“Come on!”
The princess does not wait for me.
She sets off at a run.
It is all I can do to follow her. >>
She does not slow
Until we are near the cave.
I think my feet are bleeding again. T_T
They hurt, at least, and there are stabs
In my side and my thighs.
I have not run like this before.
The princess seems utterly unconcerned.
“Bernhard!” she calls out. “Where are you?”
I could have told her he would not answer,
But I hear his voice very faintly.
“I’m over here! Help!”
My prince turns out
To have caught himself
In a thorn bush
Just outside the cave.
Apparently, he stumbled down
The side of the hill
Because the snow blinded him.
It takes the princess and myself
A good half an hour to pull him free
And we sit on a felled tree trunk,
Cold even though we wiped it
Of its thick layer of snow.
The physician at home would scold my prince,
But the thought does not amuse me
The way it does when I picture him
Scolding me for something.
My prince’s clothing is torn
And the princess gives him her cloak.
She talks to him,
All the while,
And tells him the story
Of Queen Dagmar and
Her shieldsister.
My prince seems to be
As puzzled by it as I was.
But the princess persists
And finally he smiles at her.
I am… confused? Flustered?
Still, I am not used to tall-crab speech. :/
The princess knows he doesn’t want to marry her.
I am surprised! Did he tell her?
He did not tell me he would tell her. O_O
Why didn’t he? T_T
I do not understand them.
They both seem relieved that
My prince does not want to marry the princess.
Why?
Tall-crabs make no sense!
I stop trying to follow their conversation
About marriage and alliances and desires
Because something has caught my attention.
There’s a glimmer from the darkness
Gaping right in front of us
And I get up to investigate it.
“Maris!”
Both their voices intermingle.
They startle me and I spin
To face them instead of the cave entrance.
“We should leave here,”
The princess says.
“It’s a bad place. Evil lives there.”
It does not feel like an evil cave. :/
But my prince and I follow her.
On the way back,
The princess talks to us
About shieldsisters
And shieldbrothers.
Society on this island
Is not the same as it is
In the land my prince is from.
It is… It reminds me more of home,
The way that the princess describes it.
“I do not care for mating,” I say.
It has taken me half the way
To understand that is what the princess means
When she talks of shieldsisters.
I do not want to be her shieldsister.
I do not want to be my prince’s shieldsister.
I do not want to be anyone’s shieldsister.
The princess looks at me,
Mouth quirking in ways I do not understand. :/
“I don’t either,” my prince says.
He scuffs his feet in the snow.
“I’ll have to, with you, but.”
He falls silent.
I almost finish the sentence for him,
But I think the princess understands
Because her smile is sad and she
Pats his shoulder gently,
Careful of the scrapes and cuts.
“We’d make a good family, the three of us.”
My prince and I both ask ‘why’,
But I think his is the only question
That the princess has noticed.
“Because I don’t want to lie with men
And this way we’d be with someone
Who wouldn’t force us into anything.”
My prince looks thoughtful.
“We could adopt,”
The princess says.
“Secretly. No one needs to know.”
The prince shakes his head.
Before he can speak, she continues.
“Marry me now. Today.
They won’t.”
I don’t think I want to know
What it is they won’t do. ><
My prince sighs.
There are some stubborn plants
Growing to the side,
But no rocks to sit on,
Nothing to hide behind.
My prince settles down
On the ground.
It must be hard as rock
And cold as molten snow,
But at least it is not icy.
The princess looks
Like she’d like to pull my prince up
Out of the snow and scold him
For being a fool.
But she does not.
I do it,
Because I cannot use my hands to speak
And haul him up at the same time
And someone needs to do it.
I don’t want him to get sick.
The princess talks to him,
Low and quiet. Something about
Laws and obligations and differences
That I do not understand. :/
“All right,” he says at last.
I tell them that I do not understand.
The prince looks at the ground,
Hunching his shoulders
And trying to pretend that
He is not here.
So it is the princess who speaks.
