Mammoth Detective, May, 1943
IRZA HUSSEIN came to Isfahan in
the road. That was because he was so great a
the cool of afternoon. He was on
drinker of blood that it was unsafe to trust him M ass-back; Coral, his man slave, with edged tools. So Hussein declared. Coral walked. Hussein’s mount had started at Shiraz was a kind of Abyssinian, of the color of
as a tolerable cob, and had undergone certain stewed tea with a dash of milk in it. Mirza
metamorphoses on the way. At Surmeh Hussein was Persian, handsome, dreamy-eyed Hussein had sold the cob and bought a pony.
and athletic. His attire was rich. The brown
The difference in price had kept the party of shawling of his frock-coat was a little worn, three in bread and fodder as far as Yezdikhast.
but no sensible man sports his best when
At Yezdikhast the pony was exchanged for a
traveling. The patches on his baggy red
little ass and the price of food for the three to breeches were marvels of art, creditable to the Isfahan. Hussein sat far back on the ass. When industry of Coral. His boots were the weak
he sat forward his toes scraped the ground.
spot, but the ingenious plan of splashing them But at least he escaped the lowest depth of
judiciously with mud at the start of each day’s Persian degradation, which is walking. journey kept the shabbier spots in the Hussein and his slave-man, you must background. The saddle-bags before him were understand, made a living out of the art of
fat.
keeping up appearances.
At the caravanserai they made such a
Coral wore a decent livery, but not the
fuss about securing the best room that nobody cutlass that a Persian servant should sport on would have dreamed of asking them for cash
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2
payment for anything at the inn shop. In the
“Sell the ass! What would my friend
best room, a cubby-hole opening on the Fazl Ali think of a man who has to walk? That common court, Coral arranged the baggage to
was a cold speech, Coral. Have we no spare
make the best possible show from outside. He
gear?”
spread out Hussein’s only carpet, and the
“Hazret, we have a sufficiency of
Mirza laid himself along the middle of it to
clothes to hide our nakedness. Otherwise—”
conceal the scrap of unswept floor revealed by Coral put two fingers in his mouth, sucked
the central hole. Then Coral massaged his
noisily, and held them up. They were
owner, smacking and punching him and understood to represent the state of his master cracking his joints.
and himself if it were necessary to change
Said Hussein: “Fazl Ali, the only their raiment. “The bags are full of stones and friend of my youth with whom we have not
leaves, Hazret,” he concluded.
lately lived for a month or two or borrowed
something from, is an Isfahani, and a HUSSEIN, past master in the art of keeping merchant at that. I have spoken.”
up appearances, at once decided against
Said Coral: “It is well said, Hazret, that
selling the saddle-bags. “We must arrive as
beside an Isfahan! merchant an Erzeroumi is
though fresh from a journey,” he said,
as open-handed as Hatim Tai’s self.”
“otherwise there will be no excuse for travel Said Hussein: “There spoke Asaf! stains. And to arrive from a journey without Now, boutcha, let us consider how to saddle-bags—implying, O shameful slander!
approach an Isfahani who is also a merchant.
that we possess not so much as a change of
Were one to approach with open hand and
raiment— Penah be Khuda, it will not do!
say: ‘O friend, lend to one who approaches
What about selling thee, Coral?”
with the steps of supplication in the shoes of Coral went green. “Kourbanut-i-necessity,’ what is likely, please Allah, to be shuma! ” he gasped. “I am your sacrifice, the answer?”
Hazret, but selling me would take time. And,
“Hazret, it is likely to be: ‘ Allah
Hazret, where would you find such another
Kerim! ’” Coral used the intonation sacred to slave as your poor Coral?”
choking off a beggar.
He kissed Hussein’s feet. Hussein
“Even so, Coral. One must approach
laughed. “Be content, Coral. The skin is
with a long nose and a careless air. To him
nearer than the shirt, and between the two
who hath, or appeareth to have, is always
cometh the slave. I have yet a shirt. Take it to given. So hath Allah decreed: He is merciful
and compassionate! Now, Coral, I have
He picked up the garment. “Wash it
ascertained that my friend Fazl Ali is absent first, Coral,” he added prudently.
from the city and will not return for several All hinged on that little sentence. Coral
days. In the meanwhile we must eat. Is there
proceeded to wash the shirt in the ten-by-ten aught in the treasury?”
tank in the common- court, where all the inn
“Hazret, my shirt-pockets are full of
guests cleansed their clothes and their children gold.”
and themselves and their animals, besides
Thus, humorously, replied Coral, who
drawing water for drinking and religious
did not possess the garment in question.
ablutions. And as he rinsed and wrung, an
“Then, Coral, we must sell acquaintance passed through the court. The something.”
acquaintance was confidential slave to an
“The ass, Hazret?”
