But I miss the sea
I miss moving naturally
I miss being swift
I miss catching fish.
I tried to catch a land-fish yesterday.
It was faster than I was
And people yelled at me.
I don’t see why I shouldn’t
Go after land-fish.
I’m sure they make good food.
I tried to get up this morning,
But my feet hurt and I miss
My tail and I miss swimming. :(
I walked, just to the window,
Because it was too early for anyone
To come and help me dress.
It hurt. T_T
I do not mind the pain.
Usually.
Today, it was just a reminder
Of everything that I’ve lost.
Everything I gave up
To find love.
Why couldn’t I have been happy
With my sisters?
I’m a mermaid.
If love was so important
We would understand it.
I miss my sisters.
I miss hunting with them.
I miss singing with them.
I miss moving freely.
I want to go home.
I want to be a mermaid again.
I want to be me.
After I walked to the window,
I shuffled back to bed.
As close to eel-quick as I could.
If I go faster, it will hurt more,
But it will hurt shorter.
And then I snuggled back
Under the duvet.
Duvets are thick,
Filled with feathers and warm.
The weight of mine is
Strangely calming. Soothing.
I pull it over my head,
Burrowing like sand-crab,
And pretending that I’m still asleep.
If I’m asleep,
I won’t feel anything.
If I’m asleep,
I can pretend that I’m still a mermaid.
I don’t want to
Be a tall-crab anymore.
Cutlery
I thought the most difficult thing
About being a tall-crab would be
The movements, the feet, the legs.
But they are… tolerable. Mostly.
The most difficult thing
Is the teeth. I thought tall-crabs
Would have teeth like ours,
Sharp and pointy,
Made to rend flesh quickly,
But they are not.
Their teeth are dull
And flat and tearing
Through flesh is hard.
It’s strange.
It’s one of the things
Tall-crabs use tools for.
They have knives
And forks and spoons.
I do not see the point
Of spoons. :/ You can just
Drink whatever you’re
Eating with the spoon.
Knives are… Knives help
You with meat by letting
You tear it up into
Smaller chunks like
Your teeth would
Otherwise do.
Knives are useful. ^_^
They’re clumsy
And strange and I
Don’t like the way
They feel in my hand,
But they’re useful. ^_^
Forks are odd.
You use a fork to keep
Your meat in place
As you use the knife
To cut it into smaller
Pieces. I tried without
Once and it wasn’t easy.
But you also use forks
To eat the meat and that’s
Odd. Why don’t tall-crabs
Just eat with their hands? :/
I think because they think
It’s easier that way.
The meat’s already on
The fork, so why not
Use the fork to eat the meat?
I still think it’d be
Easier to eat if you
Used the tools once
And then ate it all
At once, but tall-crabs
Got really odd when
I tried to do that. :/
I never would
Have thought that
Tall-crabs would have
So many strange rules
About what you can
And cannot do.
The tools are just
A way to make
You stick to those
Rules and to make
The rules visible.
I’m glad of that
What the rules are without
The tools to tell me. ^_^
I’ve had to learn
So much
Since my prince
Found me in the water
And they pulled me
Onto the deck. O_O
I didn’t think there’d be so much!
It’s frustrating when
I want to ask questions
And I can’t get anyone to
Understand what I’m asking.
I think I would like
Learning to be a tall-crab
Better if I could speak
To more of them. :(
If I’m making up
My own stories about
What tall-crabs are doing
And why then I might
As well have stayed
In the sea with my sisters.
I miss them.
I miss not having
To use tools to eat.
I miss us all cuddling
Together on the rocks.
I don’t miss always
Watching for sharks.
I think perhaps
That’s the best thing
About being a tall-crab
Who isn’t near the sea.
I don’t have to worry
About sharks. ^_^
Instead, I have to worry
About clothes and this ‘cutlery’
And rules about how
To sit and how to walk
And when to curtsey.
