COMING UNDONE
By Melody Calder
Title: Coming Undone
Author: Melody Calder
Copyright © 2021 Butterdragons Publishing
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This includes, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise.
Published by Butterdragons Publishing
https://butterdragons.com
ISBN: 9789493229396 (ebook)
ISBN: 9789493229402 (paperback)
ISBN: 9789493229419 (audio book)
Cover Design by: Dazed Designs
Audio book narrated by MJ Webb and Joshua Schubart
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Chapter One - Simone
Chapter Two - Simone
Chapter Three - André
Chapter Four - André
Chapter Five - Simone
Chapter Six - Simone
Chapter Seven - André
Chapter Eight - Simone
Chapter Nine - Simone
Chapter Ten - André
Chapter Eleven - Simone
Chapter Twelve - Simone
Chapter Thirteen - Simone
Chapter Fourteen - André
Chapter Sixteen - André
Chapter Seventeen - Simone
Chapter Eighteen - André
Chapter Nineteen - André
Chapter Twenty - Simone
Chapter Twenty-One - André
Chapter Twenty-Two - Simone
Chapter Twenty-Three - André
Chapter Twenty-Four - Simone
Epilogue - André
Acknowledgements
About Melody Calder
Dedication
To Natasha, the Magic Cover Lady, whose fantastic art spoke to me and gave me this story that needed to be written.
Childhood sweethearts
Forced to break apart
But their love so strong
And wort fighting for
He promised to return to her
He vowed to return to her
To be with her forever
Yet he broke the wow
But she refused to give up
She would wait forever
Despite the pain of longing
Until they found each other again
Then his inner demons
Made him angry and lash out
Causing him to seek solace
In a sanctuary of God
Is the church salvation he seeks
While overwhelmed with temptation
To find their forever together
As it was meant to be
By Helle Gade
Chapter One - Simone
1949, Lyon, France
The new boy with dirty blond hair screamed at the sisters again, just as he did every single day since he arrived a week ago. Everyone stared at him, myself included, as he threw his blazer down and cried that he wouldn’t wear it.
“Sister Marie, what’s wrong with him?” I whispered harshly, finally irritated enough to ask.
Gently, she tried to explain, “You see, Simone, he just lost his parents and he’s very sad. Sometimes that sadness comes out as anger.”
I looked at her curiously, “I lost my parents and I don’t act like a brat. Why does he?” My nine-year-old mind couldn’t wrap itself around the idea of how he acted.
“My dear child, you were just a baby when your parents were taken in the war. It’s a very different thing to know your parents and lose them.” Sister Marie paused to see if I understood, which I didn’t. “How would you feel if myself, or any of the sisters here, were to pass over to be with God and you’d never see us again?”
“I’d be really happy you could be in paradise but really sad I couldn’t see you anymore,” I told her as understanding started to dawn on me.
She nodded, “That’s right, because we are the ones who have taken care of you since you came here. We are like parents to you, just as André’s parents took care of him until they left to be with God.”
I dropped the broom and it clattered to the floor, but I didn’t care. With determination in my eyes, I stated, “I’m going to take his sadness away. I can love him and he will love me, and that will make him less sad.”
“Simone, it’s very kind of you and I love your big heart. I just don’t want you to be disappointed when it doesn’t work. Grief isn’t easy for anyone, dear,” Sister Marie insisted.
My mind was made up and there was nothing she could say to stop me. Marching over to him with determination, I introduced myself, “I’m Simone and I’m going to be your friend and make you not sad anymore.”
André looked at me with his big brown eyes and a scowl on his face, “Go away.”
“Did you know there’s a pond in the back and frogs live there? They make lots of noise and they are hard to catch but I like how slimy they feel. Do you want me to show you?” I ignored his angry words and tried harder. I knew the boys in the orphanage loved frogs and he probably did too.
He crossed his arms and turned his back to me, refusing to speak. It was okay though, because I had enough words for both of us. “I bet Sister Marie will let you take a turn doing chores in the kitchen if you ask her. She’s the nicest one here. They’re all nice but she is super-duper nice. If you go in the morning, there’s fresh bread, nice and warm from the oven. Sister Anna lets me eat a piece before I start working. I bet she would for you too if you don’t scream and yell so much.”
He grumbled something but I couldn’t hear it, so I kept talking, “I’m nine years old and my birthday is in a month. How old are you, André?”
Turning to face me, he rolled his eyes, “If I tell you, will you shut up and go away?”
“Yes. Actually, no. The Sisters taught me not to lie because God doesn’t like it. He knows everything and I want to get into Heaven to meet my parents so I’m not going to do anything to make him mad,” I rattled on, ignorant to the fact that he was growing more irritated with me. “I decided that I’m going to love you like your parents did and you can love me, too. That way you’ll feel better and not scream so much. So, no, I’m not going to leave you alone. Will you tell me how old you are now?”