Isfahan grandee: he had only looked in with a
Murder, Haircut and Shave
3
message to his master’s banker and would not
and the Shirazi cameleer were replaced by a
have seen Coral but for the washing. He brace of Kurdish chieftains. At the entrance of invited Coral to a party that night. There the avenue leading to the Shah Abbass Bazaar would be a few old cronies, the place was an
a beautifully dressed fop rushed in and
empty house neighbored by empty houses,
relieved the footman. The Turkoman joined
formality would be absent. When Coral had
the crowd behind, the other three went their
sold the shirt he bought a square yard of
way. The procession galloped down the
bread, a skewer of meat and a string of dried avenue.
apricots for Hussein’s supper, and asked leave It was hard going, with the sky above
to go and get drunk. Hussein gave leave and a unshaded by clouds and culminating in a sun
benison.
nearly white with heat. The dust churned up,
Coral repaired to the empty house, the
head-high. A little way along the avenue the
neighbor of empty houses, soon after dusk. He fop was smitten with an idea.
was the first to arrive and the first to leave.
“Where, please Allah, be we bound,
And he was sober; a man with so much on his
Brother?” He asked the Kurd under the other
&nbs
p; mind that nothing could make him drunk.
aft corner.
The Kurd opened his eyes. “Why,
NEXT forenoon, about the time the please Allah, to the corpse-washing-house of congregations were pouring out of the the parish, I suppose,” he returned.
mosques after Namez-i-Chast, a funeral
“Thou supposest, Brother?” repeated
cortege trotted past the Mosque of Lutfulah, at the fop.
the north-east side of Isfahan’s main square.
“Please Allah, we be strangers in
It consisted of a bier and a rabble. The
Isfahan, my brother and I. We have no
bier was borne by four: a long-faced Shirazi
knowledge of the lay of its several quarters.”
cameleer at one corner, at the others a Hindu
“Verily, Isfahan is half the world,
Mollah, a greasy Turkoman chief, and a smart
saving Lahore,” the fop agreed. “But, brother, footman of the Prince-Governor’s household.
I took thee for the kin of the dead.”
They ran as hard as they could; that was from
“My brother and I but seek to acquire
pure kindheartedness and to acquire merit in
merit by helping along the dead. From the
the next world.
Percussion of the Grave and the Questioning
Carrying a corpse is the one thing over
which no Persian dawdles. No respectable him!”
funeral travels slower than a canter. The
“Amin!” responded the fop. “But who
reason is that the two angels who wait to
is directing this?” He hailed the assistant-
cross-examine the deceased about his religious executioner: “Where be we bound, Brother?”
tenets directly he is in the grave get impatient The little official twisted his head to
if they are kept waiting. Naturally they take it answer back. “By Allah, I know not. I was at
out on the deceased.
point of asking thee, Brother. Art thou not kin Several of the congregation from the
of the dead?”
Lutfulah Mosque slipped their shoulders under
“By thy salt, no!”
the bier and helped it on a little way, thus
The assistant-executioner bawled to
doing a virtuous act. At a corner of the square the crowd: “Who is kin of the dead among ye?
the Hindu grew tired and surrendered his Let him stand forth!”
corner to one of the Chief Executioner’s
There was no response. Only the cry:
underlings. A little further on the Turkoman
“Kin of the dead, stand forth!” passed from
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4
rank to rank.
was to bury the body and cease worrying
The four bearers stopped and eyed one
about the affair.
another around the corners of the bier. “I take On them descended lightning out of a
refuge with Allah from Satan the clear sky. The Prince-Governor of Isfahan Everlastingly Stoned!” said the fop uneasily.
would have the investigation pursued to the
end. If those murderers were not found within THEY put the burden down. The assistant-a reasonable time every official concerned
executioner instituted an inquiry. Nobody would lose his billet and eat sticks. Too many knew anything about the corpse, but unsolved mysteries had happened in Isfahan somebody suggested its instant conveyance
lately, said the Prince-Governor. He did not
before the Ketkhoda of the ward. It was, add that he was curious to learn the facts of it.
therefore, taken up again by the four bearers, Now search commenced vigorously.
deposited before the Ketkhoda’s gate, and the Spies and busybodies dragooned the city. The
Ketkhoda summoned. The result of his three suspects remained in jail, and the Chief investigation was clinching. The body was
of Police took on himself the task of fixing the that of a coarse-faced, oldish man. In the side guilt on them if they did not bribe heavily
of the chest was a stab, neatly washed and
enough.
hidden by the shroud, which explained his
That evening Hussein remarked to
death. Everyone turned eyes of suspicion on
Coral: “My heart is tightened and mine eyes
the four bearers.
are yellow with regret, Coral. To think that so
“By Al Aziz, I am guiltless!” cried the
fine an orange should be placed in our hands
four in chorus.
and we should fear to squeeze it.”
