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    Stay, Illusion

    Page 3
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      The sheen of this, blood-loved as the wound in the haunch of a panther

      Downed in an asylum of his own. No, there were no keepers there.

      Yes, I am dissembling. In Sweden, the room to put you down was dim,

      Candles of no-color held in brown sand-bottomed bags, lit

      Like the crooked path on the way to an old sacrarium. After the offering

      In a hammered copper bowl filled with big black grapes, I will let you go.

      When I say yes, the streetlamp’s cylinder of light will come into the room.

      It is the last light you will ever stand inside the perfect circle of.

      Swallow swallow, deep as the skirts of lingonberries brambling in a blacker forest

      And shallow, shallow, you will lay you down.

      UNCOLLECTED POEM

      There should be one spectacular of ruin, red, mid-tragedy.

      In Normandy, in the common orchard,

      A monk is born into a bottle made of mercury,

      Spliced onto a single plum tree twig,

      And lives inside the blown glass

      He grew up into.

      Dovetail two

      Unlikely dreams. Unfold for me but do not leave me

      Wise, or full. Do not leave me knowing, known.

      Speak to me, not with the meekness of your middle years

      Or with the mildness

      Of a small-brained animal On its way to abbatoir.

      Let me: marrow, let me not Know exquisite things—

      Reveal your form, illusion

      Stay—a cut sewn up by the quartet of sad-stringed

      Instruments made of cat-gut ligatures still used

      In certain open-hearted surgeries.

      GOULDIAN KIT

      What makes you think I’m an eccentric, he said, in London

      To the brood of the reporters who had gathered to report

      On his eccentricities—the tin sink light enough for traveling

      But deep enough to swallow his exquisite hands in water filled with ice.

      A budgerigar accompanies, perched atop the fugue of Hindemith.

      You are quivering now like the librarian reading

      To herself out loud in her Arctic room

      Composed entirely of snow.

      A broadcast (high fidelity) bound by the quiet of the land and

      The Mennonite who told him

      We are in this world, but are not of this world,

      You see. From the notebook of your partial list of symptoms, phobias:

      Fever, paranoia, polio (subclinical), ankle-foot phenomenon,

      The possibility of bluish spots. Everything one does is fear

      Not being of this world or in this world enough.

      There is no world I know, without some word of it.

      III

      OF RICKEY RAY RECTOR

      I. AMENDMENT SIX

      If you expect this story to be in tact you shouldn’t have that

      Faith in faith, not here, or in a loping place

      Where Rickey Ray won’t be so frightened by the dark in Arkansas.

      A folk’s story of unanswerable griefs—he told me

      You will probably not see me anymore after I went home.

      Already what was left of him

      Was like a barncat leaving just the heart of it, the offering.

      II. STAFF PERSONNEL REPORT JAN 22, 1992

      inmate Rector reports guards are setting loose chickens in the holding cell

      pork patty turnips jello muffins milk

      pudding—says saving, for just before lights out

      reports assorted characters are peering in his window by the towers light

      Enough of possim and their teeth, the gold shag’s carpeting,

      The chinaberry tree back home. inmate making holling sound

      III. THE PORTABLE BAPISTRY

      For you who was taking this down for him, he is all kind about his feeling

      For you, you all dressed up like scarecrows Taken down by other birds.

      In the Polaroid he is to his waist in water, plumpened,

      Sitting huge and humped up forward, dazy, grinning wide.

      This day shall you be with me in paradise.

      IV. STAFF PERSONNEL REPORT JANUARY 23

      inmate glimpses limousine cruising thru prison all those

      he maybe hurt are huddled in the backseat there

      6:46 am howling

      7:07 am howling and dancing in cell

      8:10, & thruout day barking while sitting on bunk

      began noice’s with his voice like a dog

      Years after her death, he told me, Mother visits him at night

      In her tulip dress, clutching her crocodile pocketbook.

