has meant anything to me at all, until I met Terry. He means
everything to me, so I won’t be doing that any longer.”
For a long moment no one around the table said anything
although Richard gave a tiny nod of his head in Zander’s
direction. But Zander noticed Roy was wanting to say something,
and yep…
“Still doesn’t mean you’re not a serial killer or a control freak.”
Zander nodded, and Terry’s fingers gripped his slightly and then
lessened.
“You’re quite right,” Zander said. “But if I was a serial killer then
you wouldn’t find Terry’s body decomposing in a landfill. I’m a
police detective and I’ve got more smarts than to leave a body
where it can be found. You’re just going to have to trust that I’m
not. As for being a control freak, Terry likes me just the way I
am, so whether I am or not, doesn’t concern you.”
Again stunned silence, because there really wasn’t anything you
could say to that. Then Terry wriggled under his arm, and Zander
looked down to see his mate’s trusting face smiling up at him.
“If you do kill me, then can you make sure we have lots of hot
monkey-sex first? I want to die with a smile on my dial.”
Zander snorted, and then he laughed out loud, as did Richard.
Only Richard and Terry knew how it was impossible for one mate
to physically hurt another. The other men at the table joined in
after a moment, and the atmosphere around the table lightened,
just a bit.
The laughter seemed to remind the men at the table that they
were out, supposedly to have a good time. Food was ordered,
drinks consumed and Zander was feeling a quiet buzz of
contentment as the evening went on. Terry’s friends were funny,
clearly smart and creative and although Charlie was the only
single one in the group, Zander understood that until he and
Richard had entered the scene the four smaller men all used to
get into quite a bit of trouble. Not intentionally, but it seemed
that they often attracted the wrong sort of attention. Zander
made a mental note that if for any reason, he couldn’t be with
his mate at any time then hopefully Richard would be around.
So when Charlie caught Zander’s eye for the first time since they
met, Zander was quietly confident he could handle anything that
came his way.
“Why Terry? I mean he’s cute and got the whole innocence thing
going on, but why him, if you’ve been with so many other people
in the past?”
Rather than brush the smaller man off, Zander gave his answer
some thought. He couldn’t mention about the whole mating
concept, but he didn’t want to lie either. Looking down at Terry’s
flushed face, his mate had enjoyed quite a few drinks with
dinner, he smiled at the pouty kiss Terry threw his way, then
looked back up at Charlie.
“I saw Terry after that fight in that sports bar and felt an instant
connection,” he said. “I’ll admit it wasn’t one I was prepared to
follow up on. Most people in this town think I’m straight, not that
it’s a problem either way. The attraction was hot but I wasn’t
sure if I wanted a relationship, and I knew that was what Terry
deserved. So I kept away. But for some reason after our first
meeting I just kept seeing Terry everywhere… when I was
working, when I was trying to have lunch…” he threw a
meaningful look at Richard who just grinned.
“I wanted to be with him more than anything in my life and when
I finally convinced him to go on a date with me, I wasn’t prepared
to let him go afterwards.”
“Not that I was thinking about running away or anything,” Terry
said, a deep flush working its way up Terry’s slender neck.
Zander smirked, and continued, “Call it kismet, call it fate, call
it what you like. When I met Terry my life finally made sense.
Terry filled the hole in my heart that I didn’t even know I had.
I’m not letting him go. I couldn’t because he honestly means
everything to me.”
“Awww fuck, you’re gonna make me cry. That’s so sweet,” Joel
said clinging onto Max’s chest.
eyes were also looking suspiciously wet, but his face was
beaming. Clearly Zander had said the right thing.
Chapter Twenty
Zander had the urge to laugh out loud as Terry stumbled up the
path to his house, their home. Being a wolf shifter, Terry couldn’t
get drunk, but he was must have been feeling a bit of a buzz,
and Zander admitted to feeling unusually mellow himself. Even
though he had gotten through the evening without seeing
anyone he knew, he had spent the night thinking about it,
watching for it and being prepared to defend his choice of life
partner, and to protect his Omega. It was almost anti-climactic
that he hadn’t had to do it.
The other thing that had totally blown Zander’s mind was the
fact that Terry clearly hadn’t told any of his friends how much of
a bastard Zander had been when he first met the man, or his
involvement with the arrest incident. Zander tried to rationalize
it – none of Terry’s friends, well except for Richard, knew they
were wolf shifters, or how they were supposed to act with each
other. But even as humans, if Terry’s friends had known how
he’d ignored the need and hope in Terry’s eyes that day,
something he would never forget or forgive himself for, then
maybe his reception might have been different.
