my!face.!“Are!you!getting!enough!to!eat?!Big!boy!like!you.”!
!
I!laughed.!“Nice!to!see!you,!Mrs.!Jones.”!
!
“Connie,!please,”!she!said!firmly.!“How!many!times!have!I!
told!you?!Goodness,!I!feel!old!enough!as!it!is.”!
!
I!nodded.!“I!eat!just!fine,!thanks.!How!are!you?”!
!
“Good,! good.”! Her! head! bobbed.! “Come! in.! The! boys! are!
back!in!the!kitchen.”!
!
She! led! the! way,! bare! feet! softly! whisking! the! hardwood!
floor.! The! loose! fabric! of! the! skirt! swayed! from! side! to! side!
with!the!roll!of!matronly!hips.!She!followed!my!progress!with!a!
glance! over! her! shoulder.! “You! haven’t! been! out! since! we!
moved!here,!have!you?”!
!
“No.!First!time.!It’s!a!beautiful!property.”!
!
“You’ll!have!to!take!a!tour.!No!trouble!finding!us?”!
!
“Your!directions!were!perfect.!And!I!can’t!imagine!a!better!
day!to!take!the!ferry.”!
!
The! house! on! the! Kitsap! Peninsula! was! about! a! twenty6
minute! drive! from! the! Southworth! ferry! terminal,! a! forty6
minute! ride! across! Puget! Sound! from! West! Seattle.! Signs! of!
encroaching!development!in!the!rural!area!had!cropped!up—
new,! large! houses! and! real! estate! signs! offering! land! or!
subdivided!five6acre!plots—but!forest!dotted!with!small!farms!
still! dominated.! Sparsely! populated! despite! the! growth,! the!
area!attracted!horse!farms!and!meth!labs.!
!
“How!long!have!you!lived!here?”!I!said.!
!
“Must!be!five!or!six!years!now.”!
!
“Then!it! has!been!too!long!since!I’ve!seen!you.”!!
!
“Not! like! the! old! days! when! Charlie! brought! you! home!
from!UW!during!the!holidays.”!
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!
No,!not!like!those!days—at!least!a!decade!had!passed!since!
I’d! last! seen! Charlie’s! parents.! But! he! and! I! hadn’t! socialized!
much!in!those!years!until!recently.!
!
Connie!led!me!down!a!short!hallway!and!started!her!tour!
in! the! garage,! part! of! which! had! been! converted! into! a!
woodworking! shop.! On! the! way! back! through! the! house,! she!
showed!me!a!small!home!office,!and!an!expansive!formal!living!
room! with! large! windows! overlooking! the! back! yard.! Male!
voices!drifted!down!the!hall,!the!confluence!of!words!a!bright!
plume! of! heat! fueled! by! passionate! beliefs.! Connie! followed! a!
narrow!path!through!a!large!family!room!toward!the!kitchen.!
She!worked!her!way!around!a!large!worn!leather!recliner,!an!
oak! end! table! covered! with! magazines! and! knick6knacks,! and!
an! overstuffed! sofa,! ignoring! the! two! men.! Keeping! my! head!
down,! I! stayed! on! her! trail,! registering! Charlie’s! voice! in!
passing.!!
!
“…! so! you’re! saying! if! Clay,! or! Sam,! wanted! to! enlist! and!
serve!our!country!that!makes!me!a!bad!parent?”!
!
Connie!faced!me!across!the!island!in!the!kitchen!and!rolled!
her!eyes.!“They!might!be!at!it!a!while,”!she!said.!“Can!I!get!you!
something!to!drink?!Iced!tea?!Lemonade?!A!glass!of!wine?”!
!
“Lemonade!sounds!good,!thanks.”!
!
I!turned!and!watched!Charlie!and!Clayt!in!the!next!room,!
Charlie! on! the! edge! of! a! brown! corduroy! chair,! leaning!
forward,! earnest! and! tense.! Clayt! relaxed,! one! arm! over! the!
back! of! the! beige! velour! sofa.! One! the! spitting! image! of! the!
other,!but!a!mirror!image,!like!matter!and!anti6matter.!Charlie’s!
hair,! graying! at! the! temples,! cut! short,! Clayt’s! thin! and! hoary,!
pulled! back! into! a! short! wispy! ponytail.! Charlie! clean6shaven,!
Clayt! sporting! a! goatee.! The! same! patrician! nose! and!
prominent!high!cheekbones!on!both.!
!
Mismatched! furniture! crowded! a! room! filled! with! well6
thumbed! books! and! magazines,! rumpled! newspapers,! opened!
mail!and!scraps!of!paper!penned!with!notes,!and!pottery!vases.!
