Laci could feel Dink’s eyes burning a hole through her as he waited on a response.
“Dink, don’t look at me, please,” Laci cried.
“It’s cool, ma,” Dink said, running his hand over her hair.
“No, don’t touch me.” Laci jerked away. “You don’t wanna touch me, trust me,” she said, starting to feel sorry for herself. “It’s not my fault,” she sobbed.
Dink bit down on his lip and tried to maintain his composure, but what he really wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her. He never wanted to let her go. He wanted to keep her from slipping even deeper. “What do you mean it’s not your fault, Laci? You gotta step up to bat before you can even think about changing the situation.”
“No, you don’t understand. It’s really not my fault,” Laci said emotionally.
“Somebody forced it on you or something? Talk to me,” Dink insisted.
Laci scratched at her ponytail. “Not exactly,” she sighed. “You just don’t understand. I don’t want to smoke, but shit just got so crazy. I tried to back away from it, but the shit just kept calling me back. I don’t know what to do,” Laci cried. “I don’t know what to do, Dink. Oh, my God.”
Laci felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She had finally been able to just sit down and tell somebody. There was so much more she wanted to tell Dink, though, like how the mere thought of getting high made her squirm. She thought about the rocks she had on her at that very moment and how much better she would feel if she smoked them. Talking to Dink had made her forget about them at first, but that was only short-term. The stones were now humming in a low tone, but they would soon be singing soprano.
Dink took Laci’s hand into his. Even after hearing it from the horse’s mouth, that Laci Johnson was a crack addict, he still couldn’t resist her. He simply saw her as a diamond in the rough. She just needed someone to shine her up a little bit. Dink had been in the game long enough to understand the addiction to crack. But with crack being a mental drug, each person had his or her own catalyst for getting hooked. He needed to understand Laci’s before he could help her. He needed to know the driving force behind it. He’d heard the saying about not being able to turn a ho into a housewife. But here it was, 1989, and no one had yet come to any conclusions about crackheads.
Dink exhaled. “Tell me all about your addiction, Laci. What made you want to use crack for the very first time?”
Laci was compelled to shed all of her bad skin in front of Dink. She began to air all her dirty laundry with little hesitation. Laci recounted all of the summer’s events for Dink. She told him about the laced weed and a host of other shit he wasn’t aware of. On one hand, he felt like crying with her. But on the other hand, he felt like killing everyone involved.
“Sons of bitches!” Dink roared as he beat down on his dashboard. “I could kill them dead, all of ’em.”
“I’ve felt like that, too,” Laci said, not realizing that she had lifted her hand to run her fingers through his hair. “All I can do is pray that God takes care of them for what they did. That’s all you can do, too.” Laci forced herself to smile.
Dink looked at her closely, and now he could see the hurt behind the smile. Now she wasn’t fooling anybody.
He closed his eyes for a moment as Laci continued stroking his hair. Then he opened his eyes and held her head in his hands before placing it on his shoulder. She felt so much better talking to someone. She’d just never thought in a million years that it would be Dink, especially the way she had played him off the last time he tried to look out for her. He had every right to condemn her and push her away, but he had been very understanding.
Laci and Dink exchanged long glances. He took his fingers and wiped her tears away. He then kissed her softly on the lips and brushed her hair with his hand.
In a short time, Laci and Dink connected like they had never done with any other person in their lives. In just a matter of a few hours, they really did become a team.
LACI HELD ONTO Dink, it seemed, for dear life. She basked in the attention he gave her, and her body language revealed that all of her defenses were down. She wanted more, but she reluctantly showed restraint for the moment.
“I feel so much better,” Laci said to Dink as she straightened out her clothes. “You’re the first person I’ve been able to talk to about this. I used to talk to my mom about everything. She was like my best friend—pillow fights and all. But this . . . this would have killed her.”
Dink nodded in agreement.
“Seems like now you know a lot about me, but I know nothing about you,” Laci said. “Tell me about your family.”