As the evening had progressed, the food good, the drinks
flowing, the young men clearly being left alone by any bigots
thanks to the larger men at the table, Zander had this urge to
say…something. He’d already apologized to Terry the day he
claimed him. But anytime he’d tried to broach the subject since,
Terry had smiled sweetly and said that he didn’t have to worry
about anything. It was sweet, a totally ‘Terry-like’ gesture, but
Zander couldn’t shift the guilt that was burning a hole in his gut.
He was an Alpha wolf. He should have known better and he’d
fucked up. He was determined to make amends for every little
slight he’d forced on Terry prior to their claiming.
“Are you coming inside, or is there something more riveting than
my ass on this porch,” Terry teased, slipping into Zander’s arms
like he was born to fit. Which he was.
“Nope, nothing more riveting than that sexy ass,” Zander said
with a smile, a lightbulb moment going on in his head. “Can we
talk for a minute though, before removing any clothes? You know
how distracting I find that sexy body of yours and I do have
something I need to say.”
“My body’s meant to be distracting to you,” Terry said with an
adorable little pout that Zander had a sudden urge to kiss. But
if he did that then clothes would come off and yep…it was almost
laughable at how pavlovian Zander’s response to his mate was.
Not that
he minded.
Focusing on his mission, Zander ignored the pout and picked
Terry up, got them inside, settled down on the couch and holding
Terry tight in his arms, Zander started to speak. He wasn’t sure
what he was going to say, but he prayed the words would just
come to him.
“Sweetheart, I hope by now you know how much you mean to
me. I’m not the most demonstrative person in the world, but you
are everything to me and I’m trying to get better at showing it.”
“I know,” Terry said, a happy smile on his beautifully fine face.
“Can we kiss now?”
“Not yet. I haven’t finished.” Zander felt his face responding to
Terry’s happiness, and his cock, well that always perked up when
Terry was near him. It was like his mate had it on a remote
controlled switch.
“I can’t help thinking about how badly I treated you. You didn’t
share that with your friends, you didn’t tell anybody…”
“I told Richard. I knew he’d understand because he’s like us.”
Zander knew that Terry had told Richard what he’d done, but
that was beside the point. Terry had four really good friends,
who were like family to him and he never once complained to
them.
“Richard doesn’t count, although I am grudgingly glad you told
him, and that he tried to help you out. It might have taken me
longer to get my head out of my ass if he hadn’t.”
“I feel so sorry for Richard, losing his mate like he did. I hope
things work out with him and Roy,” Terry whispered. His hands
had found their way under Zander’s neckline and were in the
process of drawing delicious little circles up his neck. Fuck, his
mate was distraction personified and Zander forced himself to
stay on track.
“Richard’s a very strong shifter. I know my life would be over if
something happened to you,” Zander agreed. He had long
figured that the only reason Richard was still alive was because
his mate had been human, and so hadn’t been able to bite and
claim Richard in return, the way two wolf shifters did.
“The thing is, up until I left my pack, I had been taught the laws
regarding mates. How important they were, how they were to
be cared for and cherished. My Father damn near reamed me a
new one over the phone when he heard my mate was an Omega
and I hadn’t stepped up and claimed you.”
“He doesn’t mind Omegas?”
“He adores Omegas, and okay, most of the ones he’s met are
female, but to my Father gender wasn’t the issue. Our wolf
status was.”
“But we’re people too. Not just our animal halves, and you and
I, we live as humans, among humans, with human ideas. Surely
your Father can understand that.”
Fuck it all, Terry was going to kill him with kindness and
understanding. Zander just knew it.
“That’s not the point,” Zander said trying to keep the frustration
out of his voice. He wasn’t angry with Terry, he was angry with
himself.
“We were raised as wolf shifters, those core beliefs are as much
a part of who we are as the color of our hair or how big we grow.
My Father had every right to be angry at me. I was raised to
lead my pack, to be a strong Alpha wolf. I gave that away
because I refused to challenge my Father when the time came –
I refused to even contemplate hurting the man who had raised
me. Instead I hurt my Father by leaving the pack. I couldn’t stay.
You might not understand this, not having lived in a pack, but
my very presence in the pack was weakening it and I couldn’t
do that to my Father.”
“You love your Father.”
“He was an Alpha, not an easy man to love. He was harsh, he
was fair, but he never forgot he was leader of his pack. I don’t
know if love is the right word, but he’s the only family I’ve ever
had,” Zander said sadly. “I didn’t want to leave, but pack law
says only one Alpha can rule, and I couldn’t take away my
Father’s reason for living.”