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A! blocky! Scandinavian! entertainment! center! housed! a! bulky!
television!and!component!stereo!system.!Old!photographs!and!
more! books! crammed! the! shelves,! an! eclectic! range! of! titles!
reflecting!varied!interests!and!voracious!curiosity.!A!glance!at!
the!spines!nearest!the!kitchen— The*Oxford*Book*of*Essays!next!
to! copies! of! A.A.! Milne’s! When* We* Were* Very* Young,!
Shakespeare* Complete* Plays* and* Poems,! Das* Kapital,! Silent*
Spring! and! a! worn! Bible—showed! a! complete! lack! of! any!
orderly! sort! of! catalog! system.! Framed! posters! of’60s! bands!
and! original! art! covered! the! walls,! a! braided! rug! the! floor.! A!
lighted!sand!candle!on!the!low!coffee!table!separating!Charlie!
and! his! father! emitted! a! faint! scent! of! strawberries.! Their!
voices! rumbled! on! as! the! argument! continued,! but! the! words!
didn’t!register.!
!
Clayt! finally! glanced! up! and! saw! me! standing! just! inside!
the!room.!“What!do!you!think,!Blake?”!
!
I!shook!my!head.!“Uh6uh.!I’m!not!getting!in!the!middle!of!
this.”!
!
“I! can’t! believe! we! raised! you,”! he! said! to! Charlie,! then!
called!into!the!kitchen,!“Can!you!believe!he!spent!his!formative!
years!with!us,!Connie?”!
!
“Let! a! kid! express! his! opinions! and! call! you! by! your! first!
name,!what!did!you!expect?”!I!said,!keeping!my!tone!cheery.!
!
Clayt’s! face! darkened! briefly,! but! he! matched! my! smile!
with!one!of!his!own.!
!
Charlie!swiped!a!hand!over!his!face!and!stood,!looking!like!
he!had!a!bad!case!of!heartburn.!“I!need!a!beer.!Join!me?”!This!
last!he!directed!at!me.!
!
Without!waiting!for!an!answer,!he!stepped!through!double!
doors!leading!to!a!patio!off!the!back!of!the!house.!!
!
I!glanced!from!Clayt!to!Connie.!Connie!shooed!me!toward!
the! door! with! a! small! smile.! I! went! gratefully.! As! much! as! I’d!
hoped! a! holiday! barbecue! would! provide! a! welcome! respite!
from! the! insanity! of! the! past! week,! I! also! wanted! to! corner!
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Charlie!and!get!his!take!on!the!visit!I’d!had!from!Drucker!and!
Taylor!and!what!I!should!do!about!Wink.!I!didn’t!like!the!idea!
of!Wink!being!in!the!wind!out!there!somewhere,!not!knowing!
what! he! was! up! to! or! what! grudges! he! might! hold.! Charlie!
might!have!advice!on!the!best!ways!to!find!out.!
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!
!
Chapter&8&
!
!
Outside,! Charlie! stood! stiffly! next
! to! a! gas! grill! on! the! far!
side!of!the!patio,!fingers!curled!into!his!palms.!Bending!down,!
he!fished!in!an!ice6filled!cooler,!brought!up!two!brown!bottles!
dripping! moisture,! and! tossed! one! at! me.! I! managed! a! one6
handed!grab!without!spilling!any!lemonade.!Charlie!twisted!the!
top! off! his! and! took! a! long! pull,! throat! muscles! rhythmically!
working!the!cold!liquid!down!his!gullet!as!he!gazed!out!across!
the!back!yard.!The!terrace!extended!twenty!feet!out,!ending!in!
a!low!stone!curb!to!keep!people!from!tumbling!down!a!small!
embankment.!In!the!center,!the!pond!of!slate!drained!down!a!
set! of! wide! shallow! steps! into! a! broad! lawn! that! climbed! a!
gradual!rise!to!the!edge!of!the!forest!a!long!wedge!shot!away.!!
!
I!looked!for!a!way!to!ease!into!the!conversation.!“Where’s!
Babs,!and!the!boys?”!!
!
His!answer!was!muffled!by!the!breeze,!but!distinct!enough.!
“Down!in!Portland.!At!her!mom’s.”!
!
“That’s!a!surprise.”!
!
He!faced!me.!“To!you,!maybe.!Where’s!Molly?”!
!
The! sword! cut! both! ways.! “Up! in! Friday! Harbor! with! her!
latest.!A!doctor.!Jane!set!them!up.”!
!
“You!don’t!approve,!I!take!it.”!
!
“She’s!an!adult,”!I!said.!As!much!as!I!might!have!wished!it,!I!
no! longer! held! any! claim! on! Molly.! “You! changed! the! subject.!