Dink became tense. “I don’t have no family.”
“Really? No mother? No father?”
“Nah. From what I was told when I was little, my mother was an addict and gave me to a pimp named Bruce Ward in exchange for drugs. I grew up crazy, and the only saving grace I had, even though it was short-lived, was my cousin, Fred. Fred was Bruce’s bottom bitch’s son, and we instantly formed a bond like brothers. But he was an insecure dude, and deep down he hated me.”
“Why did he hate you?”
“I don’t even know, man,” Dink said, shaking his head. “I guess he had a lot of reasons for hating me.”
“That’s sad, Dink. How did you deal with it?”
Dink smiled confidently. “By becoming somebody. No matter what, I wouldn’t be broken. No matter what anybody did, they couldn’t make me fall.”
“You’re a strong man. I guess that’s why I feel so safe with you.”
“You should,” he said as he kissed her forehead. “I’d never let anything happen to you.”
“You mean it?” she asked.
“Of course. I’m gonna look out for you if you let me.”
“I’ll think about it,” she teased. Laci suddenly paused and stared into Dink’s eyes. For the first time she noticed how pretty they were. Her laughter faded as she melted in them.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Your eyes,” she said, mesmerized. “You have very beautiful eyes.” Laci gently touched the side of his face and ran her fingers across his eyelids, placing a soft kiss on each of them.
Dink slowly opened his eyes and looked at Laci. “Is it just me, girl, or does it seem like we’ve known each other forever?”
“It’s not just you,” Laci said in a heavy whisper, trying to control her lustful breathing. “I feel it too, baby.”
“Girl, you playin’ with fire,” Dink said.
“I can stand the pain of a burn,” Laci assured him. “I’ve endured worse.”
“I’m for real, Laci. This is not a game.”
“So am I.”
“So what are we gon’ do, ma?”
“I don’t know, Dink,” Laci said, settling back over on the passenger side. “There’s still Crystal to deal with.”
“That’s a done deal. But you know, if we gonna get down, your lifestyle has got to change.”
Laci looked at Dink as if he was the pot calling the kettle black. “And your lifestyle, Dink?”
“Tell me what you need from me, ma, and it’s done.”
Laci sighed and tried to find the right words. “If I asked you to stop hustling, Dink—”
“I see where you’re going with this,” he said, cutting her off.
“I got a habit, you know,” Laci continued. “I already admitted that to you. And how am I gonna roll with you if you’re supplying? That’s like letting a drunk be a bartender, a fat person owning a bakery.”
Dink laughed. “Girl, you crazy.” He paused to look at Laci and saw that she was dead serious. “Look. I’ll tell you what. We’ll work on bettering both our lifestyles together. Deal?”
Laci didn’t know how much of what Dink was saying was real and just how much of it was bullshit. But she did know that she liked what she was hearing. “You got a deal,” she said.
“Let’s make it official,” Dink said, holding out
his hand.
Laci looked at him as if she didn’t know what he was talking about. The more she thought about it, parting with her rock didn’t seem like much of an option. She wasn’t ready—not yet. Her insecurity showed when she looked into his eyes—those eyes that revealed so much. They told her that it was okay to be weak, for he would be her strength. They told her that it was okay to crave, for he would be her fix. His eyes told her that it was okay to believe in him, and maybe someday to even love him.
Dink shook his hand as if to ask Laci if she was going to leave him hanging.
Laci stared at Dink’s hand for a few more seconds before pulling out her zip-lock baggie. She stared at the contents. She and her little torturers had been through quite a bit, but the road would have to end somewhere. Laci placed the bag of rocks in Dink’s hand.
He looked at Laci with hope in his eyes. Then he looked around, opened the car door, emptied the rocks onto the ground, and stomped every last one to nothingness.
Tears welled up in Laci’s eyes, but she knew it was for the better. Kicking her addiction was going to be a bitch, but she wouldn’t have to do it alone.