“He and your mother weren’t true mates?”
Zander shook his head. “No, they were bonded. My Father had
given up looking and according to him he and my mother were
happy for years until her death. He’s only just over 100 now, so
there is still hope he will find his true mate, and I wasn’t going
to take the pack away from him while he was still strong enough
to rule it. But the pack was starting to become divided. Some of
the younger men wanting to follow me, rather than my father. I
did what I had to do.”
“You’re a good man,” Terry said softly, resting his head on
Zander’s chest. Everything Terry did centered on comforting
him, supporting him, and dare he even hope, loving him too.
Zander wondered how the hell he’d ever thought he could live
without the touches, affection and Terry’s innate goodness.
Which reminded him, yet again of the wrong he had done his
mate at the start.
“I wasn’t good to you. I was mean. I hurt you. I had this stupid
idea that you would be nothing more than a means of getting
off. I…fuck I should be flogged for what I thought I could get
away with, taking you as a mate. I didn’t value you, your Omega
status, or even think about you as a person. I was consumed by
my selfish needs and to hell with anyone else. I’m an absolute
bastard and you should have kicked me to the curb from the get
go.”
Zander’s self-loathing had returned in force, and if it wasn’t for
the presence of Terry on his lap, he would have stood up and
started pacing the floor. His agitation was like an ant hill inside
of him, churning up his insides, crawling over his skin.
“Stop doing this to yourself,” Terry cried out, thumping Zander
on the chest. “Stop beating yourself up for something that’s over
and done with. You’re here with me now. You care about me
now. You gave up your fucking best friend just so you could build
a life with me. Don’t let that life be built on the hatred you have
for your stupid actions at the beginning.”
Terry’s face was bright red and Zander was horrified to see tears
dripping down those fine cheek bones. He realized with a
completely ‘duh’ moment that his poor mate had been subjected
to all he was feeling through their mind link. He was actually
hurting his dear sweet mate, with his self-directed anger.
Snapping back to his senses, Zander tenderly wiped away the
tears with his fingers, shaking his head at his own stupidity.
“I’m sorry precious. I didn’t mean…I forgot for a moment…I don’t
want to hurt you anymore. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Then get over yourself,” Terry said, with a big sniff and a small
smile. “I get it, okay? You’re this big strong Alpha. You couldn’t
get close to your pack. You didn’t get close to anyone, except
Sully. You’re not used to caring for someone else and you were
scared. Not a common thing for an Alpha maybe, but you di
dn’t
want your life to change. Change is a scary thing. Bigotry is a
scary thing. The one person you did have in your life was the
very reason you were staying away from me. I get it. I
understand it. I forgive you for it. Now stop going on about it.”
Sweet delicate face. Sweeter nature and yet Terry had the
confidence of a man who’d been brought up with love and
acceptance and that was a powerful thing. Zander might be the
Alpha, but he suspected that Terry would always be the stronger
man inside. It was that thought that made it easier for what he
had to say next.
“I want you to claim me.”
Terry furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side, looking
up into Zander’s face.
“I already claimed you,” he said. “You wear my mark. I bit you
at the same time you claimed me.”
Zander could feel a flush blooming over his face. “No. I meant
claim me, claim me. Like I did to you.”
Terry’s was still looking puzzled but as Zander watched he could
see the exact moment Terry understood what he meant. His dark
eyes got darker still, and then they widened. Then they narrowed
again and Terry’s lips firmed in a straight line.
“No.”
No? Who turned down the chance at an Alpha’s ass? Apparently
his mate would. Well fine. Zander would just have to put his
persuasion techniques to good use. Terry had been interested at
first. So perhaps nerves were getting at him; Terry being an
Omega, and it being his first time as a top. Zander could work
with that.
“It’s a gift I can give to you,” Zander said, hoping his face was
projecting his sincerity. “I’ve never let anyone do anything like
that before, so it would be a first for both of us. I want you to
do it. I want to give this to you.”
“Oh Zander,” Terry shook his head, his dark hair flopping down
over one eye as he rearranged himself so he was straddling
Zander’s legs. Hooking his arms around Zander’s neck he looked
deep into Zander’s eyes, as though searching for his soul.
Zander let him because he had nothing to hide.
“It’s a very lovely thought,” Terry said softly, his dark eyes soft
and warm. “A wonderful gift. One that I would treasure.
Something I never dreamed you would let me do. But please,
Zander. Not like this. Not tonight. Not because you think you