4. The author of this passage is questionable. While often attributed to pastor Chuck Swindoll, this quote appears in Nell W. Mohney’s Don’t Put a Period Where God Put a Comma. It’s also attributed to Cosmas in From Trials to Triumphs by Ambassador Udo Moses Williams and Eno Udo Williams. Regardless of who said it, the sentiment is spot-on.
5. “Have an Impossible Dream?,” MarieTV.
6. Nick Bilton, “Steve Jobs Was a Low-Tech Parent,” New York Times, September 10, 2014, https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/fashion/steve-jobs-apple-was-a-low-tech-parent.html.
7. S. Andrews, D. A. Ellis, H. Shaw, L. Piwek, and J. Pietsching, “Beyond Self-Report: Tools to Compare Estimated and Real-World Smartphone Use,” PLoS ONE 10: 10, October 28, 2015, http://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0139004.
8. “Cost of Attendance,” NYU Langone Health, https://med.nyu.edu/education/md-degree/md-affordability-financial-aid/cost-attendance.
9. Medha Imam, “$2.9 Billion Unused Federal Grant Awards in Last Academic Year,” USA Today, January 20, 2015, https://www.usatoday.com/story/college/2015/01/20/29-billion-unused-federal-grant-awards-in-last-academic-year/37399897.
CHAPTER 5: HOW TO DEAL WITH THE FEAR OF ANYTHING
1. Alicia Eaton, Fix Your Life with NLP (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2013).
CHAPTER 6: DEFINE YOUR DREAM
1. Sandhya Bhaskar, “‘There Is No Difference’: Laverne Cox Talks Gender Identity in Memorial Hall,” The Panther, March 4, 2019, http://www.thepantheronline.com/news/no-difference-laverne-cox-talks-gender-identity-memorial-hall.
2. Erin Staley, Laverne Cox (New York: The Rosen Publishing Group, 2017).
3. Jazz Jennings, “Laverne Cox,” Time, April 15, 2015, http://time.com/3822970/laverne-cox-2015-time-100.
4. Brian McVicar, “‘Orange Is the New Black’ Actress Discusses ‘Gender Police,’ Struggles Faced by Transgender People,” MLive, March 19, 2014, https://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/2014/03/orange_is_the_new_black_actres_1.html.
5. Jane Mulkerrins, “Laverne Cox: On Growing Up Trans, Orange Is the New Black and Caitlyn Jenner,” Telegraph, June 10, 2016, https://www.telegraph.co.uk/on-demand/2016/06/10/laverne-cox-on-growing-up-trans-orange-is-the-new-black-and-cait.
6. “Laverne Cox at Creating Change 2014,” National LGBTQ Task Force, February 5, 2014, YouTube video, 30:46, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cytc0p4Jwg.
7. Mulkerrins, “Laverne Cox: On Growing Up Trans, Orange Is the New Black and Caitlyn Jenner.”
8. Regan Reid, “10 Teachable Moments from Laverne Cox’s Incredibly Inspiring Talk at WorldPride,” IndieWire, June 26, 2014, https://www.indiewire.com/2014/06/10-teachable-moments-from-laverne-coxs-incredibly-inspiring-talk-at-worldpride-213999.
9. Benjamin Lindsay, “Laverne Cox on Breaking Barriers in Hollywood & Advocating for the Marginalized,” Backstage, March 8, 2017, https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/laverne-cox-breaking-barriers-hollywood-advocating-marginalized-5039.
CHAPTER 8: PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION
1. Alaska Injury Prevention Center; Critical Illness and Trauma Foundation, Inc., and American Association of Suicidology, “Alaska Suicide Follow-back Study Final Report,” September 1, 2003–August 31, 2006, http://dhss.alaska.gov/SuicidePrevention/Documents/pdfs_sspc/sspcfollowback2-07.pdf.
2. Prem S. Fry and Dominique L. Debats, “Perfectionism and the Five-Factor Personality Traits as Predictors of Mortality in Older Adults,” Journal of Health Psychology 14, no. 4 (2009), 513–24, doi:10.1177/1359105309103571.
3. Fry and Debats, “Perfectionism and the Five-Factor Personality Traits”; Gordon L. Flett and Paul L. Hewitt, “Perfectionism and Maladjustment: An Overview of Theoretical, Definitional, and Treatment Issues,” in Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment, ed. Gordon L. Flett and Paul L. Hewitt (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2002), 5, http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/10458-001.
4. Ira Glass, “The Gap,” produced by Daniel Sax, This American Life, January 25, 2014, https://www.thisamericanlife.org/extras/the-gap.
5. Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (New York: Random House, 2006).
CHAPTER 9: REFUSE TO BE REFUSED
1. Seth Godin, This Is Marketing (Portfolio: New York, 2018).
CHAPTER 10: THE WORLD NEEDS YOUR SPECIAL GIFT
1. Jaruwan Sakulku, “The Impostor Phenomenon,” International Journal of Behavioral Science 6, no. 1 (2011), https://www.tci-thaijo.org/index.php/IJBS/article/view/521.
