Don’t blow this.
Don’t blow this.
“Oh, you’re not?”
Don’t blow this.
Don’t blow this.
Don’t blow this.
“If you don’t wanna be my—”
Don’t blow this.
Don’t blow this.
Don’t blow this.
“Yes! I do!”
OMG, why did I just shout that?
We Laugh
He becomes
Real . . .
Feeling Happy
Like in new soda ad
Like in Disney ending
Like in thin-girl body
Did You Know
Happy people
STILL have
To go to class?
E N T I R E
C l a s s
Is
Fixed
On
Me
Must Have Discovered
One of my
Horrible secrets
Fan letter to cast of
Glee
Squidward-themed desktop wallpaper
Jennifer Love Hewitt playlist.
OMG . . .
The Whispers Begin
When I take my seat
Low humming sends words floating into air
Slowly rising into
Debate. Uproar. Laughter.
Text “911” Godot
Godotwait4me: What’s wrong?
notall2gether: News of us hit the entire school
Godotwait4me: Us sounds nice
notall2gether: Focus
Godotwait4me: What’s wrong if they know?
notall2gether: They are forming an angry mob
Godotwait4me: Torch wielding or bat swinging?
notall2gether: Torch
Godotwait4me: Great, means they’ll come at night. We’ll find a place to hide
notall2gether: And regroup
Godotwait4me: Or kiss. Whatever.
notall2gether: Everyone acts so shocked
Godotwait4me: That’s what they get for not reading our newsletter “BLA-SHAY” daily
notall2gether: They think I’m not good for you bc . . .
Godotwait4me: Bc?
notall2gether: You know . . .
Godotwait4me: Oh . . . bc you’re a lefty?
notall2gether: No . . .
Godotwait4me: Bc you bite your nails?
notall2gether: No :)
Godotwait4me: Bc you freak out when your food touches
notall2gether: Only when it’s mash potatoes. And no!
Godotwait4me: Then what?
notall2gether: Bc I’m not . . . thin
Godotwait4me: So what? I like the way you look. A lot.
notall2gether: You’re not worried the entire school will laugh at you?
Godotwait4me: No need to worry, if I text you any longer, I’ll get kicked out of school
notall2gether: Oh, sorry
Godotwait4me: Who needs education. I can pump gas
notall2gether: I think you need a high school diploma for that too
Godotwait4me: Seriously?
notall2gether: Yup
Godotwait4me: Then I better go :)
Recap Night w/ Godot with BFFs
Dash warns against a summer wedding
“Sweaty bride is not hot”
Boots pushes for Trekkie theme
Her excitement
Hides shades of blues and grays
“What’s Wrong?” We Ask.
“Can I tell you guys something?”
“Anything,” Dash reassures.
“I really don’t wanna die”
“No one has to know”
We Hold Her
Tighter than a patient should be held
Don’t care
Never letting go
notall2gether: What’s your most embarrassing moment ever?
Godotwait4me: Heard rents having sex
notall2gether: How did you know?
Godotwait4me: Dirty talk and heavy breathing
notall2gether: How does that go?
Godotwait4me: Heavy breathing? Inhale . . . exhale . . .
notall2gether: No! How do you talk dirty? What do you say?
Godotwait4me: Things like grass stains, mud, grease spot . . .
notall2gether: Haha. For real. Have you tried it?
Godotwait4me: No but doesn’t seem hard. You just say “It feels good when you touch that”
notall2gether: What’s “that”?
Godotwait4me: Idk, fill in the blank
notall2gether: Ok . . . feels good when you touch my toe
Godotwait4me: Unless you have a thing about feet, that’s not really dirty. Pick something else
notall2gether: You go
Godotwait4me: I could say “your boobs feel good”
notall2gether: Who said I would let you touch?
Godotwait4me: You wouldn’t let me touch them?
notall2gether: Maybe . . .
Godotwait4me: Lol. Ok, what can I touch?
notall2gether: My heart
Godotwait4me: No fair! That’s the hardest part to reach
notall2gether: Not true. You’re almost there
Godotwait4me: Then call me Blake
notall2gether: It just seems . . . unreal when I do
Godotwait4me: Ok then, send me pic of your boobs
notall2gether: No ;)
Godotwait4me: Heart or boob.
notall2gether: Hey, um . . . you know I’m not gonna have sex with you right?
Godotwait4me: Wait . . . I’m the one who’s not having sex with you. You think a few sexting words and a great date is enough to get me in bed? No way! I need to be wooed . . .
notall2gether: I heard you are easy. Giving it up to students, cashiers . . . the Avon lady
Godotwait4me: That #%#%& promised she’d never tell!
notall2gether: LMAO
Godotwait4me: She offered lifetime supply of mint shampoo. And well, a man has needs.
notall2gether: Was she gentle?