She takes my hand in hers,
Just for a moment,
I can feel the calloused warmth,
Just to get my attention.
Then she lets go
And when she speaks
She uses hands,
Slow and precise,
Deliberate.
That makes me happy
Because she is talking about things that
I do not understand.
Her people…
They are like my sisters
In their mating.
That makes it easier.
I want to marry my prince
If it means he will not have to mate. ^_^
So does the princess.
I think.
I think she is sad
That I do not want to mate with her.
“I like hugs,” I say.
I do not know if she does. :/
My prince laughs
Suddenly.
“She really does.”
The princess bites her cheek.
She is so very much a tall-crab.
I have seen them do this
When they are uncertain.
It does not seem like a good way
To sort out one’s thoughts to me.
“I do not want to force you,”
The princess says at last.
Her hands are even more precise.
Not like mine are
When I am too angry to want
To speak to someone,
But careful, hesitant.
“But I would like to get to know you.”
“Perhaps,” my prince says.
He clears his throat,
Stands and tries to dust the cold off his clothes.
“We should not marry yet.”
“But it is auspicious!
Great things happen on the feast for Dagmar!
We do not need to like each other, Bernhard.
We only need to agree to leave each other be.”
“That’s not how the stories go!”
But since my prince and the princess
Are not looking at me, I am unheard.
“I would like to get along
With who I marry.”
My prince’s voice is strained,
Like he would rather yell.
He has pulled himself up
To his full height,
Which makes him only a little taller than her.
“I would too,” the princess says,
“But how many men will be like you?”
She crumples then,
And I find myself catching her before she falls.
She feels so fragile in my arms,
Like paper soon to blow away.
“I’m scared,”she whispers.
My prince does not know she spoke.
Her breath tickles my ear
And I try to stand with her
Before the cold can seep into my being.
My prince is there,
But she beats his assistance away
And stands to face us both.
“I’m scared,” she says again.
“Me too.” My prince smiles.
“We’ll be here all winter.
That’s plenty of time to decide
Whether we can make it work.”
The princess gives us a wavery smile,
And my prince takes both our arms.
“Let’s go back to where it’s warm.
My butt is freezing.”
We laugh all the way back
To the house. ^_^
The evening of my birthday is
Not a quiet celebration.
Yet it is nothing like
The feast when my prince
And I first arrived at his castle.
It is… closer, louder, and less structured.
There is little room to breathe. T_T
I would flee the house,
But I have spent most of the day
Outside in the cold already
And I am too comfortable
Near the fire to move.
And people would notice it.
I am not comfortable
With so much attention,
Even when my prince
And the princess
Sit at my side.
I am nestled between them,
Warm and crowded.
My hands are tired,
So I do not speak much.
Most of the people
Cannot understand me anyway.
At least they are having a good time,
Singing and drinking and dancing.
Even though I would like to flee
And find myself in solitude
I can feel myself getting drowsy.
Loud.
I wake to noises.
People shouting.
Yelling.
My prince is arguing.
His voice is soft
Compared to the others,
But it is near me
So I can hear it.
The princess is growling.
It takes me a while
To understand what is happening.
Some of my prince’s companions
Are arguing with him about… something.
They are talking too fast for me
To understand what they are saying.
All their voices mingle and it is hard
To pick out individual words and thoughts.
Except my prince’s voice,
Because he is right above me.
My head is lying against his thigh.
I push myself up.
I do not mind.
I do not even mind the princess
Pulling me away from my prince. :/
She is gentle, no longer growling.
“What is happening?”
I ask her. “Why is everyone shouting?”
She shakes her head and gets up.
I take her held-out hand and let her
Pull me to my feet.
I do not think anyone has noticed us.
The princess’s people are wary,
As are the sailors we came with.
It is only my prince
And his advisers who are yelling at one another.
The princess beckons for me to follow.
The princess leads me outside.
The wind has died down,
Though it is snowing.
A flake lands on my nose.
We keep walking until we get
To the grove.
There are lights in the darkness,
Lights the warmth of candles,
Not the coldness of the stars.
