3:04am:
I can’t sleep.
3:04am:
Welcome to my life, nameless, dyslexic friend.
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3:05am:
Can’t sleep… that sucks. Everything okay?
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3:06am:
Yes. Thanks for asking.
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3:06am:
It was a rhetorical question. “Can’t sleep” means we’re chatting at 11pm when you went to bed at 9. Chatting at 3am is something else entirely.
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3:07am:
Oh, you’re a Psychoanalyst?
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3:08am:
Sure, something like that. So, Christine, tell me what troubles you. Let’s start with your childhood relationships.
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3:09am:
LOL, at least you made me smile. Seriously, it’s all good. Just not entirely settled in quite yet.
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3:09am:
Well, I’m here when you’re ready to chat. I’m usually awake at this hour.
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3:10am:
Thanks, Doc.
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3:11am
Actually it’s Jake. Like Jake Gylenhall.
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3:13am:
Judging by your photo, you must be a made-in-China knock off of the real Jake Gyllenhaal. The one who knows how to spell his name.
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3:14am:
That’s a good one, coming from a tax accountant who can’t sleep.
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3:14am:
I’m irresistibly smart *and* hilarious. Which is better than just hilarious.
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3:15am:
Ouch. Outdone by an accountant. Welcome to MY life.
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3:15am:
Oh, I see. Jake’s an IRS man.
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3:16am:
No, my clients like me even less than they like the IRS.
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3:16am:
Banker?
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3:17am:
Close. Senior Portfolio Analyst. With a minor in Psychoanalysis, by the way.
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3:18:
You should have lied. Actually, I owe you a big thank-you because now I’m yawning. Thanks, Jake! Now I’m going to bed.
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3:10am:
Funny.
3:14am:
You there?
3:22am:
Hope you have a good sleep.
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Monday January 14, 2013
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10:33am:
Fuck, I wasn’t created for Monday’s.
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Updated Photo:
10:34am:
I’m doing well, thanks for asking. Arrived in NYC last night for a big presentation to the Executive Taxation Committee at one of your competitors.
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10:35am:
Ur in NYC?
10:35am:
Which comp?
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10:36am:
I’d consider telling you over drinks, except you weren’t created for Mondays.
10:37am:
I guess if we ever meet, it will need to be on a day where you’re not so grumpy and foul-mouthed.
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10:38am:
I’m in a good mood now that you’ve FINALLY uploaded a photo. How about Flatiron at 7? Is this really you?
10:40am:
Bullshit re: good mood.
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10:42am:
Who’s foul-mouthed now? And it’s not bullshit. You’re gorgeous. So, see you at 7?
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10:45am:
Sorry, I’m sticking to my guns on this.
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10:45am:
Tomorrow?
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10:46am:
I’m flying out of JFK tomorrow morning.
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10:46am:
I have an alarm clock in my bedroom, I can set it really early.
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10:46am:
Good one. Maybe next time?
10:47am:
(the drinks part, not the sleepover!!!)
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10:48am:
Oh, come on. Technically, we’ve been texting for 2 weeks now. It’s about time we met...
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10:50am:
LOL, you seem to have the same mentality as my first boyfriend. Just the tip, right?
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10:51am:
How am I supposed to respond to that?
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10:52am:
You don’t.
10:53am:
I have to get back to work.
10:53am:
Hope your day turns around.
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10:53am:
It will. Tonight. Flatiron. 7pm.
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10:55am:
Let me know how that works out.
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10:55am:
What will you be wearing? So I can recognize you?
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10:57am:
I’ll be wearing nothing because I’ll be enjoying a hot Jacuzzi. In my hotel room. Alone.
10:58am:
Gotta run. Enjoy the drinks!
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10:58am:
You’re cold, Christine.
11:03am:
Still there?
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Tuesday January 15, 2013
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8:45am:
How was that hot bath last night?
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8:53am:
Satisfying.
8:54am:
How were the martinis?
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8:55am:
Satisfying as well. Okay, VERY satisfying.
8:57am:
In fact, here’s a photo of the girl I brought home.
212-555-1234 Uploaded a Photo:
8:58am:
Now we’re in love, getting married next month on my family’s yacht.
8:59am:
Just think… this could have been you!