Godotwait4me: Rough. Very rough.
notall2gether: And you liked that?
Godotwait4me: Loved it :)
notall2gether: Lol.
Godotwait4me: But I think it would be better with you
notall2gether: Why?
Godotwait4me: Bc her phone kept ringing.
notall2gether: Avon ladies are in high demand
Godotwait4me: Apparently. Promise you will turn phone off when we do it.
notall2gether: If I’m giving it up, it means we are the last two people on earth. So, my cell won’t ring.
Godotwait4me: So . . . no chance at all huh? Damn. After I made a playlist and everything
notall2gether: Who’s on it?
Godotwait4me: Stewie Griffin rendition of “I will always love you”
notall2gether: You know the way to a girl’s heart
Godotwait4me: Seriously though, I’m cool with your “no sex” thing. No biggie.
notall2gether: You sure?
Godotwait4me: Yeah, no biggie.
notall2gether: K, it’s late. Should go to bed
Godotwait4me: Stay
notall2gether: Why?
Godotwait4me: Not ready to let you go
Next Day, Sam Meets Me by My Locker
He looks misplaced
“He’s gone,” he says
“Who?”
“Dash’s dad found out about us.
He took Dash’s cell away and sent him
To military school.”
In Case of Emergency
If your life starts F
A
L
L
I
N
G
A P A R T
Breaking from inside out
Pull all BFFs close
and
Brace for impact
That Emergency Procedure
Is where I place my faith
GRAB HOLD OF BFFS BOOTS & DASH
Ten seconds ago the system went
d
o
w
n
Dash
Hauled off to
Military school!
Oh No!
Sense
Any
Makes
Nothing !!!
What???
I mean nothing makes any—ARGH!!!!
You know what I mean
DASH
Turns all my problems to
Dazzling, sparkly jewels of
“@$#$#@%#@ ’em
If they don’t like you”
Bedazzles my worries till they shine
Like the star he says
I am
Pairs my fears with confidence and
Skinny jeans
As Soon As School Ends
Head to Boots
Like mine, all her calls to Dash
Have gone unanswered
Over Next Few Days
Boots and I
Try Dash’s mom
She is from the
“Husband knows best” era
Will not help us
Next Day, Find Note in Locker
“GBPB”
??? ??? ???
Wrong Locker I’m Guessing
Sigh.
Days are years
Without Dash
Only Bright Spot
Is seeing
Him
Godotwait4me: I know you’re down about Dash but how do you feel about Halloween?
notall2gether: As a religion?
Godotwait4me: Lol. No, as a reason to dress crazy and party
notall2gether: I’m for it
Godotwait4me: Hudson’s throwing a party after the dance. Wanna go?
notall2gether: Heard about it. Invite only.
Godotwait4me: This invite is not formal enough? Should I send fancy font your way?
notall2gether: Well certainly fancier than Times New Roman. What kind of girl do you think I am?
Godotwait4me: Shay Summers you are invited to Hudson’s Bash with Blake Harrison. Please confirm with smiley face.
notall2gether: :)))))))
Godotwait4me: For a sec I thought you would turn me down
notall2gether: You picked a good font so . . .
Godotwait4me: Whatever it takes to get the girl
notall2gether: Don’t know Hudson well. Is he . . . cool with you and me?
Godotwait4me: Sure, we’ve been friends since 2nd grade.
notall2gether: Did you guys wrestle and play hide n seek?
Godotwait4me: No, we had pillow fights, did each other’s hair, and played spin the bottle.
notall2gether: Heard he uses tongue . . .
Godotwait4me: ARGH!!! Ok. Great. Now the nightmares begin. Seriously, he’s cool.
notall2gether: Okay . . .
Godotwait4me: You worry too much about what other people think
notall2gether: I worry just enough
Godotwait4me: What will you go as?
notall2gether: If I don’t get math homework done, “failing student”
Godotwait4me: I haven’t done my work either. Fail together?
notall2gether: Deal.
Godotwait4me: Last year I dressed up like a Red Bull can
notall2gether: Dash and I went trick or treating last year bc he felt we were never too old for sugar high. He went as Madonna
Godotwait4me: Cool
notall2gether: Post Op.
Godotwait4me: Argh!
notall2gether: I know :)
Godotwait4me: What about you?
notall2gether: I never know what to go as
Godotwait4me: Anyone topless
notall2gether: Lol. My boobs may not be as nice to look at as you think
Godotwait4me: I know your boobs are . . . hot
notall2gether: How?
Godotwait4me: Bc you’re hot.
notall2gether: Thx. Hey I saw a few kids wearing buttons at school. Know anything about it?