2. Brené Brown, “Finding Shelter in a Shame Storm (and Avoiding the Flying Debris),” Oprah.com, http://www.oprah.com/spirit/brene-brown-how-to-conquer-shame-friends-who-matter/al.
EPILOGUE: THE REAL SECRET TO LASTING SUCCESS
1. Richard M. Lee and Steven B. Robbins, “The Relationship Between Social Connectedness and Anxiety, Self-Esteem, and Social Identity,” Journal of Counseling Psychology 45, no. 3 (1998), 338–45, http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.45.3.338.
2. J. S. House, K. R. Landis, and D. Umberson, “Social Relationships and Health,” Science 241, no. 4865 (1988), 540–45, http://science.sciencemag.org/content/241/4865/540.
3. Savada Chandra Tiwari, “Loneliness: A Disease?,” Indian Journal of Psychiatry 55, no. 4 (2013), 320–22, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3890922.
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
INDEX
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. The link provided will take you to the beginning of that print page. You may need to scroll forward from that location to find the corresponding reference on your e-reader.
Note: Page numbers in italics refer to tables or illustrations.
Abundance (Diamandis and Kotler), 83
accolades, collecting, 245–46
accomplishments
confusing activity with, 123
in the hype file, 245
accountability, 166, 170
action
courage spawned by, 162
importance of taking, 14–15
as source of clarity, 121–22
activism of Laverne Cox, 128
advice, respectful, 227
alcohol, 230, 234
Alder, Shannon L., 97
Altshuler, Michael, 67
The Anatomy of Hope (Groopman), 29
Anderson, Chris, 70–71
Andrews, Sally, 71
Angelou, Maya, 5, 243–44
anger, responding in, 230, 234
anxiety, 177
Association for Talent Development, 257
attentional filters of our brains, 128–30
attitude, importance of, 60
Atwood, Margaret, 187
automatic writing exercise, 251–52
Bach, Richard, 51
Bannister, Roger, 40
Barcelona, Spain, author’s trip to, 207–12, 231
beliefs, 19–47
based in evidence, 38–39
based on examples, 39
based on our environment, 37–38
based on our experience, 38
based on our vision, 39–40
behavioral impact of, 31–32
as a choice you can change, 42–43
and cognitive performance, 31
of Collins, about her “unteachable” students, 32–34
and confirmation bias, 40–42
consequences of, 32
everything is figureoutable, 44–45, 47
as genesis of progress, 34
limiting, 32–34, 42, 43, 46–47
physical impacts of, 29
and power of placebo effect, 29–31
and self talk, 45
thoughts rooted in, 28–29
Bilton, Nick, 70
Bittman, Mark, 77
body, wisdom of, 107–9,
171
brain training for growth, 10–11
Branson, Richard, 130–31
Broadway Dance Center (BDC), 120–21, 154, 184
Brown, Brené, 245
B-School, 221–22
burnout, 123
businesses, launching, 79–80
busyness, 123
Cameron, Julia, 125
“can’t” as euphemism for “won’t,” 53–55, 87
career of author
in dance fitness (see dance and fitness)
early years of, 19–25, 117–19
first workshop of, 177–79
as multipassionate entrepreneur, 158–59
caring for others, 246
Carr, Kris, 238
Castaneda, Carlos, 9
Cayne, Candis, 127
challenges/hardships, personal, 13–14
change, invisible, 194
Chisholm, Shirley, 9
choices, owning, 65–67
clarity, engagement as source of, 120–22
Coelho, Paulo, 223
cognitive performance, impact of beliefs on, 31
Collins, Marva, 32–34
comfort zone and growth zone, 167–69, 168, 169
Committed Impulse, 104, 105
community building, 254–56
comparison, 70, 179–80
Comparschläger, 70, 70n, 179
confirmation bias, 40–42
Confucius, 183
control, focusing on what you can, 141–43
Cox, Laverne, 125–28
creative gap, minding, 189–91
creative work, cultivating patience in, 198–200
critics and criticism
and considering the source, 228
dealing with nay-sayers, 221–23
fear of, 223–24
feeling sad, not mad at, 228–29
finding humor in, 229–30
inevitability of, 224–26
responding to, 226–27, 233–34
and valuable advice, 227
crowdfunding, 82
Crunch Fitness, 154, 159, 184, 185
Curie, Marie, 91
curiosity
engaging, 10
and perfectionism vs. progress, 188
daily progress, 193–94, 203
dance and fitness
and audition for hip-hop video, 184–86
author’s passion for, 154
instruction in, 119–21
as instructor of, 154–56
moving on from career in, 197
and MTV gig, 159–61
and Nike Elite Dance Athletes, 4, 186, 189
depression, 177
destructive thoughts, countering, 10–11
determination. See refusing to be refused
Deutsch, David, 12
devices, time spent on, 69–71, 73, 76
Diamandis, Peter, 83
discouragement, 188
Dix, Dorothea, 231
dopamine, 70
drama and perfectionism, 193–94
dreams, 117–49