      V. ON CLEMENCY

      Miss Flowers, he said, Not to worry I’m still voting for your man Miss Gennifer.

      Governor Clinton, in his mansion on that last frost night, from time to time

      Was having hard time catching breath

      Some say

      You will be sleeping when you die.

      VI.

      How cold that ice cream fell going down.

      They is my good ice cream, he said.

      VII.

      Touches hands of his sisters, first time without glass

      —from Ledger, Visitation House

      A silver canopy over the enormous Elm of him.

      VIII. DEATH-WATCH LOG JANUARY 24

      one steak real done

      fried chicken w/ heavy gravy

      brown beans three rolls

      koolaid, cherry & he said, for later—

      pecan pie for just after when he would went to sleep

      IX. from the other side

      Rows of folding chairs unfold, a brood of heavy winter coats settling in

      Assembly for the witnessing, like pigeons Nurse in quiet shoes

      Attending with sickness bags

      Then a streak of gold light visible through the top of chamber

      Where he is You can hear him helping out

      X. from the other side

      Velvety curtains for the viewing room pulled back, tell them

      Pastor Motton, what it was like the vast bulk of Rickey Ray

      Still bound in with straps of blue still breathing the lump

      Of gauze holds in his fist his heart’s

      Green light still fluttering

      Pie still waiting where he left it there

      XI. A LOT SEES—BUT ONLY A FEW KNOWS

      I love you Mother in your queen Anne’s chair

      Geraldo thank you for your company on TV

      Bird of prey, waiting like a hearse outside when I’m alive

      SALT LICK IN SNOW

      That you would, one day, stop breathing before

      My own breath was held.

      Were I to wake, muffled through the balsam

      Woods, scent of myrrh and mineral.

      Would that be tonight.

      That we had conducted ourselves with no austerity all along.

      Nearer then, a child was a child herself, thin thing

      Offering a teaspoonful of civet to the likes

      Of us. Beneath the low sky lowering, unclear this time

      Of year, you cannot tell

      The salt lick from the pale and mackerel

      Air around it. That I did not promise. I will never sleep.

      MOON RIVER

      What is it exactly that you mean when you call me

      Your “huckleberry friend”?

      What if soon you, too, will go down

      Like a sheepdog who has tasted blood on a gentleman’s farm

      Far outside the coal belt, and I do not get to see your

      Inflorescence one more time, what then?

      Like a lantern-boat half on fire somewhere down

      The crazy river of your mind,

      Framed by endless strings of small whortleberry lights, ablaze,

      Still, I go on crossing you in style. My affection has always

      Had its girdled caveats—

      A mushroom-colored cummer
    bund sashing

      The waist of another man, or my feeling formal knowing

      When to take the fork out of the toaster, at the very moment of

      The metaled tines contacting the one electric outlet in the barn.

      Even though you will not speak to me again, not in this life,

      Where fear accompanies you like a yellow buggy or a carnivore

      With dark spots and a long-ringed tail

      Unhitched to anything,

      I forgive you—everything.

      Besides,

      You’ve always been such an odd uncanny half-genet of man.

      OBSERVATIONS FROM THE GLASGOW COMA SCALE

      EYE OPENING IN RESPONSE TO PAIN

      Doctor, for the longest spell,

      I was bordering on the inexorably humane, of a sudden—

      A conspiracy of grace.

      Whole summer in a blaze of gods.

      PERSISTENT INAPPROPRIATE SPEECH

      Not so much nattering please, says the impresario,

      The nurse’s commandant on call.

      Still others mumbling

      About salted beans left soaking in brisket pots

      At home. Some olden Jews are still compelled to hide

      Their jewels in smallish alligator carry-ons.

      DOES NOT OPEN EYES

      A Weimaraner with its two invalid back legs

      Tucked in a wheelbarrow rolls down the Avenue Calais.

      His master pulls at this contraption with a leash.