Why!is!Babs!in!Portland,!not!here?”!
!
He! took! a! few! steps! and! sat! heavily! in! a! patio! chair,!
absently!rubbing!a!thumb!against!the!label!on!the!bottle!in!his!
hand.!I!ducked!under!the!umbrella!unfurled!over!the!table!and!
sat!opposite!him,!uncapped!my!beer!and!poured!half!into!my!
lemonade.!He!wouldn’t!meet!my!gaze.!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
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!
“I’m!taking!the!sergeant’s!test,”!he!said.!
!
My! eyebrows! rose.! “You’ve! been! a! beat! cop! for! fifteen!
years.”!
!
“That’s!right.”!He!thrust!out!his!lower!jaw.!“A!damn!good!
one.! I! did! it! for! Babs! and! the! kids.! You! work! a! beat,! you! go!
home,! simple! as! that.! After! a! while,! you! pick! your! hours.! I!
worked! it! so! I! could! spend! a! lot! of! time! with! the! boys.! Pick!
them! up! from! school.! Coach! their! ball! teams.! Help! with!
homework.”!He!fell!silent.!
!
“But!…?”!
!
“They’re! growing! up.! They! don’t! need! me! around! as!
much.”!
!
“Bullshit.!What!are!they,!sixteen!and!fourteen?!They!need!
you!more!than!ever.”!
!
“You!know!what!I!mean.”!He!paused.!“Okay,!so!I’m!doing!
this!for!me.!It’s!time.!I!deserve!it.!And!the!boys!are!old!enough!
to!understand!that.!Besides,!I!can!still!work!out!my!schedule!so!
I!spend!time!with!them.”!
!
“And!Babs?”!
!
He!drew!a!long!breath.!“She’s!not!happy!about!it.!It!means!
more! responsibility.! And! more! pay.! I! don’t! get! why! she! can’t!
see!this!is!good!for!her,!too.”!
!
I! shrugged.! “It! means! change.! Besides,! don’t! cops’! wives!
worry! about! everything?”! He! didn’t! answer.! “You! guys! are!
okay,!right?”!
!
He!looked!stricken!for!a!moment,!then!seemed!to!shake!it!
off.!“Who!knows?”!He!stared!at!something!over!my!shoulder.!“I!
need!this.!I!didn’t!spend!all!that!time!in!college!just!to!work!a!
beat.! I! swear! I! can! feel! my! brain! atrophying! as! we! speak.!
Fifteen!years,!the!same!thing,!day!in,!day!out.!Christ,!I!feel!like!
I’m!sleepwalking!most!of!the!time.”!
!
“There’s!more,!isn’t!there?”!
!
Like!a!tug!on!a!marionette!string,!the!question!jerked!his!
head!around.!His!eyes!narrowed.!!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
41&
!
“Babs! wouldn’t! freak! out! over! a! promotion,”! I! said.! “I’m!
sure!she’s!glad!for!the!extra!money.”!
!
He!grunted.!“I’m!taking!the!detectives!exam,!too.!Putting!in!
a! transfer.! Homicide,! if! I! can! get! it.! More! hours,! and! less!
predictable!ones!when!you’re!on!call.”!
!
“But! less! likelihood! of! getting! yourself! shot! out! there! on!
the!street.!I’d!think!Babs!would!be!thrilled.”!
!
One! of! his! shoulders! rose! and! fell.! “Go! figure.! Seventeen!
years!married!to!this!woman,!I!still!don’t!know!what!makes!her!
tick.”! Before! I! manufactured! a! suitable! response,! he! gave! my!
shoulder!a!nudge.!“Time!to!put!you!to!work.!There’s!a!cooler!in!
the!back!of!the!truck.!Go!get!it!while!I!fire!up!the!grill.”!
!
“What’re!we!having?”!
!
“I’m! having! baby6back! ribs.! You’re! welcome! to! share,! or!
you!can!have!the!tofu!dogs!Connie’s!got!planned.”!He!glared!at!
me.!“What?!It’s!not!like!I!don’t!eat!right!at!home.!You!see!any!
once,!I’d!like!a!serious!cholesterol!fix.!And!what’s!a!Memorial!
Day!backyard!barbecue!without!barbecue?”!
!
I!raised!my!hands!in!surrender!and!headed!for!his!truck.!
!
“Grab!the!oven!mitts!off!the!front!seat,”!he!called.!
!
I! waved! and! nodded,! already! lost! in! rambling! thoughts.!
