As is the nature of
Our relationship now.
I stand by the railing
And watch them swim away.
I don’t think I will ever
See them again. :(
A little one,
The one who was
So interested in me,
Peeks back out of the water,
I think, before diving away quickly.
“Do you regret it?”
The Sea Witch asks and
For a moment
I do not understand what
She is talking about?
I shake my head.
I could never regret
Dancing. Flowers.
My prince. My princess.
“I miss the sea,”
I tell her. “More than anything
I miss my sisters on bad days.
But I don’t regret leaving.”
The Sea Witch stands beside me
Salt water dripping down scaled legs.
She is silent, staring over the sea.
I do not ask. I wait.
But nothing ever happens.
Not until the Sea Witch turns
And smiles, all sharp teeth,
And I remember that she too
Is a mermaid of the sea.
“Should you find a tall-crab
In the water, treat them kindly.”
I do not know if it is a command
Or merely a request, but she is
Gone before I can answer. :/
Her words are not a riddle.
I think on that little mermaid
As I go to my cabin where
My prince and princess are still
Soundly sleeping, though the sea
Has tossed them together.
I smile and I wonder,
What will happen tomorrow.
Unmoored
We do not find
A tall-crab drowning
In the water before
We reach my prince’s kingdom. :/
Perhaps I was wrong
To think that that mermaid
Would choose to learn
About tall-crabs by
Becoming one.
We do find carriages
And festivities
When we arrive ashore
And the world is a whirlwind
Of movement and the press
Of bodies close together
As we all try to get from
One place to another.
Even I find it too much
Too close and am glad
When the feast in our honour
Is only a day before we
Move on to the castle.
I wonder if Shark will
Still recognise me when
I arrive there.
I have been quiet
Since I saw my sisters again.
My prince and princess have
Given up trying to pull me
From the mood I am in.
It is not a bad mood!
I am not moping or sulking
Or unhappy. Just… contemplative.
I don’t know why the Sea Witch
Would say what she said if
There was no tall-crab on our path.
She would not let the sea
Take one of my sisters
After making a bargain with her.
Would she?
I am distracted
All through the welcoming
And all through the feast
And all through the ball.
My old rooms startle me enough
To draw me from my thoughts.
We’ve been so accustomed now,
My prince and I, to everyone sleeping
In a few rooms or for us to use
One of the rooms set aside for privacy
That it is a shock to find myself
Alone.
Well, not quite alone. ^_^
There is Shark, poking her head,
Out from amidst the duvet.
She is still tiny
And she still recognises me!
She comes running over the duvet,
Still too thick for her small body
Not to sink into it every step
She takes. But she gets to the edge
Just as I get to the edge
And she nuzzles my nose.
I pet her and think that
Maybe it is not so bad to be
Alone if Shark is with me.
Being back here
Is as strange as it is
To have seen my sisters again.
I feel… unmoored.
Confused.
I try not to be and tell myself
That I am not, but I am.
It takes me until
Half-way through the night
Shark is cuddled up close
To me, just tucked above my head,
A tiny paw on my forehead.
This little ball of warm body
Is not my princess.
The room I am in is quiet
Without the sound of people
Fast asleep, breathing or snoring
And I find that I cannot sleep at all. :(
I simply rest, trying not to disturb Shark,
And wait for the sun to rise and
The day to begin as it always has here
With people trying to stuff me into
Tall-crab things and tall-crab ways
That do not fit me all that well
Now that I’ve found tall-crab ways
That suit me better.
I miss home.
I Didn’t Understand
We are supposed to stay
For a month, and it is…
So strange to be alone
For a month. But sleeping
Becomes easier. ^_^
Shark does not leave my side.
Not even when we travel
To the forest because my princess
Has begged and pleaded to
Be allowed to see how hunters
Hunt for game in the woods.
I hope they will let her join them.
At least she’s wearing clothes
In which she is comfortable
For the trip. ^_^
I’m not, but I don’t mind
Too much. I’m not going
To join the hunters anyway.
I want to swim in the water. ^_^
I want to play with Shark. ^_^
Though Shark doesn’t like water. :/
I half-expect every body of water
To contain a tall-crab in need
Of our assistance, but we find
No one on our hunting trip. :(
My princess has shot a deer, though! :O
And a duck.
Shark finds the duck
More interesting than I.
So we use some of the feathers
To play with her.
It is late when we leave
To return to the castle
With our food.
I wonder if I could still
Eat meat raw or if I
Am too human now.
I think I don’t want to find out. >>
There is little else that
Truly interests me.
It’s strange.
When I arrived here
Everything was fascinating.
Everything was new
And strange
And I didn’t understand
Anything at all.
Now… There is a routine.
A way to do things and
It is hard to veer away from it.
My princess helps with that,
Though, as she does her best
To learn about this kingdom
And its people. ^_^
It hurts when I overhear
Some people making fun
Of how she speaks
But I cannot tell them to stop
Because I only have my hands
And they do not understand me. :(
I don’t tell my princess.
I tell my prince
When we are alone
In the garden,
With only Shark, for company.
He does not respond to me.
He is only very still
And says “I see.”
It is frightening. :(
I’ve gotten used to
My prince being… fluid.
Tall-crabs would say ‘relaxed’,
But I think fluid is better,
Able to go with the current
Without struggling, without effort.
We do not talk much
After I tell him about our princess.
The silence is not comfortable.
It is dark and tense and
I excuse myself.
I want to
Go out into the town
To shop for a present
That will remind my princess
Of our home
And that will
Be useful.
I know exactly what I want to get. ^_^
The Present
I couldn’t find what I was looking for. T_T
Now my princess will not
Get the present that I had wanted
To give her. It is impossible
To find a blanket just the way
That I wanted it, all the colours
Of the ice and snow of winter.
