not the typical basement you see. It was
complete. You could live down there, but
what I liked about it was the fact that it
had workout machines and a punching
bag. That’s how I spent those long days
taking out my anger.
The next couple of nights I actually
got some sleep. That worried me more
than the nightmares. I got up to start my
normal routine and noticed mom wasn't
around. I looked for her, but she was
nowhere in the house. I called her cell. No
answer. It was two days until my
birthday. It was starting. I could feel it. I
got dressed and headed over to Agatha’s
house. She was outside sitting in the chair
on the porch with worry etched in her
face.
“I know boy. I’m truly sorry and
wish I could bring her back here, but as
luck would have it, I have no idea where
they took her.”
“How do you know she’s gone, and
why didn’t they just take me?”
“They want you to come to them.
They hope taking your mother, the only person you love, will send you running to
them.”
“Obviously they don’t know me like
they think they do.”
“Your mother prepared you for
what’s to come, told you to get over it,
and am I right?”
“Not in those words exactly, but yes.
The dreams of me seeing her dead also
gave me ideas of what was to become of
her. The last dream I had though sealed
the coffin for me.”
“You’ll get through this boy. I know
you will be a legal adult in a few days, but
you are never alone. I made a promise to
your momma that I would watch after
you, and I’ll keep that promise.”
“Thanks Agatha. I need to make a
call to my friend just in case I don’t
survive for some reason.”
I went inside and called D. She didn't answer, so I left her a brief message saying I was glad we met and that she was the best friend anyone could ask for. I wished her luck on her last year as a senior and said that I would talk to her
soon.
Tonight was the night. I could feel
the energy pulsing around me, the
darkness stirring within me. The beast was
alive tonight, and it would find release,
just not in the way they thought it would. Darkness descended, and the lights
faded out. I put on a hoodie and some
jeans. I took a look around the house,
wishing I had taken more time to
appreciate the things around me. I
stepped into my Nike shoes and walked
out the door, possibly for the last time.
Agatha was outside. I gave her a nod, and
she returned it. I could feel her eyes on
my back as I walked down the street to face my destiny. I was terrified but calm. The odd combination of emotions swirled inside of me, sharpening my focus. I knew once I got to the end of Gillespie, by the abandoned house, I would see my mother,
but she wouldn’t see me.
I saw the light in the house again,
but I knew it was a trick to try to surprise
me. Instead of going toward it, I walked
over to the field, by the hole where the
blood was bubbling up from and saw her. I
bent down to push her hair out of her
face, place a kiss on her forehead, and let
a few tears slide down my face and drop
onto hers. “I love you mom. I know you
are going to watch over me, and I’ll try to
do everything I can to make you proud. I
know these last few years have been hard
on us both, but I wouldn’t change
anything. Goodbye. I’ll see you again.” I stood up and turned around. I could feel his presence all around me. The chill in the air alerted me to him being
there.
“How sweet. You came to say
goodbye to your precious mommy. You
could have avoided that, you know?
Mommy could still be here right now if
you would have just joined me.”
“Let’s get on with this, shall we?" “Always so eager and impatient
Logan. Do you even know what you are
supposed to do?”
“Obviously not, but it doesn’t seem
like you do either. Otherwise you wouldn’t
have to try to get a rise out of me, unless
that’s what is supposed to happen. Is that
what you were sent here to do, provoke
my anger?”
“Poor little boy, you think you have
it all figured out don’t you? You are sadly
mistaken. Choices, Logan, it all revolves
around choices.”
“I really don’t feel like sitting here
listening to your crap and trying to
decipher what you are getting at, so can
we just get to the point please?”
choices. Pick the wrong one, and you must
come with me. Pick the right one, and
you’ll go free.”
That sounded too easy. There had to
be a catch.
“Okay. Bring on the options.” “This is the situation: There are
going to be two fires taking place at the
exact same time within a block of each
other. You can only go to one location.
What location do you choose? Location one
has your mother and your best friend
Deandra, who can’t get out of the
apartment building right across the street
from the elementary school. Location two contains everyone at the elementary school down the street from where we’re right now. They’re missing a few students who are believed to be trapped inside.
What do you do Logan?”
“I go to the school and run inside to
try to find the kids that are missing.” “Why?”
“I love my mom and my best friend.
Though I would be really upset they had
to die, the kids at the school are more
important because they have their whole
lives ahead of them. I would sacrifice
myself to save them.”
“Well I guess we will see what
happens, now won’t we?”
