if we want
A Tale of Two Cities
Dr. Manette
They’ve taken him
they’ve taken him and I don’t
know where he’s gone
Taken whom, my dear
Charles
Charles, of course
He’s in the Bastille
the things they’re saying about him
they’re terrible
what are we going to do, what will we do
we’ve got to save him
Don’t you worry little one
I know just what to do
I’m going to make shoes
Rudyard Kipling
i’m bored
let’s go shoot something
okay
What
i don’t care
a tiger
or a Boer
what was that last one?
I mean a bear
oh
Okay
haha must have been a weird typo
it’s illegal to hunt men
but exhilarating
what?
i said it was illegal
and also
execrable
execrable was the second word i said
Daisy Miller
Part III
Daisy
there’s a castle just up the hill I want you to see
it’s absolutely beautiful this time of year
please say you’ll come
we’ll walk the ramparts together and find lilac growing in the walls
oh how lovely
I’d be so pleased to come
oh my god
you were really going to do it
you were going to go to a castle alone with me
I don’t understand
you wouldn’t
you slut
Daisy Miller
Part IV
listen
Daisy
either run away with me this minute
or put on a goddamned shawl
you have the naked shoulders of a sultan’s whore
The Sun Also Rises
Brett
Brett did you get that picture I sent you
I did, yeah
the picture of my penis I mean
yes
Brett
guess how much of my penis I still have left
you know
after my accident
after my penis accident
I really don’t want to play this game, Jake
no come on guess
I don’t have unlimited texting
these messages are kind of expensive for me
I’ll give you a hint:
it’s definitely SOME
at the bar
u coming
brett
bretttttttttttt
brettly
brettles
oh my god yes
give me ten minutes
okay
Awesome
I’m bringing Cohn with me
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Jake
uuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh
you don’t own the bar
he can come to the bar if he wants to
no but brett
brett listen
fuck that guy
we’ll be there in ten minutes
ask him if he wants to come with me to spain tomorrow
are you serious
uuuuuuuuuugh yes
i don’t want to go to spain alone brett
that’s so lame
who goes to spain by themsleves
haha
sleves
k fine i’ll ask
see you soon
slevvvvves
hey im gonna send u a real quick pic of my penis
please don’t
no its ok it’ll be super quick
six missed calls
brett
brett did u get my messages
brett im so sorry
im so sorry we cant ever have sex
oh my god im so sorry
im gonna call you again just in case
its so awful that you cant have sex with me
im so sorry
thats why ur so lost brett
brett u cant keep living like this
going to bars and traveling
being friends with jewish guys
oh my god he’s so jewish
and having sex with men who like you
its killing u brett
its killing u inside i can tell
hang on i gotta throw up im gonna call you
oh fuck im throwing up so bad
and we’re all gonna die someday
and ur never even gonna have sex with me even
Agatha Christie
we’ve got to get off this train at once
my god
what’s wrong?
has there been a murder?
not yet
but I believe they’ve let a JEW on board
tell that Arab boy to fetch our luggage at once
The Great Gatsby
Niiiick
Do you realize I never see you anymore
I miss hanging out with you
so much
I miss you too Daisy
Let’s hang out RIGHT NOW
Now?
Now would be the best time!
It’s awfully late
Let’s just be spontaneous okay
Come pick me up and we’ll do something wild
Where are you?
I would say definitely in the valley of ashes
nearrrrr the road
but not on it exactly
What are you doing there?
haha you are just
full of questions today
I’m just wondering why you want to hang out
all of a sudden
at midnight
in the valley of ashes
it feels like maybe all that you want is a ride
oh my god
how can you even say that
why are you so mean to me
Daisy Miller
Part V
have you seen Daisy today
I think she’s out with that guy
what guy
the Italian one
you know
I can’t remember the name
she has Italian friends?
yeah
ewwww
I know
never mind
forget I asked
uuuuugh
right
J. Alfred Prufrock
do you want to go out tonight
where
idk
like a one-night cheap hotel
or maybe one of those sawdust restaurants
Sawdust restaurants?
Like with the peanut shells on the floor?
with oyster shells
Oyster shells on the floor?
let’s have a tedious argument in the streets
have you been drinking?
the sky is so beautiful tonight
like a patient etherized on a table
I’m coming over
I’m worried about you
there’s yellow smoke on the window-panes
What kind of smoke?
Did you leave the stove on?
it’s curling all around the house
You need to get out of the house
oh it’s already sliding along the street
Get out of the house
now
I’m coming over
there will be time
there will be time for you and me
they say it I know they say it
they all say it
I honestly think you’re being paranoid
“But his arms and legs are thin!”