      Were I to wake

      I would not be sanguine if my own hind legs were nulled.

      SMILES OR COOS APPROPRIATELY

      I was the center of my Mother’s world the moment I discovered she could die.

      LOCALIZES TO PAIN

      A half a century ago, the Nanny kicked our cocker spaniel,

      Waldo, down the basement stairs, repeatedly.

      When we cannot find the puppy we are told

      The creature went, instead, to live the good life

      On a skein of land they called “a Farm.”

      CRIES, BUT IS CONSOLABLE

      I believe that he was safe there. I am consoled.

      The gravestone on my plot in rural Pennsylvania reads:

      She Couldn’t Help It, Pals

      INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSES, WORDS DISCERNIBLE

      The heavy rains have been quite excellent for my composure.

      I compose myself again in heavy rain.

      The trees, stick-figuring, define the view from here.

      The waves

      Are pathographical, disquieting.

      RUBY GARNETT’S ORNAMENT, CIRCA 1892

      See, how she tucked her tiny spectacle,

      A songbird, behind the chimney bricks

      And sealed it shut inside her frayed blue purse,

      Some silk grief ago

      Against the indigo of company.

      She wrapped his lemon-feathered form

      In soft strips of newspaper wetted down

      With powdered milk, gentle not to bend a wing

      Or break a brittle claw. Her mummery.

      In the Dumas Brothel Museum,

      In your glass case now, canary, in your

      Tin can purged of all its minerals,

      You are beautiful, grotesque. I am in this

      Freight and keep myself.

      I write home from Butte in mercury.

      I take it back from you. I am on my one.

      THREE MEMORIES OF HEAVEN

      FIRST MEMORY

      It was before the harp, before rain or words

      Before the ox waking in ice.

      Before the great warmth turned down in the granaries.

      Before the women carding the wool by its temperaments,

      Spinning the flaxes away from the rusts, in the valley

      Of the stitching in the dresses they will wear tonight.

      SECOND MEMORY

      Almost like a bird that knows it’s about to be born

      Before the cut of cinnamon or the linnet-colored

      Birthmarks marking with tarnish-scissors even paler things.

      It was before I placed my body next to yours, longbone

      To longbone making a kind

      Of love that never curdled like the milk at mouths of caves.

      It was a time when wren-boys

      Were allowed (out loud) to cry.

      THIRD MEMORY

      It was all before the bleating or the tears

      That I knew the animal must know, before his mistress does—

      When she will cut the path toward where he is,

      Must know the scent her footprints leave in straw

      Must know no heaven, even if it’s there in its saffron

      Slice, circled with thimbleberries, quick-silvering.

      Put your hands

      Into the sheets and tell me where the needles are.

      RED THREAD

      Ash-home. Sack of delicious apples.

      Roof of mouth is keen but quiet now.

      How is it I did not know the swath

      Of you, rare, more rare.

      Whole family decimated

      As if in war.

      Old wheat, color of ransack or curlew,

      Jews wandering, coppering, each

      In their croft. The pond, iced-over now,

      Thinner yet for skating. Inside, a man

      In his smoking jacket, smoking,

      Withholding. Silvering of hair, most

      Exigent of needs. In a vase, the red dust

      Of gillyflowers aslant by the bed.

      Thou shalt not be dead.

      Last hour

      Loving was the first one,

      Cruciate as the wings of a dragonfly, at rest.

      DEATH, XXL

      Wisdom is ruin.

      Dispatch in white chalk left out in the summer rain.

      He is not gone, I asked.

      Once (and this was long ago) in the cortège, milkmen wore their folding caps

      And took them off, and workers bent their heads to bow.

      The train passed slowly through every belt we know: Prayer, Tornado, Bible, Grain.

      No matter what time it was, I will go on missing you again.

      In your paddock you were folded like a carriage horse grown too large for his stall.

      Also, there were no carriages left.