Dink caught the tears that fell from her eyes with his fingertips. He hugged her tightly. It was the first time Laci had hugged a man since her father died. For the first time since his death, she felt safe.
CHAPTER 18
She’s Gotta Have It
YEAH,” DAME SAID, answering the phone just like any hustler would. It didn’t matter if you called him at four in the morning or four at night, he’d be up hustling.
“Hey, it’s your girl, Quita,” Quita said, sitting back blowing smoke. “It’s taken some doing, but I finally got the bitch exactly where we want her.”
LACI’S EYES DARTED about, scanning apartment buildings, parked cars, and people who knew she was out of her element. She knew where she was, but she kept asking herself what the fuck she was doing there. She wanted to turn around and leave, but the promise of the get-high was too tempting.
“Does Dame live over here, Quita?” Laci nervously scratched her neck.
Quita snatched Laci by her wrist as if she were being a disobedient child. “Just follow me and stop asking so many fuckin’ questions. Stop being paranoid and come the fuck on. My man ain’t gon’ wait all day.”
“He’s just going to give me some, right?” Laci questioned. “I mean, I don’t have any money right now, but I’m good for it.”
Quita didn’t say a word. Her expression and tight grip on Laci’s arm said it all. She knew that bringing Laci around would cause all of the men on the street to inquire and hold them up, so she made a conscious effort to avoid them. There was no need to fully expose Laci to this world—at least not yet. For now it was better that she remained nothing more than a rumor. And Quita had already violated one of her man’s cardinal rules. Being late would double her punishment, and Dame was hard on his bitches. As the two approached the building’s back entrance, Quita gave specific instructions.
“Listen, don’t act stupid while you up here, Laci. I’m doin’ you a favor. Do exactly what he say and we won’t have no problems. Everything will go smooth.”
“Okay,” Laci said. “I trust you, Quita. You’re not like the other girls. I know you’re not going to let anything happen to me, right?”
“Nah, you my girl. I got your back.”
They were lucky to catch a ride on the rickety elevator, being that it was more of a young person’s sex and weed hangout than a means to transport passengers from floor to floor. Waiting to reach the fifth floor, Quita leaned against the back of the elevator. She focused on how beautiful Laci was—her hair, skin, frame, and facial features—even in her present condition.
By the time the ding for the fifth floor sounded, disgust was visible in Quita’s dark brown pupils. She unbuttoned Laci’s jacket. “Leave this shit open. He need to see.” Laci became nervous, and she began rambling senseless things while continually straightening her already tucked-in shirt. If not before, Quita knew that the expected hit now had her completely bananas.
“What the hell are you talkin’ about, Laci?” Quita said as the elevator stopped. “Don’t you fall apart on me. We here now, so get your shit together. You ready?”
“Huh?” Laci replied, dazed.
“Huh, hell! I asked you, are you ready?”
Laci’s eyes were empty and she stood like a zombie while Quita tried to shake enough life into her to get her to walk out of the elevator before the door closed.
Laci snapped out of her stupor and shoved Quita off of her with attitude. “Stop shaking me, damn it! I hear you.”
“Bitch,” Quita said, putting her fingers in Laci’s face. She thought about beating Laci’s ass for biting the hand that fed her. But now wasn’t the time. “G-i-r-r-r-l, you don’t know. Just bring your ass.”
Quita led Laci to a rusty blue door, knocked on it, and waited. Laci’s constant pacing made her remember how bad she wanted to get high before she paced herself and became a heavyweight. In Laci’s case, Dame had been rationing out the powder to Quita until she was able to turn Laci out completely.
After what seemed like forever, Dame answered the door. He wore a black bathrobe and was sipping a Guinness. He looked at Laci and made a funny face. He’d never personally met her, but he would have known who she was had he passed her on the street based on all the talk.
“Who the fuck is this?” Dame asked as if he didn’t already know.
“This is the girl I was telling you about,” Quita said, walking into the apartment and pulling Laci behind her. “This is Laci.”
“What up, girl?” Dame said, licking his lips.