And what a curtsey is. O_O
Some days I go
To bed with my head
So full of tall-crab things
I have to wonder if
There is still room for me.
I haven’t even had
A chance to look
For ‘love’ yet!
I hope tall-crabs will
Teach me about it
Eventually. I don’t
Want to become
Sea foam, after all.
Today, I think,
Will not be a day that
I learn about ‘love’
Because today
Is a day I learn
About cutlery
And letters.
The letters at least
Will help me talk
To people! ^_^
I think.
That’ll be fun! ^_^
Land-shark
This is a cat.
A little land-shark,
Chasing little scurrying creatures.
Those are mice.
I have not held a mouse before,
But I have held a cat.
A cat is... soft.
And strange.
I’ve felt fur before,
With the horses,
Though cats are less happy
If you stroke it the wrong way.
I do not understand fur.
My sisters and I are sleek.
Much of the sea is sleek.
It helps us swim,
Being sleek.
But cats have fur
And it can only go one way
Comfortably.
I don’t understand cats. :/
How do they run so quickly
When they have fur?
Many animals on land
Run quickly with fur.
It must be the air
And how it is different from water.
This is my cat.
It is so tiny
It fits in my hand. ^_^
It is red,
Like my hair.
Hair is strange.
I wish I could
Get rid of it like
I have seen some tall-crabs do.
But I do not know how. :/
My cat is a kitten.
Tall-crabs have so many words!
I did not know how many words
You could have for things! O_O
My cat is a gift
And it likes playing
With the ribbons
On my dress.
It also likes sleeping
On my head.
Its tail tickles
My nose.
And it likes to attack
My toes when I wriggle them.
I wish it would not do that. :/
Cats have sharp claws,
And I do not appreciate
Being hurt this way.
But I can’t convince it to
Attack my hands instead.
I like this cat. ^_^
In the sea, I might have tried
To eat it because it is smaller than I.
I tried here, with another land-beast
Called a ‘dog’ and people were angry.
I don’t know how tall-crabs decide
What is food and what is not! T_T
But the kitten is nice.
I suppose, if it is mine,
I could eat it?
I don’t want to.
Its prr-prr is soothing
On the days when I don’t want to walk.
And its tongue is rough
and reminds me,
Just a little,
Of home.
“What are you going to call her?”
My prince asks.
We are out walking
In the gardens,
Flanked as ever
By men who do not speak to us.
Perhaps they can’t,
Like I can’t. :(
I shake my head.
How can I call it anything,
When I cannot speak?
I try to call it ‘shark’
With my hands.
It is good to learn speaking
With your hands.
It is good to be able to
Communicate with one another.
But I do not know what to call
The little land-shark kitten
Because I don’t know how to explain.
“Oh.” My prince looks
A little awkward.
Sometimes he forgets
That I cannot speak
With my voice.
“Sorry. I forgot.”
We settle on the grass,
To the great annoyance
Of the tall-crabs following us.
“Shall I name her for you?”
I nod. I do not mind
Him naming the kitten.
I’m sure he knows what to call
A land-shark kitten better
Than I do.
And I will not be using it
To call the kitten anyway. ^_^
“I’ll name her ‘Red Ocean’,” he says.
With a lopsided grin, he adds,
“It’s not terribly original,
But it’ll set her apart from
The other cats easily enough
And remind people she’s yours.”
I smile at him,
And say ‘thank you’.
He mimics the gesture,
Because we are both still learning
And he has less chance to practice than I.
I wonder what a red ocean looks like,
From below the surface.
I wonder if the kitten is as happy
With its tall-crab name as a tall-crab
Or whether it would prefer
Something else.
“Have you seen the library?”
My prince’s voice pulls me
From my thoughts.
I shake my head
And he is up, almost eel-quick,
And pulls me to my feet beside him.
“I should show you the library!”
He says, bouncing a little on his toes.
I am beginning to notice
That I am walking too much,
But my prince looks so excited.
How can I say ‘no’?