It was perfectly plain. The murderers
“Belike, Hazret,” agreed Coral, “the
had borne the bier forth a little way, and had juice might prove too sour.”
sneaked off, one by one, as new bearers had
“Who so seeks to guide the feet of
taken their places. How far it had come and
Justice has to be careful lest he planteth one when, Allah alone knew. The Kurds and the
on his own neck,” said Hussein. “I see no
fop were straightaway arrested by the chance of a profit anywhere, so it is well to assistant-executioner; and the crowd, corpse
keep aside.”
and suspects were marched in search of the
And he groaned. There should have
nearest police officials.
been a commission in the business that had
been placed in his hands, but he saw more
ALL the officialdom of Isfahan tried its teeth likelihood of jail unless he kept strictly out of on the case in vain. The one certain fact was it.
that the fop and the Kurds were put in jail.
“The prisoners, Hazret?” said Coral.
There was no clue to the perpetrators of the
“They would promise, but how to
crime; the victim could not be identified, make them pay?”
though half the city came to try. The progress of the funeral could be traced back to the
EARLY the next morning Hussein went for a
southeast side of the main square, and no
stroll in the Shah Abbass Bazaar. He spoke
further. The somewhat tactless move of with an acquaintance, and directly after betook imprisoning the last set of bearers discouraged himself to the jail in a manner that just
others who had assisted in the carrying from
escaped hurry. He was allowed to interview
giving evidence. By evening prayer-time the
all three prisoners. The Kurds offered five
officials gave it up. The best thing, they said, hundred tomauns between them, the fop two
Murder, Haircut and Shave
5
hundred. The understanding was that the sums
anyone.
would be paid to the discoverer of the real
At noon a spy came around to report
culprits when the victims were let loose. Hussein’s transactions in the jail. It looked Hussein was satisfied with a plain written
joyfully suspicious. The chief sent a
agreement from the fop, who was a local man,
messenger at once to Hussein’s inn.
but from the Kurds he extracted a Cursing
A nervous man was Coral as he
Letter after this fashion:
saddled the ass and received orders to stay and
“. . . If we fail to keep this promise,
mind his master’s gear. Hussein went on his
may Allah curse our mother and father, our
way cheerfully, and was received in private
sisters and our children. And may He smite us audience by
the great man.
with sickness.”
Sohreb Khan was a huge man, with the
Which arrangement, on the face of it,
fat face of a vicious child behind a man’s
was foolish. The local man could easily refuse beard, the pig-eyes of cunning cruelty, and the to pay a mere stranger; the Kurds would pay,
swelled forehead vein of implacable temper.
but had not promised not to take their money
“Dost imagine, friend, that a sparrow
back later.
drops a feather in Isfahan and I know it not?”
Then Hussein went back to the inn and
he asked. “It is not so, Mas’llah! What thou
demanded from Coral what money remained
didst in the jail but two hours agone is known from the sale of the shirt. He counted the
to me. It seems, friend, that thy knowledge of coppers. “Enough to buy us both a good this crime is extensive.”
midday meal, boutcha,” he said.
“I take refuge with Allah from Satan
“I have arranged it to buy us meals for
the Stoned!” returned Hussein. “Do you
three days, until your rich friend is home,
imply, Saheb, that I had something to do with Hazret,” Coral replied, a little worried by an the crime? Not I, by Al-Aziz! Though, to be
unusual glint in his master’s eyes.
sure, I know of three of the burned-feathered
“Thou wilt expend it on a belt-
ones who committed it.”
stretching meal for us both, I. No need for
“How canst thou know of the criminals
doling when by Night Prayer we shall own a
if thou hadst nothing to do with the crime?”
hundred tomauns. A hundred tomauns, Coral,
asked Sohreb Khan.
furnished by one Sohreb Khan, the Chief of
“Why, please Allah, I learned of them