“Hi,” Laci said shyly. She began feeling a little guilty about being around Quita and Dame, knowing Tonette would trip if she found out, even if she was through with her. Still and all, nothing could keep her from her get-high—especially when she was this close to getting hit off.
“Don’t pay her no mind,” said Quita. “She just needs to get right.”
“Well,” he said, pulling a bag of rocks and a pipe from the pocket of his robe, “she’s come to the right place.” Both girls’ eyes lit up at the sight of the stones, but Dame pulled them back. “Hold on a sec. Let’s talk finances. How much y’all got?”
“I don’t have any money,” Laci said sadly.
“You ain’t got no money? Then you ain’t got no rock,” Dame said, putting the bag back in his pocket.
“Don’t act like that,” Quita pretended to plead. “We just wanna feel good, daddy.”
“Feel good, huh?” Dame smiled.
“Yeah,” said Quita. “And if you take care of us, we’ll take care of you. Right, Laci?” Laci just stared at the pocket where Dame had put the rocks. “Come on, daddy,” Quita added.
“Hmmm,” Dame said, scratching his chin. “We’re gonna have to work something out here.”
“I can pay you back,” Laci spoke up. “I’m good for it. My family has money. Tell him, Quita.”
“Shorty, I ain’t wit’ all that. No cash, no stash. But you know what? You a cute lil’ bitch, so I’ma have a heart. Y’all get right,” he said, tossing the bag on the table. “We’ll discuss payment later.”
Laci and Quita damn near collided trying to get to the bag. Quita, being the more aggressive of the two, won out. She had first pick of the rocks. Laci just took what was left over. The two girls went to their respective corners and began their routine.
Dame studied Laci’s internal battle from a distance and became aroused. Intercourse with Laci would be more than just sex. Dame’s ego exploded when he imagined himself conquering her high-yella ass. Despite his success in the illegal drug market, his dark skin had only allowed him to play in a certain league when it came to women. But today would be different.
“Don’t get too comfortable with my shit, now, ’cause something got to give,” Dame barked. Dame had been ranting for quite a while,
but Laci ignored every word that came out of his mouth. She looked around at her surroundings, and she wasn’t the least bit bothered by the fact that there were all kinds of drug paraphernalia lying around. All she could think about was getting high at any cost.
I’m doing fine on Cloud Nine . . .
Laci’s eyes rolled back in her head as the crack kicked in. Dame’s shit was the bomb. It took only seconds before the whole right side of her face and tongue was numb. It didn’t take long for her and Quita to smoke up what Dame had given them. Dame had had enough of watching them get high off of his shit. It was time to collect. He dropped his pants where he stood, holding his dick with two hands. He was feeling very confident.
“Yo,” he spoke up. “I know y’all bitches wanna get high, but we gots to come to an understanding. I ain’t setting out no more rock till we discuss payment. What’s up?”
“I . . . I told you I . . . I don’t have any money,” Laci slurred.
“Lil’ bitch,” he sneered. “You think I’m holding my dick ’cause I want ya money? Nah, baby, I want it in trade.”
“Go see him,” Quita said, nudging Laci forward. “And remember what I said. Don’t act stupid.”
Dame was standing there naked, holding a bag of rocks. His huge penis swung back and forth as he shook the bag. Laci looked at him with disgust. There was no way she was going to do anything with Dame. Yet no sooner than she had the thought, her legs started moving in his direction. As Laci slowly walked toward Dame, Quita started taking off her clothes. Dame told Laci to stop when she was approximately five steps away from him. He wanted her to get on her knees and crawl the rest of the way.
“Get down and crawl,” Dame snarled. “Crawl your ass over here.”
“What?” Laci asked, thinking that she must have heard him wrong.
“I said crawl,” he repeated.
“I will not,” she said defiantly.
“Oh, you will,” he said, packing a pipe and lighting it. He didn’t pull on it. He just let the smoke float into the air. “You’ll crawl, or you’ll kick ya habit.”