AftertakingastrollthroughthePaseo,wewalkafewstepsdownDuchess’VictoryStreetand turned left at Saint Bartholomew Street. The street seemed to be lined with bars and pubs, therewerelotsofpeopledrinking,laughing,talking...living.Butactually,therewereonlytwo pubsopen.Onehadtwoentrances,illuminatedwithadimlightwhichcouldbeseenfromthe street. The other, completely closed and unable to see from the outside was less appealing.
Onlysixteen-year-oldscameandwent.
Weenteredthepubwiththetwoentrances,setwithasongbyDavidBisbal.Istilldidn’t knowwhattosaytoanyone.IhopedMartawasalsoawomanoffewwordsandthatnoone wouldnoticeherbehavior.
"It’soneinthemorning!Let’sgoattwoo'clockbecausewehavetobeontimeforwork tomorrowatthesupermarket.Didwemeetonthepromenadeforcoffee?"Apparently,Clara, the short-haired woman, worked the supermarket with me. I had never been so happy about someone inviting me for coffee. I knew where the ride was, but I had no idea where the supermarketwaswheremynewselfworked.Andmyfinancialsituationwasinnoshapefor metogetfired.Howironic!AsLaura,didn’tgetoutofbedforlessthanthreethousandeuros andasMarta,Ihadtoworkhardtoearnalittlemoreandnotforaday...amonth...
"Sure,whattime?"
"Atseveno'clock!"Claralookedattheclock.
Mybodyshudderedatthethoughtofthoseuntimelyhours,butIlaughedagainbeforeIwent tothebartoaskforacubacocktail.Iwasleftaloneinthemiddleofthepub.Surroundedby people,butalone.ItappedmyfootalittletothebeatoftheSpanishsingerBisbal’ssongbutI didn’t feel like being the queen of the track. Not tonight. All my friends were at the bar includingHIM.Weexchangedglances.Neitherofuslookedawayfromeachother.Itwaslike aduel...Istartedtolikethatlittlegame.Hedidn’tsmilethough,butatleasthedidn’tlookat mewithcontempt.Now,helookedatmewithgrief,hecouldseeitinhiseyes.Ikeptstaringat him, and it felt like I’d known him forever, without ever having exchanged any words. Of course, for him, I was someone he knew very well ... Someone he had spoken and kissed before...andclearly,Ihadsomethingverybad.Somethingthatsurely,hewouldneverforgive.
As soon as I decided to approach him, I felt a hand on my bottom. Immediately and instinctively, I landed a heavy blow on the owner of the brazen and inopportune hand. I watchedasAlejandrolookedawayfromme.Heseemeddisappointed.
"Fool!"Ishoutedtothemanwhohadsqueezedmyass.
"Are you crazy? What's wrong? Aren’t you glad to see me?" he asked pouting as he slitheredclosertome.
Ilookedathisbulkybiceps.Whatahotty.Verycool.Andthatuglyandtackyliontattoo.
Unmistakable.ItwasMiguel,Marta’sfriendwithbenefits.Really?SheleftAlejandroforhim?
He wasn’t ugly, but he wasn’t as handsome or classy as Alejandro. He was half bald but he
correctedthatdetailwithdignitybykeepinghisheadshaved.Largenose,browneyesandtall, verytall.
"Haven’tyoumissedme?"heinsisted.
"What?"
"Chacho!"
"Chacho?"-overtimeIlearnedthat"Chacho"isafairlycommonexpressioninCáceres meaning"Kid".
"It’sbeenamonth...don’tyoumissedthesebiceps?"
"Andwhereyou’vebeenformonth?"Iasked,thoughIdidn’tcare,nottheleast;Looking sidewaysatAlejandro,whowasalreadyinaconversationwithawomanIhadn’tseenuntil thatmoment.
"I told you. In Seville with my father. In a play," Miguel said, disconcerted. I was beginningtogetusedtoeveryone’sconfusionandbewildermentwhenIaskedthemthingsthatI obviouslyhadtoknow.
Alejandrolaughed,smiledshylyandstaredathisnewcompanion.Sheflirtedblatantly.Of course,shewasmuchprettierthanIwas,oratleasttheveneerandpaintshehadundergone workingforher.Well,trimmedhair,blonde,tall,goodphysique...andasweetandprettyface.
AlejandrolookedatmeoutofthecornerofhiseyeashenoticedIwaswatching.Heputhis hand on the woman's shoulder and left the pub. Miguel was still talking about heat, sweat, heights,gym,horses...butI’dstoppedlisteningtohimforsometime.
"That’sveryinterestingAdolfo...butIhavetogo.Iworktomorrow,"Isaidsharply.
"CanIgowithyouandspendthenighttogether...youknow?"Hereplied,drawingcloser andcloser...Iswervedhimaway.