      Please to find a goddamn other noun. Lie down in it; stay here.

      As a young boy, some said, you had once been in heaven, a moment’s visit

      Through a locked door constructed for the nonce.

      Escutcheon in the shape of a boy in the Sun belt, holster round his narrow hips.

      Two tin guns. Ephemera.

      Villagers, wallflowers all, huddle under cotton quilts splotched with bougainvillea.

      Here, come trespassing.

      Prayer and Amen. Transistor radio.

      He is not gone, I asked. Shot self. My love.

      In the Rust belt, sleep deranges, rearranging our sister’s darker rooms.

      In the sheepfold, the maid extinguishes her harp, puts her fingers in the felt glove

      Of a persistent vegetative state.

      LITTLE INDUSTRY OF GHOSTS

      How is it you can explain their living here with me, leaning

      On their cellos, doleful and plenty.

      In my single person tax-bracket of one alive, there are more

      Living here with me not alive

      Than are. You are a good

      Dog now. Rising, supposing, loom large for me.

      Turn down all the rows of white sheets in the rows

      Of white cots for your wounded

      To settle in. Look, the boy with a cane walks

      Three-legged down our Avenue, three-quarters

      Of a cur, but he’s as gifted limping as the elegy you wrote

      For me and I am still alive! It was a poem clear, here

      In hindsight, as flounder flesh unwrapped from

      Its bed of newspaper, unspoiled. Would that you come home

      Now, healed and appalled.

     
    ; It could have been reparable; we would have gathered

      Like a din of two nurses at the metal rails of vigil

      At your impossible bed. Would that we, erstwhile, will.

      Would that our Liam were living still.

      SCARINISH, MINGINISH, GRIMINISH

      You will not be a sepia hound in my dream at Trotternish, even

      One more time. Not a lighthouse keeper

      Landlocked in at Insch, not the deep sea diver with the metal

      Brain in the icy umbraged waters of the Outer Hebrides.

      Not at the Firth of Lorne, where each man downed is a tricycle

      Turned over, most of his spokes blown off, not even, were

      You luckier, in the heap of small black mussels

      Washed up on the Isle of Skye, huddling but still whole.

      You will come back as a starfish, two arms lopped off,

      Scooped up by the mop-topped schoolboy, Fearghas,

      Who will take you home to Dingwall when the blotted tide is low,

      Collect you with his blush balloons, his tin Sienna soldiers,

      Coloring your endoskeleton with a spot of Maize and Timberwolf

      From his set of crayons, flattering you with a Thistle touch, then some

      Dandelion flourishes until his suppertime, one last last dab of Fern—

      After which he will go on to his maroon arithmetic and Dostoyevsky

      And his other sullen Prussian Blue and Orchid arts.

      THE MATADOR

      The last I saw of him was on the final neurasthenic afternoon of his harmonica

      When he lost his hair and said I did this to him with my grief,

      As the pink halo of a monk’s scalp began to shine up through his own.

      My grief can cause male-pattern baldness in a man!

      This was his voyage, remember now, not mine.

      In my own life’s journey, I once found him, many laters, bewitched

      Into a tiny iron matador (he wore a hat) on the folding table at a yard sale

      In a small New England town, holding out

      His midge of scarf—ridiculous and red,

      Now overwrought with aching from the wind in Spain.

      When was it that you say I knew?

      DOVE, ABIDING

      I have heard

      That you were living like a goat in solitude

      And turning in the proxy and the mud of it.

      Don’t be coy with me. You

      Were mean and you were plump. Dove,

      Mistaken. You are not good. Heart

      The color of a tray of entrails in a Harlem shop

      For meats. I have heard Miss X has had a vision

      In her rooms. It was uncomely,

      A mess of hungry colors, like the Rockettes

      Singularly beautiful but all together hideous.

      There is no single flower that is not singularly

      Beautiful I’ve heard. I have heard you did not care

     


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