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9:00am:
LOL. You’re so full of it. I know her!
9:00am:
This is getting spooky, Jake... our paths keep crossing in strange ways.
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9:01am:
You know Melissa?
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Sure do.
She works at JP Morgan. We collaborated on some industry-level tax-efficiency projects.
9:03am:
I’ll have to get her opinion on my text-stalker.
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9:04am:
You never told me that you have a text-stalker!
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9:04am:
Oh, I do. His name’s Jake, he’s got a potty mouth and his favorite day of the week is Monday.
9:08am:
And he’s full of shit.
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9:09am:
OK, so maybe I embellished a little about the yacht.
9:09am:
OK, and the marriage.
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9:10am:
Are you sure that’s it?
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9:11am:
Okay, maybe the part about taking her home too, if you must know.
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9:11am:
Yes, I figured as much.
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9:12am:
But we did have a few drinks. That part was true.
9:12am:
And we drank them TOGETHER, in case you’re wondering.
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9:13am:
At least now I have someone who can provide a reference on you.
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9:14am:
Perfect.
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9:16am:
You seem confident.
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9:16am:
I sure am. She laughed at all of my jokes. It’ll be positive feedback for sure.
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9:17am:
Now you’re starting to sound a little insecure, Funny Man.
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9:18am:
I’ve known her less than 4 hours... how valuable of a reference can she really offer?
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9:19am:
Melissa is a very forgiving woman. You’re lucky about that.
9:20am:
But I sure hope you paid for those drinks, Jake. One thing she knows is how a lady should be treated.
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9:21am:
If that’s the (low) standard, I’m golden.
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9:23am:
LOL, I’m sure you are.
9:23am:
My plane’s boarding. Chat later?
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9:24am:
Only if you update your photo...
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9:24am:
???
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9:25am:
I was thinking of something along the lines of you in that jacuzzi last night...
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9:26am:
Now I understand why Melissa laughed at all of your jokes.
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9:26am:
Safe travels, Christine.
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9:27am:
Thx.
3:35pm:
I think my least favorite day is Tuesday.
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3:36pm:
Sorry to hear that. Tell me about it…
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3:36pm:
My luggage was somehow lost... on a direct flight!
3:37pm:
And the apartment I’m staying at is apparently above my pay grade... so I need to move next month!
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3:42pm:
That sucks worse than my Monday!
3:43pm:
That’s probably not the exact terminology a real psychoanalyst would use.
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3:43pm:
No, you’re probably right. But thanks for listening anyway.
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3:44pm:
Well, then. It looks like we have just 5 days left.
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3:44pm:
What are you talking about?
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3:45pm:
If Monday is out of the question for me, and Tuesday doesn’t work for you, that leaves 3 weekdays and the weekend.
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3:47pm:
I see.
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3:48pm:
So when we meet, why don’t we plan it for a Friday night and Saturday morning? That way we can test out a weekday and a weekend day? See which one works best for us.
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3:49pm:
Now I see where this is headed!
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3:50pm:
You got me all figured out, don’t you ; )
3:58pm:
Still there?
3:58pm:
Or did I offend you?
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4:58pm:
Sorry, I was called into an “emergency” meeting.
4:58pm:
Looks like I’ll be spending the night at the office.
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4:59pm:
Where is your office?
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5:00pm:
Toronto
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5:00pm:
For a number cruncher, you’re not as specific as I would expect you to be.
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5:01pm:
BCE Building. 12th floor.
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5:02pm:
Now I can start stalking you properly.
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5:02pm:
Nah, I’m safe from your creeping. There are four Christines working here. We have over 400 “number crunchers” on staff.
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5:03pm:
So 1 pct of your staff is named Christine...
5:03pm:
And you think I’m creepy? What’s your boss like?
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5:04pm:
That’s the second time I smiled today.
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5:04pm:
Gee thanks. When was the first?
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5:05pm:
When you asked me to update my photo.
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5:06pm:
Hmm... You’re practically wearing a tank. Shed some (or preferably ALL) layers.
5:06pm:
That wasn’t a joke.
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5:07pm:
Trust me, it was a joke.
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5:08pm:
Fine. But only ‘cuz it’s Tuesday and I won’t mess with you on your bad day.
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