to fight for and rallies to march in
These illusions cannot end.
How can I admit
That I need you and not my illusion
For you will change, and my dream will not
And I will have to bear the pain.
So some of us march, while others kill
Each of us is lost in a world of his own
Our words overlap but why should
we share?
Isn’t there enough for us all?
04/20/1999: The Columbine Massacre. 2 boys killed 13 people
What did they need??
Fire
I have found my fire
It exists in passion
&n
bsp; In madness bordering obsession
In prayer so intense
That it cannot convey its emotion
In sorrow so encompassing
That it tears away the soul
In a spark so enlightening
That it burns the core
It is present in life around me
In the structured sequences of DNA
In the perfect orbits of the universe
In the atoms and cells and molecules
That contain unimaginable power
In towering forests and impregnable mountains
In the mighty flow of rivers
In the intriguing play of numbers
That controls economy and society
In the irrationality of emotion
That can sweep everything to destruction
To violence
In volcanoes that erupt
And meteors that crash
In monsters that emerge
From uncontrollable imagination
Yes, I have found my fire
But how do you get a spark to stay?
Secrets
The petals of a rose unfold
Like hidden secrets of life
Nature has many tales to tell
Many wonders to expose
Many signs to manifest
I need a listener
I need a learner
I need an interpreter
God needs a confidante
Will you be his?
Those Little Things in Life
It’s that smile from someone special
That sometimes makes your day
It’s that corny joke that nobody got
That whisks your troubles away
It’s those starry nights and those magical sunsets
That make the world all yours
It’s watching rainbows in puddles after getting drenched in the rain
That make any cares all gone
It’s that ‘Just Because’ gift from a friend
That’s better than anything else you’ve got
It’s that unsaid thing which was somehow said
That leaves you smiling when you’re not
It’s that one day of ephemeral euphoria
That makes it worth weeks of emotional strife
Why? I think it has something to do
With those little things in life