woman just needed time to think. For a woman who only
darkened the door of the church out of guilt, she was certainly
having a strange reaction to not being able to attend
this morning. It wasn't guilt that filled her right now but
longing. She could hear Brenda moving around not far outside
the door, sounding as though she might be headed
back her way, but still Katy wanted to pray.
I've spent so much time trying not to think about You that I
don't know how to do this. Cash says You're therefor everyone,
even sinners, and I can see now that I am. She paused, her
303
breathing coming hard as she tried to find the words to say
what was in her heart, feeling more fear than she had teen
prepared for. I think I might need to know more about this before
I can do anything, but if You'll help me to get out of this bed, I'll
try to learn about You and not run away anymore.
City Girl 167
Almost on that exact note, Brenda reentered the room.
Had Cash been home, Katy would have asked for him, but
he had only just left. She made herself lie still, even as
Brenda moved quietly around the room, hoping she could
fall asleep and not have to think about it when there was no
one there to help her.
"Is God always in control?" Pastor Ellis asked on
Sunday morning. "I mean, constantly, 100 percent of the
time? Or is He a God who decided one day to wind up the
304
universe, stand back, arms crossed over His chest, and
watch to see what happened?"
Reagan's mouth opened a little. That was exactly the
way her father had believed. When she was a child, he had
said time and again that God might have created things,
but He was not a part of the everyday dealings of humans.
He just wound up the universe and let it run. And who could
blame Him? That's what I would do if I were God. I wouldn't
want to be bothered with humans any longer than I had to.
"Do you think God really cares about the people He's
created?" /Pastor Ellis now queried. "The answer to that
question might tell you about your view of God. Is He a
sovereign ruler who enjoys seeing His creatures suffer, or
is He a sovereign ruler who's there to love and aid His
people in hard times? Maybe He's a God who isn't completely
in control. Maybe He loves His creation, but He
can't actually help it."
Reagan watched Pastor Ellis smile.
"I'd like to read to you from the book of Jeremiah. Don't
turn there. Just let yourself listen for a moment. This is Jeremiah
305
32:17-19, and then verse 27. Just listen now to some of
my favorite verses in all of Scripture.
"'Ah, Lord God! Behold, thou hast made the heaven and
the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and
168 lori wick
there is nothing too hard for thee. Thou showest lovngkindness
unto thousands, and recompensest the iniquity
of the fathers into the bosom of their children after
them; the Great, the Mighty God, the Lord of hosts, is his
name, great in counsel, and mighty in work. For thine eyes
are open upon all the -ways of the sons of men, to give every
one according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his
doings/
"Now to verse 27: 'Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all
flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?'
"If you'll open your Bibles to the last chapter of the book
Job, I'd like to read to you again, but this time I want you
fallow al ~ T l* U~J 1 i- * ' '
306
ofjob;
_, _0 -, **** . j. **cu.u,jruu
to follow along. Job had been through so much, but the
Word says he trusted God through it all. If you still doubt
God's ability to be in control, follow along as I read from
the first few verses of Job 42."
Not until that moment did Reagan realize she'd left the
Bible Holly had loaned her in the little house. She searched
around, hoping someone had left a Bible nearby, but saw
that Cash already had his open and was holding it between
them.
Reagan smiled at him; she had not even remembered he
was there but now leaned a little to read along, even as the
pastor began.
"'Then Job answered the Lord, and said, I know that
thou canst do everything, and that no thought can be withheld
blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning, for he
had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels,
307
and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she-asses. He
had also seven sons and three daughters/ Now to verse 15:
'And in all the land were no women found so fair as the
daughters of Job, and their father gave them inheritance
among their brethren. After this lived Job an hundred and
forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four
generations. So Job died, being old and full of days/"
City Girl 169
Again the pastor smiled at the congregation. "You might
be tempted to say that was the least God could do. After all,
He allowed Satan to touch Job's life. But don't miss the
point I'm trying to make: God is powerful, loving, and
able. He did not sit back once He created us, happy to just
watch us struggling to survive. Even today He's active and
very much a part of any life that will allow Him room.
"But maybe you don't know what I'm talking about.