I heard screaming at first from two
different locations. People at the school on
my left were running around frantically
and screaming for kids that no one could
find. On my right, Deandra and mom were begging me to save them. I ran towards the school. No hesitation, no backward glance, no regrets. I made it into the school. It was filled with smoke. Fire was rapidly spreading from room to room, and it was hard to make out
anything in the thickness of the smoke. I heard crying in the room on my
left. I opened the door and started
searching under tables and desks. I made
it to the back of the classrooms and heard
the crying again. I opened the cabinets,
and there sat two little girls. I told them
to stay low to the floor and follow me. I
got them to the door of the school. I
opened it and sent them out. The officer
told me there were still two more missing
students, so I turned around to begin
searching again. There wa
s nothing in the
room up front, which meant I needed to
go to the back by the fire.
I found one room that had not been
touched by the fire yet, but the fire was
getting close. I pushed open the door. I
saw a little boy and girl lying on the floor
looked like brother and sister; I picked
them up and made my way back to the
door. It was getting really hard to
breathe.
I managed to open the door right
before I collapsed.
Chapter 15
April Every new year we hope for something better than the last year, more money, less problems, something life altering. Well this year was certainly one to remember. We got a call from my father asking us if we could come get the boys. He and Tiffany got into some trouble with the law, something about Michael’s ECI worker accusing him of being a drug dealer. What a shocker, right? I think it was karma. My mom was planning to take a mini vacation to Texas to get a way for a while anyways, so she went down for the week and came back with the three boys. I couldn't believe how big they had gotten and how behind they were in speaking.
Mathew was going to be 5 in a few months, Lee was 3, and Michael was 9 months old. All of them were still in pampers. Mathew and Lee should have been well on their way to being potty trained. We got Medicare and all the important things, making sure they were healthy and up to date on shots. Then we started teaching them. My mom was an awesome teacher. I kept telling her she should go back to school and finish college to get her teaching degree.
The boys were starting to look better. They all got new clothes and haircuts. Their speech started to develop more, but Michael was a little harder to teach. He was born with a disability. He’s considered partially deaf and has to wear hearing aids. He was the cutest and happiest baby I had ever seen. Things were going great. Watching them play around on the floor of the living room gave me pure joy. They were oblivious to the world that’s out there. All I wanted to do was protect them and keep them from ever having to experience the trials of everyday life. Mathew got Lee and Michael to sit on a blanket and he was pulling them all over the tile floor. Giggles filled the room, so contagious I found myself laughing at their silliness.
Since they were so behind, we got them signed up to go to the ECI out here in Vegas. We went twice a week for them to play and learn to speak correctly. Before we knew it, Mathew is potty trained, Lee was on his way there, and Michael was just content with being the most adored baby ever. They were all so spoiled, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My dad, his wife, and Anthony showed up in June, three months after we had gotten the boys, to take them home. Supposedly everything had blown over, and it was okay to take them back. As much as I didn't want them to go, I really didn't have a say, so they left with the condition that I would come down to visit in a month, and if things weren't what I consider to be good enough for the boys I would take them back.
My one week vacation turned into a three week vacation. I helped them get everything situated, and when I was confident with their situation, I left. Big mistake. It seemed like I was making a lot of those. It didn't matter how hard I tried to do the right thing, I somehow ended up doing the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. I ignored my intuition when I should have been paying attention to it.
I was lying across my bed reading some poems for my online English class I was taking to get my associates degree, when I come across a poem by Robert Frost that I had read in high school. Come to think of it, it’s actually the poem that changed everything in my life.
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in Ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if I had to parish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction Ice Is also great
And would suffice.
I always find it funny when you’re feeling certain emotions, a song, a poem or something someone is saying mirrors the way you feel. I’m not going to lie and say that things had been peachy. That's far from the truth. The one saying about life that always sticks with me and is on constant repeat in my head is, “Laugh your heart out. Dance in the rain. Cherish the moment. Ignore the pain. Live, Laugh, Love. Forgive and forget.Life’s too short to be living with regrets.” Well sometimes that is hard to do.
It was the first week of October, not even a full 2 months since I left Texas, when Anthony called me.
“April you need to get here now!” “Anthony what the hell are you talkin g about?”
“Dad is getting arrested, and they’re taking the boys to Child Protective Services.”
Well when it rains it pours.
I was on the next flight out. I wasn’t sure what I was getting ready to face. I was so pissed off at myself for letting myself believe Dad changed. What kind of parents keep screwing up so bad that CPS takes your kids away?