Nobody says that about you
Or how thin my hair is getting
&nbs
p; Your hair looks fine
You’re all saying it
you think I can’t understand you because you’re talking
about Michelangelo
But I know what you’re saying about me
I like the way your arms and legs look
I like your hair the way it is
You’d like me pinned and wriggling on the wall
I never said that
that’s a terrible thing to say
I wish I were claws
I wish I were just a bunch of claws
like a crab?
no
just claws
ripping shit up with my claws
living underwater
can we go back to that oyster restaurant
that depends
are you going to pretend to be a pair of claws and scuttle around
in the lobster tank?
are you going to drive me there or what
S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse
you know I don’t speak Italian
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
No idea what you’re saying
so
let me know if you want to talk later in English
sorry new phone
who is this
I told you they hated me
I told you I could hear their voices dying with a dying fall
I don’t think they hate you
I just think they were surprised to see you dressed like that
They’ve always hated me
I just don’t think they were expecting you to come in shouting
“I am Lazarus, come from the dead, come back to tell you all”
well I’m sorry
I’m sorry I’m not Prince Hamlet or whatever
Sorry to be an easy tool
No one thinks you’re a tool
It’s just a weird thing to do at a dinner party
what are you doing
like right now
working
good good
that’s good
do you think I should eat a peach
what
right now?
yeah
do you want to eat a peach?
idk
yeah
then you should eat a peach
yeah
could you give me a ride?
right now?
yeah
i’m at work
i know
where do you need a ride to?
the store
what store
i need a peach
can it wait?
not really
there’s like
a bunch of mermaids here
and they definitely hate me
I don’t know where that is
can we go back to that oyster restaurant
maybe they have peaches
I can’t leave work to go buy you a peach right now
that’s okay
that’s fine
the mermaids keep singing about drowning me
but I’ll probably be fine
okay
okay
tell me where you are and I’ll come get you
awesome
and then we can go get peaches?
yes
we can go get peaches
okay
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes
do you think I would look good with rolled trousers
like if I rolled up the cuffs
I think they would make my legs look less skinny
I don’t know
Probably
actually
I don’t know if I want a peach anymore
oh my god
buuutttt
you should still come get me
let’s go out somewhere
Virginia Woolf
OH MY GOD MOM
WHAT DID I SAY I NEED TO WRITE FICTION
NOT A ROOM YOU COME INTO WHEN I’M GONE AND CLEAN UP
AND REARRANGE EVERYTHING AND GO THROUGH MY STUFF
THIS IS MY ROOM
STAY OUT
I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN READING MY JOURNALS
UNDER THE GUISE OF “TIDYING UP”
SO GUESS WHAT
MY FICTION IS THAT YOU’RE AN UTTER BITCH
TIDY THAT UP
William Faulkner
you know what would be nice
what
if you could just ravel out into time
that would be nice
it would be nice if you could just
ravel out into time
i guess that could be nice
but first you have to get ready to stay dead a long time
well
that’s all that living is really
i guess technically
lets start now
ill go first
im a seed in the earth
you go next
(get ready to be dead)
(be a wet seed wild in the hot blind earth)
I
okay
youre not very good at this game
i guess not
sorry
its ok
my mother is a fish
and im a lot older than a lot of people who have died
and any live man is better than any dead man
but no live or dead man is much better than any other live
or dead man
so i understand
oh that’s
that’s good
hey i got you something
oh
you did?
Oh
i give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire
wow
not that you will remember time but that you might forget it
now and then
sure
sure
I can see how that would be a good thing
i knew youd like it :)
do you know what i hate
no
what do you hate
clocks
oh
how come
father said clocks slay time
time is dead as long as its being clicked off
by those little wheels
thats how they killed Christ you know
little wheels?
yep
yep yep yep
i lost a cow once
did you?
it was terrible
i loved that cow
im sorry to hear that
it owed me forty years of back taxes too
if i ever find her i’ll kill her
Daisy Miller
Part VI
look have you seen Daisy
I need to talk to her
oh my god
you haven’t heard
heard what
that Daisy diiiied
what
yes
nooo
yesssss
oh my god
what happened
she went for a walk outside
with an Italian
at night
under the MOON
oh god of course
so
you know
obviously
that killed her
that’d kill anybody
i know
it especially killed her
Peter Pan
Hey
hey!
me and the guys are renting a yacht and heading to
Croatia for this open-air festival