Maybe you've never experienced what a personal God we
have. Don't wait another day to find out. Don't be uncertain
308
about tomorrow ever again. Don't be frightened of
death for one more moment
"I want you to bow your heads right now--no one
looking around so all have privacy. This is not something I
do very often, but all week I've felt a great burden to share
this with you. Some of you don't know me very well, so
you might not come to me or anyone else in (his church,
but you might be desperate to settle this issue between
yourself and God. If you are, then I would urge you to pray
this prayer with me. Just say the words in your heart after
I say them. If you mean them, God will save you. You'll be
a new believer in Jesus Christ
"Just pray like this," Pastor Ellis continued, and then
proceeded very slowly. "Father in heaven, I know I am a
sinner. I know I am lost without You, but You sent Your Son
to die for my sins, and I want to believe on You right now.
I know You are willing and able to save me, and at this time
I wish for Your salvation, so I can live my life for You.
"Dear friend," the pastor started, but needed to add,
"lef s keep our eyes closed for just a moment more. Dear
309
friend, if you prayed that prayer with me, you are a new
creature in Christ, a new believer. You don't need to tell me
about it, but I would urge you to tell someone, and if you
do tell me, I have a list of verses f
rom God's Word that will
help you understand what you've done and help you
grow.
170 lori wick
"We're just going to have a moment of silent prayer right
now. I won't keep you too much longer, but let us just be
quiet a moment to give all of our hearts some time to
think."
Another minute passed, this time in silence, and finally
Pastor Ellis closed the prayer with a few words. He then
invited the congregation to stand and join him in a dosing
song.
"Is it really that simple?" Reagan turned to Cash and
whispered. Her eyes were huge. She had not even made a
310
pretense of reaching for the hymnbook or attempting to
stand. All she could think about was the prayer she had
just prayed. She had not planned to, but suddenly she'd
wanted to so much that she ached. To her amazement, the
ache was gone.
"Yes, Reagan, it is," Cash confirmed, keeping his seat as
well, glad they were in one of the last pews.
"But there's so much I don't know," she told him, feeling
slightly overwhelmed.
"That comes in time. When a person truly believes, he's
new in Christ. The desire to learn fills him because God's
Spirit now indwells him and can teach him all about the
Word."
"You mean the Bible."
"Yes. A desire to know more about the Lord and live for Him is one of the ways we know that true salvation happened.
It doesn't mean we never sin again, but our attitude
is changed about sin, and we don't want to live in it anymore."
311
Reagan bit her lip just before she admitted, "I prayed the
prayer."
Cash's smile was as warm as a spring day. "Did you,
Reagan?"
She nodded rather helplessly.
"I hadn't planned to--not really--but suddenly my
heart wanted to so badly. He said I would never have to
City Girl 171
fear again, and he said I could get this settled between God
and me right now, and I wanted that."
"That sounds like great news, Reagan," Cash said sincerely.
The congregation was milling around, but neither
one noticed. "Our God is a saving God, and the benefits of
knowing Him are without measure."
"Thaf s the way Holly has talked."
"And she's right. Tell me something, Reagan; what happened
to your fear of someone else being in control?"
312
"What do you mean?"
Cash looked her in the eye. "Listen to me, Reagan. I do
not want to put a damper on your prayer in any way, but
there is something we all have to understand. We need to
understand who we are accepting when we are saved. God
is huge, and He is a righteously jealous God. He does not
want to share us. This needs to be a whole-heart experience
for you, or me, or anyone who desires that relationship.
Does that make sense?"
Reagan nodded.
"Your life will be taking a new direction. You won't be
living for self, but for God. If s a wonderful life--there is
none better--but I want to be sure you understand. I
wouldn't want you to be confused about that."
Reagan stared at him for a moment and then began
without warning: "There was a girl I knew in New York.
She worked with me at the factory, and I was there on her
first day. I remember her hands were bleeding by the time
we broke for lunch. She'd obviously never worked a day in
her life. Some of the girls asked her about it, but she didn't
313
say very much."
Cash was hanging on every word, his face intent.
"Over time Veronica and I talked. I found out that she
was from one of the wealthiest families in the city. She
didn't want all the girls to know since they would never
have understood. They would never have grasped why she
would walk away from all that money to work like a dog
172 lori wick
in the factory, but she summed it up for me in a few words.
She said she couldn't take the responsibility anymore."
Knowing that Reagan understood him so clearly caused
Cash's heart to thunder in his chest
"That's it, isn't it, Cash? My father, God, is the wealthiest
man in the city, and I've got to act as though I belong to
Him."