assessing difficulty of, 137–38
assessing importance of, 136–37, 198
and attentional filters of our brains, 128–30
being true to, 125–28
choosing, 122–25, 128–30, 138–39, 143–44
clarifying actionable steps to achieving, 139–40
Cox’s pursuit of, 125–28
defining, 129–30
determining next steps, 140–41
and early career of author, 117–19
and fears of inadequacy, 125
of financial freedom, 144–45
and finding clarity through engagement, 120–22
and focusing on what you can control, 141–43
honoring your unique, 146
identifying, 133–35, 148–49
managing monumental, 147–48
multiple, 143–44
power of writing down, 130–32
and purpose beyond personal gain, 231–32, 234
regretting not pursuing, 247
and research as delay tactic, 141
reviewing past attempts at, 138
size of, 145–46
and social intelligence, 143
Dweck, Carol, 32, 191–92
Earhart, Amelia, 140
eating disorders, 177
Edison, Thomas, 33
education
limitations of education system, 5
online educational opportunities, 79
Einstein, Albert, 33, 104
Elliot, Missy, 184–86
Ellis, Albert, 57
email, time spent on, 68, 73, 75–76
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 25, 170
emotions
giving others power over your, 226
relabeling, 104–7
and responding to critics, 230, 234
engagement as source of clarity, 120–22
entrepreneurs, resources for, 79–80
environment
influence of, 256–57
as source of beliefs, 37–38
Environmental Working Group, 77–78
envisioned beliefs, 39–40
Ephron, Nora, 88
errands, time spent on, 69
The Ersatz Elevator (Snicket), 153
everything is figureoutable philosophy
in author’s life, 3–4
and community, 15–16
life-changing power of, 6–7
origins of, 1–3
as a spiritual path, 15
three rules of, 12
“everything is figureoutable” phrase, saying, 44–45, 99
evidence, beliefs based in, 38–39
examples, beliefs based on, 39
excuses, 51–88
“can’t” as euphemism for “won’t,” 53–55, 87
examples of perseverance, 56–60, 62–63
and finding a way, 60–62
and focusing on results, 59–60
identifying and refuting, 84–85
lack of knowledge, 82–83
lack of money, 79–82
lack of time, 65–79, 84–86
and reliance on reasons why you “can’t,” 63–64
and taking responsibility, 54–58
exercises, importance of fully engaging in, 14–15
expectations, 29
experience as source of beliefs, 38
failures and falls
inevitability of, 93, 188
learning derived from, 109–11
and perfectionism vs. progress, 187
fear, 91–113
as acronym, 93
action as antidote to, 96
and articulating worst and best case scenarios, 100–104, 112
considered an enemy, 95–97
of criticism and judgment, 223–24
as directive, 97, 98–99, 107
as helpful, healthy response, 95, 96–97
of inadequacy, 125
and inevitable falls/failures, 91–93
intuition vs., 107–9
and learning derived from failures, 109–11, 113
misinterpretation of signals, 97–98, 113
of not being good enough, 94n, 163, 176
and perfectionism vs. progress, 188
physical sensations of, 104–6
relabeling, 104–7, 113
as root of perfectionism, 175–76
types and intensities of, 94, 94n
ubiquitous experience
of, 93
feedback, constructive, 182–83
finances. See money and finances
Fitzgerald, Ella, 233
fixed vs. growth mindsets, 191–93
Flett, Gordon, 177
Ford, Henry, 32
Foster, Jodie, 157, 243–44
Frankl, Viktor E., 135
fraud, feeling like a, 243–46
friendships, investing in, 257, 259–60
future tripping, strategic, 155–56
Gbowee, Leymah, 213–16, 231
gender equality, 147–48
gender identity and pronoun usage, 13
Gibran, Kahlil, 1
Gide, André, 95
gifts you bring to the world, 237–52
and assumptions about your value, 238–39
denying or suppressing, 240–41
and imposter syndrome, 243–46
and market saturation, 242–43
and regrets, 247–48, 247n, 251
stealing from those who need your, 240
unique blend of, 239, 243
and world’s need for your gift, 238, 241–42, 249, 261
Gilbert, Elizabeth, 175, 199
giving to others that which we long for, 259–60
Glass, Ira, 189–90
goals
and attentional filters of our brains, 129–30
committing to, 125
identifying/defining, 84–85, 86, 129–30
oversized, long-term, 146
power of writing down, 130–32
See also dreams
Godin, Seth, 225
Goodall, Jane, 239
Gospel of Thomas, 241
Graham, Martha, 237
Groopman, Jerome, 29
growth vs. fixed mindsets, 191–93
growth zone and comfort zone, 167–69, 168, 169
gut checks (intuition), 107–9
Half the Sky (Kristof and WuDunn), 59
Hamilton, Bethany, 57
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Rowling), 225–26
Hewitt, Paul, 177
hip-hop, 154–56, 159–60, 186
Hitler, Adolf, 241
humility, 169
Hyman, Mark, 257
hype files, 245–46
Ice-T, 221
idea-to-reality stories, 26–28