jim
jim
jim r u awake
jimmmmmmm
sleepy jimmy i gotta
i gotta tell you something
you can’t maroon your problems jim
thats your problem
jim you can maroon some of the people some of the time
and you can maroon all of the people some of the time
wait thats not right
because if you maroon everyone
then its not really marooning
because everyone’s all there together
look jim
Jim shut up
the point is
the point is you can’t keep marooning your feelings
your problems
whichever
my problem is that one of my legs is a stick
plus i have all this treasure i stole
but your problem is
you got real problems lucky jim
you up?
i’m coming over i bet youre up
Gone with the Wind
Part II
Prissy
it’s been hours since the men left
and there’s still no sign of the O’Haras
how ever did you manage it
well I had to buy time, you know
so Sam and the others could change out of their
Confederate uniforms
and escape
so I told her
I’d help with the baby
when Melanie’s time came
You didn’t!
I did
but then wouldn’t you know it?
it turns out
I don’t know a thing about birthing babies
you’re terrible
I’m afraid I wasn’t very helpful at all
and slowed things down considerably
Prissy, you’re a marvel
Try growing cotton this year on salted farmland, Miss O’Hara
Prissy!
You know, I suppose Scarlett was right
The Yankees couldn’t take Tara
and the carpetbaggers couldn’t take Tara
But I could
Part III
“The Yellow Wallpaper”
Poppet
I couldn’t help but notice
that the gate at the top of the stairs was ajar
Oh?
which suggests to me
that a certain someone
has been going downstairs
can you think of who that might be?
Oh dear
Oh John, I’m sorry
I called for you but you weren’t at home
no one was home
and I was so thirsty
Darling
you know that going downstairs makes you hysterical
I know
It’s called a rest cure, my love
Not a going downstairs cure
How right you are
you’d better stay in bed this time
or someone’s going to lose her sitting up in bed privileges
I’m sorry
little goose
John
couldn’t I go outside even for a little while
just for a walk in the garden
just for a moment
why must you ask for the moon
you know I wish I could give it to you
but I might as well feed you poison
a walk in the garden is the last thing you need
it might undo you entirely, garden walking
I just can’t bear another minute staring at these same walls
anything can happen to a woman in a garden
This wallpaper
it’s strange
I can’t bear it
I’m afraid that as a doctor
I can’t advise going out into the garden
it’s full of night humors and cross-breezes
any one of which could do any number of things to your nervous
system to say nothing of your chalkstones
it would simply ruin your blood
I’m afraid I just can’t allow it
all right
but I could have Nurse bring you a bowl of arrowroot
that’s almost as good
isn’t it?
a bowl of arrowroot’s almost as good as walking
all right
What do you think we should name the child?
Oh, John, I’m so glad you asked
I’ve missed talking to someone
and I do hope the baby’s doing well
I’ve thought about it a great deal these last few months
oh sorry, darling
that wasn’t for you
meant to send that to Williams
think we’ve found a fine name for him anyhow
It’s a boy?
I had
We had a son?
What’s his name, darling?
John?
What’s his name?
I’ll tell you what, my darling
You’ve been awfully good this week
and I think you deserve a treat
What’s that?
you can have all the air that you want
I know
I spoil you
you’ll open one of the windows, then?
I would so love to see the sky again
Good God, no
not FRESH air
Good lord
do you want to catch winter fever?
But it’s summer, John
surely it couldn’t be as bad as all that in the summer
Summer is the worst time of all to catch winter fever
the body simply doesn’t expect it
Next thing you know
your dropsy is so bilious it makes ship fever look like barrel fever
And then where would you be
I’m not sure
where would I be?
Nowhere good
I can tell you that much
nowhere good, medically speaking
no I’ll have the air brought in downstairs and let it waft up
Go back to sleep
I’ve been asleep all morning
and all night before that
I couldn’t possibly sleep any more
I’ll go mad if I try to lie still another hour
ah that’s how you know you need rest
only a truly sleepy woman would say that
John have you noticed a yellow smell in the house
I’ve noticed a yellow smell
A yellow smell?
Not particularly
Could be some sort of miasma
I’ll have the garden torn up just in case
and extra bars set on the windows
darling
you know the broken-necked reverse-eyed witch nightmares in the
wallpaper?
the what?
you know the ones I mean, John dear
they writhe in those slinking hate patterns?
good God
Well they’ve started to chant in unison
what has become of you alone up there
Oh, don’t worry, pet
I know how to quiet them
I know how to make them stop their needle dance
They promised me
once I’ve done what they want
they’ll be at peace again
So there’s nothing to worry about!
I’ll be right down, darling
coming downstairs at last
Wuthering Heights
hello everyone
Father!
yes yes hello
are you coming home tonight?
yes
oh how splendid
I’m bringing someone with me
oh?
a homeless boy
oh
I found him in Liverpool
you did?
and am
adopting him
for reasons that I can assure you are perfectly sound
you are?
perfectly good, sound, normal reasons
I see
he’s not my son or anything like that
not some sort of illegitimate son I’m taking in
he isn’t MINE, understand
right
I’m just adopting him
it’s not important how I found him or who his mother is
or what letters of mine she does or doesn’t have
let’s have no questions about the boy from now on
my favorite, special, beloved son,
who I adopted and definitely am not the real father of
be home in five!!!