My brother was at the airport as soon as I got there. I was staying at my cousin’s house until I figured out what I had to do. It was Friday evening, and everything was closed. Things were so
complicated that I didn't even know where to begin.
My hometown was still the same. The first things I smelled when I walked out of the airport were wet dirt, hay, horses and cow manure. Oddly I found that kind of comforting in this moment. The logical part of my brain had shut down; I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I was overwhelmed on the inside and composed on the exterior. The only thing I knew for certain was that I was going to do whatever it took to get custody of my little brothers. I used the weekend to plan since the offices were closed.
It was finally Monday, and I was getting things together to go talk to CPS, when I got a call from my brother’s girlfriend Emily.
“Umm April, this is Emily, Anthony’s girlfriend. His job just called and told me we need to go pick up your grandpa’s truck because the cops came and arrested him.”
“Are you serious? They arrested Anthony?”
“Yeah, since he lived at the house with your dad, he’s getting charged too.”
“If that’s the case Emily, be careful because they’ll come get you too.”
Great. Just freaking great. With the money I brought with me, I bailed out my brother. Sure enough Emily was arrested that same day, and she was the next one bailed out. My grandfather bailed out my dad and Tiffany, and the process of getting the boys back began. I was so pissed off, and my dad knew it. He knew not to argue with me, so he and his stupid wife just sat there closed lipped.
The first meeting took place in a church. The case worker called it an intervention to try to help them straighten up. We made goals for them and set up requirements they would have to complete before they would get the kids back, including passing drug tests. I made sure they completed everything they had to and more. I made it my point to be involved in any way I could.
I spoke to the case worker and her supervisor to see what I would have to do to get custody of the boys. I had to get a job, get housing, and maintain both for at least 6 months. So that’s exactly what I did. I started working at a restaurant with my aunt and cousin. They let me stay with them until I could afford my own apartment. I never thought at the age of 22, I would be fighting against my dad to get custody of his kids. I knew from the beginning that it would one day come to something like this, but not in this capacity.
If you never have to get involved with CPS, count yourself lucky. They require you to do a ridiculous amount of stuff, for good reason, butIt’s downright hard. I went to as many visitations as I could, and I can say I was relieved when I met the foster parents. I was upset that they were split up however. Mathew was by himself, while Lee and Michael were together. We were blessed with the parents that were chosen for them. That was my biggest concern when I was told they had been placed in foster care. I had heard so many
horror stories about what happens to children in foster home. That was my driving force to get them out of foster care. ****
It had been a year, a whole freaking year that my little brothers had been in foster care, a whole year of my dad and his stupid wife not doing anything to get them back home. I was tired of it. My dad would be going to prison soon. He had just signed his papers with the lawyers. He asked me to move into a house with them, so his wife could get the kids back. I agreed solely because that way we would get the boys back by Christmas.
The boys made it home the week before Christmas, and I was ecstatic. The best Christmas present ever! Everything was going great. I was actually getting along with their mom. I was working a lot, going to school full time, and taking care of the kids with the rest of my time. Being so used to things never going good for long, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then it did.
I was meeting up with our case worker to discuss the fact that Tiffany had not been helping me pay for anything and hasn’t been taking care of the kids. The only ones taking care of them were me my cousins who offered to help out. She set up a time for us to meet, but I was not able to go at the designated time because I had finals for college that day, so I went in an hour early in order to still be able to make it to my class.
“Thanks for meeting with us April. We know you have concerns,” Amber our case worker said.
“I do have concerns, but the major one is what is going to happen to the boys?”
“Well we can’t do anything until Tiffany comes in to meet with us so we can discuss what’s going on with her and why she isn’t doing what she is supposed to.” Leann, Amber’s supervisor states.
“I’ll tell you right now that she’s going to say it’s because I don’t allow her to. Sometimes that is true because I don’t agree with some of the people she brings around the boys, so I take them away from there. What bothers me is that she doesn’t seem to care that she doesn’t see them sometimes for days.”
“We will get down to it and call you after we meet with her. Are you picking up the kids from school today?” Leann asks.
“Yes I’m. I drop them off and pick them up every day. The school has only seen Tiffany once, the day she enrolled them.”
With that said, I left. As I was picking up Mathew and Lee from school, I got a phone call.
“April, Tiffany didn’t show up. Do you know where she is?” Amber asked sounding a bit pissed off.