ALARM GOES OFF
the next Monday
and I’m not so sure
about this camp.
But I am ready
when Paige and Liv
come to get me.
My plays
are written.
Liv’s sets
are designed.
I feel
for real
like freshman year
is behind us.
TREY
is the first person
I see
when I get out
of Paige’s car.
He waves
at me.
I feel myself
blush.
He’s got
that big,
warm smile.
I’m extra glad
I wore
a long-sleeved flannel,
even though
it’s too warm
for long sleeves.
WEEK ONE
is a blur.
A flurry of
reading,
feedback,
learning.
We read
and critique
each other’s plays.
We four playwrights
keep away
from the techies
and actors.
They’d only
distract us,
and I’m already
distracted
by Trey.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT
THE HOUSE
there is Dinner at 6: 00
and Fighting at 7: 00.
A flurry of
blaming,
complaining,
defending.
Mom looks to me.
I look away.
Now that
it’s summer,
I can
just leave.
I’ve always
got somewhere
to be.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE LOT
there’s a TENT.
Next to that
is a kayak.
I stroll past it
each evening,
but never see
any people.
Or a vehicle.
One night,
I do see
a raccoon!
EVENINGS AT LIV’S
are like when
we were
in junior high.
Everything
is funny.
Everything
is fun.
Especially now,
with Paige
home.
There’s always
ice cream,
soda (even if it’s Moxie!),
games,
movies,
laughter,
talking.
I stay there
overnight
sometimes.
One night
her mom
finds me
in the kitchen
real late.
I think
she’s going
to be mad,
but she gets herself
a serving
of the cereal
I’m eating
and
tells me,
“You know, Heather,
you’re always
welcome here.
Even if Liv
isn’t here.
Okay?”
I feel
embarrassed.
Wonder
what she knows.
But I’m also
grateful
for this
kindness.
That someone
I am going
can be
to help you
kind
heal
to me.
and feel better.
WEEK TWO
is for revisions.
Kind of like editing.
Rewriting
what we wrote.
Applying
what we learned.
My play is
sort of my essay
as a story.
Trey’s play
is a poem
on feet,
on legs,
with arms
and hands
that reach
and a voice
clear and brave.
Trey’s play
makes me
want to
write better,
and so
I do.
JULY FOURTH
Dad
doesn’t
come home.
I don’t have the heart
to leave Mom
all alone.
Even though
I have to
turn down
Trey’s invitation
to the reservation.
Skip the parade
with Liv and Paige
and say no
to their barbeque,
too.
END OF WEEK TWO
Trey asks,
“Do you
want to go
get ice cream
or something
this weekend?”
ICE CREAM WIT HTREY
We go
to Blueberry Hill.
I like
Jordan’s better.
It’s closer
to me.
(I mean,
by, like,
seven minutes,
but still.)
Plus Jordan’s
has other food.
But Trey said
Jordan’s
is too crowded
and loud,
and it was
his idea,
so I let
him pick.
He gets their
Maine Black Bear flavor,
which has little
raspberry-chocolate
bears in it.
Groooss!
He probably likes
Moxie soda,
too.
I get
one scoop of
moose tracks
and one of
blueberry
because
I am
a person with
TASTE BUDS!
He laughs at me.
“I like that
you’re funny,”
he says.
“I like your play
because it’s funny,
even though
it’s about
something
serious.”
SOMETHING SERIOUS
It doesn’t feel
all that serious
to me.
Especially
compared
to Trey’s play.
But it’s rude
not to take
a compliment.
“Well, it’s easy
to make it funny.
I mean,
it’s about
silly animals.”
Trey looks at me
with that wide, warm smile,
but there is something
in his dark eyes
that sparkles
with knowing,
He tells me,
“The Penobscot
have a lot
of stories
about animals.
Like why the raccoon
is shaped that way
and why the loon
sounds like that.
But also
stories of animals
helping people.
Not that we
deserve it.”
He laughs,
but his face
gets a sad,
kind of faraway look.
“Animals
are important,”
he says
very seriously.
“People
forget that.”
And I
suddenly wonder
if it’s hard for him
to be around white people
all the time.
WEEK THREE
We meet
the actors
and
the crew
– lights and sound.
Of course
I already
know Liv.
I’ve heard rumors
from her,
but not much
from anyone else.
Our plays
were turned over
to the actors
and the tech kids
first thing
in the morning.
While they
are reading
our stuff,
we are getting a crash course
in lights and sound,
set design and build.
I wonder
if anyone else
is as worried
as me.
Worried about
if the actors
and set designers
and crew
liked my play.
Worried about:
will I like
the acting
the set designs
the lighting?
Then suddenly,
it’s after lunch
and it’s time!
JOSIE
Sugar and hot sauce,
this actress.
She’s not afraid to
TAKE UP SPACE.
Comes into the room
like a striped orange cat
and has the hair
copper
with platinum
highlights.
Strolls to the back
and talks,
loud and proud.
Not afraid to
take OVER.
Sits on a desk
instead of a chair.
I’m thinking
there’s something
familiar
about her.