"Yes, Reagan, but our God doesn't leave us alone to do
that. Just as Pastor said, He doesn't wind us up and let us
go. He helps us every step of the way. He makes the
314
changes in us. His love makes it worth living for Him--as
you put it, 'acting like we belong to Him.'"
Reagan's heart and mind were so full she didn't know
what to do or think. She sat quietly, trying to pray, but all
she could do was express her gratitude.
"Do you thank God for saving you, Cash?" Reagan suddenly
asked.
"Not as often as I should," he admitted. "I think that
might be something I should thank Him for all day."
"He really does save, doesn't He?"
"Yes, He does," Cash agreed, that warm smile back in
place. "When I first came to Christ, J had times when I
didn't think it was real, but there was no denying the
changes going on inside of me. God has a way of affirming
us when we most need it."
"You weren't saved as a child?"
"No. I've only been saved for about five years."
"So you know what I'm feeling?"
315
Cash could only laugh at her look of wonder.
"Am I interrupting?" a voice cut in, and both turned to
see Holly Bennett had come to stand just behind the pew
where they sat
Reagan rose to her feet, her face alight with wonder as
she faced her friend. -
"Oh,
Holly," the younger woman whispered, "I'm so
glad you came over. I have something wonderful to tell
you."
GfaaMeM
"I don't have to get married now, do I, Holly?" Reagan
asked suddenly. She had talked with Russell and then
Pastor Ellis, and now Holly was walking her to the wagon.
"What has you so worried on that issue, Reagan?"
The young woman sighed. "I don't know exactly, but the
whole idea repels me. I can see how Russell loves you, but
316
if s just not something I want."
"What if a man loved you?"
Reagan shook her head no.
"What if you loved a man?"
Reagan looked surprised.
"I've never been in love," she admitted, "but I've seen it
happen and don't think if s for me."
Holly knew she should not debate this with her. As far
as she knew, there was no command in Scripture that all
women and men must find spouses. And Holly couldn't
help but think that a person's preference was valid. At the
same time, there was a correct way to view marriage, an
institution God Himself created.
"You're worrying about this, Reagan, and there's no
need. If God has marriage for you, He'll prepare your
heart. Don't get in the habit of telling Him what He can and
cannot do, and also don't fall into the sin pattern of worrying
over what He might do."
m
317
174 lori wick
This said, Holly smiled at her, and Reagan relaxed. She
hugged the older woman and thanked her.
"I certainly have a lot to learn."
"You're not alone in that"
"Thank you, Holly. Thank you for everything."
"You're welcome. And don't give the little house
another thought. I keep a close eye on it, and if s waiting for
you whenever Katy's back on her feet."
The women hugged again before the men showed up
and they parted. Once in the wagon, Russell told the children
what had transpired, and they were very pleased.
EUy, however, had a question.
"Will one of the men marry Reagan now?"
This wasn't an unusual question for a child in this situation
who had watched it happen in the church family several
times before.
318
"Reagan doesn't wish to be married," Holly told her
gently. "So we'd probably better not watch for that"
But as soon as they arrived home and Russell had a
moment alone with Holly, he returned to the subject.
"Maybe she won't feel that way after today."
"Yes, she will," Holly informed him. "She brought it up
to me the moment we were alone."
"Did she really?" Russell asked, clearly surprised.
"Yes. I told her not to panic. But if the men in the congregation
are smart, they'll keep their distance, because the
lady is not in the market for a mate,"
When Russell and Holly took so long, Jonah came
looking for them, so they dropped the subject again. But
for some reason, it lingered in the minds of both adults.
S-- 'Sr $
By the time Reagan had talked with Holly, Russell,
Pastor Ellis, and Holly again, and then she and Cash had
asked the doctor to visit, they did not return to the ranch
319
City Girl 175
until quite late. Brenda met them at the door, something
that caused momentary alarm, but all fear melted in the
light of her smile.
"How did it go?" Cash asked.
"Just fine. She was a little tired, I think, but we got along
just great."
"Thank you, Brenda," Reagan told her sincerely.
"Anytime, Reagan. Just let me know."
"Next Sunday?" Reagan said, a lilt in her voice.
'Til plan on it."
Cash saw Brenda on her way and then went to check on
Katy. Reagan was already in the room.
"Cash," Katy said as soon as she saw him, her voice