Godotwait4me: What kind of buttons?
Godotwait4me: Idk
notall2gether: Kelly pinned one to her handbag
Godotwait4me: I don’t really notice Kelly
notall2gether: Nicest.Thing.You.Said.To.Me.Ever.
Godotwait4me: So now do I get to see them?
notall2gether: No :)
Godotwait4me: Worth a shot
notall2gether: Step Satan went out on a date
Godotwait4me: And you are happy and supportive. Lol
notall2gether: Seriously. How could she?
Godotwait4me: It doesn’t mean she didn’t love your dad
notall2gether: If she did, she would wait before she dated again
Godotwait4me: How long?
notall2gether: 40 years
Godotwait4me: Sounds reasonable.
notall2gether: Dad loved her. And she just forgot about him
Godotwait4me: I get it, Rain. My dad forgot us. But that is mainly Mom’s fault
notall2gether: Is she seeing someone?
Godotwait4me: No, said she will stay single wait for my dad to come around.
notall2gether: That’s good
Godotwait4me: Except Dad has not come around at all
notall2gether: There’s still time
Godotwait4me: I call Dad. Invite him to my ball games. He always says “Next time.” But I still ask
notall2gether: So . . . it’s official: Hope=Bad.
Godotwait4me: Yet I still carry some with me . . . for us.
notall2gether: Me too . . .
More and More
G P B P
Buttons are
Popping up
Everywhere
It’s Scribbled
On Desks. Notebooks.
Walls. Lockers.
On my locker
Must Focus on Costume Party
Invited by
My boyfriend
Later, Kara Knocks
Places mail on bed
Stack of letters
From
DASH!!!!
Read Them Out Loud
To Boots
Per his request:
The Days and
Nights
Of
Inmate
#253-74
If He Doesn’t Kill Me
The whole time I was telling Dad
I am gay
Thought
I’d love to get him in a different tie
One that matches the green of his eyes
If he doesn’t kill me
Before the Rage
Of my news
Before the fire
From his words
Before the fury
Of his hand on my shoulders
“Shaking me straight”
There was
Sadness . . .
Dad Needed Me
To be someone else
Tried Failed
Tried Failed
Tried Failed
When can I
Stop?
Dad Regrets Having Me
It’s in his Breath
It’s in his Sigh
It’s in his Voice
Regret . . .
Gone
Didn’t think he’d send me away
Surely he’ll miss
My face
My smile
Me?
Mom Hasn’t Been Sleeping
She hugs tight
Too tight
Dizzy . . .
She makes cookies for the road
Sweet . . .
Dad says
It’
s for the best
Really . . . ?
Military School
Is where Sameness lives
Art hangs itself
Expression drinks cyanide
Love leaps off roofs
Didn’t Plan to Tell Them About Me
Then one slip
About getting mani-pedi
Seals my fate
The Hands
Jett Holden has hands
Like football fields
And like Dad
He hates me
Jett Looks for Me
Like cats look for mice
Bully looks for gay kid
I’ve Been
Pulled poked punched by Jett
Says it’s my fault
For being gay
Don’t Bother to Count the Minutes
There are
No clocks
In HELL
Hurricane Jett
Has been raging all day
Knocking down everything in its path
My head. My chest. My legs.
Jett Runs a “Spa”
He treats me
To headfirst
Whirlpool
Commode bath
Free of charge
Not Allowed
Outside contact
Missing my girls
Certain Shay is overreacting and causing drama
Boots turned nurses into Trekkies
Didn’t Know
Anger would die
Hate would soften
And I’d miss Dad
Most
But Not Today
Every day mice get eaten
But not this mouse
Not today
Pissed
Have not read one glam mag
Have no access to Twitter
And so no idea what Justin B. is wearing . . .
Argh!!!
As the Mouse Rants
The cat comes over
Sticks out claws
This mouse has claws today too
Well manicured and ready to
ATTACK!
We Hit the Floor
Jett and I
He is shocked
I am not playing dead
Shocked I am standing my ground
We Roll on the Floor
His fists make contact
With my face
Jett Calls Me
Every name that
Hurts
I Will Not Back Down
See Dad’s face
On Jett
Long to destroy them both
Why? Why
Hurt me?
Jett Holds Down My Face
With his hands
He is irate
Will kill me for sure
Lowers His Face onto Mine
He is going to bite me
OMG
My pretty, pretty face!!!
His Bite
Is not a bite
It’s a kiss . . .
Jett Takes Off like His Name
When he hears the others come
They help me up
A Kiss???
It was
Wow . . .
Jett Can’t
Look me in the eye
Maybe if he sees me