"Seriously,what'swrong?You'reverychanged,"hesaid.TheSpanishsinger,Bisbalhad givenwaytoCarlosBaute,andmanywomeninthebarsanghissonglikecrazy."Before,you wouldn’thavewaitedtogohomeandwewould’vedoneitinthebathroom."Itriedtopicture it.Inthesink?Andtheformerownerofthisbodygotintoheavenlyparadise?
"Youdon’tinterestmeanymore.Andso,ourconversationisover.Pleasedonotbotherme anymore."
"It’syourloss."Andheleft.Notwithoutfirstshowingmehisbiceps,histattooedlionand hispoutylips.
I went over to my new friends who talked, they danced a little from time to time to the rhythmofBauteanddranklongsipsfromtheirrespectivecubacocktails.
"Felisa,tellmeIhavegasinmycar."
"Youhavegasinyourcar.
"I'mgoinghome."
"Idon’trecognizeyou.Thatblowtoyourheadhascompletelychangedyou.ButIthinkfor thebetter,"Felisasaid,winkingatme.
"Now,tellme...howhaveIchanged?WhatwouldIbedoingnow?"
"You’dbedrunk,"shesaidlaughing,"drinklikeafishandgohomewithanyoneoutthere.
You know, living life, remember? But that kind of life did not benefit you at all ..." she said sadly.Iwasabouttotakeyoutoalcoholicsanonymous,butIseenowyoudon’tneedit.
Asmilelitupmyface.AsLaura,IadmitIabuseddrugsandalcoholbutIcertainlydidn’t gotobedwithjustanyone.AndIneverputoutinasink.Phew!Iwassmarterthanthat.AndI decidedatthatmoment,toapplymyeleganceandgracetoMarta'snewbody.Tuneitupabit andbethecenterofinterestinggame...notmenliketheliontattooguy...
"Felisa,willyoucomeandpickmeuptomorrow?"asked.
"Attwoo'clock?"
"Sure,attwoo'clock..."
"Well, tomorrow is Saturday, a free afternoon! An afternoon for us girls!" She lifted her cubaintoastinggesture.
"Great. You know, I'd like some contact lenses," I said, sick of those uncomfortable glasses.
"Finally!I'vebeentellingyouthatforyears!"
"Great.CanIhaveacigarettefortheroad?"
"Heretakeit.Seeyoutomorrow!"
"Martha!Seveno'clockonthewalk!"Clarashoutedatmefromtheotherendofthepub.
Ileft.IlookedforAlejandro,buttherewasnotraceofhim.Orthewomanhe'dlefttheplace with. I knew where my car was but decided to opt for an unknown route, to get to know the townalittle.Insteadofgoingdownthestreet,Iwentupandturnedleft.Icameacrossatown squarethathadafountaininthemiddle,itwascalledPlazaGregorioBravo.Howmanytown squares were there in that town? I knew I had to find my car, so I went down, down ... and withoutdifficulty,Ifoundmyrideinfrontofme.Thetablesontheterracesoftownbarswere alreadysetwithchairsontopandtherewasnotasoulinsight.IarrivedatmyoldSuzukiand whilelookingforthecarkeys,IsawHIM.Ontheotherside,stillasagloomystatue,handsin hispocketsandnotraceoftheblondewoman.Hiseyeshadlookinthemlikesomeonewho’s inlove.Ihadn’tknowntherealmeaningofthewordinmypreviousbody,butIdidn’tneedto beaNobelprizewinnertorealizethatbehindhisstareweredeephiddenfeelings.Verygood feelings. Without looking away from
me, he crossed the street and stood in front of me. His presencemademylegsstarttoshakeandatickleinmystomach.
"Hello."Icouldbarelyarticulateaword."Aren’tyougonnasayanything?"
"Sure...hello..."hesaidtimidly.WhathadbecomeofLauraSmith?
We were silent for a while. It wasn’t those uncomfortable silences in which you feel the need to utter any nonsense to break the ice. No, it wasn’t necessary to. Our eyes said everything.Andsuddenly,withoutwarning,IcaughtaglimpseofawomanbehindAlejandro.
Shedidn’tevengivemetimetodistinguishherface,sinceitseemedthatshewasrunningfrom one side to another. She seemed to wear a white nightgown and have long, dark hair, but nothing more. I looked behind Alejandro to make sure there was no one there. If she had stayed,Iwouldhaveactedalittlecrazy,honestly.Butsheinstantlydisappeared.Ibowedmy head,beggingSaintPetertokeepanyapparitionfromdestroyingmymoment...
"Areyouokay?"Alejandroaskedworriedly.
"YesYes..."
"You’rebeingstrange."
"Somesayso."