“You can’t replace my mom and dad’s love,” he glowered at me.
“I can’t? But all the nuns here replaced my parents. I don’t remember them because I was just a baby when they died. They were eating at a restaurant when a bomb landed on the building. I guess they were so sure France wasn’t going to be attacked. When they died, no one could find any of my other family, so I was brought here. What happened to your parents?”
Tears welled up in his eyes and I got scared that I broke him. He hadn’t cried at all since he came, so I didn’t know he was sad. I made him sad enough to cry and I tried to make it right. “I’m sorry if I said something wrong. Sister Marie always tells me I talk too much and say the wrong things. She tries to teach me not to say everything that comes to my mind.”
He put his face in his hands and I could see his body moving as he sobbed. I looked down to see puddles of wetness on his pants legs and I felt really bad for making him cry. The nuns always hugged me when
I cried so that’s what I did to André. I even whispered it would be okay and rubbed his back just like they did to me.
I was happy he didn’t tell me to go away or anything like that. He let me hug him until his sobs subsided. Pulling away, I saw his tear-streaked face and puffy eyes. “I’m sorry, André. I didn’t mean to make you more sad. I just want to make you happy.”
He shook his head and stood up from the bench, “I’m fine. Now, go away, please. I don’t want to make friends. I just want to be left alone. I’m eleven. Now you know, so you can go bother someone else.”
My face fell at his rejection and I hated for Sister Marie to be right again. “Thank you,” I told him quietly before he walked away. As his form grew smaller, I made the decision to keep trying. I wasn’t going to be wrong again and he really did need love. My determination came back and I thought of all the things I could do to make him smile.
The first thing that came to mind was getting him a frog since the other boys all loved them so much. I ran out of the room and barely slowed down as I half jogged down the hallways. The nuns were very strict about no running in our home, so I had to make it look like I wasn’t running, just in case anyone was around. I didn’t want to get in trouble again and given extra chores. If that happened, I couldn’t be André’s friend.
The door to the outside was in front of me, and once I knew the coast was clear, I raced toward it. It was a large wooden door and it was heavy. I was strong though, and grunted as I pushed it open, cringing when it squeaked loudly. I hadn’t asked for permission to go outside and if I were caught, I would be in big trouble.
Luckily, no one caught me, and I made my way through the maze of bushes and flowers to the small pond in the middle. I saw Sister Elizabeth kneeling on the ground pulling weeds. She greeted me, “Simone, does anyone know you’re out here?”
She knew me well and I kind of lied to her, but I told myself it wasn’t a lie because I knew I was out there. “Yes,” I answered simply before stepping around her and going straight to hunting for frogs. “I’m getting a gift for the new boy so he can be happy and stop screaming at everyone,” I told her as I looked for the little green frogs.
“That’s very nice of you, Simone,” she gushed. “I won’t keep you from your mission.”
“Thank you,” I shouted over my shoulder as I ran the rest of the way to the pond. The scent of flowers wafted in the air – roses, irises, poppies, and lilies, all melded together in a wonderful natural perfume mixed with the fresh grass and herbs grown for the food. My once white shoes were tinted green from all the times I spent running down the grass pathway to the pond.
The pond had a scent like no other, water and fish mixed in a musty smell that I never liked. I tried to talk Sister Elizabeth into planting flowers around the pond, but she said they wouldn’t be good for the fish who lived in it. I wrinkled my nose as I approached the pond and searched for frogs. The sooner I could catch one and bring it to André, the faster he would become happy.
Kneeling down, I looked through the reeds where they liked to hide and a movement caught my eye. The secret to catching one was to be faster than the frog and I leapt towards where I thought it was. I was so focused on catching it, which I did, I didn’t think to be more careful.
Cold water splashed around me and soaked me when I landed face first in the pond. I gripped my prize as I stood up and gasped from the shock of the cold. My nose itched and burned from the water going up because I forgot to plug my nose in my excitement, but I refused to let the frog go to rub it.
The fact that I was soaked from head to toe didn’t bother me as I felt the slimy skin of the frog moving between my clasped hands. I just needed to hurry back so I could give the gift to my new friend, the boy who I would love and who I was sure would love me back.
“Simone!” Sister Elizabeth shouted, her voice full of shock and disappointment. “You know you aren’t supposed to swim in the pond.”
“I fell in,” I told her feebly.
“Look at you, soaked to the bone. Sister Marie is going to be very angry. Let’s get you in and dried off.” She tsked at me, “And so early in the afternoon. You’ll have to wear your pajamas for the rest of the day.”
Our uniforms were washed each morning by the nuns who took care of us, orphans. They used the washboard and buckets outside and then hung them up to dry. When we woke up in the morning, there were always clean uniforms folded at the end of our beds and the dirty ones were gone. If I hadn’t been punished and assigned to washing duty years back, I would have thought it was magic.