(with the boy)
(his name is Heathcliff!!!)
(you’re going to LOVE him)
god i love you cathy
i love you too
i love you so much
god
it hurts how much i love you
i love you so much
let’s break each other’s hearts
oh my god let’s
i love you so much i’m going to marry edgar
i love you so much i’m going to run away
i love you so much i’m going to make myself sick
good
good that’s so much love
i love you so much i’m going to get sick again
just out of spite
i’ll forget how to breathe
i’ll be your slave
i’ll pinch your heart and hand it back to you dead
i’ll lie down with my soul already in its grave
i’ll damn myself with your tears
i love you so much i’ll come back and marry your sister-in-law
god yes
and i’ll bankroll your brother’s alcoholism
i always hoped you would
uuuuuuugh
do you know who i hate?
everyone?
EVERYONE
i love you SO MUCH
i’m going to write your name all over my books and then
i’m going to have someone else’s baby and then DIE
yes
cathy yes that’s perfect
i’m going to kidnap your daughter someday
and i won’t let your nephew learn how to read
because of how much i love you
and scream at your grave
and i’ll rent your room out
to some guy from London
oh my god thank you
thank you so much
i’m going to love you so much
i become a ghost
i’m so glad to hear that
i was hoping you’d say that
but i’m never going to haunt you
just that guy who’s visiting from london
that sounds perfect
i’m so excited to hear him tell me about what your ghost looks like
oh my god
what are you going to scream at my grave
oh man
what aren’t i going to scream at your grave
i’ll scream everything
i’ll scream at your soul
good good
i’ll scream about what a bitch you were
i am so excited
i am going to just
ruin heaven with my screaming back at you
that is so sweet of you to do that
i’ll just murder everyone’s heart
i hope your ghost drives me crazy
i love you like how rocks love forests
i totally know what you mean
i love you like i love the inside of my own brain
oh my god that’s so much love
i knooooow
do you want to make out right now
god no
i want to wait until you’re dead
and then rip up the earth over your grave
and crawl inside
Little Women
MEG
MEG
MEG WHAT’S ALL THIS
WHAT’S ALL THIS I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR GETTING MARRIED
tell me it’s a wretched lie
Jo I don’t know how many more times we have to have this
conversation
I’ll have it a THOUSAND TIMES if I must
but yes
I am still marrying John tomorrow
OH GREAT TRIPLE-HORNED GOD
just like I was planning to yesterday
this is unbearable
and also last month
answer me this, then
who exactly do you think is going to play Mercy
when we put on my version of The Pilgrim’s Progress this
summer?
I wrote that part for YOU
wrote it beautifully in fact
I don’t know, darling
she gets a cracking scene with the villain
Rodrigo where he tries to poison her
and she screams and faints and everything
I don’t remember anyone named Rodrigo in The Pilgrim’s Progress
THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE MEG
I’m very sorry
this production will be ruined
why don’t you ask Amy?
i’m not even going to dignify that with a response
You still have three hours to change your mind
we could run away and be pirates
or just wear bloomers
but I love him, Jo
uuuuugh
I can’t even understand you when you get hysterical like this
I love him and I want to marry him — that’s all
you’re just ranting now
it’s pure gibberish
we’ll be living just down the road, honestly
it’ll be like i never left at all
does he have a horse?
is that what this is about?
does he have a sword gun or a railroad
or a
a nice hat or something?
no, that’s not what this is about
I hope you realize you’re breaking up the family
I really wish you wouldn’t see things that way
a broken home
that’s what I come from now
a broken home
that’s not what they call it when your sister gets married
then why does it feel broken, Meg
why does it feel broken
this is the worst thing
that has ever happened
to anyone
since Father died
Father didn’t die, Jo!
oh
didn’t he?
for some reason I thought he’d died
no
he’ll be home in a few weeks
Ah
do you suppose he’s going to want his old greatcoat
and riding boots
and shaving things
and top hat
when he gets back?
I expect that he will
HANG EVERYTHING
LAURIE
I despise everything
did you know Meg wouldn’t even let me have any fireworks at her wedding
I didn’t know that
not a single solitary firework
nor a footrace either
she wouldn’t even let me challenge the groomsmen to a feat of strength
well I’m afraid that’s fairly customary
not to have the maid of honor wrestling the wedding party, I mean
THEN I’M NEVER GETTING MARRIED
all right
imagine having to get married without even one little roman candle
i won’t do it you know
i won’t live in that kind of a world
all right, Jo
i’ll kill myself and all of you
but i won’t live in that world
amy?
yes?
amy im dying tonight
oh beth
No
yes im definitely dying
oh its terrible how much im dying just now
but
what exactly
what are you dying of
this sewing needle
it’s so very heavy
well
put it down
the window
it’s so
so bright