"Wehavetotalk."Helookedatmeevenmoreintently.Youwantto?"Evenifheaskedme tothrowmyselfoffabridgewithhim,Iwould’vesaidyes.
"Yes."
"I'llpickyouupatfourtomorrow?Iseverythingokay?"
"Yes...youwereonthesameterraceasme,right?"Alejandronoddedinsurprise.Doyou knowthenameofthattownyoucanseeoffinthedistancefromthecorneroftherailing?
"Marvão"
"That’sit!"Isaid,happytoknowatlastthenameofthetownIhadseeninthedistance."I wantyoutotakemethere."
"ButyouhatePortugal?"WasthatPortugal?IhadtofinditonGoogleandIhadtoknow exactlywhereIwasinSpain.
"Therearemanythingswannachange,Alejandro,"Iansweredresolutelyandwaitingwith that,tohaveachancewithhim.
"Ithinkthat’sfine.It’sabouttime."
"Okay,yeah...eh...atfourthen"
"Atfour."
"Atfour..."
"Yes..."
Alejandrosmiled.Hebentdownalittle,Imoistenedmylipstogetthemready,thinkingit was time for a romantic kiss and ... he pointed to his cheek as if I were a little girl and he askedmeforaninnocentkiss.Ikissedhim.Andheleft.Leavingmewiththedesire.AsLaura, haddonesomanytimesthroughthestreetsofNewYork,Milan,Rome,London,Barcelona,​
Madrid...goodplay.
Startingmycarwasanodyssey.Igotthehangofitinfifteenminutesandfinally,Idrovetomy small town of white houses, surrounded by mountains with pine trees and a spectacular pink skyatsunset.
Itwastwo-thirtyinthemorningbutIwasn’tsleepy.Mybodywastired,butmysoul,the oldone,wasmorealivethanever.IlitthecigarettethatFelisahadgivenmeandlookedatthe starrysky.SmokingwassomethingIhadneverdonebefore.Laurawouldsurelybedisgusted, preferringthesmelloftheasphaltandpollutionofabigcity.DyingforagoodMartininexttoa handsomebusinessexecutive,inasuperficialconversation.AndIwasstillLaura,thatcocky topmodelthatonlysoughtpopularityandmaterialwealth...onlyIdidn’thaveworrythatIhad only 50 euros left in my new bank account and my last name was Matalascañas. I was surprisedatmyselfandreadytostartlivingthatsecondchance.
"Marta,"themadnessoftalkingtoyourself,"I'mgonnagiveyouamakeover.We’regonna startexercising,stopeatingchorizo​andmakeyouatopmodel.Getdownandwithfrecklesbut
..."Iresignedmyself.
AndIwenttobed,notbeforesettingthealarmatsix-fifteeninthemorning.Crap!Atfour o’clock,ashiverwokemeup.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"Iscreamedwithallmymightcoveringmyheadwiththesheet.
Atthefootofthebed,appearedthewomanwhoIhadpreviouslyseenbehindAlejandro.
Her figure was disfigured because she paced so fast from side to side. I shook my head, pinchedmyselfandithurt...Iwasn’tdreaming,itwasreal.Icouldseerealspiritsanditwas scary.Atleastseethemthatway.Ifumbledtoturnonthelight,trembling.
"Girl!You'regoingtogettired!"Iyelled.Itseemedtowork.
"You can see me!" And finally, she stopped in front of me. Her eyes a wide, deep black color.Shewaspaleandveryhaggard.
"Whatisyourname?"Sheshrugged."Youdonotknow?"Sheshookherhead.Womanof fewwords?Shelookedatmeterrified.Istoppedbeingafraid.
"Somethingbadisgoingtohappen."
"AndcanIdosomethingtoavoidit?"Hesaidsadly.Whenyoudied?Heshruggedagain.
Difficult,verydifficult.
"I have a son. He is five years old. Something bad is going to happen, something bad is going to happen ..." she kept saying uneasily. And she paced back and forth. I looked at the clock,four-thirty.
"He'sgoingtolose.He'sgoingtolose..."
"Quiet.Findhim,okay?Andwhenhegetslost,comeandseemeandtellmewhereheis.I will find him and protect him." My words sounded sure and convincing. The ghost calmed down, thanked my security with a smile and disappeared. Someone else? I waited a few seconds. Nothing, there was no next batch. But I didn’t keep an eye on it. I didn’t hear the laughterofmygrandmotheroranotherbeingontheotherexistentialplanemockingmycurious humanexistence.Whatareyougoingtodoatthishour?