I thought no one would be here now
But the princess explains that night
Is when the elders do much of their work.
“What’s going on?” I ask again,
Once we are in a place where there is light enough
For us to see what I am saying.
“Bernhard’s countrymen…
Did not like to see you so close.”
I am confused.
“We have always been this close.”
The princess shrugs lightly.
“Who understands people?”
Who understands tall-crabs indeed.
“I think they were upset
On my behalf,” the princess says
With a wry laugh. Then she sighs.
I do not know what to say
So I place a hand against her cheek.
It is cold and she starts,
Then smiles at me.
“You truly don’t like anyone?”
It is with voice she asks.
“I like Bernhard,” I say.
“And I think I like you.”
The princess laughs
And shakes her head,
But she says nothing
For a long time.
“Not all shieldsisters share a bed,”
She says at last. Quiet as a squirrel.
“I hope you’ll both stay here.”
It strikes me then that perhaps
The princess does not want to leave here
And come home to live with us.
But I do not feel right asking.
No one has followed us
And the elders do not seem inclined
To bother us or chase us away.
So we find a place to sit
And wait for… anything at all.
The grove does little
To protect us from the cold
So we huddle together,
Sister against sister
And let our hair turn snow-dust white.
The world is grey
When my prince joins us.
He is stomping onto the snow
Hands balled into fists.
And like shadows
The elders come to bar his way
Into the grove.
The princess and I rise,
Both at once,
And come over.
The snow falls down my back,
And I shiver where my body
Turns it into cold water
Running down my spine.
I wish, strangely, for the Witch.
Her presence would be a comfort.
A sense of the familiar,
As I do not know this person
My prince has become.
“You cannot wed with anger in your heart.”
That is one of the elders.
I know what he says only
Because the princess translates
The words under her breath.
Her hand finds
mine and I squeeze it lightly.
I do not pull away. I am scared too.
I wish I was a mermaid.
It is less complicated.
“You shouldn’t make decisions now,”
The princess says. I am not certain
What is happening, but I nod.
I do not like to see my prince so riled.
“I’m not going back,” he says.
“I’ll relinquish my claim to the throne.”
The princess gasps, I think.
It is hard to tell since that moment
Another molten snowflake
Traces its way along my spine
And I wriggle against the cold.
“They’ll have to accept that.”
The princess and I both reach out to him.
She touches one arm and I the other.
He flows into our embrace like water.
It feels like home. ^_^
It takes a month
For my prince’s advisers to listen.
He spends much of his time
Arguing with them or
Discussing laws and obligations
That do not interest me.
I spend more time on the beach
Than anywhere else. Where would I go?
The princess, too, goes her own way,
Though she joins me from time to time.
We talk about fish.
I talk about the sea.
She does not understand
My aversion towards pearls.
The weather starts to get warmer.
I did not know it gets warm beyond the endless! ^_^
The princess starts to lead me inland,
To farms and houses that I have not seen.
Some of the people I recognise.
Others I do not.
I discover roads and fields.
There are even sheep!
I think… I would not miss the sea
As much if I stayed here. ^_^
“You don’t have to stay.”
My prince tells me this
As we wander along the beach.
The water is still cold,
But I like to walk in the tide,
On the wet sand tickling between my toes
And with the sea caressing my heels.
It reminds me of my sisters.
If I stay here,
I will never see my sisters again.
If I leave on the ship,
I will never see them either
And then I will be alone.
I’ll miss the baker’s boy.
I already miss the baker’s boy.
“I want to stay with you.”
Because I’d miss my prince even more.
He laughs at that
And tries to ruffle my hair.
I tied it in a bun,
So that does not work.
Looking over, I can tell
That he was not expecting it to
And that amuses me.
“I’m glad,” my prince says.
“I’d miss you if you left.”
He smiles, brightly, “So would Asta.”
I smile back.
I think I would miss her too.
They are my sisters,
My tall-crab family.
My prince puts his arm
Around my shoulder