Thank you to Roy Wood for unwittingly giving me the title of this book. ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ has been one of my favourites since I was a kid and I hope the song has played merrily in the background as you’ve read. As for the man himself: an icon in my eyes. Wizzard, The Move, ELO have produced so many songs that have been a backing track to my life.
To my friend Wayne Padgett of Haywood & Padgett Ltd, scone maker extraordinaire who pledged a large dollop of cash to the Barnsley Youth Choir in exchange for having a character named after a person of his choice. He chose his dad Roy Padgett, a man with twinkly blue eyes, common sense and a great love for his family. I hope I’ve done him justice. Had Wayne not won the auction, there would have been no scone factory, no vegan scones and probably no Plant Boy. So sometimes our fate is decided by these turns and I’m so glad on this occasion. Haywood & Padgett started small and, to press, produces a million scones a day. You can read all about them at www.haywood-padgett.co.uk. And you’ll see first-hand what is possible with a small investment and some hard work and gumption.
Thank you to the family of my young friend Luke Palfreyman, to whom this book is dedicated, who sadly died in 2019. The family of Luke wanted his name to carry on in some way and it was an honour to call my Luke after him. The real Luke was a trained mechanic, loved animals, was a keen horseman, raised money for cystic fibrosis charities because that’s what Luke himself was born with. By the age of twenty-three his condition had diminished so badly that he only had ten per cent lung function. He was almost at the end when he had a double lung transplant that gave him life. What most of us take for granted – i.e. taking in a big breath – was a new sensation for Luke who was floored by how cold February air could feel. He gained weight, he picked up muscle strength, he had an amazing time partying with his many friends, even picking up a Proud of Barnsley award for his amazing achievements. Then an infection took hold that he couldn’t fight off. But what a fabulous year he had – thanks to a generous gift from someone who believed in the power and magic of transplants. He was a dear, wonderful, kind and inspirational young man and I was honoured to know him.
I am proud patron of Yorkshirecatrescue.org and, like so many charities, they’ve struggled to keep afloat, especially in this awful year. But they have a lovely online shop and everything they sell goes towards helping cats. Do pop along and have a look. They have some top Christmas cards. And a book of very irreverent poems that I wrote called A Cat-Shaped Space (I ship worldwide from my website). All the profits go to the charity. The ‘Maud Haworth Home for Cats’ is them in disguise.
And last but by no means least – thank you dearest readers for your love and support and touching letters. Without you, us writers of novels are just unpaid hobbyists and so I’m glad that you’ve given me a job that allows me to pay the mortgage and buy Grand Marnier. If I’ve brought you cheer, respite, entertainment as you’ve told me, then my job is done. Thank you for giving me my dream.
More from the Author
My One True North
The Little Dreams of Lara Cliffe
The Magnificent Mrs Mayhew
The Mother of All Christmases
The Perfectly Imperfect Woman
The Queen of Wishful Thinking
About the Author
Milly Johnson was born, raised and still lives in Barnsley, South Yorkshire. A Sunday Times bestseller, she is one of the Top 10 Female Fiction authors in the UK, and with millions of copies of her books sold across the world, Milly’s star continues to rise. Milly was chosen as one of the authors for The Reading Agency’s Quick Reads 2020 campaign. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day is her eighteenth novel.
Milly writes from the heart about what and where she knows and highlights the importance of community spirit. Her books champion women, their strength and resilience, and celebrate love, friendship and the possibility of second chances. She is an exceptional writer who puts her heart and soul into every book she writes and every character she creates.
www.SimonandSchuster.co.uk/Authors/Milly-Johnson
Luke’s Terrible Christmas Jokes
Why doesn’t Santa have a private dentist?
Because he believes in the national elf service
What do ducks pull at Christmas?
Quackers
What smells like Polos and hangs on Christmas trees?
Ornamints
What football team did baby Jesus support?
Manger-ster United
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
They keep dropping their needles
Why should you never buy a coffee grinder from a Womble?
Because your coffee will either be underground or overground
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because the bus is too expensive
What do snowmen eat in McDonalds?
Icebergers
Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemburrrrrrrrr
What’s the difference between MPs and Christmas puddings?
Nothing – they’re all fruitcakes
Why don’t snowmen run off when it gets warm?
Because they’ve got slush for brains
What do you call Bigfoot with a six pack?
The Abdominable Snowman
How does a snowman impress a snowwoman?
He shows her his snowballs
Why did the snowman use dandruff shampoo?
Because he had a snowflaky scalp
What’s ugly and stands outside houses collecting money warbling Christmas tunes?
A carol minger
Who’s covered in diamonds and sings ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’?
Bling Crosby
What goes on Christmas cakes and smells terrible?
Fartzipan
Why don’t sheep sing carols?
Because they can only remember the first two baaars
What’s more Christmassy than an Aldi Reindeer?
A Lidl Donkey
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don’t feed him
Where does Father Christmas go for his summer holidays?
Santa Parks
Why did Santa paint a picture of Mrs Claus in watercolours?
Because she was no oil painting
Why do the RNLI have the best Christmas parties?
Because they really know how to push the boat out
What do you call an alien who eats too much brandy butter?
An extra cholesterol
Is it normal to find a Christmas market selling just jelly, custard and cream?
No – it’s a trifle bazaar
What position does Father Christmas play in football?
Santa forward
What sort of lions do you find at the North Pole?
Very cold ones
What’s a Christmas trifle’s favourite place in a police station?
The custardy suite
What’s red with a fur trim and has a hundred legs?
A Santapede
What do you get if you cross a spruce with a dinosaur?
A Tree Rex
What vegetables do you find in igloo toilets?
Frozen peas
Because they prefer a chilly
Why is Boxing Day so called?
Because it’s spent reboxing crap presents to sell on eBay
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a shark?
Santa Jaws
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Wendy
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robin comes bob bob bobbing along
What’s the definition of perfect Christmas snow?
White stuff that’s so deep the family can’t travel to you
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with Sherlock Holmes?
Santa Clues
&n
bsp; What sort of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson
Norway has 48 words for ‘snow’
But that’s nothing because women have 598 words for ‘ex’
What’s worse than a Christmas cracker joke with no punchline?
Why do family get together at Christmas?
To remind them of why they stay apart for the rest of the year
Where’s the best place to stuff Christmas stockings?
In carol singers’ mouths to stop the row
How do you make a reindeer stew?
Don’t leave him out any carrots
Also by Milly Johnson
The Yorkshire Pudding Club
The Birds & the Bees
A Spring Affair
A Summer Fling
Here Come the Girls
An Autumn Crush
White Wedding
A Winter Flame
It’s Raining Men
The Teashop on the Corner
Afternoon Tea at the Sunflower Café
Sunshine Over Wildflower Cottage
The Perfectly Imperfect Woman
The Mother of All Christmases
The Magnificent Mrs Mayhew
My One True North
Novella:
The Little Dreams of Lara Cliffe
eBook only:
The Wedding Dress
Here Come the Boys
Ladies Who Launch
The Barn on Half Moon Hill
Now available as an audio collection called Petit Four
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First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2020
Copyright © Millytheink Limited, 2020
The right of Milly Johnson to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Hardback ISBN: 978-1-4711-9865-6
eBook ISBN: 978-1-4711-7855-9
Audio ISBN: 978-1-4711-7882-5
The author and publishers have made all reasonable efforts to contact copyright-holders for permission, and apologise for any omissions or errors in the form of credits given. Corrections may be made to future printings.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual people living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.