Atsix,Iwenttothekitchenwithanintensecravingforsomecaffeine.Butnothing.Ithought aboutmysoontobepaycheckfromthesupermarketandthatencouragedmealittle.Iwould havemoneytobuyfood,topayexpenseslikewater...tohaveamoreorganizedlifethanthe previousMartahadseemedtolive.AndifIcould,savealittlebit.BeforeIleft,Itookacold bathwiththewaterIgotfromthefountain.Theoctogenarianshadnotyetlefttheirbeds.Ifelt mortified to be sporting a supermarket uniform. Those pants, that shirt ... at least it was comfortable.
I got my car as it was dawning. I was enormously thankful for the sky and its incredible spectrumofcolors.HowwouldImakeoutatmynewjob?Iwasaccustomedtoworkingwith hundredsofpeoplewatchingme,makeupartistsandstyliststakingcareofme,camerasaround megettingmybestside...spotlightsilluminatingmeandfavoringmyartificialposesthatwere so well in the photographs and television. But ... what was the life of a supermarket cashier like?Iwouldsoonfindout.
Clarawaswaitingformeintheparkinglot.Herfacewasworthathousandwords.
"Ihavenotsleptatall!"sheharped.Gusmessedmeupand..."
"Who’sGus?"-again,anotherfaceofbewilderment.
"Yes, you're still being weird," she harped, laughing as she led me through some narrow streetstothebarwherewewouldhaveacoffee.Mmmm...Coffee!
WesatdownandItookmyfirstsipofcoffee,Itwasgreat.Howlonghaditbeensincemy lastcupofcoffee?ThelastoneIrememberwasinNewYork,beforethedamntoasterflewout thewindowatultrasonicspeed.
"ComplicatedthesituationwithAlexander,right?Inoticedyoulookedverynervous.
"Yes,well..."IdidnotknowwhereIstoodinmyfriendlyrelationshipwithClara.Wasshe apersonIcouldtrust?Wassheagoodfriend?WhowasClara?
"Comeon!Youalwaystellmeeverything...andmostlyaboutmycousin."
"Yourcousin?"Again,thefaceofbewilderment.Itwasbeginningtoamusemetohavethe giftofleavingeveryoneflipped.
"That'swhatourmomssay,"shelaughed.
"No,yes,ofcourse-Ihaveadatewithhimtoday."
"Butit'sourgirls’afternoon!"
"It'llhavetobeanotherday,"Iwin
ked.
"Iunderstand...Ithinkit'sgreatforyouguystogettogetherandtalk.Especiallysincehe’s movingoutoftownsoon.
"What?"
"Haven’tyouheard?Well,he'lltellyou.He’sbeenofferedareallygoodjobinAveiro."I hadnofuckingideawhereAveirowas.“He’llbeinchargeofashoppingcenter,theassistant directororsomething.He’slucky."
Andmyheadwenttoanothercorneroftheplanet.TheinformationClarahadgivenmewas worsethanthefatefulmomentwhenIsawthedamntoasterfalloutthewindow.AndIdidn’t knowwhy...itdidn’tmakemuchsense.Iwouldneverforgetthedamntoastermoment,right?
"NO"...answeredavoiceinmyheadverysimilartoSt.Peter's.
Ateightweheadedtowork.TwomenopenedthegiantblindsasClaraandIwalkedin.I copiedeverythingshedid,placingmyselfinwhatappearedtobe"myworkarea."Fortunately, my body seemed to go in automatic mode, as if a button had been pressed for me to do everythingIknewtodo.Myhandsknewperfectlyhowtohandlethecashregister,themoney, the change, the products, the bar codes ... while my brain, worked a thousand miles an hour, thinking about work, Alejandro, spirits and toasters. At eight-thirty, people began to enter, especiallyoctogenarianswiththeirwalkingsticksandshoppingcarts.
The closing time came quickly and without any difficulty despite my initial fears. My agile handsdidn’tfailme.Theyworkedproperlyatalltimes.Thejobwasveryentertaining.Myco-workerswereverynice,apparentlytheyallknewmebecausetheygreetedmeandspoketome asifIwasonemorememberofthefamily.Havingsuchagoodconnectionamongco-workers wasn’tsomethingIwasusedto.Thathelpedmesmileandbenice.NICE!WhenhadI,Laura
"Smith",beennicetosomeoneselflessly?Intheworldofmodels,ifwecouldhavesnatched
eachother’seyesout,Iamconvincedthatwewould’vedoneit...Companionship?Whatwas that?However,atthesupermarketeveryonehelpedeachother.Therewasnorivalryandeven themanager,Manuel,ashortandstoutmaninhisfifties,madethejobeasier.Beforeclosing, he told me to stop by his office. For a moment, I feared that the previous Marta had messed aroundwiththeboss,butIwasrelievedtoseeaphotographonhisdeskthatfeaturedasuper happyManuelwithhiswifeandhisfullfacedtwoteenagers.