The!mid6afternoon!sun!blazed!hotly,!hurting!my!eyes,!colors!so!
bright!they!shimmered!surreally!like!animated!cells!flickering!
on! a! movie! screen.! The! darkness! of! the! world! I! normally!
inhabited!leached!the!color!from!everything.!In!the!light!of!day,!
the! surroundings! took! on! hundreds! of! shades! of! green—
celadon,! emerald,! sage,! evergreen! …! Kermit* green.! Blossoms!
and!flowering!shrubs!splashed!the!tableau!with!Kool6Aid!hues!
of!pink!and!purple,!filling!the!air!with!fragrance.! God,*I*loved*the*
scent*of*Molly’s*neck*after*she*showered.*How*long*had*it*been? !
Somewhere! in! the! treetops! overhead,! a! bald! eagle! trilled! and!
cackled,! answered! by! the! whistles! of! her! chicks.! Bee,* again.*
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Busy,* busy.* Tofu* dogs?* Wonder* what* Molly’s* doing* now?* Why*
doesn’t*she*dump*that*dog*of*a*boyfriend? !
!
I! reached! over! the! side! of! the! truck! bed! and! hefted! the!
cooler.! Ribs—pig*for*the*Pig. ! Bright*out*here.*Wish*I’d*brought*
shades.*When*had*my*future*stopped*being*so*bright*I*no*longer*
had* to* wear* them?* Ten! steps! past! the! hood! of! the! truck! I!
stopped! dead.! Damn,* forgot* the* mitts. ! I! set! the! cooler! on! the!
grass,!backtracked,!pulled!open!the!driver’s!door!and!leaned!in.!
There*they*are. !I!scooped!them!up!with!one!hand!and!raised!my!
head,!Charlie!visible!through!the!op
en!passenger!door!window,!
fiddling!with!the!grill.!Beyond!him!…!!
!
“Gun!”!I!shouted,!the!word!still!reverberating!in!my!head!
at!the!sight!of!it.!
!
A!figure!all!in!black!rounded!the!far!corner!of!the!garage—
black!fatigues,!black!boots,!black!ball!cap,!black!bandana!pulled!
tight!across!his!face!just!below!black6lensed!sunglasses,!black!
assault!rifle.!The!color!of! my!world.!!
!
The! man’s! head! jerked! toward! the! sound! of! my! voice,!
giving! Charlie! time! to! dive! over! the! low! embankment! behind!
the!grill.!The!barrel!of!the!rifle!swung!toward!me.!I!lowered!my!
head!and!pulled!my!torso!out!of!the!truck!as!a!short!staccato!
bratHatHat!from!the!rifle!spit!lead!into!the!passenger!door!panel!
with! metallic! thunks.! The! sharp,! deep! boom! of! Charlie’s!
handgun!answered!the!burst!from!the!man’s!AR615.!The!man!
returned!fire,!and!now!the!sound!of!another!assault!rifle!joined!
in!from!a!different!direction.!I!raised!my!head!just!far!enough!
to! peek! through! the! rear! window! of! the! cab.! A! second! black6
clad! figure! advanced! slowly! from! around! the! other! corner! of!
the!house,!hugging!the!wall.!
!
For!an!instant,!a!memory!of!other!figures!in!black!froze!me!
with! indecision.! This* is* different. ! The! crystalline! bubble! of!
memory! burst! and! disappeared,! replaced! by! something! else.!
The! suicide! survivors! support! group! therapist,! Jeri,! had!
warned! me:! the! rage! could! swell! like! magma! under! a! lava!
Night&Tide—Sherer&
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dome,! the! pressure! increasing! until! it! broke! through! and!
spewed,! hot! and! destructive.! It! churned! in! my! gut,! harsh! and!
acidic.!!
!
These!two!didn’t!belong!here.!!
!
“Under! the! seat!”! Charlie! said! over! the! din,! a! note! of!
desperation!in!his!voice.!“A!little!help!here,!Blake!”!
!
I!ducked!down!and!groped!under!the!seat,!fingers!closing!
around!the!cold,!hard!butt!of!one!of!Charlie’s!back6up!pistols.!I!
freed!it!from!its!hiding!place,!slid!it!out!of!its!holster,!and!took!
slow,!deep!breaths,!willing!my!heart!to!stop!trying!to!jump!out!
of!my!chest.!Poking!my!head!up!for!another!look,!I!racked!the!
slide! to! chamber! a! round,! mentally! ran! through! the! checklist!
Charlie! had! taught! me.! The! second! man! hesitated,! head!
swiveling.! He! hadn’t! seen! me,! didn’t! realize! who! Charlie! was!
yelling!at.!!
!
Hit*ratio. !My!mind!paused!for!a!millisecond!to!consider!the!