We only had two sets of clothes for the day, so if one got dirty, or in my case wet, we would have to wear our pajamas. It was always embarrassing when it happened because the other kids would tease about it when the nuns weren’t listening. I had it happen to me more than once since I was always accidentally getting myself into different messes.
Once, I fell into a big mud puddle after it rained, and that’s when I learned about the laundry. It wasn’t my fault there was a hole in the grass I couldn’t see. Another time, I was helping Sister Anna in the kitchen and the flour was heavier than I thought. When I pulled it from the shelf, the whole thing fell on me and I was covered in it. I probably looked funny with the white stuff all over me, but I’d never know since I couldn’t see myself.
The orphanage didn’t have any mirrors, nor did the church we attended every evening. If it weren’t for one of the girls who came in when she was older and bemoaned about the lack of mirrors, I wouldn’t have known they existed at all. She explained what they were, and I was fascinated by the magic of them. I knew that someday, when I became an adult and had to leave, the first thing I would do was find a mirror and see what the fuss was all about.
Sister Marie was very upset with me when she saw me. Grabbing the dirty old towels, she tried to help dry me off, but it was no use. “You’ll have to get in the bath. You smell like a dirty pond and you have reeds in your hair,” she sighed heavily. “All the hot water was already used to clean, so you’ll have to have a cold bath.”
“I’m sorry, Sister Marie. I tripped while getting a gift for André. Can I give it to him before I take a bath? I don’t want to lose it.”
Adjusting her habit, she grumbled, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Simone. Just put the gift on your bed and you can give it to him after you get cleaned up.”
I kicked my green tinged shoe on the floor and kept my head down while I responded, “I can't put it down. If I do, it will jump away.” I held my hands out and gave her a peek of the green skin.
She took a step back and her hand went to her chest, “Go, give it to him. But make sure you take it outside when you’re done. I do not want any frogs in this house.”
“Yes, Sister Marie,” I curtsied before rushing off to show André his gift. I had to search for the boy with the sad brown eyes and I was getting tired of holding the frog. It didn’t seem happy and I knew it had to get back into water soon, otherwise it would die.
I finally found him huddled up in a corner of the library holding a book to his chest. I skipped over to him and asked, “Whatcha doing?”
He stared at me blankly and didn’t answer. The poor boy was so sad, but I was confident I could help him. “I have something for you,” I said excitedly as I held out my hands.
My movement seemed to wake him up from whatever daydream he was having and he looked at me for the first time. “Why are you all wet?” He wasn’t a boy of many words.
“Oh, I decided you needed a gift to seal our friendship and to make you happy again. When I was getting it, I accidentally fell face first into the pond. Anyway, here’s my gift to you.” My words rushed out and I shoved the frog in his face, opening my hands to reveal the prize inside.
He hesitantly took it and studied it, turning it over in his hands despite the frog’s protests. “Thank you. I don’t think anyone has ever gone to so much trouble to get me such an unusual gift.”
“I told
you, silly, I’m going to love you and be your friend. This is what friends do,” I spoke to him like he was ignorant. “We should get the poor little guy in some water. It took me a lot longer than I thought it would to get past the nuns and then find you. I’m afraid he’s drying out.”
“Can you show me where you got him? Me and my dad used to hunt frogs together for his restaurant before the Nazi’s came. When they left, he didn’t want to do it anymore. If I can’t keep him here, I want to be able to visit him.” His eyes were back to sadness after his brief moment of happiness.
“Yes! I told you I would be your guide and I’ll show you where all the frogs are.” I was thrilled he opened up and didn’t push me away. I gestured for him to follow me, and he scrambled to his feet with the frog still in his hand. I knew he’d love the pond just as much as I did and the bath I needed was forgotten as I showed him to the frog’s home.
Chapter Two - Simone
André became my friend not long after I gave him the gift. It took a few weeks of me pestering him every day to come to the pond. We spent our free time there, where he could hunt for frogs and eventually showed me a better way to do it. Unlike when his parents were alive, he didn’t cook them. Instead, he let them go and watched with fascination as they hopped or swam away.
His angry outbursts happened less often and that was probably why Sister Marie didn’t punish me for falling into the pond. She also gave us a little more freedom to go outside and play. He was quiet and I always filled the silence with my own chattering, telling him about all the other orphans we lived with. Most of them were nice but some of them were just plain mean.
One day, out of the blue, he started crying hysterically and I didn’t know why. “André, did you get hurt?” I asked, not sure of what else would make him cry. Maybe he stepped on a rock and it hurt or something, since we always took our shoes off when we played outside.
My question seemed to make him cry harder, but he managed to shake his head. “Maybe I should get one of the nuns,” I commented out loud, not knowing what happened causing fear and panic in me.