I let him lead me
To the library
And wonder what
To expect from a room
Filled with books
And whether we’ll find
My kitten there. ^_^
Dogs Are Not for Eating
Dogs are not for eating. :/
I was hungry and
I saw this land-beast
Running around in
Circles and it looked
Like it would be easy
To catch, so I ran
After it.
It was tiny and
It wasn’t part of a school
And it looked like
It would be good to eat.
I was walking with
The Queen and her maids
And they were teaching me
Proper etiquette, which
Seems rather silly to me,
But it matters to my sisters
On land so I am trying to learn. ^_^
I saw this small, white
Land-creature that didn’t
Seem to be doing anything.
My stomach felt empty,
So I chased after it.
Tall-crabs are so strange!
They were shouting at me
When I bit the creature’s leg. :(
All it got me was a mouth full
Of fur, a headache and trouble
Walking back to my chambers. :(
I keep forgetting how dull
Tall-crab teeth are. ><
And the beast bit me back,
But it bit into my hair and
It didn’t hurt because my
Hair is so long and thick.
I guess hair is good for that. :/
How am I supposed to know
What animals are for eating
And what animals are not!
In the sea, my sisters and I
Eat anything that we can catch
Sometimes hunting alone
And sometimes together.
Food is food.
Tall-crabs…
Have food and not-food.
Dogs are not-food.
I suppose because they
Help hunt for other food?
But those dogs are big
And menacing.
Not this tiny ball
Of furry fluff
That could fit into
A water bucket.
It seems a waste
Of good food to me. :/
Dogs aren’t scared of you.
They’re easy prey
Like that. It’s the teeth
And the fact that they
Too eat meat that is
The danger with them.
Horses are not-food.
Except the times
When they are food?
The same with goats,
Sheep, cows, pigs…
How? How do tall-crabs
Know when something
Is
food or something that
Helps you get other food? T_T
Do they just tell by looking?
But one horse looks just like
Another, so how can they tell
The difference between them?
I am so, so confused
By this and I don’t know
How to ask anyone to explain!
I’m not sure they would. :(
The Queen was very angry
And I was certain that
She was going to fight me
The way one of my sisters
Might have if I’d been home,
But she didn’t. :/
The more time I spend
With tall-crabs, the less
I understand them.
Why did I ever think
That becoming a tall-crab
Was a good idea? T_T
I’m lying in bed now,
Because I took a long time
Chasing the dog across uneven
Ground and through rough
Gravelly paths. My shoes
Are in tatters on the floor.
My feet are red and aching. :(
The dog yipped and barked
At me as I chased it down
These paths to where I finally
Caught it in my arms.
It licked my face,
So, even if it’s not
Food, I had a good
Reason to bite it. >>
Tall-crabs are strange.
As the Sea Sings a Susurrus Lullaby
I rest my head on my princess’s shoulder.
Sand tickles between my toes as I wriggle them.
I will never get enough of sand. ^_^
Not beach-sand,
Ticklish and sticky,
With the scent of the sea lingering
As the waves push it away.
My prince is not so keen. :(
He is perched a little way away,
But he has an easel now,
And I know that, when he peeks
From behind the canvas,
He is smiling at us.
My princess rests her head on mine,
Hair silky soft against my cheek.
Our hands are intertwined,
Buried in heaps of fabric
That we wore just for our prince,
For his sketches.
We have been here almost a year now,
All three of us, together, my family and I.
There are days, rare ones,
Where I still miss my sisters
And the sea.
The princess squeezes my hand,
Light as the breeze playing with our hair.
“Maris...” she breathes against my ear.
I squeeze back,
The only reply I can give right now.
Well, that and I can use my foot
To throw sand at her. ^_~
My princess shrieks, then laughs
As she pulls me down into the sand.
I laugh with her,
All the sand caught in our hair,
And in our clothes,
And our noses touch
Briefly
Before we giggle at each other
And my prince is running towards us.
And quick as an eel,
My princess presses her lips against mine,