Is it her
swagger?
THE FAVORITE’S FAVORITE
Josie
holds up
a script.
“Who
wrote this one
about animals?”
I feel myself
blush
as I raise my hand.
Josie smiles.
It’s like
the sun
comes out.
“I expected
a boy.”
Josie laughs.
It’s like
the birds
are singing.
She pops
her gum.
“Anyway,
your play
is my favorite.”
ATTACKED
Dawson
is another actor.
Spiked, bleached hair.
Open, plaid button-down
over a white T-shirt
and oversized cargos.
Like it’s
the early 2000s
or something.
Is that cool again?
I have a feeling
he decides
what’s cool.
When I put my hand up,
Dawson
sees my arm.
The scratches.
The welts.
“What happened to you?”
I blush again,
but this time
with shame
and anger.
Josie speaks
before I even
have a chance.
“She was attacked
by a raccoon.
It was very
traumatic.
She doesn’t want
to talk about it.”
And right there,
I know.
Josie is a cutter.
DEFENDED
I’m afraid
to look at Trey,
but it turns out
he already knew.
Later on,
he says,
“Yeah, I noticed, like,
the second day
of camp.
It’s okay.
I mean,
It’s not okay,
but it doesn’t
scare me.
Or make me
think you’re crazy.”
I look at him now
and see
for the first time,
really recognize,
the deep sadness
in his eyes.
“BUT LISTEN,”
Trey says.
“Have you talked
to someone?”
“No. I mean, sort of…”
“Do you plan to?”
“No.
I was told not to.”
Trey raises
an eyebrow,
but does not ask
by whom.
“Do you have someone
you could talk to?”
“No, not really.”
“I’ll give you
the name
of a counselor.”
“I don’t think
I’ll need it.
I think
I’ll just quit.”
“I don’t think so.”
“How would you know?”
“I have a cousin …
I had a cousin.”
Oh.
Trey whispers,
“Do you want
to kill yourself?”
“No.”
“Have you ever
wanted that?”
“No.
I almost did
by accident
and it scared me.”
Trey takes
my hand
and gives me
his smile.
He is so kind
and relaxing.
I want
to tell him
everything.
I want him to say,
You can talk
to me.
But he doesn’t.
He doesn’t,
so I can’t.
BETRAYED
Liv finds out
somehow
and she freaks.
“Cooper
was right
about you!’”
Her eyes
are wide
and scared.
She is
afraid
of me!
I tell her
I told the young MD.
“Cooper
was right about
Chairman Meow.
He jumped on me…
and you know,
he gets out.”
Liv gives me
no side-eye.
She wants
to believe.
The ER sent me home.
Who is she
to disagree?
END OF WEEK THREE
Josie asks me,
“Do you
want to go
hang in Bar Harbor?
Or whatever?”
BARHARBORWITHJOSIE
We go for
ice cream,
coffee,
lobster rolls,
blueberry pie!
We take selfies
with the human-sized,
ice cream-loving
lobster
outside of Ben and Bill’s.
Then Josie
goes in and spends
FIFTY DOLLARS
on candy.
We take a
two-hour cruise
on a giant boat
where they let you
handle the sails.
We go in
all the dumb,
basic
tourist-trap shops
that my mom hates
because they are owned
by people from Away.
The ones my dad tells me
to stay out of because
they are staffed by
college-aged boys
from the Russian Mafia:
all tattoos,
spiky hair,
wolfy smiles.
Josie
smiles back
and she
FLIRTS
with these
frightening,
exciting
young men.
If Josie
were a boy,
I would want
to date her.
If Josie
were a boy,
my parents
wouldn’t let
me date her.
Luckily,
Josie
is a girl.
WEEK FOUR
is rehearsals.
The actors are
“moving off book,”
meaning
trying not to use
the scripts.
The playwrights
yell lines to them
when they forget.
Except this playwright.
I am (once again)
building sets.
It’s cool, though.
Trey is impressed.
They are also making us
fill in
some of
the acting rolls
when four actors
is not enough.
(Also Dawson
has to play
a girl in one,
which he
is totally cool with,
which makes me
like him more.)
Overall,
we are
cruisin’ along.
CRASH
I am asleep
on Liv’s couch
and rudely awakened
by a knock
on the door.
Who the…?
Cooper!
Liv
comes flying
down the stairs.
Already ready.
Hair up,
makeup.
Things she usually does
in the car.
“Don’t be mad,” Liv says,
“Paige is still
taking you to camp.”
“Are you even coming today?”
“Of course,” Liv says,
but her
reddening face
says
something else.
HERE IS WHAT I THINK
You could
have told me.
You literally
had all night
to tell me.
You could
have woken me up
and been like,
Hey,
I know
you’re my best friend
and everything
but my
MEAN
EX-BOYFRIEND
WHO HATES YOU
is picking me up
in the morning, so…
But here is what I say:
“Um, okay.”
GONE
At camp,
Liv is not the only
one missing.
JOSIE is gone,
too.
Trey
is outside
in the sun,
working
with the cast.
I