Not the way I want it.
What I have is coarser
Than I would have liked
And it isn’t dyed or made
With the patterns that I
Had imagined in my mind.
I thought, perhaps, I should
Buy wool myself and learn
To knit so I could make it
Exactly how I want it to be.
But I find myself reluctant.
I am not made to sit still and quiet.
Dejected, I walk back to the castle. :(
It is a dark day. Thick, black clouds
Loom low in the sky and I know
That I should have asked for a carriage
Or a horse. My feet hurt more than
They have in a long time
And I am only partway through
The road back.
I’m glad my present
Is wrapped tightly and
I’m sure it won’t get wet. ^_^
My prince and everyone
Will worry if I come back
Soaked through by the rain,
But I only mind because
It makes my clothes so heavy
And it slows me down.
I still love the rain here. ^_^
It’s warm and soft.
This time of year
Anyway.
There is a river that
You have to cross
To return to the castle.
The rain and the running water
Make me think of the Sea Witch’s words
And I expect to find someone
Struggling in the water
As I pass.
There is no one. :/
I don’t understand.
Perhaps my sister changed her mind?
A rain drop falls onto my nose
Fat and wet
And I can’t help but giggle
Because it fell right
Onto the very tip.
I shouldn’t worry so much
About the Sea Witch’s words.
They’ll make sense eventually.
I’m sure they will. ^_^
For now, I should enjoy
The walk back home
To my family.
I still have
A way to go
But I can dance
In the rain
And have fun. ^_^
Stillness Like This
I should have taken a carriage. T_T
I don’t mind the rain, at all,
Though all the ladies tut and frown
At the way I’ve ruined my dress
And shoes with wet and mud.
I mind that I walked too long.
I thought I could.
I know I can.
But today…
Today I am even grateful
That my prince is there
To lift me up and carry
Me back to my chambers
And that my princess is there
To help me undress and curl
Up under the duvet and into
The pillows.
I don’t even want a bath,
Though my princess and
My maid eventually manage
To coax me into one with
The promise that the heat
Will be soothing to my body
And keep me from falling ill.
I just want to sink under
The water and breathe nothing
But water for the rest of my life.
Tall-crabs can’t do that.
I can’t do that.
I feel dull and sulky
As the two women around me
Chatter as best they can
When neither knows
The other’s language well.
I haven’t even been able
To present my gift yet. T_T
And the heat is making me drowsy
And before I know it
I’m snuggled back under a mountain
Of pillows and eiderdown
And sleep is calling me.
I did catch a cold. T_T
I think this is the first time
That I am ill? I do not like it.
My head is sluggish.
My nose itches and
I can’t breathe because
It’s blocked with mucus.
The world spins every time
I try to move. I can’t even sit. T_T
I sleep.
I sleep because if I do not sleep
Then I will not move and if
I move then I will teeter and fall
And if I cannot move then I will
Go mad. Mad mad mad mad mad.
So I sleep.
I sleep when I am
Too poorly to think
Of anything but
The aches in my body.
I sleep when I am
Well enough to chafe
At the way I am
Not allowed out of bed.
I tried. A few times, I tried.
It was no good.
I need. I need. I need.
I need air. Water.
Direction.
I AM NOT MADE FOR
STILLNESS LIKE THIS.
T_T
Being Still
It is a couple of weeks
Before I am well enough
To give my princess
Her present.
I have not forgotten,
Though it has taken
Me a while to remember
What happened to the packet
That I had been carrying
On the day I got sick. :(
I think my princess
Has already seen it. :(
But I will not keep a gift
That I intended for someone else.
The Witch’s pearl
Might be the only time
I’ve been tempted.
And then only because
I thought it would help
My prince find happiness.
So I wrap my gift back up
And I make my way to
The archery range where
I know my princess spends
Much of her time.
She has greatly enjoyed
Studying the differences
Between what she knows
And what they do here.
I don’t understand it
And I’ve found myself
Reluctant to learn more. :/
I don’t like catching
My food with tools.
My princess is there,
More animated than
I think she’s been all
The time that we’ve been
Here as she talks to
One of the archers
And she waves at me
When she spots me.
Suddenly,
I feel shy. :/
I don’t understand why.
We’ve traded presents before.
But she’s seen this one
And it’s not what I wanted.
I think that makes me nervous.
Maybe she’ll hate it,
This rough, off-white thing
That I think looks
A little like snowy mountains. T_T
I hold it out to her,
Glad, for once, that
I cannot speak without
My hands because I
Think I would be stammering
And feel worse.
My princess excuses
Herself from her companion,
Though he stays where he is,
And smiles at me shyly.
I smile back at him.
It seems to help. ^_^
My princess is careful
To unwrap the gift
And to look at it.
It doesn’t make her
Jump to hug me
Like the time
I brought her fish
I’d caught and prepared
Myself and our clothes
Were covered in herbs
And fish oil and sauce.
But I can see the way
Her eyes light up and
The way her mouth twitches
In a smile and I know
That whatever I think
Of the gift, she likes it. ^_^
“Thank you,” my princess says,
Smiling. Her hands twitch
Like she would like to have
Said it with them.
I appreciate the gesture. ^_^
“I love you,” I say,
Now that my hands are free.
“I wanted you to have
Something to remind you
Of home.”
That gets me a hug.
Strong and enthusiastic
And with no dish in my hands
To throw over both our clothes
As we hug and laugh.
“Are you feeling better?”
I nod.
If I wasn’t feeling better I would…
I would be doing the same thing. ^_^
We both know that.
“Good. Let’s go show
Bernhard your gift.”
She excuses herself
To the archer again.
He nods and rubs his hair
And says he hopes she’ll
Come back to talk to him
Again a bit later.
My princess waves him off,